Pages 13766 to 13767
Random Quotes .. yeah ... I'm always good fo something * Random*
" I long for the day of judgement when the plot lines of our lives will be neatly tied, and all puzzles explained and the meaning of events clear. We take to fiction, I suppose, because no such thing is going to happen, and at least on the printed page we can observe beginnings, middles, and ends, and can find out where morality resides. Real life tends to fade out into entropy, all all loose ends, and grief for what should have been, could have been, had things turned out just a little differently. Yet probably the life that was lived was the best that could be done even, to the outsider, better than could have been expected."
"There seems to be a general overall pattern in most lives, that nothing happens, and nothing happens and then all of a sudden everything happens. You are swimming out at sea, you're rocking gently int he wake of a wave, all seems tranquil, but water is mainting beneath you, unstoppable, and suddenly you are the wave breaking and crashing, sucking back into a maelstrom and then all is tranquil again."
"Hypnotize 'em and hook 'em.. That's how you do it ladies. It's all feel. and be patient. Don't yank too quickly or he'll get away. Let him run a little till he's out of breath. Then you've got him. Catch him first - you can always throw him back"
(too bad I didn't get this advice until now... the things you find in books!! )
Humility-freedom from pride
Pride (Hubris) - Greek Greeks looked at Hubris as the hero's tragic flow.
"The highest holiness is the deepest humility" - Andrew Murray
"I believe that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another" - Thomas Jefferson
Pages 13770 to 13771
Oh boy... If I hear Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" one more time... what the hell is the point of that song? I mean really. Most pointless song ever! And while I'm on music.. Christmas songs in mid-November? If only we were living at the North Pole and working for Santa. Only then would that be acceptable. I can't understand our society sometimes...
Anyway, Hey girlie!! How are ya? I'm trying not to completely demolish my $12.00 Bag. I have a terrible case of the munchies! I think it's period time... would explain so much. I'm so glad and so thankful for the other night!! Man, did we both need that. The book is extremely helpful, thank you again for that. And I had not idea how big Tom & Katie's daughter had gotten. She reminds me so much of my baby I saw my attorney last night, and no new updates, well, not really. I'm constantly trying to figure out what's going on with my Momma. She was going to give an inside look into my home life, to Channel 9, of all stations. I can't believe she is actually doing it or actually did it (last night). I guess the story was supposed to be about how things were when I was home. Lord knows she's trying to help, but I really don't see what good it's going to do. Anything positive they disect, and throw away, only after twisting whatever crap they can out of it. I need to go home already. I keep praying for ya! Stay encouraged, and stay strong! I'm glad that you've been able to have so many visits How's your Mom doing? Well, I hope. I know your babies miss ya, and for good reason, you're a great mommy! You'll be with them soon. This too shall pass.
You know what I can't stop laughing aobut? Your comment about being the cream in the Cadbury egg! Ha Ha! Classic! Speaking of chocolate and filling, there's a new Hershey's product: squares with creamy peanut butter! ... Between that commercial, the one's from Steak and Shake yesterday, and oddly enough, Golden Corral (how funny), my tummy is in a frenzy! I can't wait to shave my legs tomorrow! The simple pleasures!
Keep smiling Love! <3 ya!
Pages 13778 to 13780
Hey we're all wondering what my problem was, and it finally hit them why I suddenly lost my appetite. 3 cokes later, I was able to eat. This place ruins you in everyway possible. Bastards! I'm really sick of being watched. Now I know how fish feel. They drop food into our "bowl", tap on our glass, and all we can do is swim around and gasp for air. This stupid, stupid place has made me loco! I'm waiting for Jose #2 to come by soon... you've gotta catch a peek at the dimples Hernandez and I joke about for a 40-year-old, he sure doesn't look it. He graduated from highschool the year I was born !! HaHa!
Oh boy. Get me out of here. I'm sweating my butt off. What a day! Ciao! <3
Wow - At least the bread was warm, not drenched in whatever food is supposed to be, and my cookies were in prime condition too. I don't know how I survived before. I think I knew that the only food I was getting was going to come in a take-out box. It's so hard to look at them the same when you're home, believe me. The first day I went to Jose's office, we got take-out from this amazing Spanish restaurant down the street form the office, and when it finally came, I almost cried when I saw the stupid white tray.
Sorry ... my format is a little different. Noway
[From side margin]What I wouldn’t do for a cold beer, cranapple martini & a huge piece of chocolate cheese cake.
[Begin letter]Hello, my friend! I hope you had a great visit with your folks. I’m looking forward to hearing about it later. The Bucs won today! I was listening to the game on 104.1. At least there was finally something good on the radio!
My hand hurts, from writing, so much, and my handwriting is suffering because of it. Oh well. I’m going on about 5 Ĺ hours of sleep. You’d think I’d be tired, but oddly enough, I am wide awake. Dinner is almost here, I’m silently screaming as I write. Looks like another night of snacking. I was [End page 197] honestly about to cry earlier when I noticed that it wasn’t you, who took _____ spot in 17. : ( great. From here it looks like she got hit in the face. Probably a fight of sorts – big surprise there. Major bummer though! I’ve had some of the craziest songs in my head today and at the moment “Home, home on the range … where the deer and the antelope play” Lord help me! One thing that came to mind, you should ask Hernandez to cut your hair. If she wouldn’t let me I would gladly. It may help make it a little bit healthier. Anything I can do to help I will! : )
♥ ya pal!! : ) Dinnertime! [End page 198]
[From side margin] Can you please tell me why none of these chics [sic] can manage to keep their clothes on??? Wtf?!?!?! My eyes!
Mornin’! How are we doing today? They’re getting ready to bring in lunch. I wonder what’s in store for us today. I pray every morning for a calm, quiet, and relaxing day. 1 of 3 isn’t so bad! Note much else to do besides relax – sleep, write, read, listen to some tunes. I hope you missed the “show” last night. I have no clue what time you came back in, but yikes! Another fiasco, from the north, then to the east or west – not that I’m being picky about what side it’s coming from. Never a dull moment! At least the vent-talkers are easier to ignore or drown out via la radio. My journal for today will be interesting. : )
I’m so glad I have my goodies back!!! I was starving yesterday, or I was at least in that mentality. I think I just missed having junk food – how sad. Oh! And let me just say, I’m extremely unshocked about my lack of privacy here! I’ll tell you more about that later. It’s so bad, that I have a certain “resource” doing [End page 201] some digging for me. At least our secret is still safe! I can’t trust the day-time staff for anything! : (
How is your family? I hope they’re doing well. I got a third confirmation that mine is hanging in there and they are staying as far away from the ‘limelight’ as possible (better late than never!) I wish we had actual workout equipment. I’d love to run on a treadmill. [she has crossed out the ‘a’ in treadmill and there is a note above it (a or no a?)] Ha! Sorry. No matter how much we try to keep our brains stimulated, thre’s something in the air that must make us forget things, like simple spellings. I never won a Spelling Bee, not that I was even interested in trying, but I was fairly confident in my spelling. Is that what happens when you’re locked in a Cadbary [sic] egg for too long? Maybe the fish bowl analogy would be better? Eh. No matter. I hope to chat soon! Thanks again for that book! Incredible!!! Literally one of those books that you can’t put down! Stay encouraged! I love ya sis! ♥
[From side margin] *Enjoy. *Winkie* It was sent to me from a “friend”, and it is definitely unlike anything you have ever read … about a teddy bear! : ) [End page 202]
[From side margin] My top 3 bands of all time: 1. Sevendust 2. Fuel 3: Disturbed
But I love my Huey Lewis & The News, Pearl Jam, a little Tenacious D and Linkin Park. Best concert ever: Papa Roach
[Begin letter] Hey sis!
This whole not being able to talk thing really sucks. : ( How are you holding up? I’m sorry to hear about everything with your attorney, and to top it off, Clay. I pray for each of you, and your families each night, but I said an extra prayer for you both last night. I know I keep saying this, but I wish there was more I could do.
I saw my pastor on Friday, and he’s keeping you and your family in his prayers. He said that my family is doing well. That was actually confirmed, via the radio, when I heard yesterday morning maybe it was Sunday, but in any case, my parents flew out to California yesterday morning, following a couple tips, and a special date with Larry King. At least they’re getting to travel the US, something I know they’ve both always wanted to do. My mom is still extremely defensive, especially in my case, and doesn’t hesitate to refuse any and all things being reported. My pastor confirmed that she’s still staying strong [End page 203] in her faith, which is a definite comfort. She’s really coming into her own, and I’m so grateful. I’m still worried about my brother, hoping that he’s figured out where he’s moving to, and that work isn’t putting too much additional stress on him. We’re working on my bond motion, so I should hopefully and unfortunately be in court within the next two weeks. Hopefully, we’ll get to talk soon, so I can get more details from you, and maybe have some useful advice. I’m looking into the appeals process, and I’ll make sure I update you with every minor detail as I go along. I really can picture myself pursuing law after all of this. Funny, huh! Your journals … wow! I can’t wait to read this book!!! And I think the title is perfect. I’m still tossing around the idea of doing something similar, but I’ve always wanted to write children’s books. I guess one can do both … who knows. I’m really interested in reading that story you told me about. Hits close to home, considering we both know all too well some of the things she’s gone through. Life can be cruel, so cruel, and you’re either a victim or a [from side margin] survivor. You and me, we’re survivors. Hold strong in your faith. I keep thinking about your dad. He’s a strong man. I’m glad that your parents are still trying to keep in contact with Clay’s family. That’s extremely important. Don’t lose hope! [End page 204]
[From side margin page 205] You will get your miracle! I know I say that all the time, but I feel it in my heart and in my gut. You and me, we’re going to do big things, and we’re going to help so many people! Here’s to second chances! ♥
[Begin letter]And as far as I see it, you are one incredible woman, for trusting your own heart, over what other people say when it comes to your husband. No one can look down on you, or should try to convince you that by sticking by your man you’re doing something wrong. You love him. It’s so obvious! I only hope that I can find that love one day. Don’t give up on him, as long as there is still the tiniest ounce of love in your [End page 205] heart. True love is unconditional. I praise you for supporting Clay. It just shows how strong you are, and how strong your love is! You’ll get through this
Through this, both of you, and I pray that you make it through every trial, together. I still recommend writing to him, mailing that letter to a friend, and having them mail it to him for you. A “real” friend will do you that favor. Stay encouraged love! There is a silver-lining to this cloud. (We share the same love of sunset too! That lovely purple-blue. It’s a hidden comfort. : ) I ♥ ya, girl! And I can’t wait for my little tree. I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas. [End page 206]
Last edited by Noway; 04-30-2010 at 12:38 AM. Reason: removed siggy added note at top
As a Christian, prayer is a constant in my life, not a day goes by when I don’t conduct some kind of conversation – no matter how quiet and casual – with God. I have to believe that He, and the family He blessed me with, will help me keep my head high.
~ Dan Quayle, former Vice President of the United States ~ 1988-1992 under the Bush Adminstration
(it just fits : ) ) ♥
“… His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
*the shortest distance between two points is a leap of faith!! : )
Have you ever stood at the edge of the ocean and watches the waves come in?
God’s love is like the waves – constant, steady, sure.
He says His mercies are new every morning! Everyday we get a new wave of His mercy, grace, and love.
You’re going to laugh at me. : ) I’ve started counting calories … but here’s why:
We may actually be able to survive on junk food & drink mixes! : ) Isn’t that fabulous??? Yeah, I was bored, and hungry, and started to wonder if “junk food” really is that bad for you. Turns out, it’s not! The things we need to watch out for is too much salt, fat and sodium. Otherwise than that, it’s probably 1000x better for us to eat our commissary than all 3 reg. Meals. I doubt there’s enough necessary nutrients to energize a turtle!
Here’s the list that I found:
*For 2000 calories:
Total fat – 65g
Carbs – 300g
Sat. fat – 20g
Fiber – 25g
Cholesterol – 300mg
Sodium – 2400 mg
*We need as much protein as we can get!!! [End page 211]
My head is going to explode! I just want to scream for these idiots to stay out of the vents. I’m honestly getting a headache. : ( It baffles me that they continue to get away with it. You can hear them outside of our cells. Give me a freaking break! Ah! Sorry. Had to vent. I know you can obviously sympathize. I’m in a pretty difficult mood at the moment … hearing more about my folks on the radio. They’ll be on Larry King tonight (Wed.) and Dateline later this week. My pre-trial starts tomorrow but I’ll be signing my waiver, so I don’t have to attend [End page 212] and I’ll also be waiving my right to speedy trial. I can’t believe it’s already a week and a half into December. So depressing! I feel like such a whiner. Sadly, it’s one of those days. I crave some bit of normalcy, some bit of a real life. Someday soon, we’ll both get our miracles. It’s so hard to see the bigger picture sometimes, but it’s necessary. I’m praying for you! I hope you’re doing alright. I love yah hun! ♥
(My allergies have kicked my butt up and down the block. What a day!)
[From side margin]I can’t wait to talk to ya!! I miss my friend!!!![End page 113]
- What was the longest song to ever reach number one?
- Rod Stewart was once a member of which band? Steampacket, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Hermets, or Bubba and the Bad Boys?
- What is the best selling instrument in the world?
- What is the top selling single of all time
- What is the last note on a keypad?
- What band was once called the Golden Gate Rhythm Section?
- What band was once called Feedback?
- When was the LP invented?
- What was the name of John Lennon’s first girlfriend?
- What did Juice Newton’s husband do?
[Photo of Caylee; I saved to my Photobucket but it was a bad photocopy, so I found actual photo on Internet and posted below.]
Father, I pray that your angels may watch over my Caylee. She gives me strength always. ♥
My sister, my friend,
We have been through so much, both separately, but now, we are able to face our trials and our victories together. You’ve shown me what it’s like to have a *true* friend, regardless of what obstacles are staring me in the face. You have encouraged me daily, and you can always put a smile on my face : ) You have such a strength that I admire, because you are not by any means afraid to show your emotions. You will never give up on someone that you love, and that’s a quality I greatly admire.
I too, will never leave your side, and I will help you in any way that I can. I cherish you, and our growing friendship.
Keep your Faith and your Hope!
Always keep you head up high!
I love you girl! And I am so very thankful t hat even through this difficult time, for both of us, that we have been so blessed to have found each other.
God is so good! And he has placed his hand firmly on your shoulder. I pray everyday for your miracle … it’s within reach!
Remember, He gives us Strength in our moments of weakness. Never give up! ♥
One of the things that has brought me great comfort: [drawn flower] Matthew 5:3-12
And one of my all-time Faves: [drawn flower] Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 [End page 218]
I’ve hit an all time low and have slipped into a depression that only God can bail me out of. Everytime I look at my kids, I just break down. I got some bad news from my attorney the other day, my changes of serving less than 10 years are now 50% slimmer than they were before because I do not qualify for a “safety valve” from the judge (a leniency to drop the mandatory 10 year sentence).
It seems as though reality is closer than ever and I am afraid to admit that God might put me in prison for that length of time. I understand that there are consequences for the mistake I made but swallowing the pill or reality is now lodged in my throat leaving me gasping for air as I continue to choke on the mistake that has ruined my life. With all the tears that I have cried, I am certain that God is able to make a good size pond for ducks to **** in, sorry not funny.
It’s been so long since I have heard my first name called and a last name that I am all to used to hearing even though I haven’t had it long at all. In Galations [sic] 5:22 the bible reveals the fruits of the spirit as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I feel like being here has [End page 219] shown me all of those fruits except for joy. My life has never experienced true joy. Almost as if there has been a black cloud hovering over me allowing no light to shine through it, except of course the flourescent [sic] light that hangs in my cell.
I just can’t imagine 10 years of my life taken away from me and my kids. I believe that God has something better for me but what if I’m wrong? I also believe that Clay and I would live happily ever after. I was wrong about that. Although I love him still, everyone is against me in thinking of him, so when do our thoughts become forbidden and when do consequences become condemnation? What exactly is jail for anyway? Is it meant to hold you in a place of confinement until you show remorse for your mistakes or is it meant to hold you in solitude until you mentally go insane? And then there’s the though that you are punished for an extensive amount of time for making a small mistake but because of it you are now doomed to the pits of prison until you are forgotten about by friends and society. I think there are no real answers and all of it is complete **** and just a way of making the problem when in fact there are worse things to be concerned about. [End page 220]
Last edited by Noway; 04-30-2010 at 12:40 AM. Reason: removed siggy and added pages 212-213
[Candy cane photo on one side of card; text on back page of card]
1. The continent of Africa is made up of how many countries?
2. Which country is bordered on all sides by South Africa? – Malawi; Lesotho; Niger; or Sudan
3. Which country is not on the equator? Egypt, Colombia, Uganda or Somalia?
4. How many countries are on the equator?
5. How many countries are on the continent of South America?
6. On what continent would you find the indigenous people of BanawŠ?
7. The “Gold Coast” is now known as?
8. On what continent would you speak Quechua?
9. Santiago is the capital of what country?
10. Where in the world would you find South Georgia? (Hint – not in Georgia!) [End page 221]
[Inside of card, left side]
A big part of me wants to say Bah-Humbug because of the upcoming holidays.
But … the little elf in me still is going to try to spread some holiday cheer!
A friend of mine sent me some random trivia, most of the answers I got wrong but, it was a good distraction nonetheless.
There are 5 categories … each with 10 questions. I’ll send the answers later, so you can’t cheat : ) I sure tried! Ha! Enjoy! ♥
1. How many times are dogs mentioned in the bible?
2. Which dog breed can get acne?
3. How many vocal sounds can a dog produce?
4. Which dog breed can have a blue tongue?
5. Sun Yan Set, survived which disaster?
6. How many dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic?
7. What language is commonly used to train police dogs?
8. The greyhound comes from which country?
9. What was the name of Hitler’s dog?
10. Queen Elizabeth has four dogs of which breed?
[Inside of card, right side]
1. A ‘Jenny’ is a female?
2. A ‘Cast’ is a group of?
3. How long does it take to had boil an ostrich egg?
4. Which animal can get a ‘sunburn’?
5. What animal were allies trying to train to drop bombs during WWII?
6. Which animal has a blue tongue?
7. Which animal can walk underwater? Armadillo, porcupine, seal or tiger?
8. What is a ‘sea wasp’?
9. Which animal can go longer than a camel without water?
10. What is used to make camel hair brushes?
1. King Henry the Eighth had how many wives?
2. Which emperor ‘fiddled while Rome burned’?
3. Where is Benedict Arnold buried?
4. Where was Marco Polo born?
5. Who wrote the Odyssey?
6. Which European city was originally ‘Little ___”?
7. What was the last province to join Canada?
8. Which country’s civil war was known as the ‘Onin War’?
9. Which of these is noble gas? (no multi-choice)
10. N_________ is the crown prince of what country? [End page 222]
Last edited by Noway; 04-30-2010 at 01:10 AM. Reason: formatting blown; updating
I’m looking into the appeals process, and I’ll make sure I update you with every minor detail as I go along. I really can picture myself pursuing law after all of this. Funny, huh! Your journals … wow! I can’t wait to read this book!!! And I think the title is perfect. I’m still tossing around the idea of doing something similar, but I’ve always wanted to write children’s books.
BBM, and Gosh I hope I did the quotes right.
She was looking into the appeals process wayyyyyyyyyyyyy back then, a year ago. In light of the motion to seal the visitor logs, thought I'd bring this up. Many thanks to those who are transcribing the letters.
SHOOT, the quotes didn't work. I'm referring to post #54 of this thread, the paragraph that begins "I saw my pastor...", about midway through that paragraph. Sorry.
Last edited by Gnatcatcher; 04-29-2010 at 09:47 PM.
Howdy! Today is a little bit better … better than the last few days. I’m listening to a wedding on 104.1 – live. Pretty cool; very sweet actually.
I can’t stop thinking about your Mariah Carey comment … and her stupid song. I really can’t get into Christmas music, and I can’t remember a time since before high school, that I actually listened to any Christmas music.
It was nice of the chaplains to come through … yike! I need spell check too. I think I’m getting a cold. : ( Ugh.
Is it possible to get sick because you’ve cried too much? At least that’s one norm, for me – I’m usually sick on the big day. The few years I’ve been, uh, unsick? Ha! It was really hot out – like in the mid-80’s. I’m avoiding going [End page 223] outside. I miss the fresh air, but I’d rather not add to my misery.
Anyway … what did you ask Santa for, for Christmas? I want a new bike, and a big ol’ chocolate milkshake! Should we pray for snow? Why not! I wonder who’s going to be here Christmas night?
Maybe we can ask for a little talk time … let’s hope for someone willing to indulge a couple of weepy mommys [sic] who need a friend. I think the wedding is getting underway, so I’m off, then time for my shower. ♥ ya homes!! [End page 224]
Thankful for everything?
One Summer evening a friendship was no more. Our best friend had made the decision to favor his selfish love of money instead of what could have been a lifetime of friendship. Because of his betrayal, I was stripped of my life, my children, husband, parents, career, friends and great reputation. During my time in jail, I have expressed my thoughts and feelings through my journals but I find this one to be my favorite yet.
Let me be Thankful –
First, because I have never been in jail before. Second, because although he took many days away, he did not take my life, my family, my imagination or my hopes and dreams. Third, because I have lost some time each day becomes my past, I still have a future to look forward to. Fourth, because it was I who was betrayed by trust and dishonesty and not I that was the betrayer of such. And fifth, because God has given me the strength to make it through each day, have faith that I will be home again soon, and the ability to forgive
I’ve figured out why I get so emotional when I read your poems, journals, and letters.
They hit me like a tidal wave!
Now don’t jump to any conclusions, just read the words again – can you picture it? A whole mass of words, fueled by such honest, raw emotion, they could steamroll a thousand people because those words, they hit you like a tidal wave, but in the best way possible! I’m talking about waves so strong that they not only soak your rolled up pant, but you get swept off your feet, left with the pleasure of knowing that you have been impacted by a great force. In those (sorry, stupid pen!) moments, you’re taken on the journey of a lifetime, one you want to hold onto with every ounce of strength because it feels so good! It feels so right! That tidal wave of words and emotions does so many unexplainable things, but most importantly … it touched my heart and it fires the very depths of my soul!
God has surely given you a gift, missy, and I’m always amazed, but never surprised by the talent that I see among so many other things. You are able to express feelings and thoughts that I can’t even begin to put into words, not written, nor spoken, and I swear, I know those are gifts that He too has given me! The thing is, the thing that stands out so clearly for me every single day, I can always rely on your words for comfort. Our Father doesn’t just speak to you, He speaks through you, and man! What an impact you have on me!
You are going to do great things my dear, such great things, and I pray that I will be able to witness [End page 228] them first-hand, each and every one!! : )
You are my sister in this life and every other. My cherished friend – my best friend … you truly have a remarkable soul! ♥
A point to ponder:
God’s love is like the waves – constant, steady, sure.
Every day we get a new wave of His mercy, grace, and love.
(Holley Gierth)[End page 229]
[from side margin](Friday)
Hey sis! [dot on exclamation point is ♥]
I can’t wait to talk to you! I figured I’d still write in the mean time. Your court date is just around the corner. I’m so excited for you!! : ) I’m praying every day and every night that your happy butt will go home. Your miracle is just around the bend (I caught myself before I said ‘just around the corner’ again). Ha! I think I need a nap!
I tried to write my mom back tonight, but I couldn’t finish it. I can’t seem to find the words yet. I need to continue to pray about it. Every time I think about my Momma, I’m a wreck. I’m having a big problem though … and I know I’ll get to talk to you about it before you read this so use worrying! I’m going to keep my head glued to my Bible and to all positive things – letters, books, cards, etc. I miss my Caylee [End page 230] so much, : ( but knowing that she’s waiting for me in Heaven, honestly, is a great relief. I can’t wait to see you with Josh and Maddy. I’m adopting them as my nephew and niece. : )
I already love them, your parents, and even that husband of yours, as I do my own family. You are one lucky girl! I’m happy that we’ve both been able to open up to the Chaplain. She is so full of encouragement and love, and I’m thankful for her growing friendship. God’s love is so incredible! They say that blood is thicker than water, and how true that is! The blood of Christ is streaming through our bodies. Our bond is unbreakable! My friend, my sister, I love you! Stay strong. Stay faithful. ♥ Here’s to a brand new year and brand new beginnings!
Man, those vent talkers! They’re in my prayers … (right after I wrote that, they stopped! How funny. : ) ) [End page 231]
I know you saw me earlier and I was pretty much a wreck. It’s been coming and going a lot, which I guess is normal. It seems to come much faster than go, but I’m coping nonetheless. Our talks help, more than you know, and writing has made it a lot easier to deal-with the multitude of emotions.
I’m so terrified that one day I’ll be asked how I got through all of this … not because I’m afraid that I won’t, but because I know that I will. Every morning I ask God to give me the strength to get through each day. Sometimes I have to ask more than once, but I get through it, whether I want to or not. I have faith … I always have faith. One day, hopefully soon, this trial will be over in my life, in yours as well, and we’ll be able to continue to praise God for walking with us along the way. I know I’ll have you to thank too! : )
It’s funny … somedays, I get so frustrated by the ignorance around us, and other days, like today, it just makes me laugh. Odd right? On my worst days, I could care less about the idiots around us, but on my better days, I’m so mad that they try to spoil it. Eh. One thing I’ve noticed though, they hate, and I mean absolutely hate to see us happy. Maybe because you and I are the minority, and not just because of the color of our skin. You’ve got class girlfriend, something all the dark chocolate around us is surely lacking. And our mutual friend … I pray that she can stay strong [End page 232] in her faith and overcome the obstacles in front of her. She may have changed, but she’s back her [sic] for a reason. Maybe it’s our joke to help her? We’re going great by helping each other. At least we both know that she’s willing to listen.
I’d honestly love to talk to those around us, and help them see the bigger picture. Part of me sees that being a big part of this, which is why, whether I’m having a good day or not, I need to remember to keep my head up and not take what they’re saying personally. They’re bullies, and bullies try to put people down to make themselves feel better.
I know better, and I’m going to try harder to keep the peace in my own heart, so I can focus on how to get through to our ever-growing number of neighbors. (I do miss the ones that could actually sing.) Oh well. Anyway … I hope you’re doing well love! Give your folks my best, when you can. I’m praying for them, and the munchkins. Even your hunky man! Does he have any cute brothers?? : ) Ha!
Here’s to hoping that we get a visit from Sandy Claus and maybe a gift or two. I’m almost hoping they hold all our mail on purpose till Thursday. The simple pleasures! Get lots of rest, eat plenty of junk, and keep on keepin’ on! ♥
♥ ya girl! I’m off to beddy-byes! Night! [End page 233]
Last edited by Noway; 04-30-2010 at 12:37 AM. Reason: got rid of siggy
Well, you’re watching tv, you lucky, lucky soul! and I’m sitting here by my door, ready to scream!! I can’t seem to get over the level of immaturity and ignorance that surrounds us at every corner. Give me a break! It’s turned into the Loveline in the vents tonight. Seriously? It’s taking all of my strength not to bang my head against the door frame. Come back sis! My radio isn’t pulling it’s [sic] weight as of late. How depressing! I just can’t seem to listen for too long, without the yelling and squaking [sic] and silliness escalating above any normal level.
Dogs would hide their tiles between their legs after listening to all of this garbage at such ridiculous frequencies! Blah! How badly do you think I’d have to beg to get moved, or better yet, for us to be roomies? Granted, that might not work while we’re here … you and I, sharing two drawers? No way Josť! HaHa! Now, when we get our place, we both shall have disgusting big closets, and two very glorious bathrooms, and the finishing touch … the kitchen of all kitchens. Deal? Man! It’s not even two yet, but the annoying off-key singing, and over-the-top [End page 234] cursing is never-ending, or so it seems. Whose idea, whose bright ideas was it to partner all of the loudmouths up, together? (And Pear is dropping the N-word!) Ew! Make it stop! Please God, make it stop! I’m going to stop complaining, and patient await your return. Hurry up already. ; ) (just kidding!) I hope you get used to spending little time in this crap-hole, because girl, you’re going HOME! : )
I’ll see you soon!
(after reading your letter, (Friday night – same night [arrow points to above] I couldn’t help but chuckle. We were both up snacking at all hours of the night! Silly : ) )
[I typed this from right side and then left side, as indicated by Casey’s numbering. This is the other side of the gingerbread men card.]
I found these cards and such in a book I was reading, and unfortunately I figured – Finder’s Keepers.
Is that wrong? They were in one of the new books on the book cart. (Shrugs) At least now, they’re being put to good use.
I’ve come to realize that I still draw like a 5-year-old, unless I have markers or sidewalk chalk. I know where my talents lay.
Better not open the envelope I gave you … it’s the closest thing to a present I can give ya. Besides a silly grin. : )
I wonder what the day is going to bring us on Thursday. Any ideas? As long as it’s not Mariah Carey, or her stupid “All I want for Christmas is you” song. Yuck!
I may just break down and listen to Christmas music. Surprisingly, I never do. Since (sorry) [arrow pointing to the comment about never listening to Christmas music] this year is so ‘unique’, maybe changing things up a bit might be … fun?
Did you ever wear or do you wear Christmas pjs? I do, every year. I miss my jammies. : ( What’s your fave Christmas memory??? ) ♥ ya [End page 241]
Last edited by Noway; 04-30-2010 at 11:35 AM. Reason: updating
Hello, Hello! I get so sad when you walk back upstairs! : ( Yes, I am officially a stalker (At least we can finally talk tomorrow. I’ve missed you! Hints why I’ve been writing so much … not that I have anything new to report – no news is good news, right? I hate sitting on the floor in here, although, it’s not quite as uncomfortable as hours of sitting on my bed. No matter how much booty one has, one can never have enough to double as a cushion.
So how are ya, love? Good, I hop! The clock is ticking and the days are breezing past. I hope you’re finding contentment and peace, even though I know you’re anxious. I’m right there with ya, but our prayers will prevail, for God has big and I mean B-I-G plans for you.
I heard our lovely “neighbors” chatting again today … the same lunacy and debauchery as usual. When I heard Pearl, or Karen, or whoever that was, claim that they will “beg” for forgiveness, I almost got excited. But, sadly, the words that followed showed the selfishness behind the words. The saddest part, years ago, I said the same thing (just goes to show that it’s not the “giving everything to God and asking forgiveness” that’s important, it’s the life-long journey, and the relationship that is key. Granted during the final days, yes that will probably be enough, but if we can change that, we will, right?
I really am thankful for this time of growth and reflection, even though I’m not always the best at showing it. I’m always good, for a sincere thank you, but I know in my heart that’s not enough. I’m just glad that He knows my heart, even if I can’t verbalize what I’m feeling. If only that were true for all men (and women alike). We would have less enemies, maybe.
I came to a realization earlier, and I apologize if I talk about this, and you’re also stuck regarding it : ) but here goes! You’ve been blessed with a very powerful gift – for you are able to bare your soul, especially in your writing. I continue to pray that God will give you the strength to continue to use that gift, and that you may also embrace the many others you have been given. It’s funny, the song goes “I get it from my Mama” but really, we get everything from our Daddy! : ) [End page 242]
Wish we were able to share a common space right now, but maybe it’s best that we’re separated. We may never get any sleep otherwise! I’m so jealous of the trouble-makers around us who get into fights constantly, curse each other out, and the officers, they constantly misbehave, yet, they get that constant “comfort” of a “friend.” The silver-lining … our friendship is Real, and we genuinely care about one another. Plus, we know that we are never alone, because we have Him to depend on. How good is our God! He is my Daddy, not just my Lord and my Savior. He is so much more!
I’m going to let myself get caught up in some good tv. I need some outside drama to drown out all of the chicas around us! Blah!
♥ ya sis! Mucho Mucho! [End page 243]
Hey sis! So I started reading this book, The Art of Writing, and not even 6 pages in, I got an epiphany. Crazy, huh? My book, or my journals (I’m not quite sure what I want to do with them yet), I’m going to label “it/them” – A Daily Confession (or Daily Confessions). The more I’ve been writing lately, the more it feels like I’m confessing not just my thoughts, but every single emotion that I have inside of me. I’m one of those people, who if I dwell on something I tend not to remember what it is I’m looking for, but in those moments of meditation, prayer, or while engulfing myself in yet another piece of literature, it slaps me in the face (usually in the most gentle way). : )
I’m having one of those days where all I want to do is glue my ear-plugs to my head, grab any and every snack in sight and just vege-out. With the constant uproar of “emotions” around us, it’s hard not to want to escape into our own safe little world(s). The more I think about going home, the more I’m comforted. Every day I wonder how God can fill me with such strength, to wake up, eat, sleep (soundly), make my bed, read, and write, in a calm and quiet manor [sic]. I’m constantly encouraged by my prayers for you and the fam and for my family.
Knowing that our families are continuing to grow, no matter the trials in our lives, it’s remarkable! To be able to smile every day, and to be able to laugh even after [b[every thing[/b] that has happened … how can we not be grateful to the endless love that He has given us? Every single day I pray for the end of this journey, for our miracles, but I’ve realized something. We’re on two journeys at the same time – our growth with Christ, and the true end of our old lives. We have been born again, my sister, and man! does it feel good! : ) I can’t wait for you to go home! Yes, I’ll be lonely here without you, but knowing that you’re happy, suits me just fine! Something that I’ve been pondering and it’s sitting pretty clearly in my mind – I guess my heart finally decided to share.
As long as you are close to my heart, nothing can break that bond, that love. No matter how many miles are between us, we can and will overcome, anything and everything in our [last line is cut off] [End page 244]
Family is family.
Keep Clay close to your heart.
Don’t ever give up hope!
God’s love will get us through it all.
His love is unconditional.
He feels your pain, your sorrow; for your pain, your sorrow is His pain and His sorrow.
Your tears are His tears.
When you’re laughing, He is laughing too.
What comfort! What love!
I love you, my friend, my sister.
We’ll make it through this, and we will achieve greatness. For He has given us both a great power and it will not be wasted!
Ciao! [the dot on the “i” is a ♥]
(Can you start smuggling me some toilet paper? I hate running out and not having a back-up! HaHa!) [End page 245]
Last edited by Noway; 05-05-2010 at 01:20 PM. Reason: indicated Casey comment, not me; fixed evidence page numbers
[Date at top of letter] 1/25/09
By George! Las chicas are too loud! If only there was a max. volume button one could press or a mute button, so at any given moment, it could be completely silent in here. Most of our neighbors need tranquilizers. Ha! Sorry Ö Iím being silly. I didnít get to watch my stories today, thanks to someone randomly sitting in there for 3 hours. Boo. Two days in a row no stories. Oh well. I wish I would have gone in anyway because of a stupid tour group that came through. I could do without ďthereís Casey AnthonyĒ comments for the rest of my life. Blah. A bunch of stupid high school kids who were overly immature, but itís not just them. Iíd expect them to be stuck in the ďcelebrityĒ hoopla, but itís been even worse when adults have come through. For some reason, Iím interesting to people? Eh? Whatev.
I donít need or want the attention, but when Iím thrust into it within the next few months, Iíll be sure to glorify God with every smile that sweeps across my face and with every word that I speak. Take that America! I kid. : )
Oh I wish we could take more. I miss my friend! Iím trying to manage a plan to get my butt upstairs, but someone always ends up taking my spot in 20. Part of Sgt. Richardsonís idea was to put me in one of the corners, but the most logical corners would be 20/21 or 32, that way Iím right next to the staircase. I heard someone say when Iím the only PC left, I can go wherever I want. Why not now? Youíre the reason I want to move. Iíll figure [End page 248] something out. I can be reasonably creative sometimes.
I havenít heard anything about my family today via la radio, thankfully, except talk of a Caylee Tribute doll and some hick from Louisiana selling 3 voodoo dolls on Ebay. Guess who itís supposed to be? Josť told me last night that he already hired me another attorney to deal with those lings (sigh). Another day, another series of rumors and ridiculousness. The life of a celebrity, huh? Right. If only I were old and ugly, they wouldnít care. Sad that those words have come from people in the media, not just me. And I guess stupid (bleep bleep) Nancy Grace was on The View talking about me. Really? What a joke! Crazy ***** will have the lawsuits of a lifetime, really, only in hopes of getting her kicked off tv. Yes, Iím a *****. Ya blame me? Nah. I really hope we can talk tonight but itís so hard to mouth something coherent in steady rhythms. We will have our letters though.
Howís the fam? Are things better with the madre and padre? How are the munchkins? And any word on Clay? Is he supposed to be going to Coleman or somewhere else? And (last question) is he going to retain an attorney to appeal his plea? I think he should.
Oh! Have you heard about the recalls on peanut butter? Iím tossing my PB cookies. Scary stuff! Many companies including Little Debbie, Peter Pan and other cracker companies are recommending that we donít consume any peanut butter products until they are able to test them and rule out salmonela [sic] and some other contagious viruses. Not good!
Iím going to stop for now and try to have Shannon hand this off. ♥ ya1 See ya later love! : )
[On side margin] *numero* *dos* [End page 249]
Last edited by Noway; 05-05-2010 at 01:22 PM. Reason: removed siggy
SO the weatherís crappy and itís creepy and dark. Iím not quite sure why, but I hate the way the common area looks on a stormy day. It seems to make this place even quieter and even more depressing. Boo.
I stayed up almost all night reading, maybe getting a combined 6 hours of sleep since breakfast. Iím starting to get nervous about going to court tomorrow, not that I should be. The motions we filed are routine and nothing to get my insides all silly, but the idea of seeing my Mom in person, for the first time in over 3 Ĺ months, Iím not sure how Iím going to sleep tonight. Iím glad that Iíll get to see my boys later on, most likely with a message from my Mom, including an update on my Dad. And if it wasnít for the Big Dance this weekend, Iíd expect to see my brother as well. Thatís the only thing I have to look forward to tomorrow Ė definitely not leaving here and being gawked at, and obviously being in front of a camera is the last thing I want, let alone knowing Iíll be one of the major stories as of tomorrow morning / afternoon and evening. I kept praying that someone would change the station last night and that I wouldnít have to see my mug on the tube. And big surprise, my POS ex-fiancť was featured again. Really? Some man of God! I got Godís message last night though Ė I need to forgive Jesse for being a ďcreepĒ and for taking advantage of Caylee and I yet again. Iíve forgiven him, but I will never forget how he treated her and I before and I will never forget him trying to capitalize [End page 250] off of us now. Everyone sees him for the joke that he is and he has no one to blame but himself, but of course, the idiots in the media love a controversy. Idiots. God is on my side and that knowledge will continue to fuel my fire. The lamp of my body is my eyes, and Iím seeing things clearer than ever before. Ugh! And you know what really stinks? My period has been totally irregular, meaning never-ending. One day one [sic], one day off. My boobs are still sore. : ( Always have the best cleavage during that special time those [sic], even if my tummy is achy and bloaty. The joys of being a woman.
You know what I just thought about? Youíll laugh at me, but do you think the menís toilets are as low as ours? If so, I wouldnít brag about how great it is to pee standing up! At least we have our privacy. So what if someone sees me sitting? At least they canít tell the difference between my actions. : ) Ah yes, Iím cuckoo for cocoa puffs and in need of a nice hot shower, a massage, and a nice, long, nap. 2 out of 3 isnít so bad. Pray that I can sleep tonight and that I look fabulous tomorrow! Yikes! The demons in this place are running rampid [sic] today! This place terrifies me. No doubt about it. Itís time for my shower. Ciao Cookie! ♥ ya! [End page 251]
Hey girl. I wouldnít have held off writing a day or so, but I needed to collect my thoughts. The past couple of days have not been good, to say the least. Iím not sure if you heard about my Dad or not; itís been all over the radio, and I know that everything has been bouncing around every station. I canít believe that he tried to take his own life! What is he thinking??? Thereís something else going on and I donít like the feeling that Iíve had since I found out yesterday morning (Friday morning). Sorry, but why did I choose to write now? It was so quiet for all of 3 minutes. All of a sudden the monkeys started throwing poo all over again. Why canít we order earplugs? Ugh! I miss you sis! I wish we could talk directly. Youíre going through so much yourself and I hate seeing the fear in your eyes when you walk downstairs. How are you holding up? In the midst off [sic] all of my grief and horror, youíre still on my mind and practically the center of my prayers. What can I do to help you? There are so many unknowns in both of our lives, I donít even know where to start. I hate this place and I dispise [sic] every moment Iím here, but I know that I still have a few more months (easily) to deal with all of the B.S. going on outside these protective walls. Weíll both be home soon, but not before another trial or two in both of our lives. If it wasnít for God, I wouldnít be here. The enemy continues to attack, and I almost give in to my tears and my weakness. You ever thought about just giving up? Yeah, I know you have. Weíve talked about it many times. Iíve felt that too many times but I thankfully keep coming back to God. I wonder daily how Iím going to deal with the next fit of drama, and that stupid clichť runs through my head Ė what doesnít kill me will make me stronger. I hate those words, I truly do. When are we going to sit on the beach, drinking cocktails, and planning our future business? I canít wait for that day, and I know that it will come soon enough. In the mean time pray that I find patience. I love you, sis! Keep your head up and read Job 23. I read it yesterday and your name swept through my mind. HaHa! [End page 252]
Saturday January 24 ♥ [End page 253]
January 27, 2009
Hello Cookie Dear! : )
Yes, thatís your new nickname. Just ĎCookieí is much better than ĎCookie Monsterí. Youíve called me ĎMuffiní. What an attachment to food we both have! Guilty as charged! So I was trying to fall back asleep after breakfast and a book idea came to mind. Iím think of a partial memior [sic] / comedy relationship advice for those not in the know. Iíll keep praying about it and see how God feels. Itís a way to settle many rumors and to share my insights about love, life and most importante [sic] Ė God. Who knows! I got another letter from my friend Ray, the author of the book I let you borrow. He finished his second volume of his memior [sic] Ė Stronger Than Ever Ė and his contract has been extended so that he will be able to write more books, and continue to share his stories. And, his charity(s) are taking shape. Iím so happy for his success. God has touched his life in an incredible way, and Iím glad that he is able to show how he has grown and perservered [sic] through his faith in our glorious Father. Always good to hear good news! I get to see my Mommy in 2 days!!! Iím very excited, but I wish I were able to actually spend time with her while being stuck in court. Either way, God has answered both our prayers and at this point, Iíll take 5 minutes in the prescence [sic] of a loved one, over anything else in this world. Even 5 bags of Grandmaís cookies. : ) Yes, I know Iím a smartass. : ) But ya love me! Thatís what sisters are for! [End page 254]
Thanks for your constant advice, encouragement and prayers. Youíre always so good at bringing tears to my eye, putting a smile on my face, and peace to my ice-cold heart. Lots of letters of faith, encouragement, and even some laughs today. 28 of 30 were keepers. Not bad at all. Iím thankful for 1 positive letter, especially if itís from my Cookie or my Momma. Thank you for reaching out to my folks. I know theyíll appreciate your kind words and your prayers. Iím going to brief my Mom so she knows to expect it. Sheís great at sending thank you notes / cards / letters, but I must warn you, if she handwrites it, and gets emotional, you may need a translator. Oh I miss her! Sheís down to 118-120, size 4 and hasnít been that tiny since just after I was born. So Iím going to tell her to wear something of mine to court on Friday. Lord knows she might be wearing my stuff anyway. Going from an 8-10 to a 4, big change. At least sheís eating better and taking better care of herself. Cindy-Lou is a trooper! The boys say she looks great, which is a relief in itself. Sheís put her heart in Godís hands, and Heís definitely taking care of her. He is SO GOOD! ♥
Your comment about the stools Ö HILARIOUS! How did you know I would look? HaHa! Good call! Mine are kind of tannish, with tons of red spots Ė juice stains from setting the untouched juice carton on them. Whoops. Last night I made a little keepsake to [End page 255] take to court with me whenever I have to go. I grabbed one of my favorite pictures of Cays, taped it to a sheet of drawing paper and wrote Isaiah 40:31 on the back. My Mom sent me that scripture weeks back after I had mentioned it to her before. Instant comfort. I saw birds flying around outside the other day and I only wish they were eagles or doves. To have that freedom, to be born to fly. If I could have one super power, thatíd be it. What about you? Did you get an update on the Coleman brawl from your Dad? It was on the menís side. 7 went to ORMC, 8 total were injured. Of all the places in the state, thatís your best bet, but how glorious would it be if the only place you ended up going was home? I will continue to pray that the only place you will go when you leave these walls is back home to your familia and your casa. And your [sic] darn skippy that weíll keep in touch! Iím with you on the Super Bowl, as far as the Pats are concerned. Funny that the Steelers are considered the underdog this year. Weíll see how the games goes on Sunday. Iím actually indifferent on whether or not I watch Ė probably not. Iíll catch bits and pieces via radio if it comes down to it. Iím glad Shannonís situation didnít get blown to [sic] highly out of proportion. Believe me, I was in tears when you told me. And one thing I hate more than being told what to do, is being repremanded [sic]. Did anyone talk to you about it? Not me. It seems to [End page 256] have been pretty low-key Ö hopefully. Stupid rats. Itís one thing to tattle-tale when itís something serious, but whatev. Jerks. ďOperation black bookĒ is going well so far. Letís hope we can keep Ďer quiet. ďOperation green grasshopperĒ survived a longgggg time. It wasnít until the massacre of ďOperation stupid teal linguistic bookĒ took place that I ever doubted our system. Weíll keep it sneaky-sneaky and if all else fails Ė Deny, Deny, Deny! God is watching over us, and He found a way to silently, well almost silently, repremand [sic] us for gossiping. One way of looking at it. Have you finished that book yet? Iím really looking forward to Rayís second. Oh!!! And in that book you gave me last night, I have to show you Ė the author enclosed pictures from growing up, and he looks like someone I know all-too-well. Just wait! I showed Shannon last night and she cracked up! So whether you meant to or not, you brought me one heck of a laugh last night, besides you and your invisible step. : ) I hope you get some quality time out. Even a few minutes are better than nothing! My pen keeps clogging and leaking Ö grrr. Iíll see you shortly! Dinner-time. Uh, yay. [smirky smilie]
♥ ya mah sistah!
[At top of page] Jan. 25 2009
Hey sis! Iím glad you had a good visit today. I had a good talk with my boys last night Ė thatís when I found out about my Dad, got updates about my Mom (sheís doing well) and heard about going to court on Friday. Joy. At least Iíll get to see my Momma. Iím excited. : )
Did you hear about the riot at Coleman (the prison you were originally supposed to go to)? Boy, what a mess. It was all over the radio yesterday and Iím sure it will be again today. Iím so thankful that Josť came through for you and that Mike and Michelle agreed to take your case. Theyíre very good friends of mine and theyíre working on my case as well. Josť and Mike go way back Ė they both practiced in Miami before Josť moved up here. Thatís where weíre hoping to have my trial, for numerous reasons Ė very little media exposure, lots of additional resources, including the Walshís, [sic] and of course, sun and sand. I shaved my arms this morning and dude! I definitely could stand a little bit of color. Yikes! Iím not pasty, thank God, but Iím still pretty light. Oh well. White girl syndrome. : )
So the Super Bowl is this weekend. Iíd be more excited if there was a team I actually cared about. Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburg Steelers Ė ugh, right. I told my brother Iím expecting an autograph or two. Lucky guy has been out there all month getting things set-up [sic] for his company. Who wouldnít want to be a project manager for the Biggest football game of the year? I sure would. [End page 258. End letter?]
Duplicates of pages 1-11.
BUMPING... in case anyone find the handwritten letters hard to read, many of them have been transcribed in this thread.
Ahhhh Sun... even transcribed, I still find them hard to read. Or maybe I mean "hard to stomach." Yes, that is more precise.
To denjet and NoWay, many many thanks for all your hard work (and stomachs of steel)!
You can hold back from the suffering of the world. You have free permission to do so and it is in accordance with your nature.
But perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could have avoided.
Be not simply good. Be good for something.
Blessings to the children of the world~May peace be yours.
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothings like before. ~Utada Hikaru
If you lose one you greatly love, take comfort...
Thanks for bumping these letters up for us.
I had forgotton just how warped Casey is in her writings.
Saying how much she misses her "Momma" and how she can hardly wait to see her "Momma" in court, etc. Then, totally blowing her parents off when they are there !
The best is her talking of "her boys", and hooking Cookie up with them, and then of course, wanting the trial in Miami.
Sand and sun!!!
Is she kidding or really flipping out of her mind???
Does she honestly think that she is going to be given some beach time during the trial, IF it were to have been moved???
I'll go back and start at the beginning tonight - Will make for a good read since we are getting snowed in.
I wish I had found this thread sooner! I just read some of the letters on docstoc and now I'm seeing double.