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View Full Version : Found Safe CA - Jessie Bender, 13, Hesperia, 22-Feb-2011



WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 07:01 PM
http://media.trb.com/media/photo/2011-02/59737108.jpg

HESPERIA (KTLA) -- Authorities are continuing their search Sunday for a missing girl believed to have run off with someone she met on the internet.

13-year-old Jessie Bender, a student at Cedar Middle School in Hesperia, was last seen in the early hours morning of Feb. 22. Her mother Melissa Bender said she saw Jessie late in the evening after she heard her in the kitchen, getting a glass of water.

Melissa said that Jessie had been late night chatting with a man she met on the internet. "He was the last person she spoke to at 1:47 in the morning," she told KTLA. When Melissa went to wake her daughter up for school at 6:45 a.m. Tuesday, she was gone.

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-missing-hesperia-teen,0,5672139.story

TXHOPE
02-28-2011, 07:33 PM
What a beautiful girl. Prayers that Jessie is found safe and fast. :praying:

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 07:33 PM
Yeah I don't get two things:

1. Why she was up so late on a school night.

and

2. If she was seen talking to an older man why didn't the mother stop her?


I hope they find her safe! Nancy Grace will be covering this tonight.

darlin gal
02-28-2011, 07:35 PM
Video:




Notes: They contacted the Chicago number. The guy claimed he didn't have her/know anything. The number is now disconnected.

His FB page which did have pictures on it, is now void of pictures. They don't name him or show his page though.

The daughter sent out lingerie photos to this man. (also referred to as a boy) Perhaps he is 18/19? I dunno.

Mom thinks she is being held against her will.


http://www.ktla.com/videobeta/1bc786fc-5668-494b-b4df-0a33904fa040/News/KTLA-Search-Continues-for-Missing-Hesperia-Teen-Jessie-Bender-Chip-Yost-reports

darlin gal
02-28-2011, 07:36 PM
Yeah I don't get two things:

1. Why she was up so late on a school night.

and

2. If she was seen talking to an older man why didn't the mother stop her?


I hope they find her safe! Nancy Grace will be covering this tonight.

I gleemed from the video they discovered after she went missing that she was talking to this dude.

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 07:46 PM
I gleemed from the video they discovered after she went missing that she was talking to this dude.

I just watched the video and yeah it def sounds like some sicko was posing as maybe a younger boy. The mother said that her school mates said Jessie was really into the "BOY" but as they said the number led to an older man. It is def suspicious and I have a feeling that this will not end well at all for Jessie and her family. The number the step father called is now disconnected and everything is cleared off the facebook.

TXHOPE
02-28-2011, 07:46 PM
Yeah I don't get two things:

1. Why she was up so late on a school night.

and

2. If she was seen talking to an older man why didn't the mother stop her?


I hope they find her safe! Nancy Grace will be covering this tonight.

I think they found out she was talking to this guy after she went missing, not before. In the video it mentions that friends told her parents about this guy. The article states the mother heard her getting a glass of water not that her mother knew she was on the computer that late. At least that's how I understood it.

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 07:48 PM
Still doesn't absolve the parents of giving her unfettered internet access so she had the opportunity to talk to a strange man at 1:30 am.

1 family computer for the kids in a common area of the home people!

I agree with you. She should have been in bed at that hour on a school night! It is stated in the article that the mother went to wake her up at 6:30 for school and upon entering the room saw that Jessie was not there. She should have been in bed by 9:00 and if the mother saw her up she should have made her to go to bed.

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 07:50 PM
I think they found out she was talking to this guy after she went missing, not before. In the video it mentions that friends told her parents about this guy. The article states the mother heard her getting a glass of water not that her mother knew she was on the computer that late. At least that's how I understood it.

OHHH that would make a whole lot of sense then. Let's hope that was the case.

peeples
02-28-2011, 07:51 PM
I think they found out she was talking to this guy after she went missing, not before. In the video it mentions that friends told her parents about this guy. The article states the mother heard her getting a glass of water not that her mother knew she was on the computer that late. At least that's how I understood it.

Thanks, I can't watch vids on my computer :)

eileenhawkeye
02-28-2011, 07:53 PM
Investigators traced the number of the person, who may be a child predator, to a phone number out of Chicago. "I don't know who he is," Bender said. "He claims that he doesn't have her, but I don't believe it."

Was this a cell phone or a landline? If it was a landline, when was the call traced? Would he have enough time to get from California back to Chicago? Has LE checked flight lists? I don't see how with all the security, he could have used a fake name for both of them. I guess they could have driven back to Chicago or take a bus but that would take a couple of days.

sarx
02-28-2011, 08:10 PM
Ugh, I hate hearing about these cases. Anyone know where "he" is located? What area code, anything?

January.
02-28-2011, 08:15 PM
Ugh, I hate hearing about these cases. Anyone know where "he" is located? What area code, anything?

Investigators traced the number of the person, who may be a child predator, to a phone number out of Chicago.

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-missing-hesperia-teen,0,5672139.story

January.
02-28-2011, 08:16 PM
What a beautiful girl. It scares me that he knows they're onto him. No telling what he will do :( Praying for her safe return.

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:01 PM
Jessie on NG... showing pics of her....she sure looks older than 13.

5150_bound
02-28-2011, 09:02 PM
providing whatever happened to Jessie is not related to someone known in the home- I cannot fault the mother. we dont know if Jessie was using a phone to get on facebook or a PC inside the home that her mother didnt know she was on at that time of night. as a parent- you cant stay up all night checking to see if your kid is sneaking onto the internet.
I'm sure her mother wasn't ok with her being up at that time of night & most likely did not know she was up. I think this info about the guy from FB all came to light after Jessie came up missing & her friends told her mom what had been going on.
I have a lot of concern that the guy disconected his number and took his photos down from FB. RED FLAG!

lets remember- these sickos are slick & good at what they do. it's not always moms fault

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:03 PM
Nancy Grace is covering this and I just got through!

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:04 PM
OMG GUYS! Help me I need a new question! I was going to ask if they thought he was posing as a younger boy and they said he was posing as a 14 year old. HELP!

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:05 PM
Oh gosh, they said Jessie has siezures and needs medicine :(

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:06 PM
MAR .... ask if her *friends* KNEW she had this "boyfriend"...? Do they know anything about him that Jessie may have told them??

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:07 PM
OK friends knew that she had interest in someone so that one I know is answered.

trigger
02-28-2011, 09:08 PM
Does she have a cell phone with her?

Opps, just said she left it home.

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:08 PM
OK.. I'm trying to think of something else for ya..

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:09 PM
I have one. I am going to ask if they think there could be more than one person involved because if there was a phone call to someone to Chicago then how the hell could that person be in L.A too.

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:09 PM
Hmmm... Mar... how about, even if his phone is disconnected, can't they still find out from phone company WHO HE IS?

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:10 PM
I have one. I am going to ask if they think there could be more than one person involved because if there was a phone call to someone to Chicago then how the hell could that person be in L.A too.

Good point. Unless he had a cell phone w/ a Chicago number but he (and his phone) had traveled to CA? To meet her?!

trigger
02-28-2011, 09:11 PM
Is LE looking into her computer?

LE not saying.

She took 70 dollars, jewelry, clothing, makeup.

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:13 PM
Good point. Unless he had a cell phone w/ a Chicago number but he (and his phone) was physically in CA?

I got one need help wording it.

when u call from a cell phone it says the state name so that could be why it said it was a chicago number. If it is a cell phone could they trace it.

DairyGirl
02-28-2011, 09:15 PM
The phone could be a throw away. Can't they check the ip address? Do they even know who the guy is at this point? They haven't really said. If they know he is not a 14 year old boy does that mean that they know who he is? He must have given her a name.

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:16 PM
I got one need help wording it.

when u call from a cell phone it says the state name so that could be why it said it was a chicago number. If it is a cell phone could they trace it.

When I call people from my cell, it says my name and the phone number. Of course the area code is from my own area.....even if I am physically traveling to another state it is still gonna say that.....if I called you, you'd have no idea what state I was physically standing at the time, just the area code my phone was issued in......

January.
02-28-2011, 09:16 PM
I have one. I am going to ask if they think there could be more than one person involved because if there was a phone call to someone to Chicago then how the hell could that person be in L.A too.

Yes good question, I've been trying to figure this one out too. They never said if it was a cell phone or a land line.

cluciano63
02-28-2011, 09:17 PM
She took her make-up and jewelry and money? But left her phone. Did she not want to be tracked? I wonder if he told her to leave her phone for that reason.

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:18 PM
When I call people from my cell, it says my name and the phone number. Of course the area code is from my own area.....even if I am physically traveling to another state it is still gonna say that.....if I called you, you'd have no idea what state I was physically standing at the time, just the area code my phone was issued in......

Some cell phones do say the state when they call.

Amster
02-28-2011, 09:18 PM
When was she reported missing?

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:18 PM
The phone could be a throw away. Can't they check the ip address? Do they even know who the guy is at this point? They haven't really said. If they know he is not a 14 year old boy does that mean that they know who he is? He must have given her a name.

They can still trace a throw-away phone...I have heard the experts on NG say that (in other cases).

Speaking of phones, I think it's very odd that Jessie didn't take her cell phone with her!!!

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:19 PM
Crap they just brought it up.... on the air

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:20 PM
I need another question.

DewSeeker
02-28-2011, 09:21 PM
I wonder if she got on a bus? That would be the first place I looked...

DewSeeker
02-28-2011, 09:23 PM
Did she take anything else with her? Clothes?

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:24 PM
Well... if he is on her FB, then HE has an FB...so can't they trace who he is thru his IP address?

Nicki077
02-28-2011, 09:25 PM
Seems like someone might have told her to leave the cell - Possibly because of GPS. Why would a 13 yr old leave their cell behind?

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:26 PM
I heard ya :-)

WillenFan21
02-28-2011, 09:27 PM
I'm telling you that the number is probably a mobile because on Facebook if one is listed it is usually mobile. and yes that was me! LOL

January.
02-28-2011, 09:27 PM
Was that you Mar? Good question!

trigger
02-28-2011, 09:31 PM
Did she take anything else with her? Clothes?

OK she did not take her makeup as I stated earlier. She took sweaters, pants, shirts, clothing, no hairbrush, toothbrush, but took all her jewelry. No cell or computer.

trigger
02-28-2011, 09:32 PM
I'm telling you that the number is probably a mobile because on Facebook if one is listed it is usually mobile. and yes that was me! LOL


Wow...yes, great question. Now we need to know who this guy is.

DewSeeker
02-28-2011, 09:34 PM
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100002158052396

Jessie Bender's Missing Facebook Page

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:35 PM
OK she did not take her makeup as I stated earlier. She took sweaters, pants, shirts, clothing, no hairbrush, toothbrush, but took all her jewelry. No cell or computer.

That really sounds odd to me. What 13 y/o girl wouldn't grab her hairbrush especially! And cell phone.

MsFacetious
02-28-2011, 09:38 PM
Cases like this make me sad... 13 and doing those things... even with a IT husband it causes me to seriously consider removing the computer in a few years...


I'm telling you that the number is probably a mobile because on Facebook if one is listed it is usually mobile. and yes that was me! LOL

I walk in and turn on the TV because my game is getting ready to start...

It is on Nancy...

I look at the name and location of the caller and go "Geesh, people are going to think Willie is the next Sheeba with her very own line if she keeps getting through like this!" :waitasec:

Then I changed it and put it on my game... priorities ya know. :seeya:

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 09:45 PM
I just hope and pray they can locate her and save her before something awful happens :(

cluciano63
02-28-2011, 09:52 PM
I hope LE is trying to track his phone, if it was a cellphone and most phones are these days. Actually I hope they did this last week-she has been already 6 days? Do I have that right? Why is this only being reported now?

Blue Ridge
02-28-2011, 10:00 PM
Oh my goodness... I didn't realize it had been that long already that she'd been gone (yes I see the date above now in the title). This isn't good at all :( I can't imagine why they wouldn't have tracked the phone number by this time. Disconnected or not, they should be able to get the records on it....I thought from other cases that LE could get phone records within hours :waitasec:

lindugh
02-28-2011, 10:10 PM
Whoaaaa..... did someone say "STEPFATHER". Hopefully this is not going to turn out that the mom moved in some non-blood related dude to live in the home with her 13 yr old daughter! Has he taken a poly?

cluciano63
02-28-2011, 10:13 PM
The stepdad was on NG and he said he was the one who called the number in Chicago and talked to the person, who said they had not seen Jessie and did not know where she was.
I believe him.

fhc
02-28-2011, 10:37 PM
This is the first i've heard about an argument about going to Pakistan for 2 months...

http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_17505429?nclick_check=1

Her mother said that her daughter was upset because she did not want to go on a two-month-vacation to Pakistan

cluciano63
02-28-2011, 10:44 PM
This is the first i've heard about an argument about going to Pakistan for 2 months...

http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_17505429?nclick_check=1

Her mother said that her daughter was upset because she did not want to go on a two-month-vacation to Pakistan

That didn't come up on NG...I'm pretty sure Jessie left on her own, but may be in trouble now, if she is truly with an adult male.

lindugh
02-28-2011, 10:53 PM
Bender’s mother said Jesse was upset and didn’t want to go on an upcoming trip to Pakistan. Authorities say there is no evidence of foul play and believe the teen left willingly, as she packed some of her belongings". http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/02/28/police-search-for-missing-hesperia-teen/

"Authorities are concerned for her safety because the teen had been suffering from seizures within the past two weeks and she doesn’t have any medication for the condition." http://www.hesperiastar.com/news/girl-3987-hesperia-missing.html

“On her Facebook, it says she had a boyfriend and that he’s from Illinois,” Melissa Bender said. “We’re not sure if that’s true or not, but it really looks like that’s what happened.”

I cannot find in any of the articles who the "WE" is. BTW, Hesperia is located in the Mojave Desert, so I hope there are searcher out there as well.

Amster
02-28-2011, 11:59 PM
I detect HINK!!

She started having seizures 2 weeks ago?? Why?? And, who takes vacations to Pakistan?? When was this supposed to happen??

:innocent:

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed
03-01-2011, 12:06 AM
I don't think a vacation to Pakistan is hinky... Why is it not okay to go to Pakistan?

I *would* like to know if this vacation was supposed to happen for two months soon? As in, during the school year? Or if it would have been a summer vacation. And if it was a summer vacation, why would she run now? And if it was during the school year....why? Is she home schooled?

cluciano63
03-01-2011, 12:09 AM
Her stepfather appeared to be Middle Eastern, he was on NG.

Amster
03-01-2011, 12:14 AM
Her stepfather appeared to be Middle Eastern, he was on NG.

Thanks....might explain going to Pakistan....I guess people do vacation, there. Just never thought of it as being a vacation destination. If stepdad is from there or has family there, makes sense.

mommy23
03-01-2011, 12:31 AM
Seizures JUST in the last 2 weeks???? And no medication for this? Can this be proven by a DR? If my child had been having seizures for only the last 2 weeks, she would prob be under constant medical supervision! And sure as heck would not be out of my sight, even at night.

I had a Sister with unexplained seizures, and we all took turns sleeping with her, as a teen... No way she should be awake and alone...

And I can see going there to visit family, but honestly with how other countries are so unstable lately, I'd be freaked to go to Pakistan for 2 months!! Espescially if I was a teen girl, and it would maybe take my entire summer vacation.

I don't know exactly, but something is sending my hinky meter off the charts... Not sure what yet.....

DeepThinker
03-01-2011, 12:43 AM
Is it possible she was having seizures as a result of the stress of not wanting to go to Pakistan? All sorts of things are going through my mind...a possible arranged marriage? Perhaps to go meet a possible future spouse? The unrest in the Middle East? I'm not saying she's throwing a typical teenager fit, I am talking about being upset about going to the point of making herself sick and possibly running away to prevent it? :waitasec:

IDK...

katydid23
03-01-2011, 12:58 AM
If she did not get along well with her Stepdad [ and we don't know that either way] then of course she would not want to spend TWO MONTHS in his country, especially given the current unrest and danger, especially for young western girls.

And imo, TWO MONTHS is not a vacation, unless it is the destination of choice and is a paradise. When my son was 16 he fought us hard about a 2 week family vacation to Fiji. He wanted to stay home alone and be with his gf I think. Anyway we dragged him there and he absolutely loved it. But Pakistan right now, quite a different story.

cluciano63
03-01-2011, 01:37 AM
I know that two months is not an unusual amount of time for trips to India, Pakistan, etc...but if it is during the school year, that is kind of strange.

revampz
03-01-2011, 02:04 AM
something isnt sitting right with me either....I think this is more about the two month holiday to pakistan rather than the boyfriend.......after all if is he is an internet boyfriend she can still have contact with him in pakistan. Pakistan for a 13 year old would be a scary thought as well as life changing.....My brother has been to both pakistan and India and they are countries that are so different and can affect the way you think about life, especially at that age. I would be concerned going to pakistan as an adult.

I agree if she was going to see the boyfriend she would definitely take a brush and probably makeup.

Either something happened to her during the argument or I'd be checking friends etc where she might runaway to.

Wish we knew if the "vacation" was to be soon.

eileenhawkeye
03-01-2011, 02:08 AM
There were plenty of kids in my middle school and high school who went to India (I know it's not Pakistan but it's also very far away and different from the US) for a month during the school year. However, these kids were Indian and had a lot of family there, so I can see how it would be different, since it seems like Jessie wasn't Pakistani but her stepdad was.

Also, do I have this correct; that they waited a week to report her missing?! What?! I see absolutely no reason why she wouldn't be reported the morning her mom and stepdad noticed she was missing.

Tugela
03-01-2011, 04:32 AM
Hmmm... Mar... how about, even if his phone is disconnected, can't they still find out from phone company WHO HE IS?

I don't think you can just disconnect your phone like that, certainly the phone company would know who it was if it was a regular phone.

Possibilities are:

1) The phone is physically disconnected, or (if a cell) the batteries have been removed/powered down, so the phone no longer responds.

2) It is a prepaid cell, and has been thrown away (in which case they won't be able to track it down).

But, if he had a facebook account, they may be able to track him down that way.

Tugela
03-01-2011, 04:35 AM
Cases like this make me sad... 13 and doing those things... even with a IT husband it causes me to seriously consider removing the computer in a few years...



Won't help. They will find a way, if not at home then somewhere else.

Tugela
03-01-2011, 04:42 AM
I don't think a vacation to Pakistan is hinky... Why is it not okay to go to Pakistan?

I *would* like to know if this vacation was supposed to happen for two months soon? As in, during the school year? Or if it would have been a summer vacation. And if it was a summer vacation, why would she run now? And if it was during the school year....why? Is she home schooled?

Because it is not exactly a vacation spot. With all the Jihadis and what not running around there....not the sort of place an American family would want to just hang out in, unless they are from that part of the world.

Patty G
03-01-2011, 09:00 AM
Is Pakistan one of the countries where IF a family member disobeys or breaks the rules of the household that they take matters into their own hands (as in death)?

peeples
03-01-2011, 10:09 AM
depends on the religion and if they are extremists.. don't think the whole country can be lumped together.. but yes there are a lot of "honor" killings done to females over there.

Columbo
03-01-2011, 12:00 PM
Because it is not exactly a vacation spot. With all the Jihadis and what not running around there....not the sort of place an American family would want to just hang out in, unless they are from that part of the world.

And a lot of visitors get dysentery from the bad sanitation.

katydid23
03-01-2011, 12:29 PM
There were plenty of kids in my middle school and high school who went to India (I know it's not Pakistan but it's also very far away and different from the US) for a month during the school year. However, these kids were Indian and had a lot of family there, so I can see how it would be different, since it seems like Jessie wasn't Pakistani but her stepdad was.

Also, do I have this correct; that they waited a week to report her missing?! What?! I see absolutely no reason why she wouldn't be reported the morning her mom and stepdad noticed she was missing.

It seems completely different if it is the child's relatives she would be visiting.
This would be her stepdad's relatives. So I can see her resistance and I understand it. Especially if he is strict, and she worries he will be evcen more strict if he is in his homeland surrounded by his own culture.

And waiting a week smells very hinky to me too. I do not like the home situation right now. Something is off imo.

SurfieTX
03-01-2011, 12:36 PM
It seems completely different if it is the child's relatives she would be visiting.
This would be her stepdad's relatives. So I can see her resistance and I understand it. Especially if he is strict, and she worries he will be evcen more strict if he is in his homeland surrounded by his own culture.

And waiting a week smells very hinky to me too. I do not like the home situation right now. Something is off imo.

I agree; couple that with the typical "scary older internet man" story, I just don't know. It could very well be the truth. Who knows.

burbqueen
03-01-2011, 04:36 PM
Well I believe the parents. If she is talking to this "boy" in illinois and then there is a trip to Pakistan to meet step fathers family then she might wanna runaway cause she wont be in contact with her boyfriend for 2 whole months. For a teen that is a scary thought, but I cant help to think that the guy in chicago knows something.

fhc
03-01-2011, 07:45 PM
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8218441/gunmen-wound-15-college-girls-in-pakistan-police

Gunmen wound 15 college girls in Pakistan

Gunmen hurled two grenades and then opened fire with pistols. Fifteen girl students have been injured, some of them were in critical condition," Khalid Nasim, a senior police officer in the town, told AFP

There was no claim for the attack, but Islamists opposed to co— education and advocating sharia law have destroyed hundreds of schools, mostly for girls,

I would not let my 13 yo daughter travel to Pakistan and I wouldn't either. His parents would need to visit here.jmo

Maybe if her mother would publicly announce to the media that Jessie doesn't have to go to Pakistan, she would come home.

cluciano63
03-01-2011, 09:38 PM
NG decided Charlie Sheen is more interesting and important tomight I guess...nothing else on Jessie...

Isabelle
03-01-2011, 09:49 PM
This is the first i've heard about an argument about going to Pakistan for 2 months...

http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_17505429?nclick_check=1

Her mother said that her daughter was upset because she did not want to go on a two-month-vacation to Pakistan

2 months in Pakistan? Are they missionaries?

Isabelle
03-01-2011, 09:54 PM
There were plenty of kids in my middle school and high school who went to India (I know it's not Pakistan but it's also very far away and different from the US) for a month during the school year. However, these kids were Indian and had a lot of family there, so I can see how it would be different, since it seems like Jessie wasn't Pakistani but her stepdad was.

Also, do I have this correct; that they waited a week to report her missing?! What?! I see absolutely no reason why she wouldn't be reported the morning her mom and stepdad noticed she was missing.

OMG! They really waited a week to report her missing? What the 'you now what?"

LotsaLatte
03-01-2011, 11:53 PM
This does not sound good at all. I really hope she is okay.

rosario_c
03-02-2011, 12:11 AM
I live in Hesperia and work for the school district that Jessie belongs to. This is so sad. Her posters are everywhere. So many rumors around town. On was she was on the other side of town holed up with an older boy in a vacant house. Another is that she left with an older boy or man to Illinois. My daughter-in-law has a younger sister who attends her school so I'll try to find out more info that's going on.

I hope she is found safe. but most of us on here know how these situations usually end unfortunatly.....

cluciano63
03-02-2011, 10:37 AM
Is it true she was not reported missing until nearly a week had passed, or is that just how long it took to hit the news?

If so, either they thought they knew where she was and that they could handle it, or they know what happened to her...

secretagent
03-02-2011, 11:06 AM
I have one. I am going to ask if they think there could be more than one person involved because if there was a phone call to someone to Chicago then how the hell could that person be in L.A too.

Has either a Chicago cell # and is in LA or the opposite?

CountryGirl
03-02-2011, 11:08 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlAM5y1TRrg

Jessie's mother on Youtube. She is an honors student. I hope she is found safe! Hesperia isn't far from me.

CountryGirl
03-02-2011, 11:11 AM
Is it true she was not reported missing until nearly a week had passed, or is that just how long it took to hit the news?

If so, either they thought they knew where she was and that they could handle it, or they know what happened to her...

It wasn't a week. The Hesperia Star newspaper had a story on 2/24/11.

fhc
03-02-2011, 11:15 AM
2 months in Pakistan? Are they missionaries?

jmo, her stepfather is from Pakistan and the mother did state in a video interview that she had younger children. Idk if the younger children are the stepfathers or not. The trip was said to be a 'family vacation'.

Her mother reported her missing immediately, it took this long for media to cover the story.

CountryGirl
03-02-2011, 11:28 AM
Hesperia Station Sheriff's logged the call:
2/22/2011 9:40:11 AM HE HE110530062 MISPER NAT 150** CEDAR ST,HES

Correction: Not sure if that's when they were called or that's when deputies went to the home.
I got this from the Hesperia log on the San Bernardino County Sheriff's website.

darlin gal
03-02-2011, 04:28 PM
Missing Hesperia Teen Found Safe In Apple Valley http://bit.ly/h7KeBk



She was found safe at her uncle's house.

SurfieTX
03-02-2011, 04:31 PM
Yay! So glad she is safe and sound.

momrockz
03-02-2011, 04:33 PM
WHOHOOOOO :great:

cluciano63
03-02-2011, 04:35 PM
So is there an online predator in the picture or not?

Columbo
03-02-2011, 05:49 PM
Thank god a happy ending to this one...Maybe it's good she ran away, because now her parents know what she is up to on the computer--hopefully they'll take some protective measures before a real tragedy occurs. And hopefully LE will deal with the RSO she was talking with online. JMO

DairyGirl
03-02-2011, 06:25 PM
So is there an online predator in the picture or not?

Looks like NG might have gone overboard a bit with all the talk about an online predator. And the guy in IL was actually telling the truth.

Columbo
03-02-2011, 06:28 PM
Looks like NG might have gone overboard a bit with all the talk about an online predator. And the guy in IL was actually telling the truth.

So he isn't an RSO after all? I hope not! I get so sick of hearing of RSO's stalking young girls, it would be nice to know it's just a regular teenager.

I wonder why it took so long for either her uncle to tell LE she was at his house, or for her to get there (to Apple Valley)? Which was it, I wonder?

darlin gal
03-02-2011, 08:29 PM
Cops: Missing Teen Fled to Avoid Arraigned Marriage in Pakistan


http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-missing-hesperia-teen,0,5672139.story




Jesse and her three siblings have been taken into protective custody by the Department of Children and Family services pending the completion of the investigation.

mommy23
03-02-2011, 08:53 PM
OMG :sick: I knew that pakistan thing was weird.....

sarx
03-02-2011, 09:01 PM
Wow, wonder how much money they were planning on making off of that deal? I am really sick of these parents.

hollye
03-02-2011, 09:09 PM
Wow, just wow! Glad to hear that she is safe!

cluciano63
03-02-2011, 09:13 PM
Has is been confirmed that she was to be forced to marry?

DairyGirl
03-02-2011, 09:19 PM
OMG :sick: I knew that pakistan thing was weird.....

Yeah, just a little detail they forgot to mention when they were accusing the girl of running off with a predator. Instead of letting them bring her to a predator.

CountryGirl
03-02-2011, 09:51 PM
So glad she is safe. LE did a great job on this one too!

January.
03-02-2011, 09:55 PM
Wow, that's definitely not something I expected to hear. Very glad she was found safe. Poor girl.

revampz
03-02-2011, 10:10 PM
knew it had something to do with pakistan. dont know if I beleive this about the arranged marriage bit though, a bit over the top. HOWEVER if this is true, what the freaking hell is the mother thinking!!!!!!!!!!!! this child is american and am assuming the pakistan stepdad has american citizenship, it is disguisting to think this mother would adopt her husbands countries (out dated) traditions over the well being of her daughter.

But before I go too far, lets see if this allegation is true first.

cluciano63
03-02-2011, 10:21 PM
I agree, would rather wait, it is possible she told her uncle that in order to avoid going to Pakistan.

Columbo
03-02-2011, 10:35 PM
I felt there was something "off" about the mother from the very beginning, but I had no idea it would lead to this. IF it's true. Nothing would surprise me.

Flmomof2
03-02-2011, 10:56 PM
13 seems a bit young for an arranged marriage. It also seems odd since his marriage wasnt "arranged" so to speak since he married an American and not a Pakastani woman.

rosario_c
03-02-2011, 11:03 PM
Glad Jessie was found safe. It came over our school radio early this morning but no one had any information yet or they were not letting it out. Finally an update in our local paper. Yep, a trip to Pakistan and she didn't want to go. Supposedly was going to have an arranged marriage. I'm sure more will come out. In our local paper (not the Hesperia Star but The Daily Press) on poster said he knew the mom and she's a piece of work. 6 kids by 6 dads. She's not married to the Pakistani guy, Jessie was going to be married off to his brother for $3000, mom knew there was no internet predator... Gewz, in MY town! Sounds like a bad movie! It wasn't clear if the uncle had her the whole time or that she showed up. Hopefuly our paper will keep updating the story. The tend to run with a story and then drop it.

Columbo
03-02-2011, 11:05 PM
13 seems a bit young for an arranged marriage. It also seems odd since his marriage wasnt "arranged" so to speak since he married an American and not a Pakastani woman.

I believe they make arranged marriages for young children in these countries. Like, six years old, etc. Or at least they used to. I'm not sure the actual marriage would be consummated at six years old, but I think the ceremony might take place. You'd think they would have abolished these practices by now.

It is a bit puzzling since his marriage to Jessie's mother certainly wasn't arranged. Which makes me think, if it's true about them arranging a marriage for Jessie, it's a matter of financial gain for him and her mother.

Truthful Lies
03-02-2011, 11:32 PM
I'm guessing the other children would know something about wether an arranged marriage was planned, and I'm guessing CPS/LE would have had enough corroborating evidence/statements from family, the kids, etc. to take them into protective custody. Sounds like there's one or two children over 18 if only 4 total were taken into custody.

I wonder if there is a history of CPS involvement here...I feel like there is. Perhaps someone did alert authorities of this before, they did their "follow up" and concluded no risk. Who knows. This is all very odd and sad.

I feel for these kids, regardless, if all had different dads and then subjected to extreme changes/religion/etc.

REALLY happy she's safe!!!!

MsFacetious
03-03-2011, 03:50 AM
After combing through cellphone records and computer data and interviewing her friends and families, however, sheriff’s detectives found no evidence that her disappearance was related to her correspondence on Facebook and that the family’s initial reports were false.

“Bender family members mislead detectives and withheld critical information and as a result delayed the investigation and recovery of their daughter Jesse Bender," Sheriff’s Department spokeswoman Roxanne Walker said in a news release.

“It was revealed that a member of the Bender family concealed Jess in the town of Apple Valley out of fear that she would be taken to Pakistan for an arranged marriage."

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/thirteen-year-old-girl-reported-missing-fled-arranged-marriage.html



Wednesday night, Melissa Bender said the "arranged marriage" allegation was "crap," and said police questioned her and her husband for more than thirty hours.

Police raided the Bender's home Tuesday night.

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Hesperia-Teen-May-Have-Run-Away-to-Avoid-Arranged-Marriage-in-Pakistan-117298863.html


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


In order to resolve a feud brought about by the “kidnapping” and subsequent love marriage of a girl by a married man, a Jirga in Pakistan has decided that the man’s six-month-old daughter should be married off to the girl’s 25-year-old brother.

http://breakingnews.gaeatimes.com/2010/05/31/6-month-baby-girl-married-to-25-yr-old-man-in-pakistan-to-settle-feud-31280/



One woman, Razia, was forced into a marriage when she was 13 and regularly beaten and locked in a room by her husband. "He said if I told anyone he would kill me," she said.

After a beating late one night she broke down, poured kerosene over her head and set herself alight. "I felt that death was better than this life," she said. Her husband quickly divorced her and married again.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2001/jan/29/pakistan.islam



A 15-year-old Pakistani girl was hospitalised after reportedly jumping from a balcony in the northern Italian town of Alessandria.

She had refused an arranged marriage with a 16-year-old Pakistani.

http://www.adnkronos.com/AKI/English/CultureAndMedia/?id=1.0.2304857675

Tugela
03-03-2011, 05:31 AM
I think the arranged marriage thing is pretty unlikely to be true. It is more probable that the kid was simply afraid of going to Pakistan because of all the things you hear about Islamic extremism there, and no doubt her friends at school would have been feeding all sorts of wild ideas into her head. Plus, there is also the racism aspect...I expect that some of the rest of her family was none too pleased about the mother's relationship with a Pakistani man.

That said I think it is pretty insensitive of the mother to think of taking her kids to a place like Pakistan for an extended period (no doubt to go "native" and live with the locals due to family connections as well - keep in mind that by American standards even middle classes in third world countries live in what we would consider "rustic" conditions) considering all the negative press that country recieves. In those sorts of circumstances a parent should consider their kids opinions since it does impact on them. I can't imagine that any 13 year old from California would welcome the prospect of spending their summer vacation in a poor, conservative and sexually repressed foreign country. IMO it would be a very frightening prospect for them.

If it really WAS the plan to marry her off when they got there, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't have told her about it until they actually got there, since she obviously would want to have no part in that and would resist strongly all the way. So I don't think that part is actually true, allthough the kid may have believed it.

katydid23
03-03-2011, 05:57 AM
I bet they didn't tell her, but she may have figured it out because of things that were said in the past. This plan did not come out of nowhere, so maybe things led up to it. And maybe some of the grown kids heard about it.

The parents PURPOSELY led cops in the wrong direction. Why would they do that if they had nothing to hide?

Tugela
03-03-2011, 07:13 AM
Well, if they had something to hide they would have let it be. Shining a spotlight on that sort of situation if you are doing something wrong is a surefire way of alerting LE to the fact that you are doing something wrong, lol.

I would guess that they didnt know what had happened to her, and just assumed the worst because that is what the news and shows like Nancy Grace tells them allways happens in cases like that. And, as is the case in most similar incidents, the characters involved don't appear to be all that sophisticated.

Tugela
03-03-2011, 07:25 AM
One more thing, on the arranged marriage part of it, in my experience first generation imigrants from that part of the world, especially the older ones, are usually not exactly thrilled when one of their offspring takes up with a white man/woman. Racism goes both ways you know, particularly when traditional culture and religion is involved.

I knew a lady from India who got married to a white guy, and there was a LOT of resistance in her family to that (allthough it eventually happened), mostly from the older females. Big drama. Her mother essentially cut her off until they got divorced a few years later.

BrownRice
03-03-2011, 07:45 AM
Sorry, but I don't buy most of this story. 1 - who really takes their AMERICAN kids to Pakistan for "vacation." Sure, if you have lots of family, but these kids are not his family. 2. Clearly, they are NOT that religious - as the mom and the Pakistani are not married. 3. How much would it cost to fly a family with 6 kids to Pakistan? A year's worth of mortgage payments/apartment rent?

This whole story sounds like a bunch of BS.

Columbo
03-03-2011, 12:13 PM
Sorry, but I don't buy most of this story. 1 - who really takes their AMERICAN kids to Pakistan for "vacation." Sure, if you have lots of family, but these kids are not his family. 2. Clearly, they are NOT that religious - as the mom and the Pakistani are not married. 3. How much would it cost to fly a family with 6 kids to Pakistan? A year's worth of mortgage payments/apartment rent?

This whole story sounds like a bunch of BS.

Good points, BrownRice.
I could see taking your children to Pakistan to visit "relatives" but only if it were a traditional type family, which they certainly are not. It would cost a fortune to fly an entire family of 6 to Pakistan! The alleged $3,000 they were going to get for selling Jessie (ugh) would not even cover the cost of travel.

sarx
03-03-2011, 12:19 PM
I have no idea what the truth is in this case, but the sex trade both both domestically and internationally are alive and well. It is a huge and very lucrative business, so I wouldn't be surprised one way or another.
I wonder why the relative who hid her would say that if not true and why they would raid the house? And if not that, then what were the parents lying about?

cluciano63
03-03-2011, 02:00 PM
I think I will just wait on this one; it could be true, but if so, why would they even tell their daughter they were going to Pakistan ahead of time? Why not just wait until the last minute? She could have told her parents that if they made her go, she would tell everyone they planned to force her to marry. Kids this age can be very manipulative.

Hopefully, LE will figure out what is true.

sandcastles4me
03-03-2011, 02:49 PM
This girl was missing from my area, and the belief here is the girl was to marry the relative of the step dad. Possibly to bring a relative to America. I am glad she is safe and I hope she will never have to return to her Mother's home.

citylady
03-03-2011, 03:51 PM
As is so often the case, I'm in AWE of the excellent points raised by fellow WSers in this topic several days prior to Jessie being found safe. Your hinkty meters as it turns out were working well - hats off to those who didnt buy the "vacation in pakistan" or listen to the "online predator" spin that NG was pushing, as is her usual. Well done, and so glad this one had a happy ending, at least so far.

burbqueen
03-03-2011, 06:28 PM
I dont believe for one minute that this was an a planned arranged marriage. First, someone said that the mom and step dad werent even married. I just cant see any Muslim or Indian family setting up an arranged marriage with an anglo. Like someone said there is a lot of tradition, money, religion, heritage etc that goes on with arranged marriages. There would be nothing to gain with marrying off an anglo girl, of questionable parentage and she's not wealthy, to some man in pakistan.

If someone wanted to come to this country then there are other ways of doing it. Marrying a 16 year old isnt even legal at all. I just think she didnt want to go and yes its totally normal for people to spend two months in their home country. I know many middle easterners that vacation and visit family for extended periods of time. Its not like here in America where we move away from family and rarely visit. My friend in India had weddings to attend, extended family all over many different areas in india, friends to see and visit with. yeah she leaves every summer for 3 months. It is her home. She also helped out with her families business while she was there.

Imagine if you lived in another country. America is still your home. It's who you are. So every summer you go see friends and family. Catch a movie, or game, or concert, enjoy American food.

Columbo
03-03-2011, 07:13 PM
This case really has me puzzled. I sure hope we find out what it's really all about.

Jessie's a cute, smart girl, with some potential, it appears. I hope she gets on the right path in life.

DeepThinker
03-03-2011, 07:28 PM
This girl does have dark hair and dark eyes. Put her in traditional clothing that the women wear there...with the veil...she could blend in very easily.

Also, there are perverts in Pakistan that would jump at the chance to have an American young girl. I doubt she would have been treated very well there...she would have been considered a slave wife, imo.

cluciano63
03-03-2011, 07:35 PM
I'm still going to have to wait to hear what is determined by LE, before I believe she was really going to be forced into a marriage.

Columbo
03-03-2011, 07:41 PM
I agree, cluciano63. I've stopped trying to guess on this one! I'll wait for LE to untangle everything.

elfie
03-03-2011, 09:04 PM
I'm still going to have to wait to hear what is determined by LE, before I believe she was really going to be forced into a marriage.

Same here--not sure if it was for money only or to bring the relative over here, as well. I hope all of the children go into care with the family members that rescued her if they have room to take them. I' sooooo glad that they intervened on her behalf. :rocker:

Claudette
03-04-2011, 12:20 AM
If people were only attracted to others that are from their native country and around their age as many of us here are used to, then there wouldn't be any multi-racial couples. In reality there are many though it may not be common. There also wouldn't be predators, and there wouldn't be all the arranged marriages to young girls that are occasionally heard in our news as was linked in an earlier post. My point is, her being a white American doesn't mean that no man in the Middle East would have an arranged marriage with her. Who knows, maybe it would make her more desirable.

Arranged marriages many times are to pay off a debt or to garner money and it sounds like this may be a possibility in the case. I don't really know how it would work to get them married and bring his brother back here, would the marriage be recognized for him to be a citizen? Something tells me no but I don't know the legalities of it :waitasec:

I know we're all waiting for the truth to come out but I'm really surprised that so many people seem to have a hard time thinking this angle is possible.

I for one believe this girl and uncle over her parents. Clearly she felt there was no other option than to run away and find help from a trusted family member. Why they didn't take it straight to the authorities is strange, but perhaps they were afraid she would be sent back to her mom and were waiting to see what her mom would do.

We've all seen how horrible a job DCFS has done in the past with other cases, clearly there was enough evidence for them to not only remove her but all of her siblings as well. I don't think this would happen without plenty of evidence as it would be grounds for a major lawsuit.

Even if she did this just because of a 2 month trip to Pakistan I wouldn't blame her in the least, I wouldn't go there myself. She would not be safe there.

This vaguely reminds me of the movie "Not without my daughter" that movie was messed up. He easily could have said "we're not leaving ever" to them after they got there. Just throwing this out there of course, no evidence in it, just that I thought of that movie.

The above is of course all MOO!

redsky
03-04-2011, 02:17 AM
The story still seems far-fetched. But why would the family say such story about the man online and she was at her Uncle's. Why wouldn't he call LE or the family unless he was protecting her?
Tonight Lisa Ling had a special about child brides in Ethiopia. Interesting special - the children were as young as 7.

MsFacetious
03-04-2011, 04:32 AM
I bet they didn't tell her, but she may have figured it out because of things that were said in the past. This plan did not come out of nowhere, so maybe things led up to it. And maybe some of the grown kids heard about it.

The parents PURPOSELY led cops in the wrong direction. Why would they do that if they had nothing to hide?

They definitely didn't need to tell her about it.

My parents didn't need to tell me about any of the several places they were thinking about sending me. Wilderness, residential, psyche ward, military school... I found out about all of them.

They didn't need to tell me when my Uncle was found to be raping his stepson.

They didn't need to tell me how family members died.

I found these things out on my own. I overheard things, or I found documentation on them.

Jessie could have heard a phone call, found some sort of written item or been directly told. Who knows.

I think if the girl just wanted to run away, she wouldn't have gone with family.

katydid23
03-04-2011, 04:38 AM
They definitely didn't need to tell her about it.

My parents didn't need to tell me about any of the several places they were thinking about sending me. Wilderness, residential, psyche ward, military school... I found out about all of them.

They didn't need to tell me when my Uncle was found to be raping his stepson.

They didn't need to tell me how family members died.

I found these things out on my own. I overheard things, or I found documentation on them.

Jessie could have heard a phone call, found some sort of written item or been directly told. Who knows.

I think if the girl just wanted to run away, she wouldn't have gone with family.

Exactly. Kids know things that are going on. Especially in dysfunctional households. They HAVE to keep up with what is going on or they won't survive it.
Also, I am not sure if this is alright for me to say, but it seems as though there might be some drinking going on in that house. I think loose ships sink ships, kwim?
We have not gotten the whole story or the accurate story, but I bet the girl and her uncle were justified in hiding her from her parents.I hope someone will keep an eye on her from now on so she doesn't fall through the cracks.

Tugela
03-04-2011, 07:41 AM
If people were only attracted to others that are from their native country and around their age as many of us here are used to, then there wouldn't be any multi-racial couples. In reality there are many though it may not be common. There also wouldn't be predators, and there wouldn't be all the arranged marriages to young girls that are occasionally heard in our news as was linked in an earlier post. My point is, her being a white American doesn't mean that no man in the Middle East would have an arranged marriage with her. Who knows, maybe it would make her more desirable.

Arranged marriages many times are to pay off a debt or to garner money and it sounds like this may be a possibility in the case. I don't really know how it would work to get them married and bring his brother back here, would the marriage be recognized for him to be a citizen? Something tells me no but I don't know the legalities of it :waitasec:

I know we're all waiting for the truth to come out but I'm really surprised that so many people seem to have a hard time thinking this angle is possible.

I for one believe this girl and uncle over her parents. Clearly she felt there was no other option than to run away and find help from a trusted family member. Why they didn't take it straight to the authorities is strange, but perhaps they were afraid she would be sent back to her mom and were waiting to see what her mom would do.

We've all seen how horrible a job DCFS has done in the past with other cases, clearly there was enough evidence for them to not only remove her but all of her siblings as well. I don't think this would happen without plenty of evidence as it would be grounds for a major lawsuit.

Even if she did this just because of a 2 month trip to Pakistan I wouldn't blame her in the least, I wouldn't go there myself. She would not be safe there.

This vaguely reminds me of the movie "Not without my daughter" that movie was messed up. He easily could have said "we're not leaving ever" to them after they got there. Just throwing this out there of course, no evidence in it, just that I thought of that movie.

The above is of course all MOO!

Arranged marriages are the normal way people get married in traditional society in that part of the world. And because it involves tradition, religion and culture, if you don't belong to the right group you would NOT be regarded as acceptable under any circumstance. I don't care what the kid is saying, I think it highly unlikely that she was being sent over for a traditional arranged marriage. If it was an "arranged" marriage it would have been far outside of their local custom. In any case, dowry is paid by the brides family, not the guy getting married, so again, it casts doubt on that allegation. Btw, Pakistan is in south east asia, not the middle east. Ethnically they are similar to Indians, not Arabs. Pakistan was part of India when it belonged to the British empire, the two countries (along with Bangladesh) split along religous lines when India was granted independence.

As for it being a way to get immigration status for a "husband", the only status it would have gotten him is a lengthy stay in a state or federal prison as soon as he stepped off the plane, followed by deportation.

IMO she ran away and the family member hid her because they basically didn't care for the husband/boyfriend (due to his ethnicity) and didn't want her going to Pakistan. I can understand the kids fears, but IMO the uncle didn't take it to authorities because he didn't seriously believe it. Depending on whether he called authorities first or they had to find him, he is potentially in a whole heap of trouble. In all likelyhood the uncle is going to end up being charged with custodial interference.

Child services would have removed the children due to the seriousness of the allegation while they investigate, but if there is no evidence to support it the kids will probably be returned. However, it is possible that the kids were removed due to unrelated conditions in the household that became apparent during the investigation of Jessie's dissappearance.

crocus
03-04-2011, 08:24 AM
FOX & Friends is going to talk about this case in a few minutes with Judge Jeanine Pirro. They just showed Jessie's pic and said coming up.

Patty G
03-04-2011, 08:54 AM
The Today Show covered this story this morning (Fri., 3/4/11)

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/41903297#41903297

Betty P
03-04-2011, 03:47 PM
IMO she ran away and the family member hid her because they basically didn't care for the husband/boyfriend (due to his ethnicity) and didn't want her going to Pakistan. I can understand the kids fears, but IMO the uncle didn't take it to authorities because he didn't seriously believe it. Depending on whether he called authorities first or they had to find him, he is potentially in a whole heap of trouble. In all likelyhood the uncle is going to end up being charged with custodial interference.


If that were true, why did the mother deliberately lie and deceive the police?

cluciano63
03-04-2011, 05:51 PM
Was there never anyone in Chicago online? Has that been determined to be false?

Columbo
03-04-2011, 06:06 PM
The story still seems far-fetched. But why would the family say such story about the man online and she was at her Uncle's. Why wouldn't he call LE or the family unless he was protecting her?
Tonight Lisa Ling had a special about child brides in Ethiopia. Interesting special - the children were as young as 7.

bolded by me.

Sorry if I am being redundant here--possibly someone else already said this--but I wonder if there actually was someone online (or on the telephone) that she was talking to--but he had nothing to do with her running away, of course. Maybe he knew nothing about it. Or maybe she did confide in this online person, he may have told LE what he knew, and LE is keeping it quiet.

(I wasn't going to keep guessing about this case...but I guess it's irresistible!)

Melanie
03-04-2011, 06:33 PM
As is so often the case, I'm in AWE of the excellent points raised by fellow WSers in this topic several days prior to Jessie being found safe. Your hinkty meters as it turns out were working well - hats off to those who didnt buy the "vacation in pakistan" or listen to the "online predator" spin that NG was pushing, as is her usual. Well done, and so glad this one had a happy ending, at least so far.

I agree you all are FANTASTIC. I've been so tied up with the ICA and Hailey cases, that this one was on my back burner. But after reading the early posts, I'm going "wow - you guys are spot on" and you were. The whole Pakistan vacation seemed totally off to me. I saw the mum on the news - didn't like her straight away (just a hink). Now to find out she lied to LE, and there was no SO that really gets my goat. She wasted LE resources, and media resources. Though I'm very grateful that she was found safe. It's nice to see a somewhat happy ending.

Hugs to all of you for coming together for Jessie!

MOO

Mel

rosario_c
03-04-2011, 07:28 PM
Our local paper really has said much since yesterday. Only that searchers are angry. It's mostly people just bloggin about the case and a few know her. I did find out last night that on of our teachers at my school lives 4 houses down and the street was loaded with news media yesterday afternoon. I was going to ask our teacher but he was out on a furlough day today. Bummer. I'm gonna try to get the scoop from him this weekend an see if he knows anything. This case is just plain weird. And it wouldn't surprise me if it just drops from our newspaper. They do that a lot. if you go to vvdailypress dot com you can read the stories and the forums.

eileenhawkeye
03-04-2011, 08:18 PM
If people were only attracted to others that are from their native country and around their age as many of us here are used to, then there wouldn't be any multi-racial couples. In reality there are many though it may not be common. There also wouldn't be predators, and there wouldn't be all the arranged marriages to young girls that are occasionally heard in our news as was linked in an earlier post. My point is, her being a white American doesn't mean that no man in the Middle East would have an arranged marriage with her. Who knows, maybe it would make her more desirable.

Native country? As in, only attracted to fellow Americans or where your ancestors came from? My ancestors are from Greece and Ireland and I wouldn't want to limit myself to only people with those backgrounds. I also don't see what multi-racial couples have to do with predators. Sorry if I'm misunderstanding your post.

lstrel
03-04-2011, 08:42 PM
EDITING because I think I misunderstood a few posts.
I do think there is a lot of prejudice on this thread, though. :(


I'm glad to hear she is safe, and hope her family can sort out their issues, whatever they may be.

peeples
03-04-2011, 08:47 PM
In her post She's responding to someone else who said that jessie would NOT be married to a pakistani man, because Jessie isn't from pakistan and culturally pakistanis only marry each other.

Hope that helps....

She was just trying to say that lots of people marry others from other races and cultures..

eileenhawkeye
03-04-2011, 09:24 PM
In her post She's responding to someone else who said that jessie would NOT be married to a pakistani man, because Jessie isn't from pakistan and culturally pakistanis only marry each other.

Hope that helps....

She was just trying to say that lots of people marry others from other races and cultures..

Alright, thanks. I haven't read all the posts in this thread so I didn't see the whole conversation.

elfie
03-04-2011, 11:33 PM
The Today Show covered this story this morning (Fri., 3/4/11)

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/41903297#41903297

Thanks so much for the link, Patty.

The mother's statement really stands out in that interview, "So she could go with us (to Pakistan) and see what it's like there. If she did meet someone that was fine. Maybe many years down the line 17, 18 years old if she wanted to get married--20 years old, 30, 50, 60 (years old) she could do it."

She started with 17 years old--not that many years away if her daughter is already 13.

The mother does appear to have a mindset that involves her daughter finding a relationship with someone from the stepfather's homeland. It could just as well be that because she found happiness with her husband that she would want the same for her daughter.

Will have to see where the investigation leads.

mommy23
03-04-2011, 11:45 PM
I don't think anyone is trying to be racist, or judge other traditions..... I think any story coming out in America about the **Possibility** of marrying off a 13 yr old California girl, will cause emotions to run high. That is not how we do it here. And if the family was ALL OK with it, even the 13 yr old, well than fine. But no matter what, it would not be recognized here, because it is against the law.

I hope we here more about this case, it seems like there are back stories on all sides :twocents:

katydid23
03-04-2011, 11:59 PM
"So she could go with us (to Pakistan) and see what it's like there. If she did meet someone that was fine. Maybe many years down the line 17, 18 years old if she wanted to get married--20 years old, 30, 50, 60 (years old) she could do it."

I think the last thing on a 13 year old's mind during a family vacation overseas, is that she is going to meet her future husband. IMO.
And I think the furthest thing from MOST parent's minds is that their 13 yr old is going to meet their future husband on an overseas family vacation.
Sorry, but it sounds to me like they wanted to shop the daughter around to the highest bidder. Maybe I am just too cynical these days, idk.

BrownRice
03-05-2011, 08:01 AM
"So she could go with us (to Pakistan) and see what it's like there. If she did meet someone that was fine. Maybe many years down the line 17, 18 years old if she wanted to get married--20 years old, 30, 50, 60 (years old) she could do it."

I think the last thing on a 13 year old's mind during a family vacation overseas, is that she is going to meet her future husband. IMO.
And I think the furthest thing from MOST parent's minds is that their 13 yr old is going to meet their future husband on an overseas family vacation.
Sorry, but it sounds to me like they wanted to shop the daughter around to the highest bidder. Maybe I am just too cynical these days, idk.

I totally agree. With MOST parents, the thought of a 13 year old finding a potential mate (for the future) is the last thing they want at this age. This is ridiculous.

To the other posters who said this thread was racist, I don't see that at all. Many of us, myself included, are just questioning the facts in this story. They don't add up.

MsFacetious
03-05-2011, 02:01 PM
I haven't seen it outright said it was proven false, but it's definitely been discounted as far as involvement in the case.


Was there never anyone in Chicago online? Has that been determined to be false?

After combing through cellphone records and computer data and interviewing her friends and families, however, sheriff’s detectives found no evidence that her disappearance was related to her correspondence on Facebook and that the family’s initial reports were false.

“Bender family members misled detectives and withheld critical information and as a result delayed the investigation and recovery of their daughter Jesse Bender," Sheriff’s Department spokeswoman Roxanne Walker said in a news release.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/thirteen-year-old-girl-reported-missing-fled-arranged-marriage.html

MsFacetious
03-05-2011, 02:29 PM
Walker said the girl was found safe at the motel with her biological uncle, whose name she declined to release.

"He did protect her," Walker said. "He was concerned for her welfare."

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/04/authorities-investigate-california-girls-claim-forced-arranged-marriage/#ixzz1FkRlPa3A


Whether or not these allegations are true...

Jessie stated them to her Uncle, she expressed fear....

Her Uncle reacted accordingly, to protect his niece...

If they had gone straight to police, there would have been no evidence of Jessie's claims.

At least after she was reported missing... they now have the changing stories, misleading police and now the family has proven they have something to hide.


This Uncle thought his niece was in danger and he protected her.


He didn't know that someone was lurking outside her door at night and do nothing... only to have her disappear.

He didn't witness her being abused, on multiple occasions and just let it go... only to have her be murdered.

He didn't sit by and watch while she was beaten for days and then not call for help when she slowly died.


For ONCE... instead of someone just watching the child get flushed down the toilet... someone pulled them out.

Someone stepped up and did something, before it was too late.

If they punish him for that, they cannot complain about people's lack of action in the future.


If they prosecute this uncle for protecting his niece... that would send a very loud message...

"Sure, you can come to us for help...we just might prosecute the person helping you instead of the people trying to hurt you."


Regardless of whether Jessie's claims are true... someone finally stood up and protected the child... before the child vanished or was murdered, regardless of the impact it might have on their own life.

They made the child the priority.

It's about damn time. :clap:


Arranged marriages are the normal way people get married in traditional society in that part of the world. And because it involves tradition, religion and culture, if you don't belong to the right group you would NOT be regarded as acceptable under any circumstance. I don't care what the kid is saying, I think it highly unlikely that she was being sent over for a traditional arranged marriage. If it was an "arranged" marriage it would have been far outside of their local custom. In any case, dowry is paid by the brides family, not the guy getting married, so again, it casts doubt on that allegation. Btw, Pakistan is in south east asia, not the middle east. Ethnically they are similar to Indians, not Arabs. Pakistan was part of India when it belonged to the British empire, the two countries (along with Bangladesh) split along religous lines when India was granted independence.

As for it being a way to get immigration status for a "husband", the only status it would have gotten him is a lengthy stay in a state or federal prison as soon as he stepped off the plane, followed by deportation.

IMO she ran away and the family member hid her because they basically didn't care for the husband/boyfriend (due to his ethnicity) and didn't want her going to Pakistan. I can understand the kids fears, but IMO the uncle didn't take it to authorities because he didn't seriously believe it. Depending on whether he called authorities first or they had to find him, he is potentially in a whole heap of trouble. In all likelyhood the uncle is going to end up being charged with custodial interference.

Child services would have removed the children due to the seriousness of the allegation while they investigate, but if there is no evidence to support it the kids will probably be returned. However, it is possible that the kids were removed due to unrelated conditions in the household that became apparent during the investigation of Jessie's dissappearance.

katydid23
03-05-2011, 02:49 PM
Walker said the girl was found safe at the motel with her biological uncle, whose name she declined to release.

"He did protect her," Walker said. "He was concerned for her welfare."

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/04/authorities-investigate-california-girls-claim-forced-arranged-marriage/#ixzz1FkRlPa3A


Whether or not these allegations are true...

Jessie stated them to her Uncle, she expressed fear....

Her Uncle reacted accordingly, to protect his niece...

If they had gone straight to police, there would have been no evidence of Jessie's claims.

At least after she was reported missing... they now have the changing stories, misleading police and now the family has proven they have something to hide.


This Uncle thought his niece was in danger and he protected her.


He didn't know that someone was lurking outside her door at night and do nothing... only to have her disappear.

He didn't witness her being abused, on multiple occasions and just let it go... only to have her be murdered.

He didn't sit by and watch while she was beaten for days and then not call for help when she slowly died.


For ONCE... instead of someone just watching the child get flushed down the toilet... someone pulled them out.

Someone stepped up and did something, before it was too late.

If they punish him for that, they cannot complain about people's lack of action in the future.


If they prosecute this uncle for protecting his niece... that would send a very loud message...

"Sure, you can come to us for help...we just might prosecute the person helping you instead of the people trying to hurt you."


Regardless of whether Jessie's claims are true... someone finally stood up and protected the child... before the child vanished or was murdered, regardless of the impact it might have on their own life.

They made the child the priority.

It's about damn time. :clap:

THANK YOU. You are so right. Uncle did not stop and think about his potential legal hassles from taking this protective action. He stepped in and gave her a safe place to hide out for awhile, then went to authorities. By then LE had seen the issues in the home. Well done, uncle. Good job. I wish there were more relatives around like this for scared kids.

Tugela
03-06-2011, 09:41 PM
Walker said the girl was found safe at the motel with her biological uncle, whose name she declined to release.

"He did protect her," Walker said. "He was concerned for her welfare."

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/04/authorities-investigate-california-girls-claim-forced-arranged-marriage/#ixzz1FkRlPa3A


Whether or not these allegations are true...

Jessie stated them to her Uncle, she expressed fear....

Her Uncle reacted accordingly, to protect his niece...

If they had gone straight to police, there would have been no evidence of Jessie's claims.

At least after she was reported missing... they now have the changing stories, misleading police and now the family has proven they have something to hide.


This Uncle thought his niece was in danger and he protected her.


He didn't know that someone was lurking outside her door at night and do nothing... only to have her disappear.

He didn't witness her being abused, on multiple occasions and just let it go... only to have her be murdered.

He didn't sit by and watch while she was beaten for days and then not call for help when she slowly died.


For ONCE... instead of someone just watching the child get flushed down the toilet... someone pulled them out.

Someone stepped up and did something, before it was too late.

If they punish him for that, they cannot complain about people's lack of action in the future.


If they prosecute this uncle for protecting his niece... that would send a very loud message...

"Sure, you can come to us for help...we just might prosecute the person helping you instead of the people trying to hurt you."


Regardless of whether Jessie's claims are true... someone finally stood up and protected the child... before the child vanished or was murdered, regardless of the impact it might have on their own life.

They made the child the priority.

It's about damn time. :clap:



Keep in mind that the mother gave the correct story when the girl was first reported missing (according that report), the subsequent abduction thing came later. She didnt say her daughter was abducted, she said she thought her daughter could have been abducted. Why she would do that is anyones guess, possibly she though LE wasn't doing anything to find her daughter, possible she genuinely believed it. However, since she initially told LE that her daughter was upset about going on vacation to Pakistan, it is not like the abduction theory would have been hiding anything, on the contary, when they found the girl it would have exposed the "arranged marriage" thing if that was true.

The proper thing would have been for the uncle to take her to the authorities imediately, not wait until they were found and then come up with the story about the arranged marriage. By doing so it creates the appearance that the "arranged marriage" thing was contrived as an explanation for her simply not wanting to go to Pakistan. In any case, the uncle had no legal right to do what he did, and if there is nothing to back up the allegation he will be rightfully facing the risk of a custodial interference charge. That law is there for a reason.

revampz
03-07-2011, 01:36 AM
I thought this story was very far fetched, however after seeing photos of mum and boyfriend and reading comments about her on some of the news reports I really do think this little girl may have been in trouble over there. If the comments are true mum is on meth so I dont know how they would afford to get to Pakistan. This little girl is very pretty.

MsFacetious
03-11-2011, 06:10 AM
I am extremely concerned about Jessie's safety if her story is true.

If she was supposed to be married... and she backed out of that.... I would be concerned about her safety. I would like to think that because it got media attention that nobody would dare do anything... but I don't believe that.

I hope that this investigation is incredibly thorough. I certainly hope that Jessie has not been returned home. One week is not long enough for a thorough investigation.

Sending her back home to the brother of the man she claims she was supposed to marry... even here in America we have honor killings. I am very worried about Jessie.

At this point the best case scenario would be that she made it up... and wouldn't be in any danger.

peeples
03-24-2011, 12:43 PM
Was trying to find updates on this case.. and am not having much luck.. however I did find this.. notice it's form March 10th though.. but i thought the mother's comment is weird...why would talking about it be a danger to her children.. unless there really was a marriage arranged and the would be husband is ticked about it not happening.......
"In a telephone interview Thursday, Melissa Bender denied any plans for marrying off her daughter. She said she was told by detectives not to talk further about the case for the safety of her children."

http://www.pe.com/localnews/stories/PE_News_Local_D_arrange11.21dfc4d.html

peeples
03-24-2011, 12:45 PM
Ok NO CLUE what this says.... but that photo isn't JB is it??????

http://www.gazete5.com/haber/abd-de-tore-vakasi-cocuk-ailesi-tarafindan-evlendirilmek-istendi-4-mart-2011-90795.htm

MsFacetious
03-24-2011, 01:30 PM
I don't see a picture of Jessie anywhere, but the article mentions her.

http://www.gazete5.com/haber/abd-de-tore-vakasi-cocuk-ailesi-tarafindan-evlendirilmek-istendi-4-mart-2011-90795.htm

San Bernardino polisinin bir haftayı aşkın süredir aradığı 13 yaşındaki Jesse Bender önceki gün bir otel odasında bulundu.


There is also one more about her on the site:

http://www.gazete5.com/yazdir/haber/abd-de-tore-vakasi-cocuk-ailesi-tarafindan-evlendirilmek-istendi-4-mart-2011-90795.htm

But your guess is as good as mine!

peeples
03-24-2011, 01:59 PM
I don't see a picture of Jessie anywhere, but the article mentions her.

http://www.gazete5.com/haber/abd-de-tore-vakasi-cocuk-ailesi-tarafindan-evlendirilmek-istendi-4-mart-2011-90795.htm

San Bernardino polisinin bir haftayı aşkın süredir aradığı 13 yaşındaki Jesse Bender önceki gün bir otel odasında bulundu.


There is also one more about her on the site:

http://www.gazete5.com/yazdir/haber/abd-de-tore-vakasi-cocuk-ailesi-tarafindan-evlendirilmek-istendi-4-mart-2011-90795.htm

But your guess is as good as mine!

With the article was a photograph of a woman or maybe girl in a burqua (I'm sorry I dont know how to spell it).. and thought with the mention of her name in the article maybe it was JB... probably not though..probably a stock photo.
I hope the children are all ok.... i wish there was updates...

mommy23
03-24-2011, 10:06 PM
That pic and article is slightly scary! I wish I knew how to translate....