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View Full Version : Battered Mothers/Protective Parents - Support and Discussion Thread


Irish_Eyes
07-27-2011, 06:23 AM
This is a thread where battered mothers and protective parents can find support and also discuss other WS cases involving allegations of domestic violence, child abuse, etc.

Rules on all other websleuths threads apply to this thread: No bashing, namecalling, respect for privacy, copywright, etc.

PLEASE NOTE: If you are currently involved in a violent relationship, please be cautious in your use of your computer, and in what you post here for your own safety.

WideOpen
07-27-2011, 11:54 AM
Just wanted to thank you for this thread.

I came out of the closet ( about losing custody to my/our abuser) so to speak after following the Laura Ackerman tragedy and after reading the great article you offered.

http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/understanding-the-batterer-in-visitation-and-custody-disputes.pdf.

I think this case haunts me because Laura could have been me, my sister, my daughter, my friend. We have all known couples who appear to have it all, yet behind closed doors the abuse, torment and disfunction goes on discretely.

I hope that these discussions will provide resources, information, guidance, and support.

Irish_Eyes
07-27-2011, 04:15 PM
That's how I feel WideOpen. I've fought several long, drawn out custody battles with my abuser. Thankfully, I still have my son, but he has unsupervised visitation. He is abusive to my son at times, and his other children and the school got child services involved and since then, he has been keeping himself in check more, but he's threatening to take me to court for custody again. It won't end until my son "ages out", so that's our best hope right now, but that's so frustrating.

If your only exposure to court is episodes of Law and Order, you think "how could the court give custody to an abuser? They would never do that." Until you go through the court and then you see how easily it can happen, and how often it does happen. A lot of the moms who lose custody to abusers don't realize it's part of a larger problem. They just think they must have had a bad lawyer or a bad judge. I do think things are poised to change, but very, very, slowly.

Irish_Eyes
07-27-2011, 04:17 PM
By the way, I cried the first time I read that article. That was the first time I ever read something and felt like someone else "got it."

WideOpen
07-28-2011, 01:07 PM
Irish,
I did feel so very alone in this struggle. Very, Very alone.The family courts, lawyers, guardian ad lidems (sp?), friends and family all turned a deaf, dumb & blind ear to the truth. Like dominoes, one by one, they fell for the charismatic, fast talking charmer. There must have been a lot of whispering and gossip behind my back because I never truly had the support from anyone but my own mother and father. To my friends and family that eyed me with suspicion and blame I could only say, "I hope you never understand because that means you wont have to go through what I am experiencing."

I have several points I would like to make and additional questions or discussion that I feel important to women and families who might find themselves living with abusers. I hope that my story and experience can enlighten others and lead them to safety, sanity, and healing.

For now, the kids are begging my attention. Always a busy home.

Kimster
07-31-2011, 06:19 PM
Thank you so much for this thread and your willingness to share. I pray we can help women in abusive relationships and possibly save their lives! :rose:

Irish_Eyes
09-16-2012, 12:42 AM
Bumping because I've been neglecting this thread.

http://www.bwjp.org/files/bwjp/images/planets.gif

For mothers who haven't dealt with domestic abuse, I think it makes it really easy to understand why outcomes are sometimes so different, and how a different outcome doesn't necessarily mean anything about the victim or the abuser - but it means a lot about the future of the child involved.

It's from work by Marianne Hester from 2004.