KS - The Damage Done: the Rape & Molestation of Kellie and Kathie Henderson

This lengthy, three-part Wichita Eagle/kansas.com series documents the rape, molestation, and psychological terror of Kathie and Kellie Henderson at the hands of their father and their brothers:

Part 1: For a decade, girls endured the horror at home

Part 2: Neighbors rescue girls from years of molestation

Part 3: As shattered lives are put back together, cracks remain

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A letter from Kellie Henderson

So words cannot describe what it is like to read this-all I can say is I put my head on my desk and howled.

Thank you though. thank you for reminding me with this story of all that is important.

believe09 said:

So words cannot describe what it is like to read this-all I can say is I put my head on my desk and howled.

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For me this can only be read in bits and pieces. However thank button not enough for you wfgodot.

We should hand out copies of this for every uninformed person we come across who says "Oh please that person is lying. They just want money or something. I mean they stayed with them all these years". I tire of asking "So when you were 8 years old and that happened to you then you'd tell someone? Ya think? You'd have had the words? If it was your parents you'd be prepared to at such a young age tell on your parents and go into foster care. Ya think?"

Bless the twins. Bless them. It's an ugly world.

surprised to find only two posts about this nightmare these precious girls lived. But have to agree it took me awhile to get thru all 3 parts....I have a question though about the older brother. Does it seem that he was unusually young 7 or 8 to be molesting the twins who were 3 or 4 at the time? Wouldn't he have learned this behavior from someone else?
Also, when the dad found out the son was molesting his two little girls he THEN decides it's okay for him to take part in raping them? I hated saying this ....it sickens me to the core....but I have a hard time believing that little part of the story. Could it be that he was molesting Andrew too and before he started with the girls?


Andrew began molesting the twins when he was 7 or 8 and they were 3 or 4.
Read more: http://www.kansas.com/2010/12/09/1626041/family-sexual-abuse-part-one.html#ixzz18949PbR0

They are so brave and they point out the reason that I believe, much long term abuse of this sort carries on.

Very few people tell young children anything about sex. I know that most of us here would talk to our kids even if uncomfortable, but would we ever talk to a neighbor's child about it? Likely no. Those boundaries are quite clear, even today, with everything we know about incest and child sexual abuse.

So children learn from their families, and if they have an abuser telling them that this is okay, that it happens in every house, but it's a family secret, and no outside influence telling them that it isn't okay, what is a child supposed to believe? By the time that they learn from school or friends that there is something wrong, they are typically starting to suspect something, but they still feel silly or stupid or ashamed when they learn that what happens at their home shouldn't happen. They just don't want to feel any worse than they already do, so they don't tell.

And then you have dependence. If the person that you depend on for food clothing and shelter all your life is also hurting you, how do you know where to draw the line? Even when you have the chance to be rescued, you don't know what's out there. It might be worse, and the thought of losing the small thread of security they may still have to hang onto is just too much.

These girls tell their story with not just a lot of heart and a truckload of courage, there is also a lot of anger. They aren't just speaking out, they are screaming at the world. To please look, pay attention, ask questions, and if you suspect something, keep asking.
And they are, at the same time whispering to other victims that they can tell, there is still security outside the nightmare. That it doesn't get better fast and that it isn't easy, but it does get better.

I don't give a darn what their financial or relationship status is, and I am aware that they are not fully healed and likely never will be. These incredible women are a world away from the victim that we usually see as an advocate. They aren't polished, they don't pose like they are shooting for a magazine cover, they don't preach unconditional forgiveness or talk about how perfect their lives seem now. They tell about the anger, the scars they will always carry; in other words, they are attainable. The lives they live may not be heavenly or perfect, but they seem heavenly to a child laying in bed waiting for her father to come into her bedroom at one in the morning...

I know, I wrote a book, but I am absolutely in awe, and I think that they will do more for more people than they even imagined, by having the absolute guts to show who they really are both now and then.

easttexas said:

surprised to find only two posts about this nightmare these precious girls lived. But have to agree it took me awhile to get thru all 3 parts....I have a question though about the older brother. Does it seem that he was unusually young 7 or 8 to be molesting the twins who were 3 or 4 at the time? Wouldn't he have learned this behavior from someone else?
Also, when the dad found out the son was molesting his two little girls he THEN decides it's okay for him to take part in raping them? I hated saying this ....it sickens me to the core....but I have a hard time believing that little part of the story. Could it be that he was molesting Andrew too and before he started with the girls?
Andrew began molesting the twins when he was 7 or 8 and they were 3 or 4.
Read more: http://www.kansas.com/2010/12/09/1626041/family-sexual-abuse-part-one.html#ixzz18949PbR0

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Above BBM: I have to agree that there has to be much, much more to this story that the girls probably don't even know. I can only pray for their continued healing.

What an incredibly emotional, moving story. They have truly been through the fire. I hope they are able to continue to heal themselves and their relationship with each other.

I am with those of you who latched on to Andrew abusing them when they were 3 and he was 7/8. This is a learned behavior-remember also the rationalization he came up with when arrested was that it wasnt illegal to rape your sisters. (paraphrasing)

I have to believe that this is a cycle and not an isolated thing.

I would have to agree about the brother. Boys of 7-8 years of age are not sexually mature or active. Peeing contests and silly bottom slapping and "I'll show you mine", is about as far as it gets. Very healthy and normal (but calls for redirection) sexual exporation. Boys of this age typically have not even discovered masturbation. Girls have, though. We're always ahead of the game.

It's common for boys of any age to get an erection when the temperature changes or when emotional but it's very different than a sexualized erection. It's more like nipples that harden on any aged person (even babies) when the body shivers.

I remember being struck by a similar story presented on Oprah's Conversation with Pedophiles. One of the abusers (the larger, soft-spoken, long-haired man)had started molesting a younger girl at a very young age. I would have to say that it is learned behavior even though he denied that fact.

When our children were raped, they remained sexualized for months (some never came back to "normal"). I remember my husband coming upon two of our kids with their pants down. It was one of the only times he ever spanked. He was furious. We immediately called the police and the CAC. They all assured us that this was normal and would be addressed at therapy. The children's response, "Well, R taught it was fun."

So, yes. Learned, most likely.

Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention, wfgodot. I've sent the link on to several victims/survivors I know.

I want to put this link here, for easier access:

http://media.kansas.com/smedia/2010/12/09/10/letterfromandrew.source.prod_affiliate.80.pdf

It is from the third part of the article. It is a letter Andrew wrote to a reporter this year I believe. He talks in depth about his failure as an older brother and his motivations for what he did. He states openly that watching his father beat his mother on a weekly basis and being told she was "fine" were what caused him to do what he did. He said how was he to know differently? "How do you identify when enough is enough when you are told "Mommy's fine"?" - verbatim. This alludes to me that Andrew watched Brad beat and then rape Lisa as a child. He appears to be emulating Daddy. The fact that Brad didn't start on the girls until after they told him about Andrew seems to verify that fact. This letter is well spoken and contrite, I just don't know how much of it I believe - as a survivor myself. I will admit to some cussing as I read it. I have nothing but admiration for Shelly Vasey though, for saving them the first time and the second, and having the Christian values to reach out to Andrew. She is a better woman than I am. I am in awe of Kellie and Kathie and the guts and determination they have shown thus far. I applaud their conviction to help other victims, rather than hiding in the shadows. If there is one thing I could say to them it would be - Don't look back and obsess over those lost years. Those events made you the strong, capable, compassionate young women you are; be those strong women and live your lives well. Enjoy your lives. It is the most satisfying compensation you are likely to receive.

IWK, I am going to call shennanigans on that letter. First of all, he was sexualized himself and I believe it happened inside of that home. If I was going to hazard a guess, it was possibly during the assaults on his mother, since he seems to believe violence and sex go hand in hand.

Secondly, for him to believe that he should be an uncle and a protector seems beyond naive. No matter how much forgiveness he is due or offered, I doubt that it is realistic for him to think that he is ever going to be anywhere but at arms length from the girls he terrorized for YEARS.

Let's count on our fingers the number of rapists and victims who have become friends after an event like this. I thought so.

I know survivors of incest- the family/blood connection makes it infinitely more complicated, but in this case this guy is a violent sexual offender. I dont know how you change that kind of wiring, but to me his letter smacks of a perceived ownership of the girls. JMVHO.

ETA: I think if he were a penitent, he would leave them alone. Not write to the media stating that he is patiently waiting for them to come around. That is the part that makes me ANGRY.

This is such a complicated story. While I don't excuse him in any way for his behavior, I do feel he is also a victim. Maybe he has truly come to understand what happened and yearns for what could have been. I don't find his letter particularly offensive. I don't see that he really understands the depths of what he did, but I do see sorrow and some insight into his life. I sincerely doubt the sisters will ever have anything to do with him and who can blame them. It's all very sad. Thankfully the girls are recovering and moving on with their lives as best they can.

IDK - that letter really angered me. He never had a normal relationship with his sisters, he terrorized them for years and yet he feels the need to remind the reader that he was a victim.

I felt that a lot of what he said was things he's picked up in group, things he's been told he should feel. The photo of him with his arm around Shelley, literally made my skin crawl.

What a mess, my heart just hurts for Kellie and Kathie - they have a ton of pain to work through, I hope they are getting the help they need to cope and continue to grow.

believe - I agree that he was sexualized in the home, I just don't think Brad sexually assaulted him directly. I think he watched the beatings and subsequent rape of his mother and thought "OK, that is how we do it". Right? Definitely not. Understandable? Maybe. The girls themselves say he started when he was 7 or 8, he definitely got the idea somewhere, and isn't claiming that he himself was victimized......IDK. A little thought in my head says Brad wouldn't have even considered sexually assaulting Andrew....that would be gay. IMO totally.

LCoastMom - It did sound like alot of things from group. At least he is listening, we can only hope he is taking some of it to heart and not just properly reciting it....

I stumbled upon this series today, and my g-d, how horrifying. Shear horror.

Kellie and Kathie's father and eldest brother did not get what they deserved imo. Their prison sentence was not enough punishment. Typical.

I have no sympathy for them. Yes, Andrew was clearly abused and witnessed abuse, but his role as a victim ENDED when he started victimizing his innocent sisters (and brother). He was a monster--plain and simple. Why Lisa only got work release is beyond me. She's guilty too. Horrific mother who failed to protect her own children.

I am so disappointed at Shelly for "saving" Andrew. He raped and tortured his sisters, of whom were like daughters to her!! No offense to the Christian faith, but MAN so many of it's followers are SO NAIVE to think they can change these monsters. I think she betrayed those girls when she befriended their abuser.

This whole story is so backwards, it's awful.

Does anyone know what happened to Kelly's father (hopefully shanked)? Are the other siblings okay?

What about Mark? He needs to pay the price too, but clearly he was bullied into everything by Andrew.

What a horrible mess. Just awful.

I really, really wish the best for these girls and their sister and little brother. I feel so bad for them.

LCoastMom said:

IDK - that letter really angered me. He never had a normal relationship with his sisters, he terrorized them for years and yet he feels the need to remind the reader that he was a victim.

I felt that a lot of what he said was things he's picked up in group, things he's been told he should feel. The photo of him with his arm around Shelley, literally made my skin crawl.

What a mess, my heart just hurts for Kellie and Kathie - they have a ton of pain to work through, I hope they are getting the help they need to cope and continue to grow.

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BBM - That is a very interesting remark and could be spot on. I tend to be a sucker and take things at face value, so I find it interesting when people are able to see deeper into something. I never thought about the fact that he could have been basically fed this 'knowledge' through therapy and is just parroting what he has been told. I am really wondering about it now.

Belinda said:

BBM - That is a very interesting remark and could be spot on. I tend to be a sucker and take things at face value, so I find it interesting when people are able to see deeper into something. I never thought about the fact that he could have been basically fed this 'knowledge' through therapy and is just parroting what he has been told. I am really wondering about it now.

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The letter to me sounded contrived, not contrite. He was making a lot of excuses for what he did, without owning his actions. (He was abused, his mother was abused, he was young and powerless.) I can't buy this as an excuse for what he did for 11 or 12 years.

I just don't see this happy family reunion where he can look into their eyes and be the big brother he never was, ever taking place. As matter of fact (coming from their rapist / abuser / torturer) that statement almost feels like a threat.

He said he's been told by family members that he's forgiven - obviously Kathie and Kellie haven't forgiven him.

This is all just a gut reaction, but it is based on a bad experience. I may be seeing things that aren't there.

I just read Andrew's letter and frankly it left me stone cold. I just didn't feel any genuine emotion (and I am generally someone who wants to believe someone is sincere, truthful and repetant).

He said he had no one to turn to because his parents were not role models? What about Shelly? From her story, she was there for them from a very young age. So, I'm not buying that at all. And she and her husband's marriage should have been a prime example that other households were not like theirs- there was normalcy to be seen elsewhere.

If this is what he learned in group, he needs many more years of sessions. I don't think his own group members (some of whom can usually be counted on to be pretty perceptive) would buy this load of BS. IMO.

After the "Promise Not To Tell" story series appeared in The Wichita Eagle last week, describing the sexual abuse and rescue of Kathie and Kellie Henderson, people began contacting them, or their rescuers Jim and Shelly Vasey, or the newspaper, or the authorities.

Some, like Bobby Gandu, wanted to offer help — in Gandu's case, perhaps substantial help. He's the director of admissions at Wichita State University, and says the top leadership there wants to help all four Henderson victims afford a post-high-school education if they want one.

They are working out details.

Other callers wanted to donate money, or cards giving them gasoline and gifts.

But most of the callers and the correspondents using Facebook and e-mail and pen and paper said they are victims themselves, of incest or other forms of sexual abuse.

They said they know firsthand what the girls went through — and that what happened to the girls is no isolated thing.


much more here

http://www.kansas.com/2010/12/19/1639958/girls-story-shows-how-broad-reach.html

Wow. The follow-up is every bit as breathtaking as the original series. Great post, TM.