Ottawa teen commits suicide after bullying - documented depression online

Father says ‘bullying was definitely a factor’ in son Jamie Hubley’s suicide

[snip]

“Jamie asked a question no child should have to ask — why do people say mean things to me?” his father said.

[snip]

Recently, when Jamie tried to start a Rainbow Club at his high school to promote acceptance of others, the posters were torn down and he was called vicious names in the hallways and online. We had meetings with officials at the school and were working with them to bring an end to it but Jamie felt it would never stop.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/...nitely-a-factor-in-son-jamie-hubleys-suicide/

Ottawa gay teen commits suicide after months of online posts documenting his depression

Sad news to report from Ottawa, is the suicide death of Jamie Hubley, a 15-year-old gay teen who took his own life on Saturday after documenting online the final, painful months of his life.

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Jamie’s Tumblr blog titled, “You can’t break … when you’re already broken” reveals his depression and thoughts of suicide, interspersed with angst-filled quotes and startling images of self-harm, reported the Ottawa Citizen.

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Following is Jamie’s final blog post, tagged “suicide note,” and written just hours before his death.

More: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/...onths-of-online-posts-documenting-depression/



HE POSTED ABOUT IT ONLINE!!! WHY did no one HELP HIM?!?

Wow. Did you read his blog?? So much pain for such a young man.

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed said:

Ottawa gay teen commits suicide after months of online posts documenting his depression

Sad news to report from Ottawa, is the suicide death of Jamie Hubley, a 15-year-old gay teen who took his own life on Saturday after documenting online the final, painful months of his life.

[snip]

Jamie’s Tumblr blog titled, “You can’t break … when you’re already broken” reveals his depression and thoughts of suicide, interspersed with angst-filled quotes and startling images of self-harm, reported the Ottawa Citizen.

[snip]

Following is Jamie’s final blog post, tagged “suicide note,” and written just hours before his death.

More: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/...onths-of-online-posts-documenting-depression/



HE POSTED ABOUT IT ONLINE!!! WHY did no one HELP HIM?!?

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YIKES...in the comment section a boy named Hayden is crying for help....

Hayden Licht
Posted on Monday, October 17, 2011
Reply
He was cute too! :’( I would go to his school, that way he didn’t have to be the only one! I think he’s adorable.. I have been trying to commit suicide for 2 month but failed… I feel the same way for him..

How can we get him help??????????
http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/10/...nitely-a-factor-in-son-jamie-hubleys-suicide/

You know, I have for years been a very strong advocate of gay rights. And when these "bully suicides" rose in the last few years, or at least became more newsworthy apparently, I got very upset.

But this one is giving me pause and making me wonder if in trying to resolve this issue we are putting too much emphasis on the bullying aspect. I do understand the horrors of bullying, and I do not use the word horrors lightly. I was bullied mercilessly in school.

However, it does make me wonder where the EFF are the parents of these gay teens. That blog would have me on my child like white on rice and running to the nearest therapist and counselor.

I don't understand? Where are the parents when this happens? They say they knew the kid was bullied, they know there is a high suicide rate and then it just seems they are completely floored when it goes so wrong.

Chewy said:

You know, I have for years been a very strong advocate of gay rights. And when these "bully suicides" rose in the last few years, or at least became more newsworthy apparently, I got very upset.

But this one is giving me pause and making me wonder if in trying to resolve this issue we are putting too much emphasis on the bullying aspect. I do understand the horrors of bullying, and I do not use the word horrors lightly. I was bullied mercilessly in school.

However, it does make me wonder where the EFF are the parents of these gay teens. That blog would have me on my child like white on rice and running to the nearest therapist and counselor.

I don't understand? Where are the parents when this happens? They say they knew the kid was bullied, they know there is a high suicide rate and then it just seems they are completely floored when it goes so wrong.

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I can imagine, like most teens, who seem to spend hours upon hours on the computer, the parents probably didn't know about the blog until it was too late. How many of us know about EVERYTHING that our teens post on the internet????? We read these sad stories and think it will never happen to me, but it does. I will not put blame on the parents...at least they knew he was being bullied, many victims don't tell parents when they are being bullied. It states that he was seeking help with depression....so to me it looks like the parents were helping.

I'm not saying it's the parent's fault at all. I'm just wondering if the "It Get's Better" campaign sort of circumvents where the focus needs to go.

I have two teenage boys and I know to be on the lookout for sexual activity or drug or alcohol use or smoking. I've stayed on top without snooping (too much) and confronting them about things even when it felt uncomfortable.

However these teens often seem to have parents who talk about how they were so bullied. I'm thinking it's not quite clicking that they need to be on the look out for suicide. The kid had blog for crying out loud and he wrote the note on it?

I love "It Gets Better" ... BUT ... it doesn't GET better, unless we MAKE it better.

Also, regarding the parents, the first article does say that Jamie was receiving care from doctors at CHEO and counselors. They weren't completely ignorant. But I agree with flipflop...they probably didn't know about his blog. But, SOMEONE did. SOMEONE saw it. And they ignored it.

(I looked for a way to report Hayden's comment to a moderator or something, but can't find a way.)

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed said:

I love "It Gets Better" ... BUT ... it doesn't GET better, unless we MAKE it better.

Also, regarding the parents, the first article does say that Jamie was receiving care from doctors at CHEO and counselors. They weren't completely ignorant. But I agree with flipflop...they probably didn't know about his blog. But, SOMEONE did. SOMEONE saw it. And they ignored it.

(I looked for a way to report Hayden's comment to a moderator or something, but can't find a way.)

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I sent an email to the "contact us" on that link. That media outlet should have Haydens email since he left the message. Hopefully someone can reach out to him.

Also, don't forget...this Thursday is "Spirit Day". Or, "Wear Purple Day". It started last year after the huge bunch of LGBT suicides. It's easy. All ya gotta do is wear purple. I know I'll be thinking of Jamie this year.

Senseless deaths like this break my heart.

I'm probably going to take a lot of heat for this but I am going to express my opinion.

I DO blame the parents. I will NEVER understand how a parent sends their child off to school everyday KNOWING that their child is being bullied.

I wouldn't.

Linda7NJ said:

Senseless deaths like this break my heart.

I'm probably going to take a lot of heat for this but I am going to express my opinion.

I DO blame the parents. I will NEVER understand how a parent sends their child off to school everyday KNOWING that their child is being bullied.

I wouldn't.

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I see your point, I really do, however pulling them out of school doesn't resolve the issue. It sends bullies a clear message they were succesful! It reinforces their ability and determination to manipulate people like they were playing a game of chess and they continue that type of behavior throughout their adult life.

There needs to be a much stronger message to those who do the bullying. They should be the ones kicked out of school. Expel them, stick them in some kind of school for social misfits who can't demonstrate the same type of respect for others they wish for themselves.

Kids like Jamie shouldn't have to be isolated from school in order to avoid these tragic situations. The little misfits should be the ones to pay the repercussions. IMO, it is the BULLIES PARENTS who have the problem with their inability to teach their children how to respect and treat others, and it is THESE parents who should pay the repercussions, just like they would if their child were truant, a gang banger or dealing drugs.


I was bullied and things are so much more difficult for kids these days it scares me as a single parent. One of the biggest things I do with my son, 9, and his group of neighborhood friends (7-12 or so) is to reward the good behavior. Give them something to look forward too (for both good grades and treating others with respect). It might be a small bon fire party, it might be a small treat like ice cream for all the kids. As they get a little older it might be a free game of bowling since we are within walking distance of a bowling alley.

I also reinforce treating others with the same respect they wish to be treated with and encourage them to step up in a GROUP when someone is picking on another. A group will help stop the bully.

I think we, as a society, spend too much time focusing on the negative behaviors we fail to reward and encourage the appropriate behavior.

all jmo of course

Cubby said:

I see your point, I really do, however pulling them out of school doesn't resolve the issue. It sends bullies a clear message they were successful! It reinforces their ability and determination to manipulate people like they were playing a game of chess and they continue that type of behavior throughout their adult life.

There needs to be a much stronger message to those who do the bullying. They should be the ones kicked out of school. Expel them, stick them in some kind of school for social misfits who can't demonstrate the same type of respect for others they wish for themselves.

Kids like Jamie shouldn't have to be isolated from school in order to avoid these tragic situations. The little misfits should be the ones to pay the repercussions. IMO, it is the BULLIES PARENTS who have the problem with their inability to teach their children how to respect and treat others, and it is THESE parents who should pay the repercussions, just like they would if their child were truant, a gang banger or dealing drugs.


I was bullied and things are so much more difficult for kids these days it scares me as a single parent. One of the biggest things I do with my son, 9, and his group of neighborhood friends (7-12 or so) is to reward the good behavior. Give them something to look forward too (for both good grades and treating others with respect). It might be a small bon fire party, it might be a small treat like ice cream for all the kids. As they get a little older it might be a free game of bowling since we are within walking distance of a bowling alley.

I also reinforce treating others with the same respect they wish to be treated with and encourage them to step up in a GROUP when someone is picking on another. A group will help stop the bully.

I think we, as a society, spend too much time focusing on the negative behaviors we fail to reward and encourage the appropriate behavior.

all jmo of course

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BBM

It solves the problem for MY CHILD. My child is the one I am concerned about. I feel it's MY job in this world is to value, love and protect MY child. That's a parent's responsibility. I know I can't change the world. I can't give every child a loving set of parents, stability, the respect they deserve as people etc....


What message would it send to your child if you sent him off everyday to be abused at school??? IMO Your child would think you didn't care about his well being, were incapable of helping him, or that the situation was hopeless he'd be better off dead.

How much "education" do you think a child in a hyper vigilant state of mind is getting anyway? The ONLY thing a constantly bullied child learns in school everyday is that LIFE SUCKS! Then the parents sit around ringing their hands like they're clueless while pointing fingers at the school, teachers, bullies. I say, how about taking a good hard long look into the mirror.

If you had a daughter whose husband was beating her and she came to you for help, would you tell her to turn around and go back to her abuser??? No, most people wouldn't ...but when it's a child...they send them off everyday with a pat on the head.

You're right of course. Children should have great parents like you. But sadly, many don't. Bullying is nothing new and crappy parents isn't either. If I had a magic wand I'd wave it and fix it. But I don't & can't. I am certainly not going to spend all of time sitting around talking about it while my child is being bullied at school daily!

Linda7NJ said:

BBM

It solves the problem for MY CHILD. My child is the one I am concerned about. I feel it's MY job in this world is to value, love and protect MY child. That's a parent's responsibility. I know I can't change the world. I can't give every child a loving set of parents, stability, the respect they deserve as people etc....


What message would it send to your child if you sent him off everyday to be abused at school??? IMO Your child would think you didn't care about his well being, were incapable of helping him, or that the situation was hopeless he'd be better off dead.

How much "education" do you think a child in a hyper vigilant state of mind is getting anyway? The ONLY thing a constantly bullied child learns in school everyday is that LIFE SUCKS! Then the parents sit around ringing their hands like they're clueless while pointing fingers at the school, teachers, bullies. I say, how about taking a good hard long look into the mirror.

If you had a daughter whose husband was beating her and she came to you for help, would you tell her to turn around and go back to her abuser??? No, most people wouldn't ...but when it's a child...they send them off everyday with a pat on the head.

You're right of course. Children should have great parents like you. But sadly, many don't. Bullying is nothing new and crappy parents isn't either. If I had a magic wand I'd wave it and fix it. But I don't & can't. I am certainly not going to spend all of time sitting around talking about it while my child is being bullied at school daily!

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I agree and see your point. I send my son to parochial school to help support the values we have at home. I know I'd never have it in me to homeschool and I have a great appreciation for those who can and do.

It would be nice if parents such as Jamies had the option to home school or transfer to a parochial school. Sadly, not all do.

I didn't read all the previous links, and we don't know what measures Jamies parents took with the school, so I'm not going to blame them. I do think we have a responsibility to be an example, not only to our children, but to others as well. If children have crappy parents at home, they didn't choose their parents and need outside guidance and examples as to what appropriate behavior should be. That should be happening in the schools and in our neighborhoods as well. We've become too much of a closed off society caring only about ourselves and not giving a rats batooty about others. I don't mean you personally, or anyone here at WS, I mean overall in general.

jmo :twocents:

Cubby said:

I agree and see your point. I send my son to parochial school to help support the values we have at home. I know I'd never have it in me to homeschool and I have a great appreciation for those who can and do.

It would be nice if parents such as Jamies had the option to home school or transfer to a parochial school. Sadly, not all do.

I didn't read all the previous links, and we don't know what measures Jamies parents took with the school, so I'm not going to blame them. I do think we have a responsibility to be an example, not only to our children, but to others as well. If children have crappy parents at home, they didn't choose their parents and need outside guidance and examples as to what appropriate behavior should be. That should be happening in the schools and in our neighborhoods as well. We've become too much of a closed off society caring only about ourselves and not giving a rats batooty about others. I don't mean you personally, or anyone here at WS, I mean overall in general.

jmo :twocents:

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*snerk* You really think parochial schools have better values than public schools? We have one all-girls Catholic school, and the gossip that goes around about that school would have you think twice!

OTOH, the Catholic high school I attended would have been very welcoming of an openly gay student. But that's because of the people who attended, not the religion they belong to.

Gossip is everywhere, The rules are for stricter the school my son attends, now, than it had when I attended 30 something years ago. But I'm also talking grade school, where most of the basic values are implimented. Kids don't just become bully's in HS. the values are implemented or not at a much younger age., imo. Things have changed so much since I was in HS in the 80's. Even what parents discuss with their children these days is so different.

A kid in my sons KG class was kicked out his second day for being too out of control.

I see a lot being taught in early grade school now which is anti bullying. I only have when I was in school and younger grade school to compare.


I don't consider gossip and bullying the same thing. The kids around here know I don't put up with crap. I've already called LE on them once for playing with fire. (3rd-6th) I'm worse than a nun around here, lol.

I teach in an elementary school. The cyber bullying is the worst. Everyone seems to be on facebook after school and in the evening. It all starts by someone making a rude comment on someones page with several more adding to the comment. When they get together at recess time at school the issue from online seems to carry over during school time. As a teacher this is really hard to keep up with, as we do not have the kids as friends on facebook, so we do not see what is being said and who is being attacked online. We hear about it once an incident explodes at school. We have our local police dept in to talk about the effects of cyber bullying and bullying in general with our students. We have had a father (who had a child commit suicide due to being bullied) come in to talk during an assembly. We educate the students as much as possible on the effects of bullying. Education is the key, but how far do we have to go????? It seems that as of lately, everytime I turn on the news another child has taken his/her life due to this matter. It is a sad sad world out there.

And I thought I had it tough growing up. I would not want to be a teen today. Social media is used for the wrong reasons many times in this day and age.