05-24-2010, 11:36 PM #1
Is your Kid a Bully? These warning signs may help.
Is your kid a bully? These warning signs may help.
Some common misconceptions may lull the parents of bullies into failing to recognize warning signs.
Bullies are often star athletes or popular girls considered charismatic leaders by peers and adults, experts say. What’s often missed or passed over as minor is a consistent pattern of control and aggression against other kids — behavior that socially savvy bullies can sometimes slide under the radar of grown-ups.
“It’s not what we typically think of. It’s not always the kid who’s pushing kids down on the playground,” says Rosalind Wiseman, who wrote “Queen Bees and Wannabes,” the basis for the movie “Mean Girls.”
“It’s children who feel like they’re the law of their school, that they have the right to set the law and if you challenge their power, like hooking up with the wrong boy, they have the right to put you in your place.”
Great read--four-page article that says that most children who emerge as bullies began to have "control" when they were young, and they emerge as leaders in school; that their bullying couldn't be possible without "wannabes" to carry out the actions. Talks about the misconception of who bullies are. Hope everyone takes time to read it.
Even if your kid isn't a leader of a group, you may see signs that he or she is involved with a bully and you can stop it.
05-27-2010, 03:45 PM #2
I don't have kids, but I DO work with kids, and bullying can really start young. It's amazing...I hear 6-year-old kids call each other "fat" or exclude certain kids from their playgroups. They all know that I DO NOT tolerate bullying- (or lying!) and I make it clear that they should TELL SOMEBODY if they are a victim of bullying, because it is NOT okay.
The older kids (5th, 6th grades) especially require coaching and redirecting on how to treat their peers. I think some of them really don't understand what damage words and actions can do. They get such a sense of power by being the "cool" kid that they really don't care who they hurt, as long as they stay at the top of the social ladder. They also do it as a way to bond with the "coolest" kids and be accepted. Instead of bonding over things like a love of sports, or other hobbies, they bond over "mutual enemies" and gossip makes them feel "in". I guess they figure that as long as everyone is talking about somebody else, they won't be the target. It's really cowardly.
I read Queen Bees and Wannabees a few years ago. An excellent book that really provides insight into young girls' social development, and the obstacles they face. People with preteens/teens should read and discuss this book with their children, in my opinion."A true artist will always be open minded because that's their responsibility." - Lee Quinones
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