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  1. #1
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    Walk a mile in Kaine's shoes...

    My Mother had an annoying habit whenever one of us criticized someone else. She'd ask us to imagine ourselves in exactly the same circumstances, exactly the same...and then try to understand how that feels...and then say how, under those circumstances...we'd have done things differently.

    Criticizing is easy. Not so easy if these things are happening to YOU or someone you love.

    Some posters seem to feel that Kaine should not be "airing Terri's dirty laundry"...that he handled the Murder for Hire response badly. Fair enough. But I'm interested in exactly WHAT they think Kaine should have done after LE told him of the Murder For Hire Plot.

    I'd like to ask everyone to imagine this: find a place where you can actually get inside this case...for me, I'm going to pretend I'm Kaine's Mother. Kyron and Baby K are my grandchildren. Now, I don't know what the real relationship between the real grandparents and these children are...but I'm just trying to feel the emotions. Maybe others of you can just look at your kids in the room tonight. We just need to walk a mile in the shoes of someone who loves Kyron and Baby K.

    Then approach Kaine's actions from THAT standpoint. I'm interested to hear what some of you think needed to change.

    Now, imagining myself as Kyron's grandparent, I would first...be beside myself in agony and fear! What has happened? Then, a short time into the investigation... my son calls...LE has told him that my daughter-in-law tried to have him killed! The same daughter-in-law that was among the last to see Kyron! The daughter-in-law who is telling us she failed the polys! The daughter-in-law who cannot account completely for her time!

    This daughter-in-law has access, care of, and parental control over my only other grandchild.

    Let me walk a mile in those shoes.

    So, if I'm honest what do I tell Kaine to do? This is not the guy at the McDonald's counter telling him this..it is LE. My only other grandchild...Kaine's only other child is missing! Now I hear my daughter-in-law wanted my son dead!!!

    Should I say...STAY THERE, BELIEVE YOUR WIFE..let her take care of our precious Baby K...leave home every day and leave Baby K with her for hours. Sleep in her bed. Do NOT protect yourself. Be a devoted husband!

    Sorry,no...I would NOT. Protecting Terri, under these circumstances, is my lowest priority. Those kids are what matters! And my son's life. I would beg him to leave and do whatever he had to do to get Baby K and himself to a safe place. How would I live with myself if I encouraged Kaine and Baby K to stay "to protect Terri's reputation" and, God forbid something else happened?

    I applaud that Kaine did whatever necessary to protect Baby K in light of that information from LE.

    But maybe others feel Terri should have been everyone's first concern. If you or someone YOU love, in these horrific conditions,with your son missing... were told by the police that your spouse tried to have you killed...what would YOU do?

    What would you have had Kaine do? I'm interested to hear alternatives.
    Last edited by stmarysmead; 09-06-2010 at 05:23 PM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by stmarysmead View Post
    My Mother had an annoying habit whenever one of us criticized someone else. She'd ask us to imagine ourselves in exactly the same circumstances, exactly the same...and then try to understand how that feels...and then say how, under those circumstances...we'd have done things differently.

    Criticizing is easy. Not so easy if these things are happening to YOU or someone you love.

    Some posters seem to feel that Kaine should not be "airing Terri's dirty laundry"...that he handled the Murder for Hire response badly. Fair enough. But I'm interested in exactly WHAT they think Kaine should have done after LE told him of the Murder For Hire Plot.

    I'd like to ask everyone to imagine this: find a place where you can actually get inside this case...for me, I'm going to pretend I'm Kaine's Mother. Kyron and Baby K are my grandchildren. Now, I don't know what the real relationship between the real grandparents and these children are...but I'm just trying to feel the emotions. Maybe others of you can just look at your kids in the room tonight. We just need to walk a mile in the shoes of someone who loves Kyron and Baby K.

    Then approach Kaine's actions from THAT standpoint. I'm interested to hear what some of you think needed to change.

    Now, imagining myself as Kyron's grandparent, I would first...be beside myself in agony and fear! What has happened? Then, a short time into the investigation... my son calls...LE has told him that my daughter-in-law tried to have him killed! The same daughter-in-law that was among the last to see Kyron! The daughter-in-law who is telling us she failed the polys! The daughter-in-law who cannot account completely for her time!

    This daughter-in-law has access, care of, and parental control over my only other grandchild.

    Let me walk a mile in those shoes.

    So, if I'm honest what do I tell Kaine to do? This is not the guy at the McDonald's counter telling him this..it is LE. My only other grandchild...Kaine's only other child is missing! Now I hear my daughter-in-law wanted my son dead!!!

    Should I say...STAY THERE, BELIEVE YOUR WIFE..let her take care of our precious Baby K...leave home every day and leave Baby K with her for hours. Sleep in her bed. Do NOT protect yourself. Be a devoted husband!

    Sorry,no...I would NOT. Protecting Terri, under these circumstances, is my lowest priority. Those kids are what matters! And my son's life. I would beg him to leave and do whatever he had to do to get Baby K and himself to a safe place. How would I live with myself if I encouraged Kaine and Baby K to stay "to protect Terri's reputation" and, God forbid something else happened?

    I applaud that Kaine did whatever necessary to protect Baby K in light of that information from LE.

    But maybe others feel Terri should have been everyone's first concern. If you or someone YOU love, in these horrific conditions,with your son missing... were told by the police that your spouse tried to have you killed...what would YOU do?

    What would you have had Kaine do? I'm interested to hear alternatives.
    Well, from me the only response you are going to get is, Bravo!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jo in Calif View Post
    Well, from me the only response you are going to get is, Bravo!
    Bravo here as well! :Jumpie:

  4. #4
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    I'd like to take the liberty of adding a third BRAVO to your post as well. Great post and people really shouldn't condemn anyone or their actions unless they've walked a mile in their shoes. JMO.

  5. #5
    Schmerty_Jones is offline ________________ Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jo in Calif View Post
    Well, from me the only response you are going to get is, Bravo!
    Bravissimo!!!!!

  6. #6
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    In the interest of fair play and academic discussion, walk a mile in Terri's shoes. If she's innocent. Walk a mile in her shoes.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by debs View Post
    In the interest of fair play and academic discussion, walk a mile in Terri's shoes. If she's innocent. Walk a mile in her shoes.
    I have no problem with that. I think we could make that another thread. It would be interesting to suggest what an innocent Terri might have done or could still do

    But, the point of this thread is...if you have a problem with Kaine's actions after the Murder-for-Hire plot was relayed to him by LE..then. please say what he might have done differently...but first walk-in-his-shoes.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by debs View Post
    In the interest of fair play and academic discussion, walk a mile in Terri's shoes. If she's innocent. Walk a mile in her shoes.
    Maybe on a different thread?
    IMO

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by stmarysmead View Post
    I have no problem with that. I think we could make that another thread. It would be interesting to suggest what an innocent Terri might have done or could still do

    But, the point of this thread is...if you have a problem with Kaine's actions after the Murder-for-Hire plot was relayed to him by LE..then. please say what he might have done differently...but first walk-in-his-shoes.
    I appreciate your kind response. I find the two, Kaine and Terri, to be inextricably connected and to discuss one's "shoes" is to metaphorically shod the foot of the other to do so. It is nigh on impossible for me to walk in their shoes, let alone wonder who is taking the shoes from the other.

  10. #10
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    No one should ever have to walk in the shoes of these folks and others who find themselves in similiar situations.
    I always think of jerry lewis singing 'you'll never walk alone' on his telethon. i love that inspirational song.
    My dad's expression was "I was sad because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet".
    Whatever Kyron's daddy does is okay with me.


  11. #11
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    I've often thought about Kaine and what he is going through. I have great sympathy for him and his suffering.

    I have a feeling that he wishes he was more aware and responsive to certain situations in his home, before June 4th; I know I would be thinking that way. I think the marriage and family life was extremely unstable. I'll bet he relives it all in his mind and wonders what he should have seen that he did not. I know I would be doing that.

    As far as Kaine's reaction to whatever LE told him about the murder plot, I have no idea how I would react, except I know I would speak with my husband before taking off. I would listen to what he had to say, before I would file for divorce based on what a landscaper had told the police he had done. His reaction seems extreme to me, only in that he never gave Terri a chance and up to that point, he had not indicated anything other than a contented marriage.
    Just my opinion, of course.

  12. #12
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    But, respectfully, to comprehend Kaine's actions as the proposed "victim" in a murder for hire plot...while dealing with all the emotions as a father of a missing child...does not require us to deem Terri innocent or guilty.

    We are just considering HIM now.

    Teri may be either innocent or guilty...and he might still have been justified in taking the steps he took after receiving that information from LE.

    But if we are going to criticize him. that means we have the ability to come up with alternatives...a better way. That's only fair, isn't it?

    I'm interested in hearing what those "better ways" might be.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by cluciano63 View Post
    I've often thought about Kaine and what he is going through. I have great sympathy for him and his suffering.

    I have a feeling that he wishes he was more aware and responsive to certain situations in his home, before June 4th; I know I would be thinking that way. I think the marriage and family life was extremely unstable. I'll bet he relives it all in his mind and wonders what he should have seen that he did not. I know I would be doing that.

    As far as Kaine's reaction to whatever LE told him about the murder plot, I have no idea how I would react, except I know I would speak with my husband before taking off. I would listen to what he had to say, before I would file for divorce based on what a landscaper had told the police he had done. His reaction seems extreme to me, only in that he never gave Terri a chance and up to that point, he had not indicated anything other than a contented marriage.
    I certainly agree with your first paragraph.

    But in regard to the second part, I think I would not criticize Kaine on this point until I knew exactly what LE told them and what supporting evidence, if any, they showed him.

    If I saw emails or texts coming from my spouse's email or cellphone and information therein was so specific to our family life, there might be little else to say...and frankly, I might be so totally freaked out...I would just need to leave immediately.

    In other words,something like..."Next Friday, Kaine has an appt. at the Eye Doctor's on 12th St. at 3PM...he usually drives on 75th St to get there. We once had a flat tire in that area and it's pretty deserted. Maybe you could sideswipe the car and kill him when he gets out."

    I wouldn't feel there would be any thing Terri could tell me if they showed me anything like that. Or texts of my spouse in sexual poses...with accompanying verbage alluding to my death.

    Wouldn't be much to talk about then. Nor, walking in Kaine's shoes, absorbing such fear and betrayal...would I expect him to do so...at such a horrific time in his life.

  14. #14
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    Okay I will play. If I found out my other half tried to kill me or had a MFH in place and this was told to me by LE and this person had access to my baby girl, he did better than me. He was right to get the baby out of the house, and to stop TH from contact of any kind. Now add that your son is missing and she is the last one to see him and she failed polys and everything else we could list here, including the sexting, I give him credit for for great restraints. I would have gotten answers by now, but I would probably would be in jail. So Kain I applaud you for taking the high road. Oh ya, JMO

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by cluciano63 View Post
    I've often thought about Kaine and what he is going through. I have great sympathy for him and his suffering.

    I have a feeling that he wishes he was more aware and responsive to certain situations in his home, before June 4th; I know I would be thinking that way. I think the marriage and family life was extremely unstable. I'll bet he relives it all in his mind and wonders what he should have seen that he did not. I know I would be doing that.

    As far as Kaine's reaction to whatever LE told him about the murder plot, I have no idea how I would react, except I know I would speak with my husband before taking off. I would listen to what he had to say, before I would file for divorce based on what a landscaper had told the police he had done. His reaction seems extreme to me, only in that he never gave Terri a chance and up to that point, he had not indicated anything other than a contented marriage.
    yeah. if le actually did tell him about a mfh plot i would think he would ask his wife about it.

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