Glorybug--Thank you for sharing that story. I wish you the very best. I hope you find a way to tell your story to a wide audience. The organization I worked for for 15 years is a great place to start. It is the North American Council on Adoptable Children. They are always looking for former foster children to write and speak about their experiences. You can check them out here:
http://nacac.org/
http://nacac.org/adoptalk/adoptalkarticles.html#personalstories
My children would agree with you as those who were relinquished or taken at birth have, without exception, gone on to do extremely well, regardless of drug exposure. Those who were in numerous placements and returned time and again to birthmoms have struggled.
There's an interesting little backstory as to how we got our youngest son. We'd just moved into our state and had 12 children--10 at home. We frequently took the children to parks to play. Unbeknownst to us, we were being watched. A local foster mother (now a teacher) watched us and liked what she saw. She'd fostered a number of meth exposed little ones and knew the challenges. She knew that they can be adorable but will bring down all but the toughest parents.
Tragically, she had just suffered the pain of a child's death. Her young foster son, whom she had raised since birth, had been returned at age 3 to his birthmom as she was supposedly now clean. I can't imagine losing a 3 year old who I loved as my own but that's why I've never done regular foster care. Anyway, there was much hoopla made about the mom and boy being reunited. Two days later, he drowned in the bathtub. The mom was high as she couldn't deal with the stress of parenting a challenging toddler.
The foster mother grieved horribly. She was also parenting our little guy and she was determined that he would not meet the same fate. She literally marched into DHS and said, "I've found G's family. Check them out." I kid you not. Five months in the state and with a house full of kids, we got a call offering us the adoption of this three year old. We met him at the park and he was a cutie. Oh, but he was wild. DHS moved fast and he was placed with us within weeks. His birthmom even took part in the process and agreed to the placement to avoid a parental rights termination trial.
My point is that even if parents get clean without their children in the home, nothing can prepare them for the full time parenting of a meth exposed toddler. My husband and I were stone cold sober (we had our wine ONLY after the children's bedtime LOL) but raising that child was one of the toughest things we've ever done. That's the irony. Parents who use drugs do not have the "easy" children. Those who get clean, reclaim their children, and manage to raise them in sobriety have my greatest respect.
A point that I was constantly reminded of by therapists and workers is that it is rare to find a child only exposed to one drug. Most drug-using pregnant women (and sadly very few stop using during pregnancy) also abuse alcohol and pot to come down from the meth. Alcohol, especially, is extremely damaging during pregnancy and its effects never go away either. Sadly, the fetus is also highly affected by domestic violence and the mother's level of anxiety during the pregnancy. A huge portion of drug-using moms do not seek prenatal care as they know they will be found out. Thus, they do not eat well, take their prenatal vitamins, nor get the medical support pregnant moms so desperately needs. Often, the first time a mom is seen by a doctor is when she presents at the hospital in labor. With our youngest children, not a single one received any prenatal care at all.
The bottom line is that babies born to drug using mothers have a very tough path ahead. They did not ask for what they've been handed. We, as a society cannot turn away from these vulnerable children. Please stay in contact with your legislators and fight for early-intervention programs. We have to stop this cycle.
