Emotional Toll

The title of this thread is borrowed from the Zahra Baker forum. Zahra's case shocked us but this one has hurt our hearts. We come to this forum looking for hope and a good resolution but, in the end, it is just more sadness; we are grieving the loss of 2 boys and their mother. There is a Lakota word, tiospaye, that means extended family or community. We, through the course of the 2+ years of this case have become a tiospaye, Susan, Charlie, Braden and the Coxes extended family. We now grieve with them, we look for answers and we cry. As with Zahra's thread, this is a thread to vent, to take a deep breath and to get a 'hug'. Add some music, a pretty picture; anything to lift the spirit helps.


[video=youtube;rUq3tZNJmtw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUq3tZNJmtw&feature=relmfu[/video]

Amazing Grace by R. Carlos Nakai

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-3oBDIzjNE"]Amazing Grace - R. Carlos Nakai - YouTube[/ame]

Thank you jacie. This thread is most sorely needed.

:grouphug: for all of us in our WS community who have been so deeply shaken by this unspeakable tragedy.

Jacie Estes said:

Amazing Grace by R. Carlos Nakai

Amazing Grace - R. Carlos Nakai - YouTube

Click to expand...

I love native american music...it's so spiritual to me. When Rachael Anderson (see sig) went missing a group from rez radio made an audio of a song for her missing and wanting of her return. I still weep when I hear it.

RIP little ones....I'm so sorry those who were suppose to love and care for you were so deeply tormented.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yhzxO1QjIA&feature=related"]R. Carlos Nakai~Turquoise World - YouTube[/ame]

Bridge Over Troubled Water

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjNgn4r6SOA&feature=related"]Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over troubled water (with lyrics) - YouTube[/ame]

It has been a long day and a very long week. I am grateful for the people here, it helps.

I keep trying to take a break from the Powell case, then I check back in out of habit, so I saw this thread - great idea! My daughter sent me this video - actually a Christmas song, but I find it comforting all year long.

From "Better Days"

I need some place simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child who saved this world
and there's ten million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

...And tonight's the night the world begins again . . .

Oh yes, we need a break, just to compose for the week ahead.
Thanks for the beautiful music.

Right now I'm at a loss and, probably like you, I just don't know where to turn. I've taken a few days off from posting but I've checked back at WS daily to read new posts.

I think of the Coxes and I expect they are in about the same spot. What's next? Will LE continue after the recent events? They only have so much money. How long will they continue to look for Susan?

I've followed this case from the beginning; Josh's crazy camping story was a major red flag. Anyway, I still think of this case often and now, after the death of the children, I'm left with a very empty feeling. I do hope the case will be solved.

I am still so very angry. I know that is a normal emotion when something like this ocurs but I find it frustrating. I want to participate in the Powell threads. I find myself still too raw and emotional at this point. And this is not even a case I have been nearly as wrapped up in as some of the others. Dabbling here is what I have done.

So why this white hot, lava liquid anger I feel?

I just wish I knew what to do with all of it.

I feel so cheated on behalf of the Coxes. It wasn't enough to take their daughter. He had to take the boys too? The selfishness, the sheer hatred such an act must have taken. I don't buy for a minute that he knew the jig was up and just couldn't bear to be parted from his boys. BS BS BS

He knew the jig was up and he was no longer going to even have the illusion of control anymore. He wanted to exit on his own terms and to ensure that the Coxes and Susan's friends would not even have the boys to remember her by.

Sick, evil, awful little man.

Over a week after the news, I'm still angry and sad too.

I want to eradicate his face from every news website. I'm sick of seeing it and practically sick from seeing it.

I get angry when I see or hear the media say that all three died in a fire. No. Two were murdered in a fire. I wish Susan's name could be changed back to just Susan Cox. I'm really over the top about this case, but then, I had been following it very closely from the beginning. I wanted to drive out to Utah myself and shlep around in the desert with my dog.

I don't usually feel quite this much empathy for people I don't know, but my heart is breaking for Susan's family and friends. I can't draw comfort from the notion that her boys are with her because isn't part of my belief system, but I understand that it could be a comfort for others, and I'm glad it is a comfort for many of her loved ones. I am so sad for all that was lost, and for all the pain and heartache left behind.

Every time we went to Utah it was with the hope that we would find something to help bring jp to justice. That is gone now; it is an angry feeling to want to 'kill' someone who is already dead. I think all we can do now is work to find her. That is what is keeping me from the sadness; we keep looking. She may never be found but it won't be for lack of trying. I do believe that someone will have the info needed to find her, though. For Mr. and Mrs. Coxes sake, I hope so.

This new info in the 'Clues' thread about the waitress seeing the boys and jp in a hotel in Sandy, Utah the day that LE were at the house gives me some hope. Either this has been a known entity, just not released to the public or this woman is just coming forward. We travel alot and every time you check into a hotel you have to give your ID and your plate number.

This is my all time favorite Clapton song [Of course Layla is second]. Enjoy!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGDIxcuPT7s"]Eric Clapton/Change the world - YouTube[/ame]

This one makes me cry; Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0&feature=fvwrel"]Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven (Official Video) - YouTube[/ame]

This will make you smile:

Muppets 'The Rainbow Connection' for Charlie and Braden.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSFLZ-MzIhM&feature=related"]Muppet Movie - The Rainbow Connection - YouTube[/ame]

I didn't know where to post this, but I thought this thread might be good. I'm sure some of you have seen this already on the Susan Powell family and friends facebook page, but it had such a calming effect on me that I wanted to share this quote from Kirk Graves. See my siggie...

I am definitely angry and so very sad still. Susan's case was one of "my" cases. I seem to only pick 1-2 to really immerse myself into, and this was one of them. Jacie, I understand the going to Utah thing and being "on alert" for any clues. We travel a lot ourselves. I think the hardest thing for me was that I felt the boys were finally SAFE since custody was removed from JP. I can remember praying for those hearings and reading tweets in real time about what was going on in the courtrooms. It was such a tremendous sense of relief and one step towards justice for Susan when JP's custodial rights were taken away for the time being. It felt like steps were being made to see answers and see the wrongs made right. I will always remember that moment when I read the tweet from a WS'er about the news of the boys being killed. Immediately my brain said, "No way- the reporter got it wrong, the boys would NEVER be with Josh at his home." And then my brain trailed down the evil path and thought, oh my, he must have taken them from the Cox's or something? All of that happened within mere seconds in my head before I was able to start reading the actual news and read what had occured. I am up quite often in the middle of the night with a nursing baby and when I wake up my thoughts first turn to this horror. I decided from the first night that it happened that every time my thoughts turn to this, that I will pray. I pray for the Cox's specifically, but also anyone and everyone else who has been hurt by this. No, I don't know them personally but what I DO KNOW is that prayer and my God can help give comfort when I can't. My helpless feelings and anger are being channeled into prayers and just knowing that I can do that, helps me a little bit.

(((Hugs))) to all in this thread

I was looking forward to going to the trial for josh after Susan was found; I wanted to look him in the eye and show him the disgust we all feel.

I thought I had gotten past the tears thing but when I just read that CrimeStoppers bought the graves adjacent to Charlie and Braden's graves so that josh couldn't be buried there, tears started streaming down my cheek.