The "Affair"

[curiositycat]

This is interesting to me. I am wondering if BC was so "into" this affair that he was trying to get rid of everything that kept him from being free to pursue it.

Was he withholding food, money ect. because he had already told Nancy he was no longer interested in being married to her. Was this a way to get her to leave?

I don't think, in this case, we can say that the affair had no bearing on what happened.

What do you all think?

[Pepper]

I think we need to know more about the other woman. Was she married? Was her marriage in trouble? Does she have little kids? If married, did her husband know about the affair? Was this just a fling or was it a serious relationship. Were they "in love" and planning a future together?

These are just things we don't know at the moment.

[nanandjim]

I personally think that Brad wanted his cake and to eat it, too. I think that he took Nancy for granted. He never thought that she would leave him. When she decided to do it, it surprised him. He did everything within his power to get her to stay in the marriage, to include withholding money as a form of punishment. You would have thought that he would have been embarrassed that she had to go to her parents to get money for food and necessities for herself and the children--especially with her father being the (former) director of child services in Canada.

I would think that Brad would have been afraid of the FIL's power and connections. Apparently, he wasn't.

[Aimee729]

I would think that Brad would have been afraid of the FIL's power and connections. Apparently, he wasn't.

I also think that BC was using the citizenship tool, thinking he had Nancy and the girls away from her family. Taking their passports- what a you know what. That would have enraged me so much I might have killed him. JK.:crazy:

[melbel]

I posted this on thread #8 also, but thought it belonged here.

Thanks to all who gave me a warm welcome last night. I've been around a long time, just don't post because I'm always trying to catch up with you guys.

NOTE: Geraldo At Large might be interesting to watch tonight. During the Greta show last night when the reporter asked Brad's lawyer about "Heather" and "Marianne" or "Marion,", I noticed Geraldo's brother, Craig Rivera, at the head of the pack of reporters asking the questions. So I expect he has run down the rumor by now and Geraldo is never shy about reporting on rumors.

Geraldo's on Fox News at 8 Eastern or 9 Central.

[curiositycat]

I wonder if it has been a shock to BC to find out that all of Nancy's friends and family knew of this affair?

[RoughlyCollie]

There are 2 Heathers associated with the Coopers.

#1 Heather B.

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6265188

"It doesn't make you feel safer, it just makes you feel sad more than anything. I just hate that it happened to her, no matter what happened hopefully it will come to justice," Nancy Cooper's neighbor Heather Benicek said.

#2 Heather M.

(look under Links section at url below) (Heather M. lives 1.3 miles from the Coopers according to Wake County property records located at http://services.wakegov.com/realestate/ )

http://www.isabellacooper.com/links.htm


Also, could Marianne be Marianne Silber, who is a Fox correspondent? http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,385742,00.html

If not, I did find one Marion J. who lives near the Coopers. The full last name was mentioned on the general thread last night, but I don't want to republish it in case it is a different Marion because I haven't located a link between her and the Coopers.



(http://www.heidermetour.com/)
I posted this on thread #8 also, but thought it belonged here.

Thanks to all who gave me a warm welcome last night. I've been around a long time, just don't post because I'm always trying to catch up with you guys.

NOTE: Geraldo At Large might be interesting to watch tonight. During the Greta show last night when the reporter asked Brad's lawyer about "Heather" and "Marianne" or "Marion,", I noticed Geraldo's brother, Craig Rivera, at the head of the pack of reporters asking the questions. So I expect he has run down the rumor by now and Geraldo is never shy about reporting on rumors.

Geraldo's on Fox News at 8 Eastern or 9 Central.

[curiositycat]

There are 2 Heathers associated with the Coopers.

#1 Heather B.

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6265188

"It doesn't make you feel safer, it just makes you feel sad more than anything. I just hate that it happened to her, no matter what happened hopefully it will come to justice," Nancy Cooper's neighbor Heather Benicek said.

#2 Heather M.

(look under Links section at url below) (Heather M. lives 1.3 miles from the Coopers according to Wake County property records located at http://services.wakegov.com/realestate/ )

http://www.isabellacooper.com/links.htm


Also, could Marianne be Marianne Silber, who is a Fox correspondent? http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,385742,00.html

If not, I did find one Marion J. who lives near the Coopers. The full last name was mentioned on the general thread last night, but I don't want to republish it in case it is a different Marion because I haven't located a link between her and the Coopers.



(http://www.heidermetour.com/)

My hunch would be the first one. The second one has been a friend prior to the Coopers' having their second daughter. Not that it hasn't been known to happen with long time friends:rolleyes:
The hearsay is that the affair has been going on for a year.
I am great at speculation, but even I feel bad about speculating on either of these women without any concrete PROOF of an affair.
Perhaps we will have a newbie from NC that really knows something concrete.
On the other hand Roughly, you have done GREAT detective work here! Thanks for that!

[nanandjim]

I also think that BC was using the citizenship tool, thinking he had Nancy and the girls away from her family. Taking their passports- what a you know what. That would have enraged me so much I might have killed him. JK.:crazy:
Or, I may have figured out a way to replace their passports, saying that they were lost or stolen. What a loser.

[nanandjim]

I wonder if it has been a shock to BC to find out that all of Nancy's friends and family knew of this affair?
What would be more of a shock if they knew the girl's name (if he had been trying to hide it).

[Raebie]

xxxxx

[curiositycat]

Raebie thank-you! We have an idea about Heather one and Heather two...who pray tell might be Heather three?

[Raebie]

Well she looks to be a neighbor who lives just down the street who's husband is a runner and works with Brad.

[curiositycat]

okay..just wanted to make sure I had you "right."

[jilly]

Or, I may have figured out a way to replace their passports, saying that they were lost or stolen. What a loser.

Nan, someone mentioned yesterday or whatever, if she'd tried to replace their passports both parents would have to sign. There's no way he would have done that.

[curiositycat]

I can't remember which show I heard this on, NG or GVS, but someone said that Nancy's friends said "She told us everything that was going on in that marriage." Sounds to me like a situation where more then one woman who knew would be REALLY mad at the other woman. That kind of woman doesn't have many women friends if you know what I mean!

[momto3kids]

There are only 3 Benicek's listed in Wake Co., all 3 live in Lochmere. A Benicek lives a few doors down from the Coopers. It is not Heather, but it is a single female listed as owner of the property. I do not know if this person is related to Heather or not.

[Raebie]

xxxxx

[nursebeeme]

#171 (http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2381660&postcount=171) http://www.websleuths.com/forums/images/buttons/report.gif (http://www.websleuths.com/forums/report.php?p=2381660)
http://www.websleuths.com/forums/images/statusicon/post_old.gif 07-15-2008, 02:14 AM
Celt (http://www.websleuths.com/forums/member.php?u=32315) http://www.websleuths.com/forums/images/statusicon/user_offline.gif
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 34


Quote:
Originally Posted by SeriouslySearching http://www.websleuths.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2381643#post2381643)
About 3:45 p.m. Monday, police searched the couple's BMW sedan and BMW SUV. They also removed a Louis Vuitton purse from one vehicle.



So they did get to search the cars! Interesting! Who leaves a Louis Vuitton purse in the car?! By the way it sounds, he stood to lose a LOT of money if she divorced him.

looks like the house (if I have the right Address) is worth $346,500

~~~~~~~
brought this over from thread one.

[TGIRecovered]

Scott Heider & Brad work together. They compete together in Triathlons (see Brad's blog for pics of Scott). His wife's name is Heather. They lived down the block. I would imagine the couples spent a great deal of time together. That is all.

Raebie, I think you are on to something! This Heather seems a likely candidate for the other woman. I'm surprized we have not heard of her before.

Welcome to WS, and please keep posting!

Susan

[nursebeeme]

also couple owns a bmw suv and a bmw sedan....will have to get a link for that one...but I just read it a bit ago as I was going thru thread one to move stuff over

[belimom]

Scott Heider & Brad work together. They compete together in Triathlons (see Brad's blog for pics of Scott). His wife's name is Heather. They lived down the block. I would imagine the couples spent a great deal of time together. That is all.

Seems that Heather M (...Scott's wife...?) worked there at one time, too:

http://www.iw.com/magazine.php?inc=061500/6.15cover1.html :

Sure, Cisco's got recruiters like Heather M***** at BrassRing just like everyone else.

I'm not implying that she's the one involved with BC - there's no way to really know. I would just hate to be any "Heather" at all right now in the ring of Cooper friends...

[TGIRecovered]

Great find, belimom! Glad to have you here!

Susan

[Aimee729]

There are only 3 Benicek's listed in Wake Co., all 3 live in Lochmere. A Benicek lives a few doors down from the Coopers. It is not Heather, but it is a single female listed as owner of the property. I do not know if this person is related to Heather or not.

http://www.reunion.com/people-search-directory/L3/32425

benicek, heather Age:30 Cary, NC
benicek, d. Age: 56 Cary, NC; Leesburg, FL
_________________________________________

http://www.lochmerehoa.org/newsletter/May2008.pdf

Here are our new neighbors. These folks have recently moved to Lochmere.
A warm welcome to all of you! Say 'hi' when you meet them.
"D. Benicek"
_________________________________________________

http://www.classmates.com/directory/school/Cary%20High%20School?org=3997
Heather Benicek 1992 - 1996

Heather Benicek
Heather
University of North Carolina - Wilmington, WILMINGTON, NC, Class of 2000
University of North Carolina - Wilmington, WILMINGTON, NC, Class of 2000
Clearwater High School, CLEARWATER, FL,
Cary High School, CARY, NC, Class of 1996
__________________________________________________

PRELIMINARY PROSPECTUS SUPPLEMENT TO PRELIMINARY PROSPECTUS DATED JULY 28, 2000

eSYLVAN, INC.
34 Market Place
Baltimore, Maryland 21202

David Rosenbaum & Debra Benicek
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Cary, NC 27513

Dear David Rosenbaum & Debra Benicek:

We are pleased to enclose a prospectus pertaining to the offering of our Class A common stock to certain holders of franchise license agreements with Sylvan Learning Systems, Inc. and holders of Sylvan area development agreements.
__________________________________________________ _________


CITA Accredited Schools Located within the United States
Last update: Jan 15 2008 12:01PM
North Carolina
Sylvan Learning Center - 1612, Fayetteville, Heather Benicek
203 Owen Drive, 6007 Morganton Rd, Fayetteville, NC, 28314, 910-323 1592, http://www.educate.com
__________________________________________________ __________

I am thinking mother and daughter beacuse of the ages. Not saying anything else about them, because IDK. :waitasec:

[SeriouslySearching]

Scott Heider & Brad work together. They compete together in Triathlons (see Brad's blog for pics of Scott). His wife's name is Heather. They lived down the block. I would imagine the couples spent a great deal of time together. That is all.And he works at Cisco, too, huh?! Interesting.

[belimom]

And more - looks like she ran in a race with Nancy:



http://www.runraleigh.com/2004_raceresults/5th_annual_second_empire_5k.htm

5TH ANNUAL SECOND EMPIRE 5K CLASSIC
RALEIGH, NC NOVEMBER 6,2004 8:30 A.M.

(snip) (I added "dots" for formatting...)

308...25/28....142/165...NANCY COOPER......31 F...349...CARY...NC..33:30..10:47
309...20/22....143/165...HEATHER M******...35 F...348...CARY...NC..33:30..10:47

[belimom]

Great find, belimom! Glad to have you here!

Susan

Thanks - you guys have me hooked now! I'm supposed to be cleaning our house... oops.

[Raebie]

Seems that Heather M (...Scott's wife...?) worked there at one time, too:

http://www.iw.com/magazine.php?inc=061500/6.15cover1.html :



I'm not implying that she's the one involved with BC - there's no way to really know. I would just hate to be any "Heather" at all right now in the ring of Cooper friends...

xxxxx

[curiositycat]

I probably shouldn't say this, but as those of you who know me know...I never let that stop me....This neighborhood kind of reminds me of "Wisteria Lane"...Good looking, young professionals,women who take other women's husbands, ect. :bananapartyhat::bananapartyhat::bananapartyhat:

[Raebie]

And more - looks like she ran in a race with Nancy:


They did more than run in the same race. They ran together and placed 308 & 309. But then that was 4 years ago. Wonder if they still ran together.

[sues]

Belimom--good sleuthing! They had the exact same time which means they probably ran together the whole time--leisurely pace, so possibly chatting.

[OtisCampbell]

I'm guessing if you people come up with enough woman named Heather who live in that area someone will be right if he did indeed have an affair with such a woman.

It's unfortunate all the other woman named Heather have to be dragged into this.

Seriously, what's the point of all this? So someone can say that they guessed the right one? What if someones child is curious about this story and comes here and sees their mother being speculated about as a possible adulterer?

[Fuquaylj]

I have to agree...these are people just like you and me. Can you imagine someone looking up and posting details about you because of your name? I'm as interested as the next person, but there has to be a line.

[belimom]

I agree about getting too curious regarding all the possible "Heathers". I rewrote my posts a couple of times and almost didn't post them b/c I felt like, "Wow - these are real people and even if having an affair they are probably in no way connected to her death"...

It's way too easy to get wrapped up in "who could it be?" - thanks for the reminder that these are real people with real lives out there.

It also goes to show that what CyberPro said on another thread is so true. If someone wanted to stalk you, they can do enough web searches to piece together a bit here and another bit there to know alot about you or your children or family.

[nanandjim]

Well she looks to be a neighbor who lives just down the street who's husband is a runner and works with Brad.
Hmmm...Is the wife's name Heather?

[SeriouslySearching]

I agree we do need to keep things in perspective here. In all of our efforts to uncover the real story, we might get carried away. We should realize that what he says is true...suppose their children decide to google Mom's name and this pops up. Point taken.

I believe the people who go on live television or are willing to put themselves into the media spotlight give up some right for closer investigation in such a case...we should try to keep the others on a more private level. I think we can discuss it, but personally I wouldn't post any private information here. It is entirely up to the mods how this is handled, but this is my opinion.

[curiositycat]

I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I think we should be cautious in using names and on the other hand I think the woman needs to be exposed. I believe in time she will be. For now perhaps we need to wait. It is just a matter of time before some reporter gets the information. It's hard to not wonder about this after Nancy's parents made a point of mentioning it in the paperwork for custody of the children.

This woman, whoever she is, is knee deep in this...IMHO

[nursebeeme]

cateH had this to say:

"No if about it - NC definitely requires a 1 year separation. Now that's not to say that some people don't fudge the numbers...but the law is one year, in separate residences.

[Magister]

Heather is one of this country's most popular names and the idea that she's the other woman isn't really coming from a reliable source.

[Magister]

Heck, I don't know if adultery is still a crime in NC, but I'm sure it's never enforced and though I no longer live in Cary, there's at least a dozen polygamous groupings living within a mile of my house, plus I've heard about meetups in some of the larger cities. Based entirely on circumstantial evidence, Nancy and Brad could've had a marriage of convenience during the latter part of her life, so that she could remain in the country and for all we know, they could've had an open marriage.

Just because Brad may or may not have been having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage does not necessarily have any bearing on the case, whatsoever. After all, if it was such an open secret and if her parents knew, who lived thousands of miles away in another country, then why wouldn't we think that Nancy wasn't also aware and how do we know that she didn't accept it?

[curiositycat]

Heck, I don't know if adultery is still a crime in NC, but I'm sure it's never enforced and though I no longer live in Cary, there's at least a dozen polygamous groupings living within a mile of my house, plus I've heard about meetups in some of the larger cities. Based entirely on circumstantial evidence, Nancy and Brad could've had a marriage of convenience during the latter part of her life, so that she could remain in the country and for all we know, they could've had an open marriage.

Just because Brad may or may not have been having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage does not necessarily have any bearing on the case, whatsoever. After all, if it was such an open secret and if her parents knew, who lived thousands of miles away in another country, then why wouldn't we think that Nancy wasn't also aware and how do we know that she didn't accept it?

I don't think she accepted it or she wouldn't have been discussing it with her friends and family. She seems to have made it clear to the family that she wanted out because of the way she was being treated.
I think the affair participant, whom ever she is, is knee deep in this also.

I disagree about the sexual relationship not having a bearing on this case. It is probably what led to all the trouble between Brad and Nancy.

I can think of at least 3 high profile cases we have discussed on WS's that have come about when another woman was involved.

This morning on Fox News Jamie Colby was interviewing one of the Fox News Producers who is on the ground covering the story in NC. He said "The police may also be looking at another suspect"

I said on another thread that there was a similar case here in Colorado this past year. Cops' wife having an affair with another cop on the force with her husband. Long story, but ended up with the cop that was having an affair trying to break it off. The woman wouldn't have it. She went to the guys' wives place of employment and killed her in cold blood.

The fantasy of forbidden love involved in affairs causes people to do crazy things. Case in point..the astronount from NASA that drove to Florida to confront another woman,ect.

:crazy:

[Magister]

I can think of at least 3 high profile cases we have discussed on WS's that have come about when another woman was involved.

Certainly an affair or affairs have been a factor in other cases and it may even prove relevant to this situation, but usually an illicit relationship is kept secret and apparently so many people knew about Brad's extracurricular activities that it could've been common knowledge among their peers. I mean, I have a friend who is a poly; She has a pretty high-profile job with a morals clause. Therefore only her close friends know that she has a husband, plus they have another partner who is a part of their domestic arrangement. I have another group of friends who aren't as important in the community and they make no secret of the fact that there's three people in the main relationship and two of them have extra (regular) partners on the side, etc, etc.

This is not to say that Brad and Nancy had an unorthodox, Swingtown-like marriage, but the fact that her parents (who live in another country, thousands of miles away) used an innocuous phrase like "sexual relationship outside of marriage" (or something similar) in a custody filing doesn't automatically make it relevant to Nancy's murder, nor does it appear that she didn't know. Unless the police deem it important or until one of her friends actually say that she was upset about the arrangement, then I don't know that it bears on this particular crime and to anyone other than a booker for a tabloid show, I can't really say that it's important.

JMHO

[cheko1]

Its totally Brad's fault for bringing another woman into his sad state of affairs. He should of 'manned up' / walked away. But he was to egotistical to do that.

Now many people are being made to suffer. LE will release the other womans name when the time is right. Possibly once NC is laid to rest. Then the hats will come off..........

[curiositycat]

Certainly an affair or affairs have been a factor in other cases and it may even prove relevant to this situation, but usually an illicit relationship is kept secret and apparently so many people knew about Brad's extracurricular activities that it could've been common knowledge among their peers. I mean, I have a friend who is a poly; She has a pretty high-profile job with a morals clause. Therefore only her close friends know that she has a husband, plus they have another partner who is a part of their domestic arrangement. I have another group of friends who aren't as important in the community and they make no secret of the fact that there's three people in the main relationship and two of them have extra (regular) partners on the side, etc, etc.

This is not to say that Brad and Nancy had an unorthodox, Swingtown-like marriage, but the fact that her parents (who live in another country, thousands of miles away) used an innocuous phrase like "sexual relationship outside of marriage" (or something similar) in a custody filing doesn't automatically make it relevant to Nancy's murder, nor does it appear that she didn't know. Unless the police deem it important or until one of her friends actually say that she was upset about the arrangement, then I don't know that it bears on this particular crime and to anyone other than a booker for a tabloid show, I can't really say that it's important.

JMHO

I just posted one of my theories in "theories". LOL. However, I must say that what you are saying has some validity. The problem with those arrangements is that at some point maybe someone is unhappy and doesn't want to "share" anymore. It has crossed my mind that this could have been what went on here. "Maybe" Nancy,and possibly the husband of the other woman, no longer wanted to play the game. You are right. This does happen more then we like to admit.

[SeriouslySearching]

Just because Brad may or may not have been having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage does not necessarily have any bearing on the case, whatsoever. After all, if it was such an open secret and if her parents knew, who lived thousands of miles away in another country, then why wouldn't we think that Nancy wasn't also aware and how do we know that she didn't accept it?Didn't Scott Peterson try that defense?! He touted that Lacy knew about Amber and she was "ok with it". This proved to be false.

Family and friends would know if she was in an open marriage. They would also know she accepted it. In this case, no one is saying that at all. They are saying she was extremely upset by it.

[SeriouslySearching]

Its totally Brad's fault for bringing another woman into his sad state of affairs. He should of 'manned up' / walked away. But he was to egotistical to do that.

Now many people are being made to suffer. LE will release the other womans name when the time is right. Possibly once NC is laid to rest. Then the hats will come off..........I think the friends and the media might get a jump on LE for this one. The media already knows who this woman is and it won't be long until she is splashed across the pages of the tabloids.

[curiositycat]

I think the friends and the media might get a jump on LE for this one. The media already knows who this woman is and it won't be long until she is splashed across the pages of the tabloids.
Just based upon what I heard on Fox this morning I think this woman, whoever she is, is going to be exposed sooner then later. I think she is involved in Nancy's disappearance in some way.

[DianeB]

This is not to say that Brad and Nancy had an unorthodox, Swingtown-like marriage, but the fact that her parents (who live in another country, thousands of miles away) used an innocuous phrase like "sexual relationship outside of marriage" (or something similar) in a custody filing doesn't automatically make it relevant to Nancy's murder, nor does it appear that she didn't know. Not that it's likely, but for the sake of completeness it should also be brought up at least once - so here it is...

The affair may have been with a man, baby.

[curiositycat]

Not that it's likely, but for the sake of completeness it should also be brought up at least once - so here it is...

The affair may have been with a man, baby.

That entered my mind too. But I believe, if I am not mistaken, the friends and family said it was a woman.

[mahmoo]

Not that it's likely, but for the sake of completeness it should also be brought up at least once - so here it is...

The affair may have been with a man, baby.

I would have responded to this post earlier but.....it left me a little speechless LOL....actually, I'm just rambling cause it still leaves me speechless :eek:

[JDB]

Just based upon what I heard on Fox this morning I think this woman, whoever she is, is going to be exposed sooner then later. I think she is involved in Nancy's disappearance in some way.

I have no doubt who ever this lady is. Had anything to do with Nancy's Murder

[less0305]

Heck, I don't know if adultery is still a crime in NC, but I'm sure it's never enforced and though I no longer live in Cary, there's at least a dozen polygamous groupings living within a mile of my house, plus I've heard about meetups in some of the larger cities. Based entirely on circumstantial evidence, Nancy and Brad could've had a marriage of convenience during the latter part of her life, so that she could remain in the country and for all we know, they could've had an open marriage.

Just because Brad may or may not have been having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage does not necessarily have any bearing on the case, whatsoever. After all, if it was such an open secret and if her parents knew, who lived thousands of miles away in another country, then why wouldn't we think that Nancy wasn't also aware and how do we know that she didn't accept it?

N.C. is one of the last few states that still has an Alienation of Affection law on the books. I type depositions as a side job and people get sued quite frequently for alienation of affection. There have been some whopper settlements and court awards for alienation of affection. A woman in Burlington N.C. was awarded $1 million from her husband's mistress. I think a case in Winston-Salem the wife was awarded like half a mil from her husband's secretary.

[curiositycat]

N.C. is one of the last few states that still has an Alienation of Affection law on the books. I type depositions as a side job and people get sued quite frequently for alienation of affection. There have been some whopper settlements and court awards for alienation of affection. A woman in Burlington N.C. was awarded $1 million from her husband's mistress. I think a case in Winston-Salem the wife was awarded like half a mil from her husband's secretary.
Thanks for this information! I think, now that you mention it, there was a lifetime move (based on a true story) about one of these women. Good info from you and all the folks in NC. Special thanks to the lawyers also.

[momto3kids]

N.C. is one of the last few states that still has an Alienation of Affection law on the books.

Alienation of Affection helped George Berg of Cary win 2 years ago.

[KR2tonenow]

I personally think that Brad wanted his cake and to eat it, too. I think that he took Nancy for granted. He never thought that she would leave him. When she decided to do it, it surprised him. He did everything within his power to get her to stay in the marriage, to include withholding money as a form of punishment. You would have thought that he would have been embarrassed that she had to go to her parents to get money for food and necessities for herself and the children--especially with her father being the (former) director of child services in Canada.

I would think that Brad would have been afraid of the FIL's power and connections. Apparently, he wasn't.

I think thats part of the narcissitic personality, being invincible.

[SeriouslySearching]

I am definitely NOT saying this is the Heather mentioned as possibly being Brad's mistress, but this is the Heather Brenicek in the interview:

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6265188

I think it needs to be addressed and someone should step forward to give up the real identity of the mistress instead of allowing the press and public to speculate thus involving the wrong people. WHO is the real Heather?! IS her name even Heather?! WHO was Brad having an affair with?!

[SeriouslySearching]

I have no doubt who ever this lady is. Had anything to do with Nancy's MurderWe couldn't imagine Bobby Cutts, Jr. involving his high school buddy, Myesha, only to ride with him to dump Jessie either! Yet...to hear her tell it in court...it is all she did. It still got her some time behind bars tho.

[fran]

N.C. is one of the last few states that still has an Alienation of Affection law on the books. I type depositions as a side job and people get sued quite frequently for alienation of affection. There have been some whopper settlements and court awards for alienation of affection. A woman in Burlington N.C. was awarded $1 million from her husband's mistress. I think a case in Winston-Salem the wife was awarded like half a mil from her husband's secretary.

Interesting less0305

IMHO, this COULD go to (part of) MOTIVE.


Motive
Means
Opportunity

Just sayin',:rolleyes:
fran

[LillyRush]

I had heard about him hiding the passports. But not about denying her money and her having to get help for food and other things. What a jerk. It is too bad she wasn't just able to get out there, obtained emergency passports or something.

I don't understand people who are already halfway out the door themselves, by having an affair, not just letting their spouse leave in peace. :chicken:

[fran]

I had heard about him hiding the passports. But not about denying her money and her having to get help for food and other things. What a jerk. It is too bad she wasn't just able to get out there, obtained emergency passports or something.

I don't understand people who are already halfway out the door themselves, by having an affair, not just letting their spouse leave in peace. :chicken:

It's a classic sign of an abuser, LillyRush. Sad but true. He's already won the battle, but he has to win the entire war.

They don't look on their spouse and children as people, they're possessions. They belong to THEM. That often times is why when the separation occurs, it's the most dangerous time for the victim. This is when the abuser decides, "IF they can't have them, no one else will either."

It's scary and maybe, the majority of the time, unpredictible which ONE of these guys will go off on that road.

Poor Nancy. She probably never saw it coming. :(

JMHO
fran

[LillyRush]

That's true, Fran. Plus, she was even more isolated living in a different country and everything.

[Magister]

N.C. is one of the last few states that still has an Alienation of Affection law on the books. I type depositions as a side job and people get sued quite frequently for alienation of affection. There have been some whopper settlements and court awards for alienation of affection. A woman in Burlington N.C. was awarded $1 million from her husband's mistress. I think a case in Winston-Salem the wife was awarded like half a mil from her husband's secretary.

Alienation of Affection may be a civil law, but I doubt people go to jail for it.

[sugarbritches]

I am still a newbie here, so let me know if I am overstepping it here. BUT I looked over this link again about the other woman. After watching HB over and over and over...I noticed she wouldn't look at the camera directly or the interviewer, especially in the second part of the clip. This could be just from nerves though. Also she only talks of being "scared" and how it is "scary". I think they were supposed to be good friends and she stated that she would "see her out running alot". If they were good friends, I would think she would have more contact with her than to see her out running.
Anyway, I would never suggest she was the other woman, but out of all of interviews with friends and neighbors, hers seemed odd.

[sugarbritches]

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6265188
oops...this is the clip I was referring to....

[NCBanker]

I am still a newbie here, so let me know if I am overstepping it here. BUT I looked over this link again about the other woman. After watching HB over and over and over...I noticed she wouldn't look at the camera directly or the interviewer, especially in the second part of the clip. This could be just from nerves though. Also she only talks of being "scared" and how it is "scary". I think they were supposed to be good friends and she stated that she would "see her out running alot". If they were good friends, I would think she would have more contact with her than to see her out running.
Anyway, I would never suggest she was the other woman, but out of all of interviews with friends and neighbors, hers seemed odd.

I completely agree with you, Sugarbritches. When I watched that video clip, I thought the exact same thing. JMO, but she really didn't seem that concerned or distraught. Very strange.

[less0305]

Alienation of Affection may be a civil law, but I doubt people go to jail for it.

No, they just pay big bucks for it.

[less0305]

Interesting less0305

IMHO, this COULD go to (part of) MOTIVE.


Motive
Means
Opportunity

Just sayin',:rolleyes:
fran


Depending upon her lawyer - he may have mentioned to her, even jokingly, that she could sue the "other woman" for alienation of affection. Would she have threatened that to him? Hmmmm, food for thought.

[excelguy]

http://www.wral.com/news/local/video/3213403/

:59 second mark - Heather Benicek

"shock, huge shock" - watch her "micro expressions".


Video Titled - Nancy Cooper's death ruled homicide

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?se...cal&id=6267674

4:10 second mark - Heather Benicek

"makes you feel sad" - while shaking her head and smiling

Her words really don't match her body language. IMO

Does anyone know this woman? I saw in some other posts that NC may have ran a race with a Heather B. and finished at the same time (old friend?).

[PrayersForMaura]

Someone from the #8 thread assures us this is not the Heather with whom he is having an affair.

[excelguy]

I do and I can tell you for fact that he did have a little tart named Heather that he was boinking but it is NOT Heather Benicek. I can not reveal how I know this and I have no link so you have to choose to believe me or not. Again I repeat it is NOT Heather Benicek.

From #8

[sues]

From #8

Topsail said someone else may have nailed it. Let's see...A friend of Nancy's named Heather who also works at Cisco.

Likely Heather M. who ran the 5K with NC in 2004 and also works at Cisco.

But that's based on what Topsail implied. I have no other reason for thinking it.

[Topsail Girl]

Topsail said someone else may have nailed it. Let's see...A friend of Nancy's named Heather who also works at Cisco.

Likely Heather M. who ran the 5K with NC in 2004 and also works at Cisco.

But that's based on what Topsail implied. I have no other reason for thinking it.

Hey Sues,

I'm not the first poster to bring up Heather M and Heather B or the Cisco connection. I'm sorry I can't recall who did, but it wasn't me. I just agreed that I knew of the Cisco connection. :)

[sues]

Hey Sues,

I'm not the first poster to bring up Heather M and Heather B or the Cisco connection. I'm sorry I can't recall who did, but it wasn't me. I just agreed that I knew of the Cisco connection. :)

Sorry to misquote you TG.

[T-Rex]

We-ell...I believe this is a picture of Heather M.
http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:9BqK6-zFtEUJ:bookclub.meetup.com/471/members/4739463/+%22heather+metour%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&gl=us (http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:9BqK6-zFtEUJ:bookclub.meetup.com/471/members/4739463/+%22heather+metour%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&gl=us)

[Topsail Girl]

Sorry to misquote you TG.


Not a problem at all. :) I admitted to knowing the connection and it is true. I mostly admitted to it because I was hoping it would put a stop the the Heather B accusations. Brad has known this Heather for about 4 years, there is a Cisco connection between all people involved except Nancy. Heather B is/was a friend of Nancy's but not Brad's fling. I am sorry I can't recall where I read the original theory about it but it was either here or in the Link numbered 8.

[macd]

Earlier in this thread, people posted about Scott H and Heather M being married.
Here is their separation agreement signed October 2006, filed February 2007.

http://rodweb02.co.wake.nc.us/books/genext/genextdetail.asp?DocId=107586649

[RoughlyCollie]

A few days ago there was a link on the isabellacooper.com site that was for HM and her husband (at the time, I guess, if they are divorced).

I used that link on the Wake County property records website to find out whether HM lived in Cary, and sure enough, her house is listed at an address that is 1.3 miles from the Coopers house.

So I figured that HM could be the Heather, but I wasn't sure.

Now the isabella cooper site seems to be gone.

SH is an IT analyst, according to this: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/1/317/b26 and according to Google ("[SH]" cary north carolina), is also an athlete (triathlons and half ironman competitions). He and BC have a lot in common, it seems.

I guess BC has been busy.

Respectfully,
RC

[sues]

Just wanted to point out that whoever the affair was with, I would be surprised if she was involved with the murder (not impossible, just less likely). That said, she very well may have information that could help with the case.

[hckychx1]

We-ell...I believe this is a picture of Heather M.
http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:9BqK6-zFtEUJ:bookclub.meetup.com/471/members/4739463/+%22heather+metour%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&gl=us

Interesting "book club" there. I've never been a member of a book club where the term MILF was tossed around. Apparently, I've missed out! I wonder exactly what they're reading.

[excelguy]

A few tidbits from this post and the net.

http://www.runraleigh.com/2004_racer..._empire_5k.htm

HM and NC finished a 5k race in 2004 with exactly the same time (running together?)

http://rodweb02.co.wake.nc.us/books/...ocId=107586649

HM is listed on separation papers (she was/is married to SH)

http://center.spoke.com/info/index-person/hb-he-128

SH lists his employer as Cisco

http://center.spoke.com/info/index-person/hb-he-128

HM lists her employer as Cisco

http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache...lnk&cd=5&gl=us

Picture on a "book club" profile with title HM (listed as Cary, NC)
Edit/Delete Message

[excelguy]

Also

http://services.wakegov.com/realestate/

There is property in BHs name 1000 feet from the Cooper house.

[RoughlyCollie]

The July 2008 book was An Innocent Man, by John Grisham.

http://bookclub.meetup.com/471/

Interesting "book club" there. I've never been a member of a book club where the term MILF was tossed around. Apparently, I've missed out! I wonder exactly what they're reading.

[excelguy]

The July 2008 book was An Innocent Man, by John Grisham.

http://bookclub.meetup.com/471/

irony?

[hckychx1]

You just can't make this stuff up!

[Raebie]

So much for deleting my posts afew days back. :)

HM & SH sold their house .18 miles from the Coopers in early 07. They then both bought separate residences. SH & Cooper were evidently good friends prior to that. They competed in triathlons together and Brad has pics on his blog of them.

[curiositycat]

So much for deleting my posts afew days back. :)

HM & SH sold their house .18 miles from the Coopers in early 07. They then both bought separate residences. SH & Cooper were evidently good friends prior to that. They competed in triathlons together and Brad has pics on his blog of them.
Why did you want to delete them? You didn't accuse anyone of anything if I remember correctly you simply stated the facts as you read them? Right:confused:

[curiositycat]

irony?
Cat is now wiping the diet 7up off her computer screen...:clap:

[Raebie]

Why did you want to delete them? You didn't accuse anyone of anything if I remember correctly you simply stated the facts as you read them? Right:confused:

It was speculation with no proof and I wasn't comfortable naming names at this point. Looks like I had a misplaced case of the guilts.
:crazy:

[sugarbritches]

I noticed that the bookclub has a half pic of HM. Has anyone else seen any pics? Also I have been away for a while and it takes a while to catch up. They ...BC and HM state that their affair took place a while back...I think I had read 7 years ago. Their isabella web site stated that the Heider's were a preferred link. If the affair occured that long ago and they were both "such adults" and decided that something like that could never happen again...wouldn't you not smear it everyones face by having one anothers link on your site? Does what I am saying make sense? Hopefully. If not, just disregard!

[Topsail Girl]

I don't know - Heather is in the middle of an Alienation of Affection suti right now and apparently has nothing to do with Brad. She is divorced from Scott and my source tells me that Scott had his son in his home and that Scott is who Brad and the girls went to stay with while the CPD were carrying out the search warrants. Bella and Scott's son are about the same age if I recall correctly. Now how's that for a kicker. Brad boinking the ex wife of his "best" friend Scott and is now hiding out at Scott's while the police rip apart the Cooper house??? Something still stinks to high heaven to me.

[Topsail Girl]

I noticed that the bookclub has a half pic of HM. Has anyone else seen any pics? Also I have been away for a while and it takes a while to catch up. They ...BC and HM state that their affair took place a while back...I think I had read 7 years ago. Their isabella web site stated that the Heider's were a preferred link. If the affair occured that long ago and they were both "such adults" and decided that something like that could never happen again...wouldn't you not smear it everyones face by having one anothers link on your site? Does what I am saying make sense? Hopefully. If not, just disregard!

Sugarbritches there is a link to vacation pics where Nancy, Brad, Heather and Scott went to Corolla Island in the Outer Banks together. You can see pics of Heather and Nancy together and also Heather and Scott's (I assume) son. I think it might be on the media links thread. If you can't find it I'll try and hunt it up for you.

[Topsail Girl]

JTF - do you think it was a one time thing? I don't believe that.

[sugarbritches]

Oh man. Shame on them...

[Just the Fax]

JTF - do you think it was a one time thing? I don't believe that.

HM apparently likes other married men.

[sugarbritches]

Sugarbritches there is a link to vacation pics where Nancy, Brad, Heather and Scott went to Corolla Island in the Outer Banks together. You can see pics of Heather and Nancy together and also Heather and Scott's (I assume) son. I think it might be on the media links thread. If you can't find it I'll try and hunt it up for you.
I could not find the link...your help would be much appreciated!

[Topsail Girl]

I could not find the link...your help would be much appreciated!


Sure Sugar - let me go look and I'll be right back.

ETA - Darn it I can't find it. I'll keep looking sorry.....

[carolinalady]

http://www.wral.com/asset/news/local/2008/07/23/3258895/Plaintiff_affidavits.pdf

Insight into affair w/ HM and possibly others.

[Raebie]

http://www.wral.com/asset/news/local/2008/07/23/3258895/Plaintiff_affidavits.pdf

Insight into affair w/ HM and possibly others.


Damn.
:mad:

[SleuthyGal]

I just read each of the affadavits and all I can say is :-O.

Poor Nancy. I don't know why she married this jerk and then had children with him. She was doomed from the beginning.

If I had ANY doubt before (which I didn't) I now have ZERO doubt that he murdered his wife. I hope he fries for this....he deserves the death penalty.

You really have to read each of the affidavits to understand just how bad it was in that home. The man seemed to hate his kids just as much as his wife. And Brad's family (esp his mother)? OMG what a bitch.

[sunflowers]

Thanks Carolina Lady for the link to the affidavits. Thank God Nancy had such good friends. The behavior of Brad & his parents is unbelievable cruel, mean, & so inhumane. So strange that Brad continues to be good friends with the ex-husband of his former "mistress", & even stayed with him while the police were at his house.

Brad's lawyers (WRAL today) suggest that Nancy must have thought he was a good father because of her willingness to share custody, etc. To me, it suggests that Nancy was frightened out-of-her-mind & was willing to say all sorts of things to somehow get out of the marriage alive & intact.

Divorce attorneys clearly know that women--especially women in emotionally abusive marriages--say "nice" things about their spouse as a father & agree to custodial arrangements that they would definitely not prefer--in order to get out of the horribly difficult marriage. Nancy agreed to sharing custody because it's was the only way that she had any chance of getting out of the marriage..... JMO

[Topsail Girl]

I just read each of the affadavits and all I can say is :-O.

Poor Nancy. I don't know why she married this jerk and then had children with him. She was doomed from the beginning.

If I had ANY doubt before (which I didn't) I now have ZERO doubt that he murdered his wife. I hope he fries for this....he deserves the death penalty.

You really have to read each of the affidavits to understand just how bad it was in that home. The man seemed to hate his kids just as much as his wife. And Brad's family (esp his mother)? OMG what a bitch.

I totally and completely agree with every word you just typed. Nancy was just like Laci and Michelle (the two who just popped right out of my head) -they had no idea because these control freaks are so suave and smooth till it's too late.

[sunflowers]

I totally and completely agree with every word you just typed. Nancy was just like Laci and Michelle (the two who just popped right out of my head) -they had no idea because these control freaks are so suave and smooth till it's too late.

Agree. All 3 gorgeous women taken in by evil, cruel, inhuman men who "act" & "look" normal, but are such damaged, controlling, mean, evil people. With their beautiful wives.... maybe to help them gain some sense of self-confidence..... and then controlling them more & more.... makes us so sick for Nancy, Laci, Michelle, & all of the women out there in those situations.....JMO

[newMom]

OMGosh, I am sick to my stomach after reading those affadavits. I really feel for those friends, having witnessed all of this. And my heart is absolutely broken for Nancy and what she had to endure.


I'm new here, well I've been around since Laci's case, but only posted a few times in the Michelle Young case. All 3 of these cases really touched me. I was pregnant when Michelle was murdered and now I'm a Mom (and pregnant again!) and so sensitive to the plight of Moms and children.


I live in Raleigh and was even in Cary the night this happened. Thank you for all your insightful posts. I love it here.

[fran]

Thanks Carolina Lady for the link to the affidavits. Thank God Nancy had such good friends. The behavior of Brad & his parents is unbelievable cruel, mean, & so inhumane. So strange that Brad continues to be good friends with the ex-husband of his former "mistress", & even stayed with him while the police were at his house.

Brad's lawyers (WRAL today) suggest that Nancy must have thought he was a good father because of her willingness to share custody, etc. To me, it suggests that Nancy was frightened out-of-her-mind & was willing to say all sorts of things to somehow get out of the marriage alive & intact.

Divorce attorneys clearly know that women--especially women in emotionally abusive marriages--say "nice" things about their spouse as a father & agree to custodial arrangements that they would definitely not prefer--in order to get out of the horribly difficult marriage. Nancy agreed to sharing custody because it's was the only way that she had any chance of getting out of the marriage..... JMO

You did notice that that was 'DRAFT 2' that we saw. That would mean Brad had already, most likely, crossed off OTHER items he wouldn't agree to. Of course, we don't know that he agreed to these either, though.:waitasec:

After all, he NEVER signed it!:mad:

But he DID take away the children's passports and refused money to Nancy.:eek:

JMHO
fran

[fran]

OMGosh, I am sick to my stomach after reading those affadavits. I really feel for those friends, having witnessed all of this. And my heart is absolutely broken for Nancy and what she had to endure.


I'm new here, well I've been around since Laci's case, but only posted a few times in the Michelle Young case. All 3 of these cases really touched me. I was pregnant when Michelle was murdered and now I'm a Mom (and pregnant again!) and so sensitive to the plight of Moms and children.


I live in Raleigh and was even in Cary the night this happened. Thank you for all your insightful posts. I love it here.

Welcome to Websleuths and congratulations on expecting MORE! :D

These cases can get to you if you let 'em. :(

fran

[sunflowers]

You did notice that that was 'DRAFT 2' that we saw. That would mean Brad had already, most likely, crossed off OTHER items he wouldn't agree to. Of course, we don't know that he agreed to these either, though.:waitasec:

After all, he NEVER signed it!:mad:

But he DID take away the children's passports and refused money to Nancy.:eek:

JMHO
fran

Also is very strange, IMO, that Brad's parents & sibs have been TOTALLY silent, & the lawyers apparently have advised Brad to be silent & have them be silent & they (Seth et al) will speak on his behalf. Not one peep. Not even to say how horrified they are with Nancy's murder, or thanks to everybody for searching or what an unspeakable tragedy this is, etc.

Since his father is "out of the country" right now, I was presuming his parents were in Cary right now. His brother's wife (who has NEVER met Nancy---strange again, IMO) said that he was with Brad in Cary. If they are indeed in Cary, where are they & why the silence? Their silence speaks volumes.

Urgh.

[fran]

Also is very strange, IMO, that Brad's parents & sibs have been TOTALLY silent, & the lawyers apparently have advised Brad to be silent & have them be silent & they (Seth et al) will speak on his behalf. Not one peep. Not even to say how horrified they are with Nancy's murder, or thanks to everybody for searching or what an unspeakable tragedy this is, etc.

Since his father is "out of the country" right now, I was presuming his parents were in Cary right now. His brother's wife (who has NEVER met Nancy---strange again, IMO) said that he was with Brad in Cary. If they are indeed in Cary, where are they & why the silence? Their silence speaks volumes.

Urgh.


Welcome to Websleuths sunflowers! glad you could join us! :)

well, well, well, now we KNOW why we haven't heard from the family of Brad.
http://www.wral.com/asset/news/local/2008/07/23/3258895/Plaintiff_affidavits.pdf

IMHO, this series of affidavits pretty well explains just about all we need to know about Mr. Brad Cooper and his family as well! Humph! :mad:

I can hardly believe what I've just read. Poor Nancy. She was going through he!! with that poor excuse of a ehhhh {husband}!

Nancy's friends must be beside themselves that they didn't save her.:(

Hopefully they can at the least, save her two precious daughters!

JMHO
fran

[sugarbritches]

Oh my gosh WS friends. This is very disturbing to me. I don't even know what to say. After reading those affadavits...I sat here and stared at the screen for what seemed like eternity. I then broke down and cried. A mother's love is so strong. Well, besides some mothers who live in Orlando, but that is another thread. Anyway, Nancy is going to affect the rest of my life. What a strong and smart person she was. I love her and do not even know her. I love her babies and have never met them. I can only guess how her friends and family must feel. The things I want to say about him can not even be printed on here. Guys, he did it. And with that, I have to go pray. Poor baby Nancy. Poor babies, her daughters. I love you Nancy. Rest peacefully.

[fran]

Don't let it get you down too much sweety. You can't help Nancy now, but you can pray that her killer is brought to justice and pray that her beautiful children grow up just like their wonderful mom.

Unfortunately, tomorrow there will be another. The parade of victims never ends.

Sad but true.:(

fran

[SleuthyGal]

I hope the facts of this case help the next wife and mother who is being controlled and verbally abused by her husband to take heed and plot her escape from the abuser well and long before she too ends up like Nancy did.

Such a control freak should never learn in advance that his wife is 'unhappy' and wants a divorce. She should do the best acting of her life and pretend all is well for as long as she needs to. But she should be socking away money and get herself a good and private plan to escape to save herself and her children.

NEVER EVER give a control freak abuser spouse information about what you want, ESPECIALLY if it's about gaining your independence. Never give your abuser the opportunity to 'snap' and do the ultimate control maneuver: murder.

Plot your escape carefully. Take your time. Make sure you have money in cash and hidden. Make sure you contact your local women's shelter and document what is happening with you. But SECRETLY! Do not leave evidence around where your control freak abuser might discover it.

Do whatever you have to do but PLOT YOUR ESCAPE, GET OUT, GET YOUR KIDS OUT, and SURVIVE!

[momto3kids]

I wonder if any of the women from his past affairs are helping to comfort him now? It sounds like he had a few. I hope each one is made to testify. This will be a valuable lesson to them for being with a married man and thinking it is ok.

What goes around comes around!

[RaleighNC]

I read all the affidavits and all I can say is - oh my.

What wonderful friends, but what total isolation for her. And the fact that her entire life, security, income, immigration status, etc was tied to him only further served to empower him. THAT part worries me - it makes me mad that his company moved him and had little regard for the attached spouse, and that the green card process was so slow, and that there is no support network for her, etc.

He blamed a lot of his inaccessibility on work. that is total BS. Cisco does not make anyone stay over a weekend to save money. And he certainly had a cell phone that works internationally. My husband works for Cisco and he's ALWAYS accessible to me. China, Europe, ANYWHERE. He takes that seriously. And there is always internet connectivity.

I am angry that she had no official support - no money to consult an immigration attorney.

I know why the divorce proceedings looked "amicable" and allowed for shared custody. How the heck could she have created a hostile environment when he had verbally beaten her down for YEARS. She probably no longer even recognized herself. It would have taken a year after getting away from him to be able to stand up to him. Of course the separation agreement looked reasonable - she was still ENTIRELY dependent on him - he could have made her life a living hell if she had stated the truth about him. And this 1 year waiting period in NC may have done her in anyway.

It appears that she was so close to getting away from him.

he was so close to having to admit failure, and have that paraded about for all to see - the house selling, not getting custody, her moving away - besides having to pay support - I don't think he wanted that "on his record". Much better picture to be the poor widower trying to raise 2 beautiful girls.

I cannot imagine the guilt her friends and family feel. It probably didn't hit them how BAD it was until they put pen to paper and signed that affidavit.

What terrible things going on behind that picture perfect facade. And - it's even worse to see that it was already impacting the children.

Devastating.

[fran]

Welcome RaleighNC

I agree completely with your post. Sadly, we see this over and over and over. The pages of Websleuths is littered with this same scenario in missing, murdered, trials, and never solved case after case.

It's hard to believe, isn't it?

FWIW, I don't think he had only one affair. He was a serial adulterer. We've seen that before too. That adds insult to injury. They control, manipulate, and flaunt their affairs in your face. To add the fact that Nancy had no way out.

She was definitely TRAPPED.

Makes you want to cry. If we'd only known. If anyone had only known it would end up like this, they would have gone that step further and helped her run!

:(

JMHO
fran

[RaleighNC]

Thanks, Fran!

Oh - I believe he was having affair after affair after affair. It was also stated that he had a relationship with a former bosses wife. oh my. And then the MBA hook up, and then the co-worker on the Ireland trip. Office gossip and doing this stuff where he works WILL come back to bite him.

By all accounts he is a smart guy - but arrogant - and ultimately that will be his downfall - thinking he's smarter than everyone else and will get away with this.

[Mimi]

Boy he sounds like a real charmer :yuck::yuck::yuck::steamed:

I never thought anyone could compare to Scott Peterson but he is certainly giving it a shot!

Hopefully Laci is holding Nancy gently in her arms.

[Topsail Girl]

Boy he sounds like a real charmer :yuck::yuck::yuck::steamed:

I never thought anyone could compare to Scott Peterson but he is certainly giving it a shot!

Hopefully Laci is holding Nancy gently in her arms.

A very close second to Scott Perterson is Jason Young and I'm sure either Laci or Michelle are holding Nancy - as bubbly as those ladies were they're probably both holding Nancy:)

[newMom]

A very close second to Scott Perterson is Jason Young and I'm sure either Laci or Michelle are holding Nancy - as bubbly as those ladies were they're probably both holding Nancy:)


What a lovely, although sad, thought. We can only hope.

[MsRyber]

It isn't too much of a stretch to think that the reason she agreed to joint custody was because the burden was on Brad to provide transportation to see them, etc. With what he had (reportedly) said about never wanting to see them again, she may have just put that in to appease him, knowing that he would (hopefully) not follow through.

It wouldn't be too hard to fathom that she was doing the "just do what needs to be done to get out", and worry about the other stuff later. Get to Canada with the girls, and let the other chips fall where they may. I am sure she was hoping he wouldn't give a rat's ass, as he hadn't up until the point Nancy's friends say in the affadavit, where he started acting like a "dad". I am guessing at that point she was probably thinking "Now what do I do?".

[fran]

Interesting that Heather's ex husband is supporting Brad, with an affidavit on his behalf.

Strange, really strange.

Why would you stay friends with someone who had an affair with your, then wife?:crazy:

Interesting dynamics here at work......{{shakes head in amazement}}

:eek:
fran

[Bob&Bob]

Maybe he thought about it and decided he liked
Brad more than Heather.

[fran]

Maybe he thought about it and decided he liked
Brad more than Heather.

Ya never know, I guess.:waitasec:

Maybe the techies have their own way of dealing with things. :confused:

fran

[fran]

Does anybody here know where the link is to Nancy on Corolla Island?

Someone on the other thread said that they had removed it. So, you probably won't be able to locate it anymore.

fran

[fran]

Thanks fran.

Do you have the link to the thing they removed?

NO, I'm not sure I ever saw it. I think it may have been on the photo thread, or someone's personal photo bucket. They just said it's been removed.

That's all I know about it, sorry.

fran

[Bob&Bob]

NO, I'm not sure I ever saw it. I think it may have been on the photo thread, or someone's personal photo bucket. They just said it's been removed.

That's all I know about it, sorry.

fran


Well thanks for not yelling at me fran!
I guess you must be new!

[LillyRush]

http://www.wral.com/asset/news/local/2008/07/23/3258895/Plaintiff_affidavits.pdf

Insight into affair w/ HM and possibly others.

Lots of reading there! Great info though, thanks for adding it!

[LillyRush]

I hope the facts of this case help the next wife and mother who is being controlled and verbally abused by her husband to take heed and plot her escape from the abuser well and long before she too ends up like Nancy did.

Such a control freak should never learn in advance that his wife is 'unhappy' and wants a divorce. She should do the best acting of her life and pretend all is well for as long as she needs to. But she should be socking away money and get herself a good and private plan to escape to save herself and her children.

NEVER EVER give a control freak abuser spouse information about what you want, ESPECIALLY if it's about gaining your independence. Never give your abuser the opportunity to 'snap' and do the ultimate control maneuver: murder.

Plot your escape carefully. Take your time. Make sure you have money in cash and hidden. Make sure you contact your local women's shelter and document what is happening with you. But SECRETLY! Do not leave evidence around where your control freak abuser might discover it.

Do whatever you have to do but PLOT YOUR ESCAPE, GET OUT, GET YOUR KIDS OUT, and SURVIVE!

I agree with the last part of your post. This is definitely an instance when a concrete escape plan was needed.

[LillyRush]

Interesting that Heather's ex husband is supporting Brad, with an affidavit on his behalf.

Strange, really strange.

Why would you stay friends with someone who had an affair with your, then wife?:crazy:

Interesting dynamics here at work......{{shakes head in amazement}}

:eek:
fran

It could be one of those instances where the two "exes" end up re-bonding over mutual hatred of the ex-wife/mistress. Wierd. Stranger things have happened I guess. But, they have the same taste in women and probably similar stories to tell, they may very well still have a lot of things in common.:):crazy:

[piedmontmom]

OMG...I had to stop reading and post without being totally caught up. I just CAN not believe she thought he was that bad of a father. I do NOT believe that she thought he would harm her girls. The woman went running ALL the time and left her girls with him.

PLUS on the eve of her death...she remained at this party...leaving him home with the girls until midnight. This does not sound like a woman that would say anything about how good of a father he was just to get out the marrige (as mentioned by an earlier post).

I'm looking at just these facts...if she felt they were endangered she would not have left them with him as she trained or the night before her untimely death (when things were probably at their worst). Not saying he's innocent but IMHO those two thoughts can not be put in the same sentence...some perspective here.

[fran]

OMG...I had to stop reading and post without being totally caught up. I just CAN not believe she thought he was that bad of a father. I do NOT believe that she thought he would harm her girls. The woman went running ALL the time and left her girls with him.

PLUS on the eve of her death...she remained at this party...leaving him home with the girls until midnight. This does not sound like a woman that would say anything about how good of a father he was just to get out the marrige (as mentioned by an earlier post).

I'm looking at just these facts...if she felt they were endangered she would not have left them with him as she trained or the night before her untimely death (when things were probably at their worst). Not saying he's innocent but IMHO those two thoughts can not be put in the same sentence...some perspective here.

IMHO, to understand how it works in an abusive relationship, either just emotional, or both emotional AND physical abuse,(which btw, emotional abuse is just one second short of physical abuse) you have to either suffered this same type of relationship personally, or know someone who has.

For someone who's never been in this type of situation, it's difficult to see how the abused could continue to live and love the abuser. Take the abuse and stay, the abuser apologizes (honeymoon phase), everything is hunky-dory, .............until next time............it's a revolving door.

Often times the abuse doesn't start until AFTER marriage. Then other times, it could be the arrival of the first child. Time has passed, one is committed to the relationship, they can fix it. The abuser just needs a little time to get over it. Just,................don't make them angry, do the right thing, loose weight, don't talk to this and that person.........do what they want, when they want. Rumor of an affair, they deny it,...............but eventually they may admit it, ehhh.........but it's YOUR fault. It's YOUR fault they're mad! It's YOUR fault they strayed! It's YOUR fault we don't have any money! It's YOUR fault I didn't get that promotion! It's YOUR fault I didn't win that race! YOU need to clean the house better! YOU need to have my dinner ready when I get home! Why can't YOU do anything right? Why isn't MY stuff ready? It's MY money, I am the one that works around here! YOU don't need to go to work! YOU do NOT need to get an advanced degree, I DO! I want a NEW CAR! YOU can have the old one. It's YOUR FAULT I yelled at you in front of the kids! It's YOUR FAULT I'm so mad! It's YOUR FAULT I hit you! YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU'RE USELESS! NO ONE ELSE WOULD WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO FAT! YOU'RE TOO OLD! YOU'VE GOT TWO KIDS, WHO WANTS A WOMAN WITH TWO KIDS WHEN THERE'S YOUNG GIRLS FREE of any baggage! SHE is so clumsy, SHE's always hurting herself. SHE ran into a door and got a black eye. SHE fell down the stairs and broke her arm. SHE tripped on the stairs and got that big knot on her leg.

Do NOT tell anyone what goes on in this household. This is between YOU and ME! NO ONE knows what goes on here except us. YOU are MY wife and you do NOT tell anybody what goes on between you and I.

"No one knows our marriage but Laci and I." That's what he said, Scott Peterson. AFTER he murdered his wife and dumped her in the Bay.

'Til death do us part, is what someone I used to know told his wife. And it almost came true. :(...SHE had the bite marks, the strangle marks, the bruises to lay testament. The only difference with my friend and the 100's of women who end up on the pages of Websleuths,..........she lived to tell about it.

Many, many people, just..don't..get..it! :(

JMHO
fran

PS.....Please don't be fooled by denials of the alleged abuser. They're very, very good at hiding the truth. That's why they get away with it. NO ONE knows what goes on behind those closed doors other than the two people involved. And then there was one..........fran

[RaleighNC]

Fran,
That post ought to be bronzed and posted in every Dr's office in America - or where women could see it, read it, and recognize themselves - and where they could get help.

Bravo to you.

[piedmontmom]

Divorce attorneys clearly know that women--especially women in emotionally abusive marriages--say "nice" things about their spouse as a father & agree to custodial arrangements that they would definitely not prefer--in order to get out of the horribly difficult marriage. Nancy agreed to sharing custody because it's was the only way that she had any chance of getting out of the marriage..... JMO[/QUOTE]

I apologize in advance. I can't agree with this last statement, relative to this case. I can't see NC agreeing to shared custody because it was her only way out of a horrible situation.

If she really thought he was a bad father, then why would she go jogging on a regular basis, leaving the kids with their father? Why would she leave them with him, as recent as the eve of her death, and remain at this party? If she truly did not trust him with the girls safety she wouldn't have left them in his care. I know I wouldn't have.

[piedmontmom]

Fran, ITA, your post makes sense. I "get" the fear that an abused wife does feel. My comment was made relative to their custody of the kids, and their shared custody arrangement. She must have trusted him with the kids, otherwise why would she have left them on a regular basis for her training? Why would she have left them in his care as recent as the eve of her death? That is the point I was trying (albeit unsuccesfull) make.

This whole situation is sickening for all...by all means the families, but also for the neighbors. Somewhere on some thread (ICR) Wallsburg Ct seems like Wisteria Lane...I have to say I agreed. The neighbors seem to have known so much "dirt" in that marriage...I would have been uncomfortable to say the least. Another poster also said there are 3 sides to a story (NC, BC and the truth). These two seem to have treated each other very badly...NC seemed to have a flare for the drama. Just one of the things that bothers me is that she allegedly cashed a check for $350 on the eve of telling her friends he didn't give her money and that was why she had to sell clothes at a garage sale. I'm sad to say his rebuttal affadivit, if true (all of which can be checked out), shoots down a lot of what her friends alleged. Again, 3 sides to a story.

I haven't posted a lot lately...to be honest, I had to get away from the "drama", and now I am so far behind and am confusing all the threads.

[fran]

Fran,
That post ought to be bronzed and posted in every Dr's office in America - or where women could see it, read it, and recognize themselves - and where they could get help.

Bravo to you.

Why thank you RaleighNC. I appreciate your comment.

The only problem is, many who would read it, think it couldn't happen to them. UNTIL it does. :(

fran

[raisincharlie]

Fran, ITA, your post makes sense. I "get" the fear that an abused wife does feel. My comment was made relative to their custody of the kids, and their shared custody arrangement. She must have trusted him with the kids, otherwise why would she have left them on a regular basis for her training? Why would she have left them in his care as recent as the eve of her death? That is the point I was trying (albeit unsuccesfull) make.

This whole situation is sickening for all...by all means the families, but also for the neighbors. Somewhere on some thread (ICR) Wallsburg Ct seems like Wisteria Lane...I have to say I agreed. The neighbors seem to have known so much "dirt" in that marriage...I would have been uncomfortable to say the least. Another poster also said there are 3 sides to a story (NC, BC and the truth). These two seem to have treated each other very badly...NC seemed to have a flare for the drama. Just one of the things that bothers me is that she allegedly cashed a check for $350 on the eve of telling her friends he didn't give her money and that was why she had to sell clothes at a garage sale. I'm sad to say his rebuttal affadivit, if true (all of which can be checked out), shoots down a lot of what her friends alleged. Again, 3 sides to a story.

I haven't posted a lot lately...to be honest, I had to get away from the "drama", and now I am so far behind and am confusing all the threads.


I can tell you - there are several untruths in Brad's affidavits. All you have to do is check his website and the forums he posted to to understand that there are several items that should be viewed very cautiously. He is either lying online or he is lying in the affidavit - one or the other -either way he is lying. I don't buy his so called "truthfulness" anymore than anyother person signing an affadavit in this case. He does not need to smear his deceased wife in an affidavit if everything he says can be verified by records - he can state that without besmirching her. He chose to belittle her even after her death.

As to Nancy's drama it seems to me there may well be a somewhat justifable reason for it. Taking all the accounts in it seems clear that in April it was agreed that Nancy could return to Canada with the children, Brad even admits to looking for a job in Toronto. Something happened to change that. We know the children's passports were taken, even Brad admits that. That is controlling. Nancy may well have started letting alot of things out because of a pending custody battle, she may even have embellished while at it, but it seems reasonable and definitely not unheard of if one is going to be forced to fight for their children. Even Brad admits he made some changes to spend more time with his children which tends to indicate also an upcoming battle in which he wished to demonstrate his fatherhood. IMO there are many untruths in all of these affidavits on both sides but given the circumstances I would think it happens in most cases where custody is going to be an issue.

JMO

[RoughlyCollie]

I think that the statements that can be checked out for truthfulness are there to lend veracity to the statements that cannot be verified.

Just because a statement can be verified does not mean it is true. Plus, those statements may be the forest hiding the trees of untruthfulness.

Maybe.

Respectfully,
RC

I can tell you - there are several untruths in Brad's affidavits. A
JMO

[raisincharlie]

I think that the statements that can be checked out for truthfulness are there to lend veracity to the statements that cannot be verified.

Just because a statement can be verified does not mean it is true. Plus, those statements may be the forest hiding the trees of untruthfulness.

Maybe.

Respectfully,
RC

Yep - a big forest I think. :)

[piedmontmom]

ITA agree, there are many half truths in all of these affadivits and the real truth is somewhere in between. And if I could, I'd like to make it clear that I haven't ruled him out either. I realize that my opinion doesn't really matter unless I was on a jury. I hope that I wouldn't be called as I am part of the pool if this goes to trial.

I just have a lot of unanswered questions, like everyone else. Regarding all the posts I've made this morning, I just can't believe that NC felt he was that much of a danger to their girls (as alleged by her family). This is not to say that now, under all the current stress, things could be different...but if she truly felt him to be a safety issue to their girls then why go running/training and leave them in his care? And again, why, as recent as the eve of her death, would she have remained out so late, again having the girls under his care? This doesn't gel with me, sorry to say.

I also find it really hard to believe the friend that told her that Nancy said he wanted to spend time with them this summer and then have nothing to ever do with them again...and that Brad could have suggested that he keep one girl and Nancy the other. If I were this friend, and Nancy told me this I would have had a hard time believing this.

Listen, I may just be naive or hopeful (for the girls sakes) that it wasn't their father. I agree, they don't need to be in the glare of all the dirt that is coming out. The really sad thing, is that one day they will be able to read.

[fran]

Fran, ITA, your post makes sense. I "get" the fear that an abused wife does feel. My comment was made relative to their custody of the kids, and their shared custody arrangement. She must have trusted him with the kids, otherwise why would she have left them on a regular basis for her training? Why would she have left them in his care as recent as the eve of her death? That is the point I was trying (albeit unsuccesfull) make.

This whole situation is sickening for all...by all means the families, but also for the neighbors. Somewhere on some thread (ICR) Wallsburg Ct seems like Wisteria Lane...I have to say I agreed. The neighbors seem to have known so much "dirt" in that marriage...I would have been uncomfortable to say the least. Another poster also said there are 3 sides to a story (NC, BC and the truth). These two seem to have treated each other very badly...NC seemed to have a flare for the drama. Just one of the things that bothers me is that she allegedly cashed a check for $350 on the eve of telling her friends he didn't give her money and that was why she had to sell clothes at a garage sale. I'm sad to say his rebuttal affadivit, if true (all of which can be checked out), shoots down a lot of what her friends alleged. Again, 3 sides to a story.

I haven't posted a lot lately...to be honest, I had to get away from the "drama", and now I am so far behind and am confusing all the threads.

I see what you're saying piedmontmom and I think I can somewhat agree with you, in part.

Perhaps Nancy did over-dramatize some things. But,....we don't really know to what extent, she's not here to defend herself. But I do take into consideration that they were going through a divorce. Honestly though, I use what I've learned through studying several of these same sort of cases and people I know personally who've been through these sorts of things.

First, remember, we don't know for sure there was that $350 check and if there was, what was it for? Just because he said he can verify, doesn't mean he can, he's posturing now, like they do in opening statements in trials, promise the world and in the end, nadda........or it may have been to pay a particular bill while he was gone and that's what she did with it, a ha! he has proof she cashed a check.............see,

When this case first hit the news, one of the radio stations IIRC, had on their website, case after case after case, of children, entire families that had been wiped out by one of the parents, a divorce was in progress or had been finalized. When I saw that list, OhMyGoodness, I soooo remember name after name appearing here on Websleuths, AFTER they were all dead. Who knew? Who would think they could do that? Who thought they would kill their own children to hurt the other? Who knew?

We worked on a case here. A dad took his kids for a weekend, July 4th, IIRC. They were at a fireworks show, disappeared, days later the ex-husband showed up in a hotel in California, 3000 mi away. No kids. He goes to jail. Commits suicide. Where are the kids? We were trying to help figure out where they were. We were very, very close. They found them, one or two years later, a woman walking her dog, shallow grave, marked by little crosses........it broke our hearts. :( We knew how it would end, but we didn't want it that way.

Nancy knew Brad didn't like her, he wanted a divorce. He hated her, not the kids. She was afraid for herself, not the kids. He didn't want to pay her alimony. He didn't want to give her the proceeds of the house. He didn't want to give her the newer car, paid off. He didn't want her to move to Canada. He didn't want her to work. He didn't want her to spend HIS money.

Nancy was afraid for herself, NOT the KIDS. She was trapped. Trapped in a crummy marriage, trapped in a foreign country where IF she got a divorce, she could be deported to Canada, loosing her kids because they're U.S. citizens. (it happens ALL the TIME here in Cali, parents deported leaving several AMerican born (citizen) children behind. ALL the TIME. Daily.

He wanted her out of the house. He wanted her to run back to Canada with the kids. He kept moving the date up. First the end of summer, then June, then the end of April. Canada, out of here, he didn't want to see her or the kids again. But when the time was approaching, AFTER he'd been given a copy of the separation form and saw how much he'd have to pay, he took away the children's passports. She was TRAPPED.........her excuse to friends was the divorce was on hold until she could get her green card. SHE was here AS BRAD'S WIFE. She could NOT get a divorce or she would be deported. He refused to leave the home, slept in another room.

When Nancy started earning money by painting houses for her friends, he decided she didn't need any money from HIM, she had some because she was getting paid by her friends to paint.

This is getting long, so I just want to say one more thing. What did that note mean? Nancy found Brad's note that had one of the daughter's favorite color on it and on the other side it had bank accounts, life insurance, wills........?

What did it mean?

fran

PS.....she should have taken her friends up on their offer when she told them about the note, just days before she was murdered. They wanted to go and pack her things up and have her stay with them.........Who knew?...fran

[piedmontmom]

Again, Fran, I see your points in your last post. I'm new here and do not have much (well, to be honest, any) experience in sleuthing. I was drawn to this case becasue, we're local, my kids walk around Lochmere (although I don't live there) and because a google search brought me to this site early on in the whole thing. I waited a few days to register and had to wait to be approved. I'll admit, I am holding out hope that he didn't do it, mostly because I wonder how people/fathers/husbands can do this sort of thing. Obviously it happens though. But before I'd convict someone I'd want many of my doubts reasonably answered. My posting this morning, related to the custody issue, and I think I found the right custody thread and have posted there.

Again, I don't do this enough (well, at all) to watch trends. When we first moved here the town of Cary was referred to as "camelot" by friends we've made in neighboring towns. There is a stigma associated to Cary and all the dirt that has come out just perpetuates it. I had to take a break from here and, like I said before, I am so behind. I have been curious...is it common for LE to repeatedly say that the husband is NOT the POI or even a suspect? It seems to have been dragged out longer than I would have anticipated. Does it take so long for an autopsy report to come back? I've read that it's becoming common place to seal search warrants now. I'd tend to think if it were a "slam dunk" he would have been charged already.

I wouldn't give credance to some of the things mentioned by her friends because many have reasonable explanations. It bothers me when they say that Nancy was the one responsible for day to day child care, thereby insinuating that he didn't care...Being a SAHM...I'd say "next argument...since SAHM, by default, are the ones responsible for day to day. Dad is at work, how can he changing diapers, doing laundry, etc".

I dont' like that saying he is socially inept/awkward makes him a bad husband...seriously, with the amount of knowledge her friends had on their marriage...if I were him I wouldn't want to show my face and hang out with them either. My mother always told me "it takes two".

Need to end this post, and possibly, get back to my day at hand.

[Jaydee0158]

IMHO, to understand how it works in an abusive relationship, either just emotional, or both emotional AND physical abuse,(which btw, emotional abuse is just one second short of physical abuse) you have to either suffered this same type of relationship personally, or know someone who has.

For someone who's never been in this type of situation, it's difficult to see how the abused could continue to live and love the abuser. SNIP

Many, many people, just..don't..get..it! :(

JMHO
fran

PS.....Please don't be fooled by denials of the alleged abuser. They're very, very good at hiding the truth. That's why they get away with it. NO ONE knows what goes on behind those closed doors other than the two people involved. And then there was one..........fran

I respectfully disagree here. Sorry. I was married to man who emotionally abusive and threaten physical abuse many times. I do agree that I kept most of it to myself and did not share, not even with family. But I did not love him after his true self became obvious to me. I kept busy with my job and entered school. It was there that I focused all my attention and did well. It was there that I also gained confidence needed. After a period of time I knew there was only a certain way out of the marriage and I put a plan into place with a time frame in which to accomplish it. Once I separated my income and accounts and talked with a counselor, I broke the news that I was filing. That was when it became very tough and frightening. Then I let family know. I also made it very clear to him that if anything happened to me, he would be the first suspect. That was 14 years ago.

Happily married now, but it is not easy. Marriage is hard work, no matter what!

[NCBanker]

You guys did incredible work to identify the "other woman" before it was eventually published. I'm impressed! :clap:

And to think you even found a photo of her? Double kudos!! :clap: :clap:

[NCBanker]

Of all the possible Google searches in recent weeks, our "other woman" was ranked number 28, way ahead of Barack Obama, and several other noted folks... This is big time news.

http://www.rushprnews.com/2008/07/24/google-hot-trends-july-24/

[LillyRush]

I dont' like that saying he is socially inept/awkward makes him a bad husband...seriously, with the amount of knowledge her friends had on their marriage...if I were him I wouldn't want to show my face and hang out with them either. My mother always told me "it takes two".

Need to end this post, and possibly, get back to my day at hand.

I agree that the claims of social awkwardness were a bit over the top. As someone who is not fond of big/cliquey group type situations, those types of statements always make me cringe. So, anyway...Brad was an introvert..Nancy was an extrovert...it happens.

This brings me back to the thing with one friend saying Nancy was uncomfortable with certain people because they were supposedly too chummy with Brad and then other people feeling Brad was the one uncomfortable around them because they had been informed of his affair. There was too much personal information floating through this neighborhood and group of friends.

[LillyRush]

Of all the possible Google searches in recent weeks, our "other woman" was ranked number 28, way ahead of Barack Obama, and several other noted folks... This is big time news.

http://www.rushprnews.com/2008/07/24/google-hot-trends-july-24/

That's funny. Hey, maybe she can write a book now and be assured that her name is already out there.:crazy: I also like how "corey feldman's wife" is # 18 on the google search list. lol:waitasec:

[LillyRush]

About Heather's ex-husband Scott supporting and still being friendly with Brad, it turns out my theory that involved them reuniting as friends over mutual angst wasn't too far from the truth. In Scott's affidavit, he mentions that he didn't find out about the affair until it was already over with Brad and Heather had moved on to another guy who she is currently dating. So, it looks like they did indeed re-bond (as I'm calling it) over shared experiences of beint burnt by Heather.

[SusieClue]

I hope the facts of this case help the next wife and mother who is being controlled and verbally abused by her husband to take heed and plot her escape from the abuser well and long before she too ends up like Nancy did.

Such a control freak should never learn in advance that his wife is 'unhappy' and wants a divorce. She should do the best acting of her life and pretend all is well for as long as she needs to. But she should be socking away money and get herself a good and private plan to escape to save herself and her children.

NEVER EVER give a control freak abuser spouse information about what you want, ESPECIALLY if it's about gaining your independence. Never give your abuser the opportunity to 'snap' and do the ultimate control maneuver: murder.

Plot your escape carefully. Take your time. Make sure you have money in cash and hidden. Make sure you contact your local women's shelter and document what is happening with you. But SECRETLY! Do not leave evidence around where your control freak abuser might discover it.

Do whatever you have to do but PLOT YOUR ESCAPE, GET OUT, GET YOUR KIDS OUT, and SURVIVE!

AGREED. Unfortunately, I think it is plainly obvious that Nancy had a hard time hiding her emotions and thoughts. She told so many friends about her troubles. There is no crime in that, just an honest soul. But, it makes sense that it was hard for her to hide feelings from her husband as well, which makes me believe, all the more, that she was upfront with him about her plans and he snapped. Either snapped a few months ago and made a plan or snapped on the spot on Friday night. Either way, it didn't end well for sweet Nancy.

[SusieClue]

About Heather's ex-husband Scott supporting and still being friendly with Brad, it turns out my theory that involved them reuniting as friends over mutual angst wasn't too far from the truth. In Scott's affidavit, he mentions that he didn't find out about the affair until it was already over with Brad and Heather had moved on to another guy who she is currently dating. So, it looks like they did indeed re-bond (as I'm calling it) over shared experiences of beint burnt by Heather.
AND the fact that she is currently the DEFENDANT in an Alienation of Affection lawsuit - which means she was YET AGAIN "enjoying the company" of another woman's husband. Telling isn't it? She is just a grade A peach, no?

[Bob&Bob]

I think someone needs to define the word "Affair"

[SusieClue]

I think someone needs to define the word "Affair"

I guess I'll bite. What do you mean?

[boxy]

Of all the possible Google searches in recent weeks, our "other woman" was ranked number 28, way ahead of Barack Obama, and several other noted folks... This is big time news.

http://www.rushprnews.com/2008/07/24/google-hot-trends-july-24/

She's ahead of "John Edwards mistress" even, way down in the 90's.

[boxy]

I guess I'll bite. What do you mean?

I'll guess that B&B meant is whether a one time sexual liaison qualifies as an affair. Or perhaps whether a non-sexual whatever that he claims Nancy had is an affair.

[Bob&Bob]

I'll guess that B&B meant is whether a one time sexual liaison qualifies as an affair. Or perhaps whether a non-sexual whatever that he claims Nancy had is an affair.

That's sort of what I meant.

[EntreNous]

In my opinion a one time sexual union does not constitute an affair but it does constitute adultry. Whereas a long term relationship of a deeply intimate nature but is never consumated is an emotional affair, but not adultry.

Again, my opinion, I believe adultry to be more damning, technically.

[SusieClue]

I have a real headache from this thread.

It's real simple. Love your wife, honor her - do not talk about her to other women or try to establish a relationship with someone else while you are already married. If you honor her in your relationship - most likely she will repay you with RESPECT and your love will just bloom. She will RESPECT you and as a result, you will LOVE her. Cheating in either direction just fosters mistrust and resentment for a lifetime.

[Tink56]

I have a real headache from this thread.

It's real simple. Love your wife, honor her - do not talk about her to other women or try to establish a relationship with someone else while you are already married. If you honor her in your relationship - most likely she will repay you with RESPECT and your love will just bloom. She will RESPECT you and as a result, you will LOVE her. Cheating in either direction just fosters mistrust and resentment for a lifetime.

I agree with this, but feel it must go both ways. AND, once adultery has been committed and the trust lost, the vows are broken for most people. However, if Nancy and Brad had not been intimate for 2+ years, the marriage had been "broken" for a long time.

I sincerely hope that Nancy wasn't sharing the intimate details of her married life for the past 3-4 years. If so, besides lacking maturity, she was breaching the confidence of the relationship.

I'm sure her venting to her friends was a "safety" valve of sorts, but what if they had reconciled? Whew! None of her friends would have ever accepted Brad.

She should have been talking with a marriage counselor, therapist, or other professional, rather than airing all this in the neighborhood, IMO. Although if Brad is responsible for her death, her indiscretion may result in some justice.

However, the problem might not have escalated to this point if she had filed the separation papers and demanded that Brad leave the residence. Or, if she was truly fearful, she could have taken the girls and gone to a shelter, friend's home, etc.

Hindsight is marvelous, isn't it?? :(

[RoughlyCollie]

I was shocked by the amount of private information NC allegedly shared with so many of her friends. I figured maybe I am just a heck of a lot more reticent than she is.

If NC felt she was in danger, she had options -- for one thing, she had a close family and friends who seemed to be willing to help her out.

I don't think anyone thought NC was in danger until she disappeared.

As far as Brad is concerned, I don't have enough information (and I've read it all) to get off the fence about whether he killed his wife. If he did, I hope he fries for it. If he didn't, I hope he is actually cleared.

Respectfully,
RC

I'm sure her venting to her friends was a "safety" valve of sorts, but what if they had reconciled? Whew! None of her friends would have ever accepted Brad.

She should have been talking with a marriage counselor, therapist, or other professional, rather than airing all this in the neighborhood, IMO. Although if Brad is responsible for her death, her indiscretion may result in some justice.

However, the problem might not have escalated to this point if she had filed the separation papers and demanded that Brad leave the residence. Or, if she was truly fearful, she could have taken the girls and gone to a shelter, friend's home, etc.

Hindsight is marvelous, isn't it?? :(

[momto3kids]

I agree with this, but feel it must go both ways. AND, once adultery has been committed and the trust lost, the vows are broken for most people. However, if Nancy and Brad had not been intimate for 2+ years, the marriage had been "broken" for a long time.

I sincerely hope that Nancy wasn't sharing the intimate details of her married life for the past 3-4 years. If so, besides lacking maturity, she was breaching the confidence of the relationship.

I'm sure her venting to her friends was a "safety" valve of sorts, bu