View Full Version : HELP! Need ideas on how to stop someone.
Jennerbear
01-03-2009, 03:27 AM
My uncle (will name names if someone says I legally can. I certainly will. Yup) years ago molested BOTH of my big sisters that are 10 and 12 years older than me when I was a baby. This TEACHER (teacher!!!!) then went on to molest MANY of my female cousins and we think his own daughter (who is now deceased). His wife (my auntie) left him. The family didn't do ANYTHING legally at the time because of the proud matriarch of the family not wanting to look bad. :furious:
When I was a girl he was EXTREMELY mean to me to the point where I would come home from family functions crying. I was 12 when they told me what went down and why he was mean to me. My father threatened to kill him if he came near me. My family was a very hush hush family. I tell MY girls - I don't care WHO makes you uncomfortable you tattle!!!!!
My sister tried to kill herself a couple of times - never matured past 12 (she is 48) and is just... sad sad sad. Years later she had tried to prosecute him... they told her the statute of limitations was up. She called the school where he was teaching and tried to turn him in and they fired him... no legal stuff. This guy was NEVER punished sufficiently for what he did. I continue to see my sister (he got to her the worst and over a two year period) just destruct. My other cousins tried to do something but not until later when they realized that they had a voice I guess.
Other than trying to track this man down and make his life a living heck... is there anything I can do? What is done is done in my family but this man NEVER got hinderance or help... and an object in motion will stay in motion, yes? Advice?
Rob1977
01-03-2009, 03:32 AM
Wow. I am so sorry for your family's pain. What a horrible parasite. I am sorry you'all had to endure this man, but I'm not sure anything can be done at this point other than keeping your loved ones FAR FAR away.
My heart goes out to you guys. XO
Jennerbear
01-03-2009, 03:34 AM
Thanks, Rob. Unfortunately he is a teacher of kids this SAME age. He likes 12 year olds. So it isn't just MY family.
Rob1977
01-03-2009, 03:37 AM
How sickening. I pray for you and the rest of the innocents.
JaneInOz
01-03-2009, 03:51 AM
i don't know how it all works there. But you should go to the education board ( if you have such a thing there) and tell them his history
They should remove him immediate pending a investigation.
usually people like this continue to carry out their sick lives doing it over and over again. especially if never caught.
Im so sorry your family has had to endure this :(
Have you googled his name to find out if there is anything out there on him ?
Jennerbear
01-03-2009, 03:57 AM
I have googled, yes. Thanks Jane. I am sickened by this man. I have NO idea where he is. My plan is to call the school districts in the state where I am, look for him, and write a SNAIL MAIL letter. It seems like letters go further these days than they used to. I am just thankful to God that it didn't happen to me and I am able to raise my girls without that kind of garbage around them!
-JB
txsvicki
01-03-2009, 06:02 AM
Oh, I'd never let it rest until the freak drops dead. I'd try to file any sort of lawsuits I could on this man. Maybe all the cousins could file a large lawsuit. Someone anonymous could make sure all his neighbors know that he's a pedophile, as well as any women he had taken up with. If he married a woman with kids, the other family needs to know. If he's so brazen about it, I'm suprised that he's actually lived this long without being killed by some irate male relative or beaten to a pulp.
Jennerbear
01-03-2009, 06:16 AM
o_O
I used Yahoo people search and asked my mom for a couple of things and I found him. I'm calling the school district Monday morning. PLUS I found his neighborhood and I am going to write letters to the people next to him. I will update you all.
I don't think anyone has hunted him down because a) no one wants to go to jail for this creepo b) we're hoping that God's punishment is going to be worse than anything he could get here.
yosande
01-03-2009, 06:43 AM
Oh, I'd never let it rest until the freak drops dead. I'd try to file any sort of lawsuits I could on this man. Maybe all the cousins could file a large lawsuit. Someone anonymous could make sure all his neighbors know that he's a pedophile, as well as any women he had taken up with. If he married a woman with kids, the other family needs to know. If he's so brazen about it, I'm suprised that he's actually lived this long without being killed by some irate male relative or beaten to a pulp.
I agree you should seek advice from an attorney or two and bring with you statements from all who have been assaulted by him that you know of, and see if he can be sued. If he can be, it should ruin his future chances of working around other children. then send a shout out and you and lots of other folks would be more than willing to keep tabs on where he is and what he's doing to keep him the wanderer, with no roots, until and unless he turns himself in, and seeks justice for his victims. jmo
as a side note, God doesn't want anyone to perish, but to turn away from evil, repent, and turn toward good. Victims needs to know that it's not their fault, and that their abuser is truly remorseful for their crime, so they can begin to heal. jmo
prd2bokie
01-03-2009, 10:20 AM
I thought I had heard that maybe the law was being worked on to be changed on molestation. I don't know where I heard it but it seems like it was around a yr ago. This uncle thing happened to me to. I finally got to where I was telling anybody that would listen. My friends anyway, and my husband told his attorney, who was a friend of this uncle. ( we separated at one time ) She actually believed my husband. I have told enough people who have a good reputation that it has gotten around our small town. I feel this has been very effective. My mother, his sister, was all in a huff and told a relative she was tired of me being able to control their lives. Needless to say, I was very happy that I have gotten to them in some way. He doesn't work with children thankfully but it doesn't mean he hasn't done it again, I just pray that he hasn't. Sorry, I know that didn't help you figure out what to do, but I like to think that I've caused enough of a stir that he's not willing to risk his high paying job to do it again.
prd2bokie
01-03-2009, 10:26 AM
txsvicki, you made me giggle.:devil:
Jennerbear
01-03-2009, 03:33 PM
I agree with you about God's will for victims AND offenders. He is working with special ed apparently. I will email all family members involved and ask if they'd be willing to make statements. My other sister is ex LE and will probably get together with me on this and see what we can do. Thanks for the help.
Salem
01-03-2009, 04:54 PM
JennerBear - don't forget your sister. Please try to help her seek counseling and whatever else she might need to help her heal.
My prayers are with you in your search for justice.
Salem
Maya Love
01-03-2009, 09:53 PM
I have a very similar story. My pastor, grandfather molested me from the age of 6-9. He also has a long history of being sued, fired, etc from counseling jobs for sexual harrassment. I tried to do something about this a few years ago, contacted Ohio det. and they said the statute was out, 7yrs. Maryland said 20yrs but I couldn't lie and say that it ihad been w/in 20 yrs. My dad is crazy over the whole thing, I repressed until I was 17, ever since, he can't let it go. He's called his friends, employers, chuches, SDA conference. No one wants to help. I'm sure he's done this to other children and probably continues.
I'm sorry for your dead end, I understand.
Jennerbear
01-04-2009, 08:19 PM
Maya - so sorry to hear you went through that atrociousness! Maybe post on craigslist?? Can you get in trouble for that? Dunno. Anyway...
what we've done for my sister is this:
Paid for Christmas for her kids for several years. Playstations, trips to Disneyland, etc. We are NOT rich or anything... we weren't buying OURSELVES stuff like that, lol. We paid for their car to be fixed SEVERAL times. Her husband left her for a 21 year old and she got hooked up with a meth addict. We had her move in with us, helper her get a job and offered her to stay there until she got on her feet. We offered to help her get a vehicle and pay NO rent, NO chores - no room and board... nothing. The only deal was she couldn't talk to her crack head boyfriend. She lasted one month. My hubby told her that she had to choose if she wanted to go back to her state or stay and not talk to crack head bf. She chose to go back to her state. We HAD to wash our hands and just pray for her as it came to the point where it was going to be to the detriment of our family.
BOTLOF
01-15-2009, 01:01 AM
If I remember correctly, in many states, there is no statute of limitations when it comes to sexual abuse to children under 16. I would get legal council and attempt to throw his butt in jail and MAKE SURE that the population there knows WHY!
endthecycle
02-15-2009, 10:44 PM
o_O
I used Yahoo people search and asked my mom for a couple of things and I found him. I'm calling the school district Monday morning. PLUS I found his neighborhood and I am going to write letters to the people next to him. I will update you all.
I don't think anyone has hunted him down because a) no one wants to go to jail for this creepo b) we're hoping that God's punishment is going to be worse than anything he could get here.
With all of that "false reporting" and "slander" business it can be VERY hard to seek justice once the legal system is out of the question. Does anyone know of ways to do this without getting yourself fried for "slander"?
I was in a similar situation. I found the guy who had molested me as a child. He's sitting in prison in Ohio for 4 years for doing something similar. Sickening. Wish I could have stopped it- I was only a kid. I wonder if there is anything I can do now? I would love to post his mugshot because I know he has been doing this for at least 25 years.
itsreenw
02-16-2009, 12:18 AM
If he is still teaching somewhere I would not just call, but write the schoolboard and District Attorney's office and inform them of his history. I would insist that in addition to firing him, this time an investigation should be done.
That way you have proof that they were made aware, and it will become their liability if they don't investigate him and he molests someone after they are informed. Tell them if that happens you WILL send a copy of the letter to the media proving they knew about him. His past firing should've come up in his background check for his new teaching job. Don't they check references anymore????
My elementary school principle WILLIAM DEGRACE was a fugitive before being tracked down and arrested for molesting boys at the school and also his foster sons at his home.
The school district sent letters to the parents of the students and the local paper ran an article so any parents of or former students could come forward if they were victims.
RNempath
04-24-2009, 11:57 AM
:confused: After "minor" molestation by 2 separate offenders (1 at the age of 7 <he's in prison for molesting his stepchild>) and (a string of offenses by a 17 year old babysitter when I was appr. 9/10 <he was never prosecuted>), I was molested by my uncle. It wasn't invasive or painful, and I told my parents who didn't do anything (I think they just wanted to avoid family problems.) Strangely to me (due to the fact of the other molestations) it seemed fairly normal. He later plead guilty to molesting his own daughter (non-sexual assault plea):furious: I feel if I had pushed the issue more I could have prevented this from happening to her. Now in the course of talking to his new family (the one he got after all the other incidents happened) I'm getting the strange suspicion that he has at least done this to his step daughter and possibly his other daughter. She made some chilling comments without saying that he'd done that to her as well. She read about my experience in my blog and asked me if it was her dad. When I replied yes and explained the situation she said well that's one of a list from what I understand. I feel (intuitively) that she's on that list. They now have 3 Toddler/infant girls that he regularly has access too and i'm wondering if it's still happening?:confused: I can't prove what he did to me, how can I help?
Oh, and it's my very first WS post.
SewingDeb
04-28-2009, 07:15 PM
Gosh, I wish I knew how to help you. He is almost assuredly still molesting girls he has access to. If his stepdaughter will speak up, that would be great. Maybe you can get a little more information from her.
Welcome to the forum!
AmyDC
05-02-2009, 11:48 PM
Have you tried making a risk of harm report to child protective services?
RNempath
05-05-2009, 09:36 AM
I haven't contacted DHR, I want to be at least fairly sure first. I know that the step-daughter does act in a manner consistent with sexual abuse. She works as a stripper (75% of female sex workers have been sexually abused at some time or another), and she has major panic attacks so that she can't even leave the house sometimes. Knowing her as a child, she never seemed to have any issues like that. I am just trying to keep my relationship open with my cousin so maybe she'll tell me what has happened. The first daughter he molested, well my family believes the mother was lying, but knowing what he did to me I have always felt she was telling the truth. Thanks for the warm welcome guys. Any idea on how to get my cousin to "open up" to me?
raindrops300
06-07-2009, 08:06 PM
I haven't contacted DHR, I want to be at least fairly sure first. I know that the step-daughter does act in a manner consistent with sexual abuse. She works as a stripper (75% of female sex workers have been sexually abused at some time or another), and she has major panic attacks so that she can't even leave the house sometimes. Knowing her as a child, she never seemed to have any issues like that. I am just trying to keep my relationship open with my cousin so maybe she'll tell me what has happened. The first daughter he molested, well my family believes the mother was lying, but knowing what he did to me I have always felt she was telling the truth. Thanks for the warm welcome guys. Any idea on how to get my cousin to "open up" to me?
I think you have reason already to be fairly sure. I would go ahead and call DHR. Let them investigate. In AL, or at least in my county, they do not reveal who called and made the report, it is kept confidential.
FranksHere
02-20-2010, 08:17 PM
To bad you can't get a tapped confession ..but set up in such a way he does not know he is being tapped. Talk with the cops or someone with authority on the issue ..I wouldn't want my kids going to any school with someone like that as a teacher! Also get help! Never attempted to apprehend anyone, Police are the only people who are well equipped to deal with dangerous situations! Think Danger!
That reminds me of a sitiation I know of...that person worked with her friends dad who was a cop and the perp went to prison for his doing! Fast thinking made the difference there!The case was in the paper and the place was closed where all the stuff happened and it was found out just by mistake...Good thing though it was!
cocolafay
05-31-2010, 05:13 AM
o_O
I used Yahoo people search and asked my mom for a couple of things and I found him. I'm calling the school district Monday morning. PLUS I found his neighborhood and I am going to write letters to the people next to him. I will update you all.
I don't think anyone has hunted him down because a) no one wants to go to jail for this creepo b) we're hoping that God's punishment is going to be worse than anything he could get here.
You need advice from an attorney before writing letters to his neighbors and students' families (to get around slander). Also have you checked on a civil suit? Sometimes they're allowed even when a criminal trial is not. Good luck. cocolafay
Princess of Oz
12-21-2010, 12:51 PM
I'm sorry any of you are having to go through this. It's a hard burden to carry. Jen, I sit here wondering if we are related and have the same uncle. My uncle molested me from 4-7. Even when I was able to tell, nothing was done because the matriarch of our family didn't want the name tarnished.
I'm 31 now, and suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), clinical depression, anxiety and panic attacks and I have abandonment issues as well as trust issues.
I have tried so many ways to get someone to listen to me, and make something happen. So far, no one wants to get involved with something like that it seems. It's almost like, this many years later, and everyone is still turning a deaf ear on me and what happened. I worry about how many others he messed with, besides me. I know he also molested my brother who is 4 yrs older that myself. He works as a youth minister assistant in the church where he's from - that alone terrifies me.
My thoughts and prayers for justice and action are with you :Justice:
althea
01-29-2011, 03:51 AM
I'm from Canada and we have similar situations here. New laws are required. When the perp is finally arrested, there are many many previous victims who choose not to come forward because of the legal system. The police force has their hands tied because of the required evidence required in the court system. I honour all the women who step up and tell their story. They are the heros and the ones that will help lead this fight against child sexual abuse.
Melanie
01-29-2011, 04:44 AM
JennerBear - don't forget your sister. Please try to help her seek counseling and whatever else she might need to help her heal.
My prayers are with you in your search for justice.
Salem
Exactly. As a living survivor, she is an important witness. Counseling can bring the facts out in the open, making the case stronger to get him suspended, and/or thrown in jail (one can hope).
Bless you for what you're doing - I commend you.
Hugs,
Mel
jacasa
06-29-2011, 12:55 AM
Very sad story and my heart goes out to you. Is it possible he got caught and is in prison? Some states have public information on inmates, perhaps your does. Good luck to you!
smoknn
01-28-2012, 09:12 AM
Thanks, Rob. Unfortunately he is a teacher of kids this SAME age. He likes 12 year olds. So it isn't just MY family.
that is a sad story..i see it this way..may not be anything you can do about what has already happened..but i would make sure everyone around him knew and watched every move he made so it never happened again
BossLadyWhite
04-18-2012, 12:37 AM
I can only say that I know the pain caused by these types of opportunists...sick to my stomach, but wondering if you ever had any closure or if anything panned out form your efforts?
Peliman
04-18-2012, 01:32 AM
Is it possible he's on the sex offender registry? Is he still teaching?
Mac62
06-12-2012, 12:25 PM
Tell everyone you know. Cockroaches hate the light of day.
654321
06-23-2012, 12:05 AM
Here's a thought. Do any of these guys use the internet regularly? I got this idea from pervertedjustice.com....the company responsible for "To Catch a Predator"...that show where people pretend to be minors in chat rooms and get perverts to solicit them for sex and agree to come over...then when the perps show up, they're met with a TV crew and law enforcement...perhaps you could send an anonymous e-mail...an "ad" of some sort that suggests that they can find "barely legal locals to chat with" and a link to a chat room (I hear they like yahoo chat rooms)...create a fake account as an underage person and make your location specifically close to his. Then wait. Hopefully he shows up in the chat room...it's important, I think, when/if you chat with him, that you don't trap him into asking you for anything sexual, but that he naturally gets there. Record everything with screenshots or video of the screen so it can hopefully later be used in court (with proof that it wasn't tampered with/edited chat logs, etc)....best to research this more if you're going to go through with it. Best of luck to you and my heart goes out to you.
JustAsking
09-19-2012, 06:44 PM
Not only would I call the local school board, but make sure you call the state licensure boards. Most states require that teachers, counselors, ministers etc be licensed or credentialed and they are able to take complaints and investigate from a licensure point of view. The. Burden of proof isn't as strong as for a criminal case and the proceedings are less formal. If you can get something against a license, you can t least start restricting access. Finally, even though some criminal records may be expunged or sealed, many state boards, like the department of education can look behind expungements.
EXIA15145
09-22-2012, 02:44 AM
If I remember correctly, in many states, there is no statute of limitations when it comes to sexual abuse to children under 16. I would get legal council and attempt to throw his butt in jail and MAKE SURE that the population there knows WHY!
How many states have no statute of limitations? (that you know of)
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