12-23-2011, 07:08 PM #1
My granddaughter is being bullied
My 12 year old granddaughter is having problems at her school. It has been bad.. She has tried to commit suicide. Her parents are changing her school after the holidays. She is afraid tom tell who it is. She is in therapy now, all this happened the 16th. I thank god she is ok..if I could I would beat the living snot out the parents and those girls that are doing this to my granddaughter. We must find a way to stop this.
12-23-2011, 07:32 PM #2
I am so sorry to hear that your grandaughter is going through this and tried to end her life. I am super thankful that she was being watched over and has a second chance.
Do you have any idea what the bullying is over ? It is so hard especially for girls at this age and it seems to have gotten worse especially with all the social media nowadays. Some girls are hateful and spiteful at this age and they just don't care who they hurt it seems.
I pray that your grandaughter gets well soon, therapy will be very good for her .
Changing schools will help but if she has a facebook page or a Myspace page she will probablly continue to be taunted, I would suggest getting rid of any social pages for her own well being.
If she does have a facebook or Myspace I would also suggest reading over those pages and you will probablly find out who is doing the bullying, print them out and take them down to the police station and press charges if need be, these girls/kids need to be stopped in their tracks now.I would also give the school a heads up if you find out.
It is really hard to say if you do find out who, if their parents will even care. It seems to me anymore that parents have lost all their marbles as well and will find any excuse to back their kids even when they know it's wrong.
Again I am so sorry, I know how you feel about wanting to knock the snot out of everyone, I would be livid !
Last edited by mysticrose; 12-23-2011 at 07:57 PM.What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you....
Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
12-23-2011, 07:39 PM #3
Poor baby! I'm sorry something like this is happening to her! Fight hard for her Grandma! I'm praying for your family!
12-23-2011, 07:54 PM #4
I am so sorry that she is going through this. I worked in the public schools for years and I know how difficult this can be. Most especially at this tender age.
I hope the parents have been in solid contact with the administration of the new school. If your granddaughter goes onto the new campus all alone,with no friends,then she is going to feel vulnerable, and may be picked on again, and a vicious cycle can begin. Often the counselors will provide new 'friends' to escort a new student into classes and during lunch time etc, until she has the chance to meet other students in class. This helps tremendously because the counselors pick students who know how to introduce the new kid to other kids that will be welcoming and friendly. I hope the parents have a chance to address this issue. A new student entering alone, often feels very self conscious and alone, and it makes them a target for the mean kids. imoo“Every day that they don’t find something is good for me.“ Billie Dunn
12-23-2011, 11:24 PM #5
I don't have anything to add that hasn't been posted raine', but I am keeping you and your granddaughter in my prayers.
Well, one thing to add and this may or may not be relevant to your granddaughter at her age. My son is a few years younger than your granddaughter but I have explained to him people who choose to bully do so because they have no other way of liking themselves. That they simply can't find anything good to like about themselves so they turn to trying to make others feel as bad as they do as a means to feel good about themselves. It may not be much but it has helped my son gain some understanding of the other person and the other persons motives. It helps him to seperate what they say and do in comparison to his accomplishments which he, and our family are proud of.
hth and big hugs to you and your granddaughter. She's lucky to have such a caring and concerned family.
A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. ~Author Unknown
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12-24-2011, 12:45 AM #6Registered User
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
I've raised four girls, and I hope that I can offer some suggestions.
First of all, have Mom of grandaughter read the book "Queen B and the wanna B's", a great book about the behavior of girls, and especially the social hierarchy of "tween" girls.
Most local churches have a youth group, and most consist of well rounded, nice girls. Usually the youth pastors do not even care if you are a different denomination of the church they are pastoring. Their goal is to provide a safe social environment for kids, and most DO.
Four H and Girl Scouting are also great places to meet and mix with other, wonderful families.
We showed rabbits, the Holland Lop variety. It's fairly inexpensive and it introduced all three of my girls to some very wonderful people.
Last, try to stress to your grandaughter that middle school/high school are really a small part of life, and everybody changes when they grow and mature...
Don't understimate the power of home schooling if things get too rough. It just might save her life, and there are great home schooling groups that meet regularly to socialize.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her and find her some outside interests, and tell her that there are wonderful people in the world praying for her safety and hurting for her from afar.
Tell her this for me... You'll make it, Baby, and you'll be a much stronger, better person than all those girls that tried to break you down. You can do it. Be strong and remember, you are NOT alone.
12-24-2011, 04:27 AM #7
1) Her parents have already done the right thing and are getting her counseling.
2) Does she have any online social media accounts? If I were her parents, I would be raking through every single wall post or private message to try and figure out who these girls are. I also think it would be a good idea to delete all accounts for the time being. Not as punishment for her... but bullying isn't simply confined to the schoolyard anymore.
3) I know this sounds random, but maybe getting her involved in Martial Arts would help? Not to teach her to solve her problems with violence, as that is not what Martial Arts is about, but to empower her mind, body and soul. It's a strength she may find useful especially at a very vulnerable time in her life.
I do hope things get better for her. Poor thing. Keep an eye on her and love her, love her, and love her some more. I hope that switching schools helps? Tell her that growing up doesn't last forever and that she is not alone. We've all had to do it.Justice for Trayvon
12-24-2011, 05:32 AM #8
I have seen a change of schools be successful in many cases in my area. I hope and pray it proves to be for your grandaughter also.
When my daughter was in the 3rd grade, her friends decided to ostracize another one of her friends. She was given an ultimatum to do as they said or also be ostracized. I noticed she seemed very quiet and sad coming home from school that day but when I questioned her she denied anything was wrong. By the next day I was sure something was wrong and got it out of her. She made a decision to stand by her friend and they were both ostracized. They survived it and both changed schools at the years end. They remain good friends and the other girls remain bullies.
American Girl has a series of books "A Smart Girl's Guide to...." as well as books on feelings and feelings journals.
Thank goodness your grandaughter was not successful at suicide and you are all aware now of the problem.
This is a good article on "clicks" vs "cliques" http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/cli...social-groups/Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.--Mark Twain
12-24-2011, 08:13 AM #9
She has Facebook, and she is not allowed on. Her parents are trying to close the account of course with no help from Facebook.. They have been trying to get in to read her private messages. But my granddaughters password will not work.. One of her friends has changed it and won't tell us.
12-24-2011, 10:53 PM #10
You can be sure that the teachers know who is doing the bullying. I went to the school when my daughter was having problems with a bully. Whenever her did something to her, she told the teacher. The response was always that they didn't see it happen. I volunteered in the school library one day a week. My dh told my dd that the next time the boy did anything to her, she was to punch him in the nose. I went into the principals office to talk to her about the issue. She could not talk to me them but I explained that I was there all day and would be ready whenever she could see me. During that day I did some investigating. I learned that three boy was a known trouble maker. I watched him at lunch intimidating another little boy. This was totally ignored by the teachers on duty in the cafeteria. I finally walked over and told him to knock out off. At that point, one of the teachers came over, just to tell me that I couldn't say anything to the children, it was not my role. Now I was getting angry. I told that teacher that I could not ignore a child being bullied, even if she could. By the end of the day, I was ready for my meeting. I told the principal what was going on for weeks with my dd. I them told her what I had not only learned about the boy, but also my own observations of him in action. The principal supported the teacher that ignored the actions I witnessed. I related three instructions given to my dd and that the next time the boy touched her she would retaliate. I was told that she would be suspended for fighting. My reply was that they better be sure they see it, because they seemed to have a problem seeing a known bully. My final statement was that if they did nothing, I would, even if I had to follow the boy home in order to confront his mother, and of course, the local media would also be alerted regarding the lack of action at this school to protect the children in their care.
12-24-2011, 11:44 PM #11
I have to agree about the homeschooling. I don't know about your area but around here the public schools are worthless. The only thing they seem to teach is bullying, drugs and alcohol. The peer pressure is enormous. I took my youngest out of school at 14. A few months ago, at 16, she completed her GED and is starting community college in January. By the time she is 18 she should have her Associates and be able to enroll in a university. All without being exposed to the jackals that teen age girls are. She does have friends but she is very selective about who she will be friends with.
My son is homeschooling his 5 year old and I couldn't be happier about it. If you can't afford a good private school and you aren't lucky enough to live somewhere with a good school system then homeschooling is the way to go.
12-25-2011, 08:16 AM #12Registered User
- Join Date
- Nov 2003
I a so sorry your granddaughter has had to deal with this. I am thankful that she has such a great family support. I will be praying for this sweet young lady.
12-25-2011, 08:40 AM #13Registered User
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
If your school does not have a school resource officer, contact the police. Most police departments have or have access to internet crime specialists.
They have their own contact number for facebook where they can and will get access to the account/ get it closed / etc within hours.
They can also trace the address of the person who hacked into her account and changed her passwords.
Hug her - let her know you love her - let her know her family is fighting for her.
12-25-2011, 02:41 PM #14
This is my first post. i wanted to comment on this because with this, at least, there's something that can be done before it gets too bad. Switching schools and all that are great, but there are bullies everywhere, and bullying now is nothing like it was when we were kids. For some reason, some kids are victimized more often. It's like they have an invisible sign over their heads that only bullies can see. I'm planning on starting a web site that will, hopefully, help. It'll have a place for kids to go vent and talk to adults who can help, but my main purpose is to try to pair up these kids with martial arts studios in their towns who will volunteer to teach these kids how to defend themselves. The really awesome part is as they learn that, they grow such self confidence that they rarely need to use what they learned. I have the domain name, but it'll be a couple of weeks before the site is up. It'll be free, of course. I have a lot of martial arts friends across the country, and hopefully I can get everyone to pledge one slot in their schools for these kids. I'd also like martial arts schools to declare themselves safe zones, places kids can go to for safety. i'll let everyone know when the site is up. It'll be called leavemebe.org
12-25-2011, 11:42 PM #15Registered User
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
Haven't read the other replies...
We recently started sending our 9 year old daughter to a small private school because of her being bullied and issues with teacher/school follow through. Every time I went to a teacher, principle, guidance councilor we were told that the issue had been taken care of and all of the girls were getting along. My 9 year old told a friends' mother (she was afraid to tell me) that one girl had threatened to kill her if my daughter told on her for being mean. My poor girl. She's thriving and loves her new school and new friends. Girls can be really mean. I remember being mean as a child just to fit in with "the cool kids". I wish I could go back in time.
I know that homeschooling or a new school isn't always an option. I hope that the new school helps your granddaughter. Our world is becoming an ugly place.
Make sure she knows that she is loved.