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Thread: OK- girls molested at slumber party

  1. #1
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    OK- girls molested at slumber party

    http://www.koco.com/news/27372444/detail.html

    In a police report, officers said the children were spending the night at one of the girl's grandfather's house.

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  3. #2
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    UGH - who allowed this creep to get in the same bed as these children!!!!

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  5. #3
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    No arrests have been made? We need to know more. Those poor children. Their parents must be reeling.

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  7. #4
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    I'm searching for more info and what do I find....just more of the same. I'm assuming this case is unrelated as this is from 3 months ago:

    http://www.news9.com/story/13723077/...edirected=true

    Another horrid "slumber party" story". I was never a believer in slumber parties as I just heard one terrible story after another. If children really want to do sleepovers, there needs to be a high amount of oversight. Parents, please don't "cave" when you hear that "everybody's going". Please.

    Still looking.

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  9. #5
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    belimom is offline Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter ~MLK Jr
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    I agree about slumber parties. It should be someone you know very well and know exactly who will be there.

    Slightly OT, but I recently let DS (8) go to a playdate at a friend's home. He has been once before. He came home pretty unhappy and said that a teenage neighbor came over and stayed all afternoon. There were four younger boys - DS (8), the two brothers (7 and 9), another friend (8), and the teenager (16). He said he wanted to wrestle with them. DS didn't want to wrestle with the teen (he was scared to - do you blame him?) so he wrestled with the other little friend while the brothers wrestled the teen together. He said he had a miserable time b/c once the teen came, he can kind of ran the show and DS didn't have fun anymore. I was livid! I told DH and he asked what interest does a 16 yr old have in spending an entire afternoon with four little kids?!? Well, I can think of one reason... Not happy at all. This is the third experience with bad playdates that we've had. (A previous one at a different home - the mom left DS, her son, and another little friend alone while going to the grocery store. Only, they weren't alone - the teen brother and friend were up in the teen's room. The little brother left to play with neighbors and left DS and the other friend on their own in the house... ).

    Don't mean to hijack the thread - just wanted to vent. I think it's all related. And I keep thinking of that book, "Protecting the Gift".
    Last edited by belimom; 04-07-2011 at 07:44 PM.
    Fly high and free, Jhessye ~

    My posts are meant to help think through possibilities and are strictly an additional opinion under circumstances when many points of view need to be considered. I apologize in advance to anyone whose potential involvement is contemplated in error. Please understand that much of what is happening is merely brainstorming during unfortunate events.

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  11. #6
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    An excellent post, Belimom. Not O/T in the least. Your poor little guy. Children often don't know what to do when things turn ugly or scary. My suggestion is to make a plan with them and practice it time and again. Tell them that they can always "check in" with you by phone and if they give you some sort of a code word, you can say, "There's been a change of plans, I need to come get you now." The other kids can be told anything to save face for the child. A child can also always complain of a toothache or headache--anything to get mom or dad to come.

    We recently had the same experience with our special needs teen foster daughter. Lovely family, thoroughly checked out, second sleepover planned. Then an unknown (to us) boyfriend of the mom's showed up. Our daughter wasn't sleepy so she stayed up UNSUPERVISED with an unknown man. She said that he was funny and taught her to play cards. We were fit to be tied. It won't happen again. As my husband said later, how many men would be dumb enough to stay up late with a special needs teen girl, while everyone else slept? He may just be dumb but it was creepy. A decent man would have stayed in the bedroom with the mother and away from a single teen girl. I was very ticked that we didn't get a call telling us that there was another person present.

    We're reverting back to safer places...picnics at the park or movies where the parents sit nonchalantly in the back row. Fast food restaurants are fun too when parents sit separately.

    You are so right to question why the older boy would have wanted to hang out with the little ones. I'm sure you know by now that I know exactly why, sad to say.

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  13. #7
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    I can't find another story about this case. It's odd but the article doesn't show a date. However, the comments have been made in the last 10 days so it's recent. If anyone else can find it, please post. I'm curious if it's related to the one I linked to above. Maybe it's breaking news and other outlets just haven't picked it up.

    Concerning the comments, one person seems to think that it would be OK if it were kinfolk--not always safe. Another says no slumber parties unless a woman is present--again, not always safe. How I wish some of these people could read WS.

    Just consider the horrid recent case of Randy Lande of MO. One of the most violent child rapes I've ever read about. There was at least one woman present in the home and possibly the mother at some point.

    I'm afraid that we're going to have to fight this beast by educating our children as the danger lurks everywhere...in places once thought totally safe.

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  15. #8
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    I have a friend who has a code word with her step-daughters. It means 'come get me now.' No questions asked, no need to explain. Mom hears the word and she's on her way.

    She developed this code word due to a crazy and violent ex-wife/mom who was ordered by the courts to stay away from the kids.

    This always seemed like a great idea to me, for any kids. That way the kid doesn't have to worry about being overheard or trying to explain the problem on the phone. Plenty of time for explanations after the child is back home with mom.

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  17. #9
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    That code word should be life-long, IMO, and used for all sorts of emergencies. We've taught each of our children to use a code word and let them pick it. Anyone attempting to pick them up must know this word.

    The best defense is to practice it again and again, at every developmental stage. We stage "tests" with some of our special needs adult children to this day. Not long ago one of our daughters failed terribly. She's 23 and has a 50 IQ. She functions much as a 6 year old. But she knows about safety....or should. It's been central to her IEP since preschool.

    My husband asked a contractor friend (a man she didn't know) to pull up in front of her workplace while she was waiting for her special bus and to offer her a ride. He was instructed to tell her that her Dad had asked him to pick her up. She got in. Darn it. She got in. My husband came whipping up in his truck and chewed her up one side and and down the other and had her replay the entire practice again, getting it right. A week later, she passed the test when she asked another person, a young woman this time and someone she'd met once, for the code word. Her Dad was waiting around the corner and she got an ice cream for being safe.

    This is just like talks on sex and drugs and other important issues. It's not a one time chat. It's a lifelong discussion and then you get to help teach your grandchildren to be safe.
    Last edited by Missizzy; 04-07-2011 at 11:31 PM.

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  19. #10
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    Did I miss something in the article? One of the comments referred to the man being a coach and the girls team members.

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  21. #11
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    These articles just hurt my heart - my oldest DD loved doing sleep overs at home and with friends. My DS did a few, he was more of a home body - my youngest DD did some sleep overs with Girl Scouts - this just a few years ago.

    What is going on that friends (our friends!) who have children, can no longer be trusted to look out for our children the way we do? Is it possible the boyfriend (completely innocently) thought he was being a good host by not leaving your daughter alone? I agree you should have known he was there, but because not everyone thinks the way ''we do'' isn't always bad. (Missizzy I realize your DD is more vulnerable and the host should have made sure you were aware who was in the home).

    Why would a mother take off while hosting a play date? That just makes no sense from any way of thinking - if her teen was mature enough to babysit she/he should have been doing just that and other parents notified - obviously not the case... WTH was she thinking?

    Sleep overs should mean adult ''on duty'' (up and on alert) until the children are asleep - the adult you entrusted your child to! A child can't sleep - well sometimes that's the way it goes with sleep overs. And any strange men, women or teens should be out of the house before bedtime IMO - why do these nightmares so often include other adults hanging around and why aren't the hosts paying more attention to what is happening under their roof?

    Sleep overs are not anymore inherently dangerous than letting our children go on a play date at high noon - as long as the adult host follows common sense. (not being aware is not acceptable)!

    When my sister was molested (over three years) it was during the day while the perp's wife was at work - when my youngest DD was molested it was during the day while her father and the older child's father was in the house and the kids were playing outside. IMO we can't let our children become afraid of the dark (so to speak) - we need to inform them of our rules that are in effect always - at home and away. Modern technology means we are never further away than a phone call - but WTH is wrong with all these other people who aren't protecting their children or their children's guests???

    Sorry for the rant but this just makes me

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  23. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noway View Post
    Did I miss something in the article? One of the comments referred to the man being a coach and the girls team members.
    Noway I think that commenter has confused another similar case. The Gfather said it was someone living with him...

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  25. #13
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    Yeah there is an article talking about a coach molesting kids well it's on the right sidebar.. i think that person got the cases confused like lcoastmom said.

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