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OriginalJerseyGirl
12-28-2005, 10:14 AM
Bereavement - Help is at Hand (http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/info/help/bereav/index.asp)

Although the agitation lessens, the periods of depression become more frequent and reach their peak between four and six weeks later. Spasms of grief can occur at any time, sparked off by people, places or things that bring back memories of the dead person. Other people may find it difficult to understand or embarrassing when the bereaved person suddenly bursts into tears for no obvious reason. At this stage it may be tempting to keep away from other people who do not fully understand or share the grief. However, avoiding others can store up trouble for the future and it is usually best to try to start to return to one's normal activities after a couple of weeks or so. During this time, it may appear to others as though the bereaved person is spending a lot of time just sitting, doing nothing. In fact, they are usually thinking about the person they have lost, going over again and again both the good times and the bad times they had together. This is a quiet but essential part of coming to terms with the death.

6 weeks after Janet's death brought us to June 7th.

Raven on June 11th & 12th - Beach Volleyball Tournament

Websleuths Crime Sleuthing Community - View Single Post - Events since April 2004 (http://websleuths.com/forums/showpost.php?p=915876&postcount=11)

I guess this is where I should post this part:

Having said all this, there is no 'standard' way of grieving. We are all individuals and have our own particular ways of grieving.

:rolleyes:

OriginalJerseyGirl
12-28-2005, 10:15 AM
Bereavement - Help is at Hand (http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/info/help/bereav/index.asp)

Even though children may not understand the meaning of death until they are three or four years old, they feel the loss of close relatives in much the same way as adults. It is clear that, even from infancy, children grieve and feel great distress.

However, they have a different experience of time from that of adults and may go through the stages of mourning quite rapidly. In their early school years children may feel responsible for the death of a close relative and so may need to be reassured. Young people may not speak of their grief for fear of adding extra burdens to the grown-ups around them. The grief of children and adolescents, and their need for mourning, should not be overlooked when a member of the family has died. They should usually, for instance, be included in the funeral arrangements.

OriginalJerseyGirl
12-28-2005, 10:23 AM
Suddenly Single? The 5 Stages of Grief:

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=145

... Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you're experiencing anger and resentment.

Maintain rituals. The children will most likely feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency...

SouthEastSleuth
12-28-2005, 10:31 AM
Suddenly Single? The 5 Stages of Grief:

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=145

... Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you're experiencing anger and resentment.

Maintain rituals. The children will most likely feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency...
And accordingly, one can only hope that Kaiden hears about his mom each day. That at night, he sees a picture of her beside his bed. That he's aware of his mom's family. That he knows how much his mom loved him. That he knows how much her family loves him and misses him. That down the road, someone says to him, "today is your mom's birthday,", or, "today is mother's day." Kaiden was young when his mom was taken from him - so it's up to those around him to make sure her memory is alive and well for him - each and everyday!

OriginalJerseyGirl
12-28-2005, 10:37 AM
Kaiden was young when his mom was taken from him - so it's up to those around him to make sure her memory is alive and well for him - each and everyday!I can't even imagine what it must be like in the mind of a child that young. Janet was with him every day for six months after he was born, (and she was all he knew before he was born). For six months, she was holding him, cuddling him, talking to him - and then one day she's gone - he never sees her again. From that day on, it was imperative that Kaiden be shown pictures and video of her. It's amazingly traumatic for Kaiden if his mom simply vanished, and there was no mention of her ever again.

terminatrixator
12-28-2005, 02:07 PM
Maybe I am too filled with anger and pure unadulterated disgust for Raven, but I am willing to bet, that neither Raven nor his Mommy Dearest Karyn breath the word Janet around Kaiden.

I'm wondering if Karyn will try to teach Kaiden to call her Ma or Mum or Mommy or something like that or never says the words Mom or shows Kaiden Janet's pictures. I doubt very much that The Raven is raising his child. I'm betting the one who RAISED him to be a sociopath, Narcissist is the one raising Kaiden now and that makes me so unbelievably sick.

Do I think they are sharing Kaiden with Janet's family. From what I know about The Rave and his Mommy NO. I doubt they contact the family much, I doubt they send pictures, I bet they do everything they can to erase any memories of Janet. That makes my blood boil when I think of it.

Maybe someone that knows both families could shed light on that, but I'm willing to be wrong, but bet the answer is No, I've been wrong before but not often.

Hopefully they are doing the right thing. Psychologically, I don't think this family has it in them to do the right thing though, but we can always hope.

OriginalJerseyGirl
12-28-2005, 03:46 PM
I just hope that whomever has the pleasure of raising Kaiden will seek counseling for him when he's older. He will most likely have issues about not having his Mom but we also don't know what he might have witnessed in his short lifetime before losing her. Those issues may need to be addressed and he's going to need to know that it's okay to feel whatever he might feel.

How senseless that this child had to lose his Mommy. :(

ewwwinteresting
12-28-2005, 06:44 PM
I agree with you Term. I bet Janet is never mentioned. They probably feel like Kaiden was so young and would not remember much, if anything.

terminatrixator
12-29-2005, 10:03 AM
And accordingly, one can only hope that Kaiden hears about his mom each day. That at night, he sees a picture of her beside his bed. That he's aware of his mom's family. That he knows how much his mom loved him. That he knows how much her family loves him and misses him. That down the road, someone says to him, "today is your mom's birthday,", or, "today is mother's day." Kaiden was young when his mom was taken from him - so it's up to those around him to make sure her memory is alive and well for him - each and everyday!

As things stand, if things go on the exact way they are going, nobody that is raising Kaiden right now will remind Kaiden of his Mommy's birthday, nobody will be showing Kaiden pictures of his Mommy; they are going to go on as though Janet Marie Christiansen never existed.

Raven is probably mommy shopping right now, dating, I can guarantee it, figuring he needs to get a Mommy in his life so Kaiden never knows that one night, while Kaiden was in his crib, his Mommy was Murdered by the man that is raising him now.

Erasure!

That is what The Raven is doing, with the help of his Mommy. They are slowly but surely erasing the existance of Janet Marie Christiansen from their lives and from Kaiden's life.

I'm willing to bet on it and I would not mind whatsoever losing this bet.

OriginalJerseyGirl
12-29-2005, 11:56 AM
I agree with you Term. I bet Janet is never mentioned. They probably feel like Kaiden was so young and would not remember much, if anything.He won't remember like you and I would remember but at that point in his life, Janet was much of Kaiden's small world. And then one morning, he woke up and she was gone. Not only that but he was moved out of his home as well. So now he's in a strange place (one after another in fact), one of the two people that make up his entire world is nowhere to be found, and what about the pets? Didn't they have pets? Has Kaiden seen them since that night? What about the sitter? Had he bonded with the sitter as well and hasn't seen him/her since?

It's too much change too quickly for such a young child. Since he was pre-verbal at the time, he didn't even have the tools to be able to rationalize all of those changes.

That child has suffered greatly on some level. I hope that those of you raising that baby realize this, and realize that even though he couldn't speak at the time didn't mean that he wasn't aware. He's probably felt the loss of Janet, his home, his pets, and his normal routine more than anyone else involved in this situation. Without the tools to understand.

terminatrixator
02-02-2006, 08:53 PM
I don't see a stage of mourning which includes playing soccer, biking, dating, lying, not facing the reality of the situation.

I am not seeing in the stages of mourning as avoiding contacting Law Enforcement to keep up with the murder investigation of your murdered wife and unborn child. I don't see in the stages of mourning avoiding taking a polygraph to clear your name. I don't see in the stages of mourning to take as many fun trips as you can. I don't see in the stages of Mourning to go to your dead wife's Homecoming game to play and socialize.

I think the list needs to be updated to add, within two days of your wife's murder to get on with your life, as life goes on.

Oh well, I guess this is Raven's mission, to teach us a new way to handle grief!:slap: