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  1. #61
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    N.C.
    Posts
    4,097
    I want to thank Star12 for her moving statement on lastnights thread. So many people think of domestic violence as black eyes/broken bones. They don't understand that most physical injuries heal. A few can cause life-long ailments, but by far most HEAL. It is the emotional scarring that remains. Those things which can't be seen by the naked eye. My first 18 years were comprised of daily abuse of all types. And I recall, in the depths of my therapy process, crying to my therapist, 'if only you could somehow turn me inside out, you'd turn away in horror at the scarring you'd find.' "My insides look like the worst burn victim in the world, but because no one can see them, to most they don't exisit." In their efforts to hide stuff, many people lose any and all family and friends from that time period, because if they *accept* what you are saying, then they have to ADMIT, they didn't help, didn't acknowledge your need as it was going on, etc. If anyone here knew me in real life, they would never in a million years EVER think I had a care in the world. Never think my life was anything but blessed. Much like Nancy, life of the party, always up for a laugh, practical joker, etc. Often times it's us, in our efforts to hide what's inside, that work harder at giving the appearance 'hey everything is great!' Thank goodness Nancy had friends and family who saw, who knew, even before she herself KNEW, the danger she was living in. It's just so tragic they couldn't save her. I know this is a victim friendly site, but there are lurkers who read too. Remember this, please, the scars inside are life-long. Scarred little children grow up into adults, who live with their scars daily. If you know someone in your life, see something outside in the world, 'reach out to help', and quit slamming Nancy's friends for their attempts to *help* her and her children. Would the collective *you* have felt more sympathy towards nancy had she lived in a trailer park and subsisted on $30.00 a week? Money and surroundings are relative, fear, hurt and pain aren't.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    The Burbs ~ Down South
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    8,436
    Quote Originally Posted by RaleighNative View Post
    Question for all the regular posters here. Do any of you feel you would not have been able to sit on this jury and been objective due to strong personal beliefs or experiences?

    For example, a few posters have given some brief updates on another case taking place right now. I had never heard of this case, so I googled it. I couldn't even finish the first news article, I became so upset I was in tears. The two young boys (murder victims) bear a resemblance to my young son. There is no way I could have sat on that jury. I could not have been objective. Too personal for me.

    Does anyone feel that way about this trial?
    i totally understand what you are saying.......i work within the court system and at first i carried the horror stories with me continuously........after many years i had to learn to look more objectively at the cases i handle

    not that i don't take them to heart, or cry (often) but i have learned to look at them differently........luckily my cases still do touch my heart or i couldn't do it at all............

    and no, i don't work for dfacs...........i'm a guardian ad litem for abused and neglected children..
    ~~~~~~~~~
    queenie

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    815
    Quote Originally Posted by RaleighNative View Post
    Question for all the regular posters here. Do any of you feel you would not have been able to sit on this jury and been objective due to strong personal beliefs or experiences?

    For example, a few posters have given some brief updates on another case taking place right now. I had never heard of this case, so I googled it. I couldn't even finish the first news article, I became so upset I was in tears. The two young boys (murder victims) bear a resemblance to my young son. There is no way I could have sat on that jury. I could not have been objective. Too personal for me.

    Does anyone feel that way about this trial?
    I could not have sat on this jury. I lived with a woman for a very long time who was much older and who chose to take a myriad of things from her life and make me the focus on "fixing" those things. (Unmet childhood needs, terrible abuse by a relative, serious drug abuse, a child put up for adoption, abuse by a previous spouse) I had no idea of them, even three years into our relationship. (Not comparing NC here or BC for that matter)

    I lived with things on a daily basis that no person should live with (man or woman) and it heavily affected my self image. I am a very strange personality overall and this all came at a time when that personality was developing (think 23-32 age range and how much people become who they are from what they were long-term).

    At the end of it, she flipped it and called me controlling and abusive for wanting to take back control of my portion of my life. (A given that relationships have shared overlaps) It was very hard to even want to defend myself at that point and she knew it and even used that to her benefit/advantage. As you can see, it affects my view of how things roll out in the court system.

    Also, there is a case in Hickory right now that I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat every time I see photos of the victim because she looks like my young daughter. I could not be a juror there either, BUT, I will bring the pitchforks.

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    965
    What is wrong with me?!?! I have 100 things to do today, yet I am sitting here clicking back and forth between WS"s and ABC. I think I need an intervention!!!!!!!

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    The Burbs ~ Down South
    Posts
    8,436
    Quote Originally Posted by Lori59 View Post
    What is wrong with me?!?! I have 100 things to do today, yet I am sitting here clicking back and forth between WS"s and ABC. I think I need an intervention!!!!!!!


    join the crowd

    right now i'm listening to the judge get all gushy about preschool special day tomorrow.......ahhhhh
    ~~~~~~~~~
    queenie

  6. #66
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Charleston, WV
    Posts
    734
    Quote Originally Posted by gracielee View Post
    I want to thank Star12 for her moving statement on lastnights thread. So many people think of domestic violence as black eyes/broken bones. They don't understand that most physical injuries heal. A few can cause life-long ailments, but by far most HEAL. It is the emotional scarring that remains. Those things which can't be seen by the naked eye. My first 18 years were comprised of daily abuse of all types. And I recall, in the depths of my therapy process, crying to my therapist, 'if only you could somehow turn me inside out, you'd turn away in horror at the scarring you'd find.' "My insides look like the worst burn victim in the world, but because no one can see them, to most they don't exisit." In their efforts to hide stuff, many people lose any and all family and friends from that time period, because if they *accept* what you are saying, then they have to ADMIT, they didn't help, didn't acknowledge your need as it was going on, etc. If anyone here knew me in real life, they would never in a million years EVER think I had a care in the world. Never think my life was anything but blessed. Much like Nancy, life of the party, always up for a laugh, practical joker, etc. Often times it's us, in our efforts to hide what's inside, that work harder at giving the appearance 'hey everything is great!' Thank goodness Nancy had friends and family who saw, who knew, even before she herself KNEW, the danger she was living in. It's just so tragic they couldn't save her. I know this is a victim friendly site, but there are lurkers who read too. Remember this, please, the scars inside are life-long. Scarred little children grow up into adults, who live with their scars daily. If you know someone in your life, see something outside in the world, 'reach out to help', and quit slamming Nancy's friends for their attempts to *help* her and her children. Would the collective *you* have felt more sympathy towards nancy had she lived in a trailer park and subsisted on $30.00 a week? Money and surroundings are relative, fear, hurt and pain aren't.
    BBM. Gracie I couldn't agree more with your post and I have lived in a physically abusive relationship at the ripe old age of 19 to 25. I went to work every day, when I didn't have a black eye or a busted lip, smiled and carried on but was beaten down and torn apart inside and to this day, feel that sadness come over me from time to time. NC lived with this as well because sometimes emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical and too often the emotional abuse turns to physical violence against the victim especially when they decide to fight back. That is what I did and narrowly missed being shot to death by my boyfriend 30 odd years ago. With the help of my friends who could see this happening, I was able to get away and back to my family. I think that is why these kinds of stories and trials pull me in because I can relate to the pain. Now we'll wait and see what the jurors think.

  7. #67
    how are you guys listening to the courtroom?

    the WRAL feed is "in recess" and the abc link doesn't work, nor can I find a link on their page..?

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    N.C.
    Posts
    4,097
    Quote Originally Posted by RaleighNative View Post
    Question for all the regular posters here. Do any of you feel you would not have been able to sit on this jury and been objective due to strong personal beliefs or experiences?

    For example, a few posters have given some brief updates on another case taking place right now. I had never heard of this case, so I googled it. I couldn't even finish the first news article, I became so upset I was in tears. The two young boys (murder victims) bear a resemblance to my young son. There is no way I could have sat on that jury. I could not have been objective. Too personal for me.

    Does anyone feel that way about this trial?
    Once I began hearing & reading about this case, and the background info on the parties, Nancy & Brad, their histories in Canada, yes, my mind was made up. I knew Brad was guilty, felt it in every inch of my bones. His personality type, his history, and the mound of circumstantial evidence coupled with the hugely enormous amount of coincidences involved. IMO, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that brad is anything but GUILTY.

  9. #69
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    good old europe
    Posts
    42
    I guess I am just stupid, but the abc feed is gone here. Anyone having a problem too?

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Wake Forest, NC
    Posts
    1,914
    Quote Originally Posted by RaleighNative View Post
    Question for all the regular posters here. Do any of you feel you would not have been able to sit on this jury and been objective due to strong personal beliefs or experiences?

    For example, a few posters have given some brief updates on another case taking place right now. I had never heard of this case, so I googled it. I couldn't even finish the first news article, I became so upset I was in tears. The two young boys (murder victims) bear a resemblance to my young son. There is no way I could have sat on that jury. I could not have been objective. Too personal for me.

    Does anyone feel that way about this trial?
    I think I could. I'm not a very emotional person and I think I would be objective. I would not let emotions blind me from facts of a case.

    I would hate to have on my conscience any possibility that I helped put the wrong person away. I would have to be positive they did the crime.

    Politically, I've always been pretty conservative, but I've always been against the death penalty because as we know, there are cases where the defendant is wrongly convicted and for that reason, life in prison should be the worst punishment handed out because at least if they did get it wrong that person still has a chance to live the rest of their life free.

    I think after watching this trial, I'm very concerned about what I always assumed everyone received in our court systems - a fair trial. It really opened my eyes. Because of the bias that clearly occurs, one has to be even that much more careful while deciding someone's fate.


  11. #71
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,291
    jury taking a 15 min break

  12. #72
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    The Burbs ~ Down South
    Posts
    8,436
    Quote Originally Posted by yeknomaras View Post
    how are you guys listening to the courtroom?

    the WRAL feed is "in recess" and the abc link doesn't work, nor can I find a link on their page..?
    try this...............

    http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/livenow?id=8020507

    judge just released jury for 15 min. break.........they notified him they wanted it
    ~~~~~~~~~
    queenie

  13. #73
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Wake County, NC
    Posts
    393
    Quote Originally Posted by Bertha21 View Post
    I guess I am just stupid, but the abc feed is gone here. Anyone having a problem too?
    The judge was talking to someone about personal matters (doctor's appointment, etc.) and ABC cut the feed to weather radar. They just came back and released the jury for a 15-minute break.

  14. #74
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    The Burbs ~ Down South
    Posts
    8,436
    Quote Originally Posted by Bertha21 View Post
    I guess I am just stupid, but the abc feed is gone here. Anyone having a problem too?
    http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/livenow?id=8020507
    ~~~~~~~~~
    queenie

  15. #75
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    NC Coast
    Posts
    1,353
    Quote Originally Posted by johnfear View Post
    I could not have sat on this jury. I lived with a woman for a very long time who was much older and who chose to take a myriad of things from her life and make me the focus on "fixing" those things. (Unmet childhood needs, terrible abuse by a relative, serious drug abuse, a child put up for adoption, abuse by a previous spouse) I had no idea of them, even three years into our relationship. (Not comparing NC here or BC for that matter)

    I lived with things on a daily basis that no person should live with (man or woman) and it heavily affected my self image. I am a very strange personality overall and this all came at a time when that personality was developing (think 23-32 age range and how much people become who they are from what they were long-term).

    At the end of it, she flipped it and called me controlling and abusive for wanting to take back control of my portion of my life. (A given that relationships have shared overlaps) It was very hard to even want to defend myself at that point and she knew it and even used that to her benefit/advantage. As you can see, it affects my view of how things roll out in the court system.

    Also, there is a case in Hickory right now that I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat every time I see photos of the victim because she looks like my young daughter. I could not be a juror there either, BUT, I will bring the pitchforks.
    I would have not been a good juror either due to personal experience. It was very difficult for me to watch and pay attention to the documents/trial/arguments and still coming away thinking BC was more than likely culpable but was not proven 100%.

    I could go into other more personal things but suffice it to say, divorce does terrible things to people when there is money involved. You really are never divorcing that person you married. Regardless of who initiates the divorce or the why of how it came about, amicable divorces are rare and few between.
    12 years later, I can honestly look back and see behaviors on both sides of the fence and only hold myself accountable for some of the acrimony. So, I agree with you, when one is trying to regain control of their life back, defending yourself is very very difficult. The process is debilitating on your person and body, your personality. You do not come out the other side the same. If you add a person in the mix who is vengeful, you open the door to things you never could imagine would happen to you.

    Kelly

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