1 year old left in car, dies

[Dena]

:mad: CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. - A 1-year-old boy died after being left alone in a car for hours as temperatures soared into the 80s, and his father was charged with negligent homicide, police said.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070502/ap_on_re_us/toddler_heat_death_1

Timothy Reid was found unresponsive by his father, Robert Reid, Tuesday afternoon, nearly seven hours after Reid had parked the car and went to work. Emergency workers pronounced the toddler dead at the scene and said the temperature inside the car was 142 degrees.

[Dena]

I'm sorry, but how in the world do you leave your child in the car??? These stories always blow my mind. How does this happen? How do you not drop your kid off, how do you walk into work and go about your day? How do you not have that nagging feeling that you forgot to do something?
Why don't these people wonder why they got to work early? Uh, maybe they missed a damn spot along the way.........................

Did this child not cry? At 15 months old my son would cry. Did no one going out for lunch in the afternoon hear or notice this child? Did Mommy never talk to Daddy that morning about daycare? (I always call my husband on my way to work after I drop my son off and he'll ask me how Bobby was, ie, did he cry when I dropped him off, was he in a good mood)

Seriously, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????

[KrisNine]

I don't have kids, so forgive my ignorance, but maybe a policy for daycare centers to call parents to see where the child is if they don't arrive??? Sort of like school? Call both of the parents at home and work. I don't know, but it seems like it could be a good start.

So sad that it's just the beginning of warmer weather and I fear we'll be hearing about more of these.

[JanetElaine]

How bad is it that my first thought upon reading the subject line was 'here we go again'?....... :( After all, it's already spring.

Poor baby.

[angelwngs]

this makes me physically sick...

[Dena]

Actually, Here we go again was going to be my title. It was my first thought too.

But then I was thinking, that these angel babies shouldn't be all lumped together. The (idiotic more worried about getting to work, no time to think about the kids, poor excuse for a human being - let alone parent) parents should be lumped together in a here we go again statement. Wasn't sure how to differentiate the two in my post, guess I just did.

[ember]

ya know it's sad when we see a title like this and automatically think "here we go again"....but we all do because this is happening over & over again. How can parents just forget their child? I just don't understand. :banghead:

And as bad as it is to forget...can you even imagine doing it on purpose? Neither could I until I watched our local news at noon today. A man from my area left his 11 month old in the car while he went into the mall to do some shopping. The temp got up to about 84 degrees here yesterday. In the heat of the day, in the car, they estimated the temp to be about 100 degrees. He was compassionate enough to leave the window cracked, however.:loser:

Luckliy, a shopper walking by heard the baby crying and called the police. The police tried for an HOUR to find the parent...finally, he came out of the mall. They arrested him and gave the baby to family members. The baby is doing fine but the daddy wouldn't be if I was the momma! First, I think I'd have to b*tch smack him real hard then I'd have him punished to the fullest extent that the law would allow. AND he would never be allowed to be alone with the child again. I don't know what will happen to him but I hope they make him suffer. What he did is just so wrong. Poor baby.

I was at the mall yesterday at lunch time and noticed the police cars around and wondered what was going on...now I know.

But I have learned a valuable lesson from this....I think we all need to be extra vigilant this hot season and watch/listen for babies in cars. Obviously, we can't trust thier parents to do right by them. Makes me mad as hell.

ETA: Here is the link to this story:
http://www.nbc25.com/content/fulltext/?sid=c25791b68e68db2c098ce810f803c89e&cid=11520

[southcitymom]

I am always crushed for the child and the parents when this happens. I've never done it, but I can understand this type of mistake with all my heart.

Prayers and blessings to ths family.

[shdbepaintin]

I am just sick.
I also got a prayer request email today that someones great niece,5yrs old, was backed over by her grandpa.
Both of these situations just crush you.
I don't know how you forget a child in the car, but I am sure it was not intentional and the hell this family will go through is beyond imagination. SO is the suffering this baby did.
As far as the little girl those that pray, please lift her up.

[fran]

I am just sick.
I also got a prayer request email today that someones great niece,5yrs old, was backed over by her grandpa.
Both of these situations just crush you.
I don't know how you forget a child in the car, but I am sure it was not intentional and the hell this family will go through is beyond imagination. SO is the suffering this baby did.
As far as the little girl those that pray, please lift her up.


By the father's reaction, I don't believe he intentionally left his baby in the car. Perhaps it wasn't his usual job of taking the baby, so after he dropped of the older children he just got deep into thoughts of work or whatever and if the baby were asleep,...........

This actually happened here in OC, Calif a few years ago with a professor. He didn't normally drop the baby off and just forgot. He was tried but acquitted. He and his wife were truly devastated by what happened.

Just imagine being this father, having to live the rest of your life knowing that your negligence caused the death of your child.

My prayers are with both parents and family and especially the little one so tragically taken from this earth.

JMHO
fran

[Dena]

I used to feel bad for the parent, until this happened over and over again. There is a difference between an accident and negligence.

Even if it was not a normal thing for the father to do, where is the communication between mother and father? "How was baby when you dropped him off"?

[southcitymom]

I used to feel bad for the parent, until this happened over and over again. There is a difference between an accident and negligence.

Even if it was not a normal thing for the father to do, where is the communication between mother and father? "How was baby when you dropped him off"?

I actually feel like the fact that it happens over and over again - just like kids getting back over in driveways happens over and over again - makes me even more sympathetic to the caretakers.

It's symptomatic of a society where we ALL have too much on our minds and feel rushed to get everything done. I understand how the stupidest details we feel compelled to remember can push aside the most important ones. I understand sleep deprivation and rushed communications b/w parents and trying to raise four children.

I'd lean more towards the negligence explanation if the father in this article was headed to (or from) the bar or the dope man's house, but he just went to work to do his job and earn a living for his family. Heartbreaking.

[southcitymom]

I am just sick.
I also got a prayer request email today that someones great niece,5yrs old, was backed over by her grandpa.
Both of these situations just crush you.
I don't know how you forget a child in the car, but I am sure it was not intentional and the hell this family will go through is beyond imagination. SO is the suffering this baby did.
As far as the little girl those that pray, please lift her up.

I'm so sorry to hear about the five-year-old and her grandpa. I will keep her and her family in my prayers and heart.

[narlacat]

I don't have kids, so forgive my ignorance, but maybe a policy for daycare centers to call parents to see where the child is if they don't arrive??? Sort of like school? Call both of the parents at home and work. I don't know, but it seems like it could be a good start.

So sad that it's just the beginning of warmer weather and I fear we'll be hearing about more of these.

Hi Krisnine :)

Its not the day care or schools job to look after people's kids for them- its their job and noone elses-

This is ridiculous, I dont even leave the dog in the car- there is NO excuse for this-

[reb]

OK.. here's what i want to know. did this kind of thing always happen (with the invention of automobiles).. and we just never heard about it, on a national level? or is it really happening more and more? if so, is it happening more just because there are more people, or because people are getting more forgetful? or is it just making it into the news more because the media knows these stories sell?
or.... is it happening more frequently because of climate change.....?

i just don't understand why this is big news all of a sudden (although of course it's terrible when it happens). i don't ever remember hearing news stories of kids being left in cars and dying from the heat back in the 70's, 80's, or even 90's.

[Annie]

The father has been charged. I can't even imagine the anguish they must all be going through.

http://poll.jacksonsun.com/pollgadget/cgi-bin/poll.pl?view=20070420dia

[AlwaysShocked]

No. Sorry. I have very little sympathy for the EXCUSE of this type of behavior being a "symptom of our society".

Come off it! You FORGOT that you had your CHILD in the car with you? You FORGOT that you were supposed to take that child to daycare?

I AGREE, where was the mother of the child, calling the father to find out if he did, in fact, drop the child off at daycare.

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME could this father have had on his mind that was so important that he FORGOT that he had a small child in his care?

No! The fact that this is happening "more and more" means it needs to be looked at and addressed for what it is. Intentional? Probably not.
Negligence? Absolutely! Folks, if this is NOT negligence, WHAT IS?

"Just an accident?" Accidents are PREVENTABLE! This poor child's death was PREVENTABLE!


Herre's an article about this incident:
http://www.newschannel9.com/articles/police_11893___article.html/car_child.html

NewsChannel 9 has learned that a motion detector sounded an alarm several times yesterday before a father found his son's lifeless body inside his 2002 BMW. Robert Reid faces charges of criminally negligent homicide and aggravated child abuse and neglect. Police say Reid dropped off his older children at a local school but failed to drop off his youngest child at daycare. It was seven hours later when Reid found the boy unresponsive in his car. Lt. Tim Carroll with the Chattanooga Police Dept. says that apparently Reid's car, like many BMW's, is equipped with an interior motion alarm. Lt. Carroll said, "You forget to pick up a gallon of milk. You forget an appointment. But you do not forget that you have a 15-month old in the back of a car."

Lt. Carroll said the motion alarm was activated in Reid's car several times yesterday and the father apparently used his remote entry device to silence the alarm. The 15-month-old baby was pronounced dead at the scene. Police said the temperature in the car reached 142 degrees.

[reb]

i have another piece to my list of theories (why this sppears to be happening more often).... more women going into the workforce, and putting their babies & young children in day care. back in the old days the moms were more likely to stay home with their young children til they were of nursery school age or older. this 'day care for babies' thing is a pretty new concept.

[southcitymom]

"Just an accident?" Accidents are PREVENTABLE! This poor child's death was PREVENTABLE!



The first definition in my dictionary for accident is "an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap." If that doesn't define what happened to this father, I don't know what does.

Accidents, by their very definition, aren't preventable. If the incident had somehow been prevented, it wouldn't be called an accident.

[southcitymom]

No. Sorry. I have very little sympathy for the EXCUSE of this type of behavior being a "symptom of our society".



You can't excuse an accident - by its very nature, no one meant for it to happen. Some accidents have contributing circumstances that may shift more of the "blame" towards individual behavior - ie drug use, mental illness, speeding, putting on makeup while making a turn, etc..etc... - and make me think more of negligence; but, as yet, I've read of no such circumstance in this case.

My sympathy for this father remains boundless.

[southcitymom]

OK.. here's what i want to know. did this kind of thing always happen (with the invention of automobiles).. and we just never heard about it, on a national level? or is it really happening more and more? if so, is it happening more just because there are more people, or because people are getting more forgetful? or is it just making it into the news more because the media knows these stories sell?
or.... is it happening more frequently because of climate change.....?

i just don't understand why this is big news all of a sudden (although of course it's terrible when it happens). i don't ever remember hearing news stories of kids being left in cars and dying from the heat back in the 70's, 80's, or even 90's.

These are interesting thoughts, reb. I think we do hear more about this type of stuff (and everything else) just because of the nature of media saturation in today's culture. I also agree that it probably happens more due to more families with two parents in the work force or families with single parents.

Please don't read my thoughts on the subject as excuses. I have often tried to come up with a good idea that could help cut down on these types of senseless accidents, but so far nothing good has come to mind.

[AlwaysShocked]

South city: Don't be fooled by the term "accident" and its dictionary definition. google "preventable accident". It is term well known among safety officials and accident investigators.

Many, many "[accidents" are preventable. Surely this one was.

Look closely at the charges against the father.

[MagicRose99]

The first definition in my dictionary for accident is "an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap." If that doesn't define what happened to this father, I don't know what does.

Accidents, by their very definition, aren't preventable. If the incident had somehow been prevented, it wouldn't be called an accident.

I'm sorry... this isn't an accident... it's an act of stupidity!

I've raised 3 children... the oldest which will be 25 in 2 weeks. Never, not once, have I ever left one of my children in a car at any time. To this day, I get out of the car, look into the car and around (just out of habit) and then I set the alarm and walk away. This is a habit ANY parent gets into. With raising children, you need to make sure you get everything, including the child. After doing it for so many years, I still do it!

I don't care how much you have on your mind, how preoccupied you are, any parent worth their weight is never going to forget their child.

[Megs]

I feel badly for this man but I can not comprehend leaving your child in the car for 7 HOURS!... and his INTERIOR alarm was going off - does that not make you think for a second that something might not be right? He has 3 older children and this baby was 15 months - it wasn't like he was "new" at this.....so sad...

[Amraann]

I use to feel the way Southcitymom does...
I had sympathy...
But now? not so much..
Sympathy is not an excuse in this case.
I do not think people should have an excuse.
There IS NOTHING more important than your child and "oops I forgot" doesn't get it.
I have never forgotten my child in a car or house or anywhere..
Do a pole and ask the moms here (those with many kids)
You are on constant patrol.

[Megs]

I use to feel the way Southcitymom does...
I had sympathy...
But now? not so much..
Sympathy is not an excuse in this case.
I do not think people should have an excuse.
There IS NOTHING more important than your child and "oops I forgot" doesn't get it.
I have never forgotten my child in a car or house or anywhere..
Do a pole and ask the moms here (those with many kids)
You are on constant patrol.

I absolutely agree with moms being on constant patrol - I have a 5 year old and 3 year old twins and I know where they are at all times - and if more than a couple minutes goes by when I can't hear them, I find them and make sure they are doing OK.....BUT my husband on the other hand is very trusting - he thinks that they are old enough to "roam" and it drives me absolutely crazy. I do not understand his thinking - don't know if that is with all men, but most of the moms I know say the same thing. I do know for a fact though that my husband would never do something like this - every time he has the kids by himself I call him and make sure that everything is going ok and that if he did drop them off somewhere that it went ok.....I just don't understand how he didn't have that "nagging" feeling like a poster said above -

[shopper]

I'm sorry, but how in the world do you leave your child in the car??? These stories always blow my mind. How does this happen? How do you not drop your kid off, how do you walk into work and go about your day? How do you not have that nagging feeling that you forgot to do something?
Why don't these people wonder why they got to work early? Uh, maybe they missed a damn spot along the way.........................

Did this child not cry? At 15 months old my son would cry. Did no one going out for lunch in the afternoon hear or notice this child? Did Mommy never talk to Daddy that morning about daycare? (I always call my husband on my way to work after I drop my son off and he'll ask me how Bobby was, ie, did he cry when I dropped him off, was he in a good mood)

Seriously, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????


These people are parents who could be mentally and physically exhausted, who have something heavy weighing on their minds and aren't perfect. You think it makes you sick and angry? I'm sure it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how the parents feel.

[TGIRecovered]

If the father went out to the car several times during the day to silence the motion alarm, it seems to me that sooner or later he would have wondered what was continually setting it off and actually look inside the vehicle. I think it would be strange if he didn't.

If it took motion to set off the alarm, the baby would have had to be alive and probably crying and kicking to set it off, so the chances to find him alive probably happened very early in the day...later if he was dead then no movement, no alarm, right?

Maybe the fact that they have actually charged him with a crime indicates suspicion on the part of the investigators that the father may have eventually noticed the "sleeping" child and elected to leave him alone rather than wake the baby and leave work to drive him to daycare.

I know that sounds like a stupid thing to do, but some people just don't get how dangerous it is and don't take safety warnings seriously. I am always way more careful about things like that than my husband, which is why I would have definitly called to make sure all went well with dropping off the kids!

Not blaming the mom here, it is the dad who was negligent, unless he had a history of being careless and she knew it.

The alarm going off repeatedly makes me wonder. Is dad telling the whole story?

Susan

[Sundayrain]

The first definition in my dictionary for accident is "an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap." If that doesn't define what happened to this father, I don't know what does.

Accidents, by their very definition, aren't preventable. If the incident had somehow been prevented, it wouldn't be called an accident.
Southcitymom........I understand in everyway but not with the life of a child. I have never angered over an "accident".....spilling things, breaking a loved vase, or a grand cooking dish with lid ......( just happened, didn't say a word........but, Ok, and "alright".......I've never angered over car " accidents".....spills and falls and missed calls or .......everything and anything that can go in a "accident" phrase.
But, you have to admit........this is more then an accident. I am sure the father is beside himself in pure grief.........It would just about kill me........
When there is a child in the car.......and he had a few at one point.......there is no accident of forgetting one or two........
It was a hot day........you'd look back to make sure all is well before you'd leave that car. I just can't place the word accident on this.........
All the accidents I forgive, and give no thought too. For when its done its done.....my Mom said......." like crying over spilt milk"........
No one in this day and age.......hearing these horror stories .........should forget their child. And........for that matter a dog.
I leave messages on cars for people who leave dogs....
I stay by a car for people who leave children, to see if they barely return in the nick of time.
I have to.........and believe me one time is still horendous in my mind.
Two small children locked up while the " nanny" in her high heels shopped.
( swear could not have been a mother, and she took her time placing things in the trunk, before getting to the two small tikes)........I personally won't wait that long again ....ever, ever.........It bothers me to this day that I kept waiting for the return of this woman. I knew shortly I'd have to go in the store ( no phone on me at the time)......
Little cheeks turning red, hugging each other.....small girl and boy.
I hate to be someone who is turning another person in.........but, it bothers me that I didn't do that right away. Since then, with the stories that are out there, I'd know better..........
I hope this father can come to peace with this.....it has to be the worst tragic happening in his life........

[Amraann]

I absolutely agree with moms being on constant patrol - I have a 5 year old and 3 year old twins and I know where they are at all times - and if more than a couple minutes goes by when I can't hear them, I find them and make sure they are doing OK.....BUT my husband on the other hand is very trusting - he thinks that they are old enough to "roam" and it drives me absolutely crazy. I do not understand his thinking - don't know if that is with all men, but most of the moms I know say the same thing. I do know for a fact though that my husband would never do something like this - every time he has the kids by himself I call him and make sure that everything is going ok and that if he did drop them off somewhere that it went ok.....I just don't understand how he didn't have that "nagging" feeling like a poster said above -

Its with all men...
Your kids are young.. LOL I felt exactly the same way:)
Trust me, it will be ok:)

[Sundayrain]

I use to feel the way Southcitymom does...
I had sympathy...
But now? not so much..
Sympathy is not an excuse in this case.
I do not think people should have an excuse.
There IS NOTHING more important than your child and "oops I forgot" doesn't get it.
I have never forgotten my child in a car or house or anywhere..
Do a pole and ask the moms here (those with many kids)
You are on constant patrol.
Totally agree Amraann...........I have never forgotten a child, or someone elses child........How can you forget your loved child, or someones dear child is with you......its totally brainless.....something is missing somewhere......and the alarm kept going off, and you don't check inside the window.......strange, strange......of course you would.
Just had that happen last weekend to a lady at the grocery store......we looked inside, outside.......everywhich way to figure how to stop it.
Doesn't add up here at all.........Poor, poor baby...it makes me just sick...

[southcitymom]

These people are parents who could be mentally and physically exhausted, who have something heavy weighing on their minds and aren't perfect. You think it makes you sick and angry? I'm sure it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how the parents feel.

And so shines a kind thought in a weary world...

[southcitymom]

I hear everyone who blames the father, but when I read what we know about this, the only thought I have is "there but for the grace of God go I."

Perhaps if I were more perfect, more vigilant, more immune to the pressures of raising a family in conjunction with everything else, I wouldn't feel this way.

I don't believe that in a million years I could ever forget my child and leave them in a car for hours; but can I imagine it happening - you bet your a$$ I can. I don't even have to stretch very far to get there.

[southcitymom]

No. Sorry. I have very little sympathy for the EXCUSE of this type of behavior being a "symptom of our society".

Come off it! You FORGOT that you had your CHILD in the car with you? You FORGOT that you were supposed to take that child to daycare?

I AGREE, where was the mother of the child, calling the father to find out if he did, in fact, drop the child off at daycare.

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME could this father have had on his mind that was so important that he FORGOT that he had a small child in his care?

No! The fact that this is happening "more and more" means it needs to be looked at and addressed for what it is. Intentional? Probably not.
Negligence? Absolutely! Folks, if this is NOT negligence, WHAT IS?

"Just an accident?" Accidents are PREVENTABLE! This poor child's death was PREVENTABLE!


Herre's an article about this incident:
http://www.newschannel9.com/articles/police_11893___article.html/car_child.html

NewsChannel 9 has learned that a motion detector sounded an alarm several times yesterday before a father found his son's lifeless body inside his 2002 BMW. Robert Reid faces charges of criminally negligent homicide and aggravated child abuse and neglect. Police say Reid dropped off his older children at a local school but failed to drop off his youngest child at daycare. It was seven hours later when Reid found the boy unresponsive in his car. Lt. Tim Carroll with the Chattanooga Police Dept. says that apparently Reid's car, like many BMW's, is equipped with an interior motion alarm. Lt. Carroll said, "You forget to pick up a gallon of milk. You forget an appointment. But you do not forget that you have a 15-month old in the back of a car."

Lt. Carroll said the motion alarm was activated in Reid's car several times yesterday and the father apparently used his remote entry device to silence the alarm. The 15-month-old baby was pronounced dead at the scene. Police said the temperature in the car reached 142 degrees.

The link published here is followed by a number of comments from people who know/work with these parents and say they are excellent loving responsible parents. Some other opinions as well - including someone who believes this father murdered his child "cleverly" - but interesting reading nonetheless.

[angelmom]

So sad...I cannot imagine the grief of this family knowing that this was totally preventable. My mom used to tell me that if something happened to us while she had us my dad would never forgive her. I always thought she was being melodramatic...til I had kids.

I think the rise in these deaths is a combination of things. More women going back to work, for sure. I mean, when I was little, my mom worked also, but she worked nights and weekends. They only had one car, and took turns using it. One of them was always with me, so leaving me in the car wasn't really an option.

Also, even when I was in the car, I wasn't buckled into a car seat. I opened the car door as a toddler at least once while the car was moving (I still remember the spanking!), so I feel certain that I would have done so had I been left in a hot car. It would be harder to forget a child who was climbing around the front seat with you, as I usually was, than one strapped into a car seat in the back zoning out to a Barney DVD.

Still, this isn't a new danger. In college I worked at a daycare center in the summer with their school aged kids. I drove the van when we went on field trips, and the rules about checking the van after were very strict. I was neurotic about it, because a child had died when she fell asleep on the way back from a field trip in the back of a daycare van, and no one noticed. They miscounted in the classroom and didn't realize she was missing for about an hour. She was already dead by the time they found her. I had nightmares about it. This was in the '80s.

I don't know what I think about charging this dad. I have mixed feelings. Is there any worse punishment? What about the surviving children? But he absolutely was negligent. I don't know. It's awful. That poor baby.

[shopper]

I hear everyone who blames the father, but when I read what we know about this, the only thought I have is "there but for the grace of God go I."

Perhaps if I were more perfect, more vigilant, less immune to the pressures of raising a family in conjunction with everything else, I wouldn't feel this way.

I don't believe that in a million years I could ever forget my child and leave them in a car for hours; but can I imagine it happening - you bet your a$$ I can. I don't even have to stretch very far to get there.


Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.

[southcitymom]

....Also, even when I was in the car, I wasn't buckled into a car seat. I opened the car door as a toddler at least once while the car was moving (I still remember the spanking!), so I feel certain that I would have done so had I been left in a hot car. It would be harder to forget a child who was climbing around the front seat with you, as I usually was, than one strapped into a car seat in the back zoning out to a Barney DVD.....



This is an excellent point that I'd never considered. Same for me and my sisters growing up - no seatbelts.

A one-year-old couldn't do it, but my kids could unbuckle themselves from about 2 on. Even now, when we turn into our neighborhood, they're out of their seats and bouncing around the car - which bothers my husband a bit, but not me.

Plus my kids talk constantly and would scream bloody murder if I left them in the car. Of course, I'm sure the infant in this case was asleep - or being very quiet.

In the few cases that I've followed like this where a parent was charged, the parent was never given jail time or anything like that (maybe probation - as if a parent would need something like that to help them remember an incident I am sure no parent would never fully recover from or forget as long as they lived) if there were no extenuating circumstances and no background of them being anything other than a decent parent.

Based on what I've read, I'm sure the man in this case won't spend any time in jail. That would just be cruel and uncommon.

[concernedperson]

Never in a million years could I leave a child in a car unattended. I can't even stand to see a pet unattended. This man ,if he forgot, has his priorities mixed up and shouldn't have ever become a father. No job is more importent than your children.

[southcitymom]

Never in a million years could I leave a child in a car unattended. I can't even stand to see a pet unattended. This man ,if he forgot, has his priorities mixed up and shouldn't have ever become a father. No job is more importent than your children.

By all accounts, this a deeply religious man who was devoted to his wife and four children and who has managed to help raise three of those children well for the past 12 years. I suspect those who love, cherish and depend on him today may have a different viewpoint of him becoming a father.

I too can't stand to see a pet or a child unattended in a car, particularly on a hot day. I'll bet this father couldn't stand to see a child left unattended in a car. That's kind of the point - he didn't see the child left unattended.

[LovingTheChaos]

By all accounts, this a deeply religious man who was devoted to his wife and four children and who has managed to help raise three of those children well for the past 12 years. I suspect those who love, cherish and depend on him today may have a different viewpoint of him becoming a father.

I too can't stand to see a pet or a child unattended in a car, particularly on a hot day. I'll bet this father couldn't stand to see a child left unattended in a car. That's kind of the point - he didn't see the child left unattended.


SSM - Every time I read one of these, my heart sinks. As a parent, of 3 babies in car seats, I have had this fear myself. None of my kids slept through the night until they were 18 months old, so I have been going through sleep depravation for about 4 years now. Between being exhausted, stressed out, you name it, I find myself doing dumb little things all the time. Every time I get in my hot car, I think about the poor babies who this has happened to. I feel only pure pity for these parents & their babies. Also, as a parent, I think I can say that the father probably feels like any punishment the authorities can dish out will not be any worse than what he is going through right now. I would personally want to die, I don't think I would survive if I accidently caused the death of any of my children.

[southcitymom]

Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.

Often, when I deny that I am incapable of the human failings I see others demonstrate, it is because I am too terrified to think that I could somehow find myself in their shoes.

It is easier and makes me feel safer and more in control of my life to say "That (gruesome painful result) would never happen to me because I would never do XYZ." And I personally cannot imagine a worse pain than having an involvement in the death of my child, so why wouldn't I want to hide from that!?

I think it's human nature to want to protect myself like this, so I'm not too hard on myself when I notice I'm doing it.

However, I learn more about the nature of love and compassion when I am able to recognize the flawed humanity of others in myself. And a big goal for me today is to be more loving and compassionate, because I've never had those principals fail me or seen them fail world at large.

I miss the mark with this goal, but am happy at any progress I'm able to make.

[Beyond Belief]

I am so sad. Last year we discussed contacting different companies to put an alarm on carseats to warn parents the child was still in the car. This happens as we have seen over the years. I am so disgusted with myself that we didnt follow through with idea of an alarm.:mad:

[southcitymom]

SSM - Every time I read one of these, my heart sinks. As a parent, of 3 babies in car seats, I have had this fear myself. None of my kids slept through the night until they were 18 months old, so I have been going through sleep depravation for about 4 years now. Between being exhausted, stressed out, you name it, I find myself doing dumb little things all the time. Every time I get in my hot car, I think about the poor babies who this has happened to. I feel only pure pity for these parents & their babies. Also, as a parent, I think I can say that the father probably feels like any punishment the authorities can dish out will not be any worse than what he is going through right now. I would personally want to die, I don't think I would survive if I accidently caused the death of any of my children.

I agree with every word you wrote, LTC. I only had two tiny ones to handle in carseats and I felt everything you wrote regarding exhaustion and stress...still do sometimes even though they are older now, thank Goodness! I've done plenty of stupid things that could have ended more disastrously.

This father is going through a pain I cannot even begin to understand. God willing, I will never have to touch such heartache. It sounds like he has a strong support netwrok and I hope he is being well-loved.

[southcitymom]

I am so sad. Last year we discussed contacting different companies to put an alarm on carseats to warn parents the child was still in the car. This happens as we have seen over the years. I am so disgusted with myself that we didnt follow through with idea of an alarm.:mad:

Beyond,

I remember the discussion of the alarm on a similar thread also.

In this case, I think the car (but not the carseat) where the infant was DID have a motion sensor alarm. It sounds like the alarm going off did not trigger the father to think of the child - he turned it off remotely once or twice when it went off.

That's one of the problems with alarms - we become kind of immune to them. Whenever my car alarm goes off, it never crosses my mind that someone might be stealing it - I just want to shut it up as soon as possible.

So the car alarm did not help in this case. I don't know if a car seat alarm would have.

[Beyond Belief]

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41883&highlight=harold

Our discussion on an alarm on the child's seat.

[southcitymom]

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41883&highlight=harold

Our discussion on an alarm on the child's seat.

It's hard for me to envision how such an alarm would work because I am technically unsavvy. Would it start to go off if the child were left in the seat a certain amount of time after the car is turned off? Is the possible - to connect the seat and the ignition?

[Beyond Belief]

I don't think any of us could really answer the questions of "how to" install one. I think if we caused enough fuss maybe one of the manufacturers would jump on it.

[LovingTheChaos]

I agree with every word you wrote, LTC. I only had two tiny ones to handle in carseats and I felt everything you wrote regarding exhaustion and stress...still do sometimes even though they are older now, thank Goodness! I've done plenty of stupid things that could have ended more disastrously.

This father is going through a pain I cannot even begin to understand. God willing, I will never have to touch such heartache. It sounds like he has a strong support netwrok and I hope he is being well-loved.


I have really mixed feelings about charging these parents when this happens. Unless the parent intended to leave the child on purpose I don't understand what they hope to accomplish by charging a parent in case of an accident. The bigger deterent for all of us is the possible outcome that the child will die if left in the car. Do they think they are going to make people be more alert by putting parents in jail when this happens? Trust me, the fear of my child dieing in a car is quite enough to strike the fear of God into my heart-much more so than 'jail time'

[southcitymom]

I don't think any of us could really answer the questions of "how to" install one. I think if we caused enough fuss maybe one of the manufacturers would jump on it.

Do you know anyone who has ever petitioned manufacturers like that? I mean many of the cars now have the beeping-when-in-reverse thing and I'm sure that came about from kids getting run over.

Wonder how that came about?

ETA - I was doing a little research and it seems like several citizen petitions for companies to change their products for the greater good of the public start with (or include) a lawsuit. Here's just one example: http://www.bantransfats.com/fdapetition.html

[southcitymom]

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41883&highlight=harold

Our discussion on an alarm on the child's seat.

Petition effort regarding alarm systems on vehicles in reverse due ti children being run over in driveways

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/inhonorofvadaschoon/

Petition has 1718 signatures and was initiallu introduced in the House.

[shopper]

Beyond,

I remember the discussion of the alarm on a similar thread also.

In this case, I think the car (but not the carseat) where the infant was DID have a motion sensor alarm. It sounds like the alarm going off did not trigger the father to think of the child - he turned it off remotely once or twice when it went off.

That's one of the problems with alarms - we become kind of immune to them. Whenever my car alarm goes off, it never crosses my mind that someone might be stealing it - I just want to shut it up as soon as possible.

So the car alarm did not help in this case. I don't know if a car seat alarm would have.


I never hear a car alarm go off and think "my gosh, someone's trying to steal a car". It's more like "I wish they'd shut that d@mn thing off!!!!" I don't have one nor ever plan to on my car.

[Beyond Belief]

I wonder if O'reilly or greta could get something going. You would think it would be as simple as downloading another type alarm to the car's brain.

[southcitymom]

I never hear a car alarm go off and think "my gosh, someone's trying to steal a car". It's more like "I wish they'd shut that d@mn thing off!!!!" I don't have one nor ever plan to on my car.

Mine came with my car whether I wanted it or not! Totally irritating - it mainly goes off when my son pushes the bright red PANIC button on my car keys! :crazy:

[southcitymom]

I don't think any of us could really answer the questions of "how to" install one. I think if we caused enough fuss maybe one of the manufacturers would jump on it.

Well, they've developed a carseat that can actually tell when a driver is getting sleepy and then sound an alarm, so surely they can make one that knows a child's still in a car seat!

http://www.pinktentacle.com/tag/safety

[southcitymom]

Here's exactly the child safety sensor carseat we're talking about, developed by NASA and announced in 2002 - wonder why it's never gone anywhere:

http://www.nasa.gov/centers/langley/news/releases/2002/02-008.html

Article also talks about a nonprofit children's safety group called Kids and Cars and here's an article from their old website: http://www.kidsandcars.org/incidents/heat/Alarms_aim_Sun_Sentinel.htm

[Beyond Belief]

I have decided to email car manufacturers. i sent this to ford.
Help!
Again today on the news a sleeping child was left in a car all day, forgotten. As an automobile manufacturer is there any type of alarm that could be attached to the carseat to remind the parent the child is still in the car?

[southcitymom]

I have decided to email car manufacturers. i sent this to ford.
Help!
Again today on the news a sleeping child was left in a car all day, forgotten. As an automobile manufacturer is there any type of alarm that could be attached to the carseat to remind the parent the child is still in the car?

Good idea.

Also, check out www.kidsandcars.org (http://www.kidsandcars.org)

They look to be organized and have a focus on this type of accident. Right now they seem to be lobbying heavily behind the rear-safety vehicle issue (to cut down on kids being killed in driveways, etc..) but this issue of children being left in carseats is on their radar and has been for a while.

It seems that good could also be done joining forces with their already established campaign. I am going to email them and try to find out more and what we could do.

[Beyond Belief]

thats an interesting site.

[southcitymom]

thats an interesting site.

It's good to know about, I think. They are organized and way ahead of the game in terms of getting something like this legislated. Sounds like they have an ear in Congress. It's great to think about a day when seats of this sort would be standard in all vehicles. I'm sure it would save lives.

[Beyond Belief]

government help is always good, but I have always believed if a manufacturer can see $$ coming their way, they'll do something about it.

[southcitymom]

government help is always good, but I have always believed if a manufacturer can see $$ coming their way, they'll do something about it.

I hear you. But it seems like they could always raise the prices of their vehicles accordingly. I think you pay extra for the rear safety features now. If they are ever legislated, the manufacturers will just build it into their profits, I suspect.

[Beyond Belief]

sounds like a plan..;)

[sissy's mom]

I use to feel the way Southcitymom does...
I had sympathy...
But now? not so much..
Sympathy is not an excuse in this case.
I do not think people should have an excuse.
There IS NOTHING more important than your child and "oops I forgot" doesn't get it.
I have never forgotten my child in a car or house or anywhere..
Do a pole and ask the moms here (those with many kids)
You are on constant patrol.


Well said, Amraann. I agree.

[philamena]

My heart breaks for the family and of course for the child.
One of my dearest friends works with a man who one day was suppose to take his little 8 month boy to the babysitters. Something he'd never done before because his wife always did so. He totally forgot the baby was in the car (the child was asleep) and drove straight to work. Unfortunately, this was a typical hot, humid, summer day in my city and at noon ----when people exited their buildings for lunch, someone noticed the child inside the car, in his carseat. He was dead. The father made a terrible, terrible mistake. He was not charged but suffered a nervous breakdown and has attempted suicide twice.

[Texana]

I hear everyone who blames the father, but when I read what we know about this, the only thought I have is "there but for the grace of God go I."

Perhaps if I were more perfect, more vigilant, more immune to the pressures of raising a family in conjunction with everything else, I wouldn't feel this way.

I don't believe that in a million years I could ever forget my child and leave them in a car for hours; but can I imagine it happening - you bet your a$$ I can. I don't even have to stretch very far to get there.

My thoughts exactly.

[narlacat]

ya know it's sad when we see a title like this and automatically think "here we go again"....but we all do because this is happening over & over again. How can parents just forget their child? I just don't understand. :banghead:

And as bad as it is to forget...can you even imagine doing it on purpose? Neither could I until I watched our local news at noon today. A man from my area left his 11 month old in the car while he went into the mall to do some shopping. The temp got up to about 84 degrees here yesterday. In the heat of the day, in the car, they estimated the temp to be about 100 degrees. He was compassionate enough to leave the window cracked, however.:loser:

Luckliy, a shopper walking by heard the baby crying and called the police. The police tried for an HOUR to find the parent...finally, he came out of the mall. They arrested him and gave the baby to family members. The baby is doing fine but the daddy wouldn't be if I was the momma! First, I think I'd have to b*tch smack him real hard then I'd have him punished to the fullest extent that the law would allow. AND he would never be allowed to be alone with the child again. I don't know what will happen to him but I hope they make him suffer. What he did is just so wrong. Poor baby.

I was at the mall yesterday at lunch time and noticed the police cars around and wondered what was going on...now I know.

But I have learned a valuable lesson from this....I think we all need to be extra vigilant this hot season and watch/listen for babies in cars. Obviously, we can't trust thier parents to do right by them. Makes me mad as hell.

ETA: Here is the link to this story:
http://www.nbc25.com/content/fulltext/?sid=c25791b68e68db2c098ce810f803c89e&cid=11520

Good post-

[narlacat]

Well, they've developed a carseat that can actually tell when a driver is getting sleepy and then sound an alarm, so surely they can make one that knows a child's still in a car seat!

http://www.pinktentacle.com/tag/safety

I can see your point South and it would no doubt save many childrens lives- but this is ridiculous- some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple if I- being ditzy forgetful unorganised and stressed out can remember I've got a baby in the car- anyone can- there's no excuse for leaving your kid in the car till it dies- a big part of me does feel sorry for the guy though and I don't think sending him to jail will accomplish anything, his punishment is having to live with himself for the rest of his life-

[Dena]

Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.

I never said I was perfect, I don't believe I am, yet I will still stand by the fact that I would never ever leave my child in a car. This is why I choose pharmacies only with drive through service.
Can I imagine it? Perhaps, in my worst nightmare yes. And I bet you this is what is happening to this father. I can not fathom how this can happen, that is what I am saying. Of all the things that could happen during the day to trigger that something isn't right, and none of them happened to save this poor baby's life. A phone call from the wife, the alarm going off on the car, someone asking him about how his kids are doing, something, ANYTHING, but instead, nothing.

I can be pretty ditzy at times. I get myself into situations that just plain suck sometimes. On Tuesday I had to run back home with my 2.5 year old in the car to get my checkbook real quick. (I was gone MAYBE 30 seconds) I went through my garage which is off my kitchen and my checkbook was on the table. I left the car running since I had the AC on, it was a hot day. I got back to the car to find all the stupid doors are locked. My keys in the ignition, my purse and phone in the car, my son strapped in the carseat. It's a 2 door so the unlock button is too far for him to reach. Out of some luck, the back window hatch was unlocked so I climbed through that way.
I once slammed my son's fingers in a car door, I have hit his head on a door frame while carrying him, sometimes I hit his head on the ceiling of the car when I'm getting him in his car seat.
I am not perfect, never will I claim to be. It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it.

I do have mixed feelings about the father being charged. Losing a child is losing a child is losing a child. Whether it be from this, a car accident, murder, whatever, the grief is still the same. I believe his acts (hopefully) were not intentional and that he should be able to be with his family.
However, I also feel that keeping these stories in the spotlight helps to show parents about the dangers out there and to always make sure you don't leave your baby in your car.

[southcitymom]

I can see your point South and it would no doubt save many childrens lives- but this is ridiculous- some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple if I- being ditzy forgetful unorganised and stressed out can remember I've got a baby in the car- anyone can- there's no excuse for leaving your kid in the car till it dies- a big part of me does feel sorry for the guy though and I don't think sending him to jail will accomplish anything, his punishment is having to live with himself for the rest of his life-

Without question.

[southcitymom]

.... It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it......

It's one thing to wonder how such a tragedy could occur; quite another to imply that this man shouldn't be a father in the first place or to have no sympathy for his pain or to blame him for an accident that will haunt him and alter him for the rest of his days. I'm not saying you've done this, but some of these posts are unbearably harsh.

If you found yourself in this situation one day, you would absolutely not deserve to be taken to task by posts calling you a horrible parent and stupid and blaming you in any way. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who would post those things for you to read or say them to you would be doing the emotional/psychological/spiritual equivalent of physically driving to your house, handing you a loaded gun and telling you to blow your brains out.

We sometimes get cruel when we get scared, but that doesn't make cruelty acceptable or desirable. The ONLY thing this man (or you, if this were your situation) needs to hear is "This is not your fault. You loved your child. You must find forgiveness for yourself so that you can continue to love your remaining three children."

[southcitymom]

....some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple....

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form

[eve]

It's one thing to wonder how such a tragedy could occur; quite another to imply that this man shouldn't be a father in the first place or to have no sympathy for his pain or to blame him for an accident that will haunt him and alter him for the rest of his days. I'm not saying you've done this, but some of these posts are unbearably harsh.

If you found yourself in this situation one day, you would absolutely not deserve to be taken to task by posts calling you a horrible parent and stupid and blaming you in any way. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who would post those things for you to read or say them to you would be doing the emotional/psychological/spiritual equivalent of physically driving to your house, handing you a loaded gun and telling you to blow your brains out.

We sometimes get cruel when we get scared, but that doesn't make cruelty acceptable or desirable. The ONLY thing this man (or you, if this were your situation) needs to hear is "This is not your fault. You loved your child. You must find forgiveness for yourself so that you can continue to love your remaining three children."

I agree South, I cannot say I have never made a potentially tragic mistake. Once I drove off w/ my 3 year old and left my daughter (2 mos) sitting on the sidewalk at our house in her car seat. I glanced in the rearview mirror and realized I hadn't put her in the car! Nice sunny day, she was just playing with her rattle, all buckled in on the sidewalk. I was gone for maybe a couple minutes. I was mortified. All I can say is that I was a new mom with a toddler and a newborn and I was exhausted.

Another time, my 3 year old was asleep when we arrived at the beach and I locked him in for about 3 minutes while I walked a short distance away from the car to dump our gear. As I hurried back to get him, 2 women were standing at my car looking in the window and did they ever give me a tongue-lashing! They said they were going to call the police and I managed to convince them not to. OMG, I felt like a criminal. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I never did anything like that again, but sometimes a split second decision can be wrong.

Now, leaving a kid for hours in a car? I can't imagine but I have a hard time not believing that the anguish and punishment this man will put himself through is enough. I do think if a safety device could be built into a car seat to warn against this, it would be good as long as it didn't promote a false sense of security. Devices do malfunction, just like our brains.

Eve

[lisag]

I can't imagine forgetting your child in the car.. I feel so sad for this little boy..and my heart breaks for his family. I think his father will forever suffer.

[southcitymom]

I agree South, I cannot say I have never made a potentially tragic mistake. Once I drove off w/ my 3 year old and left my daughter (2 mos) sitting on the sidewalk at our house in her car seat. I glanced in the rearview mirror and realized I hadn't put her in the car! Nice sunny day, she was just playing with her rattle, all buckled in on the sidewalk. I was gone for maybe a couple minutes. I was mortified. All I can say is that I was a new mom with a toddler and a newborn and I was exhausted.

Another time, my 3 year old was asleep when we arrived at the beach and I locked him in for about 3 minutes while I walked a short distance away from the car to dump our gear. As I hurried back to get him, 2 women were standing at my car looking in the window and did they ever give me a tongue-lashing! They said they were going to call the police and I managed to convince them not to. OMG, I felt like a criminal. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I never did anything like that again, but sometimes a split second decision can be wrong.

Now, leaving a kid for hours in a car? I can't imagine but I have a hard time not believing that the anguish and punishment this man will put himself through is enough. I do think if a safety device could be built into a car seat to warn against this, it would be good as long as it didn't promote a false sense of security. Devices do malfunction, just like our brains.

Eve

Hi Eve, :blowkiss:

Most parents I know have had experiences like this where they do something flakey that COULD result in disaster, but doesn't. They get the opportunity to learn without paying the ultimate price and burying a child. We are the lucky ones.

I know I've shared this story b/4, but it bears repeating. When my son was two-ish and I was pregnant with his brother, I made a terrible mistake in a fit of exhaustion, etc.. My son was sitting on the floor by my dog who took phenobarbitol everyday for a seizure disorder. I fed the medication (which can be lethal to a young child) to my son and not the dog.

I did this completely by accident in front of my husband, his sister and my brother-in-law. Had they not been present, I cannot say if I would have caught my mistake or not - and who knows what the outcome would have been.

As it turned out, my mistake was recognized and this led to a series of phone calls and an emergency room visit. My son was okay, but I was pretty inconsolable and racked with guilt.

I'm a good mother - as vigilant as possible with my children - but there is no such thing as 100% vigilance and there is no such thing as a flawless parent. The vast majority of parents do the very best job we can - it is our duty to support each other when we flub up and make mistakes. I'm not talking about abuse and negligence here - I'm talking about human error.

[KrisNine]

Hi Krisnine :)

Its not the day care or schools job to look after people's kids for them- its their job and noone elses-

This is ridiculous, I dont even leave the dog in the car- there is NO excuse for this-


Hey Narla :)

I know it's not up to the daycare center to handle this, but I'm just thinking out loud here. When I was a kid, you could skip school with no problem...now, if you miss school, they call your house to see if you're kid is really home sick. Maybe it's a small step to help save kids. I don't know.

[kahskye]

I always feel sick to my stomach when I read of another baby left in a car. I'm not sure alarms would be the answer being this father kept turning his off. Charging him for this isn't the answer. He has been served the worse fine imaginable, his baby's life. I feel horrible for the family. We are all living at too fast of a pace. There's no excuse for leaving a baby in a car, but unfortunately it will happen again.

[sherri79]

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form he forgot his child in the car and the baby died. we could not know before this happened that he should never have kids but now we know. he should never be left in charge of his other kids again. we now know he can neglect his kids to this point. jail time dont matter to me. he will pay forever already. just the idea of him taking care of other kids is scary to me.

[MREG2]

Hi Eve, :blowkiss:

Most parents I know have had experiences like this where they do something flakey that COULD result in disaster, but doesn't. They get the opportunity to learn without paying the ultimate price and burying a child. We are the lucky ones.

I know I've shared this story b/4, but it bears repeating. When my son was two-ish and I was pregnant with his brother, I made a terrible mistake in a fit of exhaustion, etc.. My son was sitting on the floor by my dog who took phenobarbitol everyday for a seizure disorder. I fed the medication (which can be lethal to a young child) to my son and not the dog.

I did this completely by accident in front of my husband, his sister and my brother-in-law. Had they not been present, I cannot say if I would have caught my mistake or not - and who knows what the outcome would have been.

As it turned out, my mistake was recognized and this led to a series of phone calls and an emergency room visit. My son was okay, but I was pretty inconsolable and racked with guilt.

I'm a good mother - as vigilant as possible with my children - but there is no such thing as 100% vigilance and there is no such thing as a flawless parent. The vast majority of parents do the very best job we can - it is our duty to support each other when we flub up and make mistakes. I'm not talking about abuse and negligence here - I'm talking about human error.

SCM, glad you posted your story. Sorry it happened but happy it was caught. Yes, people, especially parents, make many mistakes. I too would like to think that I could never do this but dear Lord, I could never say never and I pray that I would remember as soon as I do it. Heck, my 4 year old picks up the slack for me. If I put her shoes on wrong she tells me. If I forget to give her a drink with lunch she tells me. If I forget something for her sister she tells me. How sad is that?

Here's my story...not proud of it and I could still cry at the thought that it happened and that I did it. My oldest was just a week old when my MIL and I thought we would get out and take her to the mall. I was getting major cabin fever. I dressed her cute (we were going to see her aunt who was a manager at one of the stores in the mall) and put her in the carseat. Got to the car and put the carseat in the base. Drove to the mall. Got to her aunt's store and went to get her out of her carseat and lo and behold I did not buckle her in. I cried and cried and then did some major praying thanking God that nothing had happened. I was petrified to leave the house with her after that. For the longest time I didn't tell my hubby for fear that he would criticize me and not trust me with her. But I finally did out of guilt. He hugged me and made me realize that I didn't do it on purpose but was just sleep deprived and excited to be getting out to show her off. I love him for that. And did that ever open my eyes to just how difficult it is to be a parent.

Sorry so long... :blushing:

[southcitymom]

SCM, glad you posted your story. Sorry it happened but happy it was caught. Yes, people, especially parents, make many mistakes. I too would like to think that I could never do this but dear Lord, I could never say never and I pray that I would remember as soon as I do it. Heck, my 4 year old picks up the slack for me. If I put her shoes on wrong she tells me. If I forget to give her a drink with lunch she tells me. If I forget something for her sister she tells me. How sad is that?

Here's my story...not proud of it and I could still cry at the thought that it happened and that I did it. My oldest was just a week old when my MIL and I thought we would get out and take her to the mall. I was getting major cabin fever. I dressed her cute (we were going to see her aunt who was a manager at one of the stores in the mall) and put her in the carseat. Got to the car and put the carseat in the base. Drove to the mall. Got to her aunt's store and went to get her out of her carseat and lo and behold I did not buckle her in. I cried and cried and then did some major praying thanking God that nothing had happened. I was petrified to leave the house with her after that. For the longest time I didn't tell my hubby for fear that he would criticize me and not trust me with her. But I finally did out of guilt. He hugged me and made me realize that I didn't do it on purpose but was just sleep deprived and excited to be getting out to show her off. I love him for that. And did that ever open my eyes to just how difficult it is to be a parent.

Sorry so long... :blushing:

Thanks for this great post! And I promise you that my kids notice when I forget things too. I'm not proud, though - I'll take all the help I can get - even if it's from a 6-year-old! :)

Bless your heart about that experience with your newborn. Isn't it funny to think that, not so long ago, infants rode around in cars in their mama's lap, and I'm sure the vast majority of them lived to tell the tale. One of my good friends came home from the hospital in a laundry basket in the back seat!

Not that we shouldn't take every opportunity to keep our kids safe - we should. But I am grateful for the many safety nets I have experienced in my parenting path.

My experience with most parents is not that they don't put enough pressure on themselves to keep their kids safe, but rather - the opposite. We have to be gentle with ourselves.

Kids don't come with instruction manuals and, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to remember everything that was written down.

[MREG2]

Thanks for this great post! And I promise you that my kids notice when I forget things too. I'm not proud, though - I'll take all the help I can get - even if it's from a 6-year-old! :)

Bless your heart about that experience with your newborn. Isn't it funny to think that, not so long ago, infants rode around in cars in their mama's lap, and I'm sure the vast majority of them lived to tell the tale. One of my good friends came home from the hospital in a laundry basket in the back seat!

Not that we shouldn't take every opportunity to keep our kids safe - we should. But I am grateful for the many safety nets I have experienced in my parenting path.

My experience with most parents is not that they don't put enough pressure on themselves to keep their kids safe, but rather - the opposite. We have to be gentle with ourselves.

Kids don't come with instruction manuals and, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to remember everything that was written down.


Thank you too! I will never forget that moment. Never! Yes, I'll take all the help I can get too. But when she points it out I feel horrible. Guess she can tell that to her counselor when she grows up. :D

It's weird to think that that is how newborns rode in cars. Guess I was meant for the older times. ;) No, really.. I can joke now but I wanted to die then. Even now if I do something else. I don't know about being gentle with ourselves...if we were and something happened we would just be beaten down. But I know in my heart that if anything happened to my kids on my watch I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My world revolves around them. Now, I'm scared that others would not view it that way and I too would be thrown under the bus for an accident.

LOL! No they don't and I, like you, wouldn't be able to remember everything either. ;)

[crash676]

I hate that this happened to this poor child. But I know how these things happen. One morning not long ago I was on my way to work. I had not gotten enough sleep the night before and was deeply exhausted. I was driving down the expressway when I heard a voice from out of nowhere. Mommy where are we going the school is back that way? I had driven 21 miles down the interstate on my way to work and forgot to drop off my 3 year old at daycare. I just thank god that he is able to talk and let me know when something is wrong. I was mortified mainly because I had forgotten to do something so simple and angry at myself that could happen. I am not excusing it by any means but can honestly see how it happens. The best thing a parent can do and I do it is to put something that reminds you of your child on the passenger seat next to your purse etc. When my other half would take my son to daycare when he was a baby I would make sure he put the diaper bag on top of his briefcase on the passenger side. That way if he forgot he would see the diaper bag and figure why the heck it was there. Not a perfect solution but an answer none the less.

[narlacat]

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

[shopper]

I never said I was perfect, I don't believe I am, yet I will still stand by the fact that I would never ever leave my child in a car. This is why I choose pharmacies only with drive through service.
Can I imagine it? Perhaps, in my worst nightmare yes. And I bet you this is what is happening to this father. I can not fathom how this can happen, that is what I am saying. Of all the things that could happen during the day to trigger that something isn't right, and none of them happened to save this poor baby's life. A phone call from the wife, the alarm going off on the car, someone asking him about how his kids are doing, something, ANYTHING, but instead, nothing.

I can be pretty ditzy at times. I get myself into situations that just plain suck sometimes. On Tuesday I had to run back home with my 2.5 year old in the car to get my checkbook real quick. (I was gone MAYBE 30 seconds) I went through my garage which is off my kitchen and my checkbook was on the table. I left the car running since I had the AC on, it was a hot day. I got back to the car to find all the stupid doors are locked. My keys in the ignition, my purse and phone in the car, my son strapped in the carseat. It's a 2 door so the unlock button is too far for him to reach. Out of some luck, the back window hatch was unlocked so I climbed through that way.
I once slammed my son's fingers in a car door, I have hit his head on a door frame while carrying him, sometimes I hit his head on the ceiling of the car when I'm getting him in his car seat.
I am not perfect, never will I claim to be. It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it.

I do have mixed feelings about the father being charged. Losing a child is losing a child is losing a child. Whether it be from this, a car accident, murder, whatever, the grief is still the same. I believe his acts (hopefully) were not intentional and that he should be able to be with his family.
However, I also feel that keeping these stories in the spotlight helps to show parents about the dangers out there and to always make sure you don't leave your baby in your car.


I agree that keeping a story like this in the spotlight will make people aware, I never said that things like this should be kept private.

And no ma'am, I would not be the one to start a thread about what I horrible parent you were if this ever happened to you. I'd be here posting about how awful I feel for you and that such a tragedy occured. I wouldn't be bashing you or saying how your other kids should be taken away from you. I'd feel nothing but compassion and offer my deepest sympathy.

I guess my thing is, look at the parent(s) in particular. Do they have a history of leaving their very young children at home alone? Leave them in shopping carts unattended while they look for something 2 aisles away? Let them roam around the neighborhood, never bothering to check on them and keep an eye on them? Are the kids filthy, hungry all the time? If parents have a pattern of neglect and then they leave their kids in a hot car all day, then IMO the criticism is warranted and deserved. But if the parents have never been anything but exemplary and the epitome of great parenting, then IMO I think the situation should be called for what it is, a tragic accident.

That's just me and my way of thinking. If you or anyone else wants to be so harsh and unforgiving then that's your right.

[southcitymom]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.

[tennessee]

I feel only sorrow for this man and his family.

I only wish I were as perfect as some other parents and never did anything that could ever harm one of my children. I will never be up for sainthood because I am far from a perfect parent.

May this man and his family find the strength to get through this tragedy and help others learn from this horrible accident.

[SewingDeb]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

I wouldn't want him caring for my child. Sorry, no sympathy for him...he had all day (not really because it doesn't take long for a car to heat up) to remember and did not. My sympathy is for the mother and siblings who had to hear the bad news and have to live with the loss of their loved one in this senseless manner.

[narlacat]

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.

Perhaps they have been- I'm sorry but it is unforgiveable that this parent forgot about his child- there are no excuses for that- if people have to get a car seat that tells them their kids in it- there's something wrong with society-

[southcitymom]

Perhaps they have been- I'm sorry but it is unforgiveable that this parent forgot about his child- there are no excuses for that- if people have to get a car seat that tells them their kids in it- there's something wrong with society-

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla! :)

I don't really deal in unforgiveables, but I do understand the sentiments behind those feelings.

[narlacat]

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla! :)

lol you're right, it's not!


:blowkiss:

[narlacat]

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla! :)

I don't really deal in unforgiveables, but I do understand the sentiments behind those feelings.

Forgiveness is not my thing remember- but I work on it- I really do-

This kind of thing is a sign of the times- its all work and no play- everyone is tooo busy these days- and too stressed out and preoccupied

[Dena]

I agree that keeping a story like this in the spotlight will make people aware, I never said that things like this should be kept private.

And no ma'am, I would not be the one to start a thread about what I horrible parent you were if this ever happened to you. I'd be here posting about how awful I feel for you and that such a tragedy occured. I wouldn't be bashing you or saying how your other kids should be taken away from you. I'd feel nothing but compassion and offer my deepest sympathy.

I guess my thing is, look at the parent(s) in particular. Do they have a history of leaving their very young children at home alone? Leave them in shopping carts unattended while they look for something 2 aisles away? Let them roam around the neighborhood, never bothering to check on them and keep an eye on them? Are the kids filthy, hungry all the time? If parents have a pattern of neglect and then they leave their kids in a hot car all day, then IMO the criticism is warranted and deserved. But if the parents have never been anything but exemplary and the epitome of great parenting, then IMO I think the situation should be called for what it is, a tragic accident.

That's just me and my way of thinking. If you or anyone else wants to be so harsh and unforgiving then that's your right.


It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive my husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.

[kahskye]

It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive me husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.

If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive myself for not calling my husband and making sure my kids were all dropped off safely. Maybe I missed it, but was this the dad's normal routine to take the baby to daycare, or did the wife usually do it? I know that if I normally drove my kids and my dh did it one day, I would make darn sure I called him just for a peace of mind. My dh and I rarely go 7 hrs w/o a phone call to eachother. I can almost guess when the phone rings, that dh is calling to say "hi" and see how my day is going or how our dd is doing.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. Maybe parents need to develop a "buddy system" and communicate w/ eachother more about their children to prevent these accidents in the future.

[southcitymom]

Forgiveness is not my thing remember- but I work on it- I really do-

This kind of thing is a sign of the times- its all work and no play- everyone is tooo busy these days- and too stressed out and preoccupied

I agree with this. I don't consider it an "excuse" but a reality. I think we see a larger reflection of the world in individual tragedies such as this.

[southcitymom]

These two parents will play Monday morning quarterback for the rest of their lives. Any parents would.

Their only true chance at healing, growth and understanding starts with forgiving themselves and each other. That's why forgiveness is vital.

Like prayer, forgiveness is never irrelevant - even from stranger to stranger.

[eve]

These two parents will play Monday morning quarterback for the rest of their lives. Any parents would.

Their only true chance at healing, growth and understanding starts with forgiving themselves and each other. That's why forgiveness is vital.

Like prayer, forgiveness is never irrelevant - even from stranger to stranger.

Amen, South. :blowkiss:

But for the grace of God go I. I certainly hope some of the harsher posters on this issue never have to eat their words or worse. I too have had the experience of realizing how terribly fallible I am, even in my most important job as parent. As the parent of two teens and a 20 year old, I have even less control over safety issues than when they were babies.

Forgiveness is always relevant, I agree with you. I pray for this family.

Eve

[LovingTheChaos]

If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive myself for not calling my husband and making sure my kids were all dropped off safely. Maybe I missed it, but was this the dad's normal routine to take the baby to daycare, or did the wife usually do it? I know that if I normally drove my kids and my dh did it one day, I would make darn sure I called him just for a peace of mind. My dh and I rarely go 7 hrs w/o a phone call to eachother. I can almost guess when the phone rings, that dh is calling to say "hi" and see how my day is going or how our dd is doing.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. Maybe parents need to develop a "buddy system" and communicate w/ eachother more about their children to prevent these accidents in the future.

I agree with this. I also have an agreement with my sitter (it is an in home sitter situation). If she has not seen me by the time she expected me, she calls me. There have been a couple of times when the kids were sick, & I neglected to call her before 9:30 AM or so to tell her we aren't coming. She always calls to make sure everything is OK. She is family, & a friend, & a mother, I love her to death - & we have had talks about this in the past. I would never hold her to it, after all, it is my responsibility, but boy does it make me feel good about her when she calls to see if we are OK.

[joeskidbeck]

Amen, South. :blowkiss:

But for the grace of God go I. I certainly hope some of the harsher posters on this issue never have to eat their words or worse. I too have had the experience of realizing how terribly fallible I am, even in my most important job as parent. As the parent of two teens and a 20 year old, I have even less control over safety issues than when they were babies.

Forgiveness is always relevant, I agree with you. I pray for this family.

Eve

Well said Eve. I managed to raise my two daughters without any major "accidents", but I had an "attention getter" happen to me on this very subject.

I take my eight year old granddaughter to school every day, no exceptions, whether or not I have to work. One day, my daughter asked me to take my 14 month grandson to daycare too. She put his car seat in my car and strapped him in before me and the g.d. came out of the house. (he was never alone-I'm walking out of the door as she pulling out of the drive).

I dropped my g.d. off at her school and then proceed to go to work. My grandson's car seat was behind my seat and he fell asleep as soon as that car started rolling. I was almost to work when I heard him wake up and laugh. Had to turn around, but I was truly thanking God, because what if he hadn't woken up? I would like to believe that I would have seen him in the back before I locked the car, but who can know for sure?

My sympathy is with this man and his family. They need all of our prayers and good thoughts.

[shopper]

It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive my husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.


It's your right on whether or not to forgive anyone for anything, loved one or stranger. If my husband did the same thing, I would know that it was an accident because he is nothing but a loving and attentive father, so I'd know he didn't purposely harm our child. I pray I never find out how I'd react, as I'm sure you do too.

I guess I just think that all parents know how hard it is to work, take care of the kids, do a million other things, manage to get enough sleep, and find time to take care of ourselves without making the slightest error in judgment that would cause harm to our children. And honestly, there may have been a time that you were thisclose to something happening to one of your kids, when your eye was turned away, or you were sleep deprived or stressed to the max. Something you couldn't see or imagine in a million years happening to you or yours because you think you are 100% on your game, 100% of the time. That's why it's never a good idea to be so unforgiving (even to a stranger) when an obvious ACCIDENT happens, you never know when karma may come back on you.

Again, that's just me.

[less0305]

I feel only sorrow for this man and his family.

I only wish I were as perfect as some other parents and never did anything that could ever harm one of my children. I will never be up for sainthood because I am far from a perfect parent.

May this man and his family find the strength to get through this tragedy and help others learn from this horrible accident.


Excellent sentiment and wording. I agree wholeheartedly, Tennessee.

[Dena]

I guess I just think that all parents know how hard it is to work, take care of the kids, do a million other things, manage to get enough sleep, and find time to take care of ourselves without making the slightest error in judgment that would cause harm to our children. And honestly, there may have been a time that you were thisclose to something happening to one of your kids, when your eye was turned away, or you were sleep deprived or stressed to the max. Something you couldn't see or imagine in a million years happening to you or yours because you think you are 100% on your game, 100% of the time. That's why it's never a good idea to be so unforgiving (even to a stranger) when an obvious ACCIDENT happens, you never know when karma may come back on you.

Again, that's just me.

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.

[southcitymom]

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.

The concepts of karma and forgiveness are inextricably and eternally linked.

Forgiveness, like love, is an active spiritual force with real power and real results attached to its demonstration. In this regard, forgiveness of strangers matters very much because it puts an energy/intention into this world that allows both parties to heal and be healed. Powerful stuff.

To think forgiveness doesn't matter between "strangers" dismisses the connection all humans share.

If it helps at all - I don't think you're a bad guy/gal and have appreciated your honest posts on the subject!

[shopper]

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.


Who said you were the bad guy? I'm not attacking you or your opinion, I just don't see how you can be so hard on the guy. I don't care if you agree or never change your mind. We each have our own ways of dealing with things.

You're right, that father doesn't need your forgiveness, it's his family's and God's place to forgive him. Maybe showing some compassion is what I should've said. But I see where you stand, regardless of whatever term I use.

[angelwngs]

What concerns me is our inability, as a society, to any longer be shocked by such.

We have grown so accustomed to living in such a 'rat race' that we no longer take time for the most important things in our lives, allowing 'more important' thoughts to occupy or minds.

School shootings and bomb threats...

Mass murders...

War, terrorism, and beheadings...

The economy, (our nations and our own)...

We have all, (including our youth) become desensitized....to the human element and its worth.

It has gotten to the point that what, yesterday, was the shocking, has now beome commonplace.

We even make justifications for our own negligences .......and the negligences of others to hide our own shortcomings.

Society as a whole needs to wake up and reprioritize.

The safety and well-being of our children should have always been and should always be our first priority.

[southcitymom]

Forgiveness has been a theme for me today. I just got back from seeing Spiderman 3 and that seems to be its predominant message (well, that and never try to knock out a man made of sand). Spidey himself says so! :)

[Bobbisangel]

Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.


I agree with you completely. I learned a long time ago not to ever say "well I would never...." As sure as I would say that I would!!

I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once. She was in her walker just wandering around the house and wasn't in the frontroom when we got ready to go. I gathered the other 3 kids up and out to the car we went. When we were all situated my girlfriend looked at me and said "aren't you forgetting something?"
I said "I don't think so" and she said "what about Shelley?" I felt like an idoit!
I can't imagine how I forgot my baby...diaper bag and walker but I sure did.
I guess in all of the hussle bustle of gathering the other 3 kids up with their stuff I just spaced out my baby. That was the first and last time that ever happened and I thank God it was at my friend's house instead of in the car.

I think there are very few parents who would leave a baby in the car on purpose...for hours. If the dad had been in a bar I wouldn't feel any pity for him. But it wasn't the case. He probably didn't normally drop the baby off at day care. If the baby was asleep and it was say 10-20 minutes to his job from the school he probably did just forget that the baby was with him. I can't imagine being in his or his wife's shoes. They must be in hell over this.
She probably is guilting herself to death because she didn't take the baby to drop him off and the dad is probably dying of guilt because he forgot. It didn't happen on purpose. My heart goes out to both of the parents and their other kids.

[Dena]

Forgiveness has been a theme for me today. I just got back from seeing Spiderman 3 and that seems to be its predominant message (well, that and never try to knock out a man made of sand). Spidey himself says so! :)

Well, if Spiderman says it... I guess I changed my mind. :rolleyes:

[southcitymom]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Well, if Spiderman says it... I guess I changed my mind. :rolleyes:

[kahskye]

My heart too breaks for the parents and siblings. I think there are very few parents who would leave a baby in the car on purpose...for hours. If the dad had been in a bar I wouldn't feel any pity for him. But it wasn't the case. He probably didn't normally drop the baby off at day care. If the baby was asleep and it was say 10-20 minutes to his job from the school he probably did just forget that the baby was with him. I can't imagine being in his or his wife's shoes. They must be in hell over this.
She probably is guilting herself to death because she didn't take the baby to drop him off and the dad is probably dying of guilt because he forgot. It didn't happen on purpose. My heart goes out to both of the parents and their other kids.

My heart also breaks for the parents and siblings. The only thing that keeps haunting me about this is that the motion detector was going off and dad was too absorbed in his work to question what would be triggering the alarm. The vision of that baby's violent death as he squirmed and gasped for air just kills me as I'm sure it does his parents. I'm sure that whatever was so important to the dad that day doesn't mean didly squat to him today. Hopefully we all can learn from this and remind ourselves of our priorities as we start our day. It is so eash to get caught up in the rat race and lose focus of everything else. When a preventable accident such as this occurs, suddenly the finish line doesn't matter anymore. I just pray that some of you who are less understanding never hit an obstacle such as this in your own race through life.

[AlwaysShocked]

Yes, the father turning off the motion detector several times really bothers me too.

I think the idea of parents and daycare operators and/or babysitters developing a "buddy system" to make sure eveyone is aware of the whereabouts of a child is a GREAT idea whose time has come. This seems to be happening more and more each year. There are ways to prevent it.

Develop a system. Call it "Child Check" or something. Promote it through advertising, magazine articles, child clinics and pediatricians. Sort of a "It's eleven o'clock, do you know where your children are?" catchphrase; but it becomes "It's 9:00 AM, have you checked with your partner about your baby?"

[MREG2]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

Yes, all the above did happen. But do we know what was going on in his life at the time?? Do we know if he had been up all night with a sick child, etc?? Do we know if he knows he is close to losing his job and is worried sick over how he will take care of his family if that happens?? No. And to judge him so harshly as to say he didn't deserve to have kids?? Wow... I would agree if he was out all night getting high but this is just too much.

[MREG2]

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.


I agree. And for those who don't then PLEASE enlighten those of us who have, but because of a merciful God, nothing serious came from it. I would LOVE to hear how perfect these parents are and how they live such a perfect life as perfect parents....:snooty:

[narlacat]

I agree. And for those who don't then PLEASE enlighten those of us who have, but because of a merciful God, nothing serious came from it. I would LOVE to hear how perfect these parents are and how they live such a perfect life as perfect parents....:snooty:

I have never said I am perfect, far from it, but even I'm not that hopeless that I would forget my kid is in the car with me- that is ridiculous-
The guy obviously had more important things on his mind and I wonder what is more important than the life of his child.

[narlacat]

Yes, all the above did happen. But do we know what was going on in his life at the time?? Do we know if he had been up all night with a sick child, etc?? Do we know if he knows he is close to losing his job and is worried sick over how he will take care of his family if that happens?? No. And to judge him so harshly as to say he didn't deserve to have kids?? Wow... I would agree if he was out all night getting high but this is just too much.

Yep he had responsibility of his child- whatever he had on his mind was not as important as the life of his child
Make excuses for the guy all you like- but whichever way you look at it- he failed in his responsibilty as a parent-
You dont FORGET your kid and leave it in a hot car till it dies- it's that simple- no excuses

[MREG2]

Yep he had resposibility of his child- whatever he had on his mind was not as important as the life of his child
Make excuses for the guy all you like- but whichever way you look at it- he failed in his responsibilty as a parent-
You dont FORGET your kid and leave it in a hot car till it dies- it's that simple- no excuses

I'm not making excuses. I'm just tired of all the bashing and judgement from people who themselves are not perfect. I pray Narla that you will never have to eat your words.. and I don't mean because you left your child in a car, but for any freak accident.

[narlacat]

I'm not making excuses. I'm just tired of all the bashing and judgement from people who themselves are not perfect. I pray Narla that you will never have to eat your words.. and I don't mean because you left your child in a car, but for any freak accident.

What happened was NOT a freak accident for gods sake- it was negligence- accidents are not preventable- this baby dying was preventable-

[Texana]

A freak accident is the teenager who was playing golf, knocked the ball into the wooded area, bent over to pick it up, tripped, and stabbed himself in the heart with his golf club. (I think the golf club had broken or something like that.)

Or the little boy at a baseball game who was holding on to the wire fencing when he stepped on an exposed electrical connection. (More preventable, but freak because if he hadn't been holding on to the fence, he wouldn't have been shocked and killed.)

It's called a "freak" because it is so rare--it's something that catches your eye by the very nature of the combination of events needed to make it occur. And it's basically not preventable.

A child's death like this is becoming all too commonplace and it's preventable, so it's not a freak accident.

I feel badly for the parent, but I'm not about to put this into the "freak accident category."

[Amraann]

Thank you too! I will never forget that moment. Never! Yes, I'll take all the help I can get too. But when she points it out I feel horrible. Guess she can tell that to her counselor when she grows up. :D

It's weird to think that that is how newborns rode in cars. Guess I was meant for the older times. ;) No, really.. I can joke now but I wanted to die then. Even now if I do something else. I don't know about being gentle with ourselves...if we were and something happened we would just be beaten down. But I know in my heart that if anything happened to my kids on my watch I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My world revolves around them. Now, I'm scared that others would not view it that way and I too would be thrown under the bus for an accident.

LOL! No they don't and I, like you, wouldn't be able to remember everything either. ;)

LMAO!!!! That is exactly what we tell our kids:)
When they fuss about a punishment or say something is "unfair" we tell them to save it for their therapist when they grow up:)

[MREG2]

Wow.... calm down. I am sorry I used the word "freak"... I stand corrected. But it still was an accident. I do not believe for a second (unless of course it is proven) that this father left his baby in the car on purpose.

[AlwaysShocked]

"I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once."

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but here it goes: These are the kind of statements being made by folks who "have a lot of sympathy" for the father who forgot his child in his car, turned the motion detector device off not once but twice and STILL never even thought of the child!

All of this "there but for the grace of God" comments have just astounded me!

Somebody needs to tell you - any of you who are being so "charitable" about this "accident" - that normal people do not hear this kind of a story and think "Oh, that poor father! There but for the grace of God go I"

Normal people think "What the F is wrong with that guy!" Folks, girls, mothers, whoever - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Something is wrong here!

If you are "forgetting" your children - be it at a girlfiend's house, at the K-mart, in a car or wherever -- please, please do NOT think this is "okay" behavior. It is NOT!

Yes, I suppose we could "take a pole" - meaning a poll - here on websleuths about this issue. And what would that tell us? That the vast majority of parents have NEVER "forgotten" their children ANYWHERE, ever!

IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR CHILD SOMEWHERE - ANYWHERE - SOMETHING IS WRONG!

Look into it! Get help! Change your life - right away!

And for the "poll" - I raised two children, am very involved with three grandchildren - picking taking and picking up from daycare and school, etc. -and have never "forgotten" a child anywhere at any time.

[MREG2]

"I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once."

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but here it goes: These are the kind of statements being made by folks who "have a lot of sympathy" for the father who forgot his child in his car, turned the motion detector device off not once but twice and STILL never even thought of the child!

All of this "there but for the grace of God" comments have just astounded me!

Somebody needs to tell you - any of you who are being so "charitable" about this "accident" - that normal people do not hear this kind of a story and think "Oh, that poor father! There but for the grace of God go I"

Normal people think "What the F is wrong with that guy!" Folks, girls, mothers, whoever - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Something is wrong here!

If you are "forgetting" your children - be it at a girlfiend's house, at the K-mart, in a car or wherever -- please, please do NOT think this is "okay" behavior. It is NOT!
Yes, I suppose we could "take a pole" - meaning a poll - here on websleuths about this issue. And what would that tell us? That the vast majority of parents have NEVER "forgotten" their children ANYWHERE, ever!

IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR CHILD SOMEWHERE - ANYWHERE - SOMETHING IS WRONG!

Look into it! Get help! Change your life - right away!

And for the "poll" - I raised two children, am very involved with three grandchildren - picking taking and picking up from daycare and school, etc. -and have never "forgotten" a child anywhere at any time.


Show me where anyone on this thread have said that what this father did was okay....