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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Native Texan, In Germany
    Posts
    2,195

    Exclamation With great sadness, I must announce...

    Another pestilence has entered the missing persons arena.

    It has recently been brought to my attention that someone has been spreading personal case information on-line, via e-mails and on posts on missing persons boards.

    This is not only insensitive, it could prove fatal. In the work we do, you take everything that is told to you about a case to the grave, unless you must testify before a grand jury, etc.

    Details of cases are never discussed between those who are truly committed to finding our missing loved ones, for it not only jeopardizes getting them back, but God forbid, should someone have brought harm to your missing loved one, it jeopardizes justice.

    Please beware, and be cautious. Anyone who offers free services to you and then at a later date asks you to divulge personal information about your missing loved ones case is only a wanna be detective. For those reading this who insist on going into macabre details, somehow thinking you are helping a family, you are NOT helping that family.

    Case in point, one such person has brought so much disrespect and disdain upon a certain family, that family now has to sleep with their lights on. They are constantly threatened, in writing and in real life and are nowhere near getting answers for their missing loved one. One person is spreading secret police information told to the family in confidence and later relayed to this person in a moment of emotional weakness. This is like a roller coaster, we have great highs and deep lows in the search. Moments of intense hope, and the next deep despair.

    If anyone asks for money to do anything, be suspicious. I hear all the time about people who wish to get money or fame out of searching. There is NO money and there is NO fame in searching for the missing.

    If you are not involved, but wish to be, ask yourselves a few questions. Do you want fame? Do you want money? If the answer is yes to either question, please do something else.

    Do you want to be a detective? Then go to school, become a professional and learn why things must be kept in confidence. Do not pretend to be what you are not. Do not think that watching 109 episodes of Columbo or CSI makes you a professional.

    If you wish to be engrossed in macabre details, please consider working at a morgue, or anyplace but the missing persons arena.

    You may look a gift horse in the mouth, especially if that gift horse is being dishonorable.

    This person has violated my trust, the trust of those I work with, and thereby the trust we all fought so hard to gain, the families trust.

    I've already put one in jail for this nonsense, stealing money from families. I will do anything in order to protect those I represent.

    Do not drop my name in e-mails, or the names of those I love (who do not support you or are partners with you in any way) pretending to have an association with me, or any other legitimate organization. You have no association with them and no legal or other right to claim this or imply it. Doing this reeks of wanting glory rather than having a true desire to help.

    This is not a game. Lives are at stake here. If any family member of a missing person wishes to know what I mean, please feel free to contact me.

    May God have mercy on those who would re-victimize the most vulnerable in society.

    With HOPE, Lanie
    Help For The Missing
    HelpForTheMissing@yahoo.com
    Last edited by WasBlind; 08-13-2004 at 10:59 PM. Reason: typo

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    1,749
    Oh no, this is happening again. I'm so sorry, Lanie.

    I understand what you mean, though, as sometimes people get involved in things they shouldn't. I always say let the professionals handle things that is in their area of expertise.

    I am no detective and have no business whatsoever pretending I am. Doing that would bring more harm than good. I stick with the things I know and am qualified to do when assisting families. I would actuallu rather that they know divulge information like this to me.

    I hope that whoever is doing what they should not will come to understand this NOW and do something productive with their time.

    Kelly

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    253

    Question I'm confused...

    I feel like I missed something-are you saying a family member of someone "missing" gave info to another party and that party is now disseminating it via the Internet and posting sites like this one???

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    5,940
    I dont post on this forum often, but I do take the time to read, and to visit the sites of those who have missing loved ones. Many times I sit here and ask what i could do to help. I believe in a phiosophy of doing because it needs done, not because we need the glory. Why anyone would seek to gain glory from a missing persons familys pain is just beyond me. And to risk the life or well being of any family is reprehensable.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Native Texan, In Germany
    Posts
    2,195
    I just re-read your post GT. YES, a family member of someone missing gave another individual some detailed information in a moment of weakness and false trust. The person they told has now spread this information on the internet and is jeopardizing this families safety. The person the information was relayed to was someone who claims to wish to help, and is only doing harm. Thank you for your reply.

    Please pray for those who search (families included), as well as those missing, as we tend to encounter all kinds of evil people along this journey.

    With HOPE, Lanie

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    253

    Lightbulb thanks for the clarification

    since I'm new to this, I started worrying that one of my posts had caused a problem-since I "surf" a lot of different sites and read a lot(like the recent teen mag article on Maura Murray)I just try to pass on the info in the hopes it will help. And if I EVER unknowingly said or posted info that could cause problems, I sure hope someone would let me know! Thanks again for answering...you gave me a lot to think about!
    Last edited by gatetrekker44; 08-15-2004 at 12:00 AM. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    I am very dissapointed to hear this.

    I agree let the professionals handle things that is in their area of expertise. It is not for you to divulge or repeat the work of the police or detectives.

    I think I know already who you are talking about, and to her I say this:
    It is sad that someone who has the time to help the missing can use their time in such a destructive way.

    To all that are honestly here to help the missing, I thank you. Your dedication is awesome.

    fourboys

  8. #8

    Unhappy

    I normally keep my posts to that of MY missing nephew, as he is MY search. On occasion I will post on another missing person's thread of offer help or encouragement, prayers, lighting a candle, etc.

    I am not one for words, but am writing this from the heart...

    I find this to be completely disturbing. I do not understand the satisfaction of bragging, if I may so put it, about helping a family during this type of crisis. Knowing information and "sharing" it, without the right to do so, makes more of a problem. Is this not common sense?

    I, myself, have had help in my search and have had an experience where I shared information to a "friend" and it was passed on. It was nothing that would be harmful, thank the Lord, however, I do NOT feel that I must tell everyone I write to... "please don't tell". That quoted comment is for school children, not adults searching for a missing person. If something is shared, it is in confidence unless you, the listener, asks to share the information.

    I do not believe that ALL who want to offer a helping hand, realize the pain the families of missing loved ones (or those who have passed, as well) encounter, unless you have felt this pain. I know that I didn't until 3 years ago.

    My comments are nothing more than my opinion, but I hope, no I pray, that people search with their hearts, not words.

    With Hope and Prayers to ALL these families,
    FindLorne
    FindLorne
    www.findlorne.faithweb.com

  9. #9
    Very well said findlorne.

    Thinking of you, Lorne, and your family as always,

    fourboys

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    14,186

    missing

    I only started learning about so many missing people this past year. Until going to a crime forum to read about Laci Peterson, I never knew there was info and photos online of missing people and I never heard of any of the adults, just children as they were missing from various states. Other than putting up fliers, looking at the pics of the missing, etc. I realize that there is little that I can really do to help. In the past few months 2 young women in my town are missing. It's very scary and I know that the police do not let all their information out to the public and even not all to the families. I can't imagine how hard it is for the families and know that they are very vulnerable to scam artists in the community and especially online. I think it is a good idea to let the authorities handle the investigations because there could be dangers in nosing around too much in some of the cases, and anyone who claims to want to do that, other than a reputable well qualified private detective that a family might seek out on their own, is either stupid or a con artist. Unless you meet in person, no one really knows who they are talking to online. People can claim to be anyone and anything.


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    metro Detroit, more or less
    Posts
    2,813
    The thought of someone re-victimizing a family like this makes me ill. Not to mention, it makes you wonder what that person is really capable of, since they apparently see no harm in what they're doing....

    *Note: I'm skeptical of everyone, having spent a lot of time on these boards now - LOL*

  12. #12
    This is so upsetting and so hard to understand how people can be so cruel and not think about what they are doing to the family. Families have a hard enough time when they have a loved one missing, they do not need any added stress.

    We are a search organization and no we do not charge for our service, and we too leave the investigation to law enforcement. We assist them only in the investigation when needed to provide a search group. We instruct the families that we help not to give out information to anyone except law enforcement or if the person or organization has been checked out thoroughly and approved by law enforcement. There are good search and missing organizations that will also be affected by this persons action.

    I am so sorry this has happen to them, and I hope and pray that they will be able to trust again.

    Lanie your write-up said it all.

    My thoughts and prayers to this family.
    God Bless you all.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    2,108
    what ever happened to the nut in Danielle's disappearance, said he was putting up $10,000 for a reward, and was invited into the van dams home in thanks of his kindness, next thing everyone knew, he was in front of the cameras trying to get the investigation onto the van Dams... wasn't it Douglas Pierce or something?

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    780

    family members in special situation

    I am going to speak from the position of a family member of a missing loved one. I have worn many hats over the twenty five years of my searching for Jean Marie Stewart, and sometimes I have to switch gears. I have been a cyber seeker for as many years as it has been available, and before that, I haunted cororners and LE with my phone calls.
    The cases of the missing are all so individual that there really can be difficulty in knowing the right course to pursue. Some cases get lots of publicity, some, like Jean's , never get any. I have read posts in various forums about why people think this is so, but Jean's case doesn't fit any of those theories either. Maybe it is just that back in 1980, nobody wanted to notice. Now there are so many missing, we have to notice.

    I post all over the place about Jean now. For years, I did not...just searched and searched for info. Now I actively seek it from strangers. It is always difficult to know how much info to post, how much will help me get some answers and how much would interfere with any later police actions. All I know is that after 25 years, no one is looking for her except those of us who love her.

    It is horrific to think that there are people who would exploit and betray those of us who have suffered the loss and endured the uncertainty of a having a missing loved one. As someone who has now searched half of my life for my missing Jean Marie, I cannot imagine the void these people must have where their humanity should reside. In some ways, they are as despicable as the beasts who snatch people from our lives.

    Pardon my ranting, but as we approach the 25th anniversary of Jean's disappearance, I am losing it.

    Lauran

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    southern California
    Posts
    768
    Rocky, yes his name was Douglas Pierce.
    Lauren, there are no words of comfort. I guess just thinking about the time you had with her would be the only thing to keep from totally losing it. Have you done some type of weekly, monthly, yearly ritual- something you both did together? I think that would help me but maybe not everyone.

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