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  1. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    USA
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    419
    Quote Originally Posted by the seeker View Post
    Ok Mods, if this isn't a good place for this please advise and move.

    A few of us reading the sick thread of tiny Koralynn Fister's rape, torture, and murder feel the need to do SOMETHING to stop all these women from handing their children over to monsters for a little "love". Some of them may be just ignorant and uneducated, while sadly, some of them are aware and value their "man" more than their babies. And frankly, I'm sick of it.

    A few of us decided to get a list of warning signs and/or suggestions together for these women who just may be ignorant to what a child predator looks like.

    It may be insulting to some who do know, but we don't care who is offended. If these signs and suggestions are handed out in clinics, child welfare offices, by police officers etc., then perhaps a life can be saved.

    Further, if such knowledge is widely available via pamphlet, DVD, public service announcement, etc then the excuse of "I didn't know" will not be (hopefully) as acceptable in some courts as it seems to be. Then if "mom" hands her child over to a boyfriend and the child is victimized, then she should do a rather lengthy sentence. I'm so tired of hearing about the Koralynns and just shaking my head....it's not enough.

    So, any suggestions? Ok, Ill start:

    An intense desire to be alone with or "babysit" your child, or ONLY a specific child.
    If you communicate with anyone in prison, do not send them pictures of your children. Regardless of intentions, people in prisons often share their pictures of family and friends. Some inmates fixate on pictures of children and most get out of prison. Pedophiles thrive on and focus on fantasies and act them out whenever possible.

    Russell
    Even chaos is well patterned.


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  3. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    27,884
    If one of your children has become the scapegoat for your boyfriend, live in or roommate. What I mean by this is if one or all of your children can seem to do no right in the eyes of this person. If this person feels a need to illustrate to you or other adults what a "liar" your child is or what a "discipline problem" your child is.

    This is a huge red flag. This could be a ruse, to establish that your child(ren) even if they manage to muster up the strength to tattle about some type of abuse that is happening, wont be believed by you.
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  5. #18
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    north carolina
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    1,636
    beware of the guy that seems to be constantly whispering with your child. i had a guy do this to my 14 year old while i was dating him. it perked me RIGHT UP!! come to find out he was telling my 14 year old that he loved her and was just "seeing" me to be close to her. and that he was just waiting until she turned 16 so they could get married. he really put a wedge between my daughter and i. especially after i almost beat the carp out of him and kicked him to the curb. he had my daughter believing i was jealous of her and told her a lot of lies. took me a couple years of really working hard to gain her trust and our closeness back again. oh, one of the things that helped was i found out he had another girl pregnant. i knew i couldn't tell my daughter because she wouldn't believe me so i kind of worked it out so he and the other girl (very pregnant) and my daughter and i all showed up in the same place. i knew it was going to hurt her but it was the only way i could think of to handle it at that time. i knew i had to break that hold he had on her and QUICK!!
    we need to encourage harder sentencing on those that are harming our children. our children are worth it!!

    stop the circus!! these children as all children deserve to be found and justice brought forth for what has happened to them!!



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  7. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    Southern Ontario
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    2,589
    I agree with SapphireSteel.

    I get the choice aspect. If you want to become a package, the package has to be considered first.


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  9. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    CITY OF BROTHERLY SHOVE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Woodland View Post
    Filly - your empower your kids advice is so important. As a single mom I often and purposely let my kids tell me no so they knew what it felt like, that they had a right to say no at times and that there would be no consequences.

    They never used it against me! They appreciated it, it made them feel important, an integral part of the household and that they mattered.

    When your kids go off with the other parent you can't control who else might be in their company - you have to teach them what to do.

    Love it.

    You're doing an excellent job, Woodland. Know you are appreciated. Keep up the great work. Sometimes it's good to hear we're doing a decent job, right? Yes, you are giving them excellent selfworth, and great tools to work with.


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  11. #21
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    Jun 2007
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    CITY OF BROTHERLY SHOVE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knot4u2no View Post
    If you communicate with anyone in prison, do not send them pictures of your children. Regardless of intentions, people in prisons often share their pictures of family and friends. Some inmates fixate on pictures of children and most get out of prison. Pedophiles thrive on and focus on fantasies and act them out whenever possible.

    Russell

    Jail mail. No, no!


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  13. #22
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    Jun 2007
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    CITY OF BROTHERLY SHOVE
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    A good rule of thumb to follow as far as allowing anyone to babysit your kids. Would you willingly and without hesitation give that person the keys to your automobile? Would you worry they'd get a DUI in your car? Move drugs in it? Smash it up?

    There ya have it. Why do we allow our most precious children with people we'd worry would mess up our car?


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  15. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    oklahoma/heart of tornado alley
    Posts
    571
    If u facebook try not to use pictures of your kids as ur profile picture. If u have online photo albums (facebook) look for and customize privacy settings to where only your known friends can see vs some random Joe seeing ur wall posting your profile info and photo albums, especially if they got pictures of your kids....

    Ps loving this thread....awesome idea! Love the advise and insight to learn from


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  17. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    27,884
    If your child seems to be courting favor or trying especially hard to please your boyfriend. Red Fag. Abused children will often try to seek the favor of their abuser to avoid further abuse.

    If your child has suddenly withdrawn, becomes physically jumpy, begins acting out against other children. Red Flag. Find out what is behind it.
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  19. #25
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    Sep 2009
    Location
    Southern Ontario
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    2,589
    Is it time to rewrite this into a concise point form list or is it fine the way it is?

    If it should be re-written, I would like to nominate southernnana and Filly as part of a committee if they want the task.


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  21. #26
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    BC by da beach
    Posts
    668
    I told my child, i think when he was about 4 that if ever he felt unsafe or scared he could call 911. i also said that included feeling unsafe around me, which was hard for me to do but we talked about it a fair bit and it was the right thing to do. i had drug problems he did call 911 once and after i assured him it was ok. In my childhood my mom would bring me into situations when she was fighting with one of the many dads so i could phone the cops when it got ugly (i was terrified) so she could be protected but i was not allowed to protect myself. i wanted my child to know he was important something i never felt. I also -requested- social services put my child under protective care, which meant he lived with me but they could take him at any time. This is not the way its usually experianced by SS, but because i was bluntly honest about my lack of parenting skills, my ignorance scared me, but SS really kicked in parenting lessons, some short term foster care. I never could date after i had a child all the old fears came back, but my child, well i'm a very proud parent, it all worked out well. best part is we have a honest relashionship.


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  23. #27
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    Sep 2009
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    Good for you nao for putting your child first - the point of this thread.

    One of my favorite sayings is - honesty and communication is a powerful thing.


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  25. #28
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    753



    Quote Originally Posted by Woodland View Post
    Is it time to rewrite this into a concise point form list or is it fine the way it is?

    If it should be re-written, I would like to nominate southernnana and Filly
    as part of a committee if they want the task.

    Woodland, thank you very much for your vote of confidence in asking me to be on the committee. However, I will need to decline.

    There is a very enthusiastic and knowledgeable group of posters contributing to the thread now so you are in capable hands whoever is on the committee to consolidate the contributions.

    Congratulations to you and the seeker for success with this thread!!

    We all share the same passionate goal of the prevention of child abuse and neglect.


    The link I am providing is to the US Dept of Health and Human Services,
    Child Information Gateway Program. The material includes several pages of "Fact Sheets" in recognizing signs and symptoms of child abuse and neglect. It is a useful tool of information for anyone interested in these topics.

    http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/signs.cfm



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  27. #29
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    high desert
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    1,677
    Quote Originally Posted by Woodland View Post
    Is it time to rewrite this into a concise point form list or is it fine the way it is?

    If it should be re-written, I would like to nominate southernnana and Filly as part of a committee if they want the task.
    Yep, I think it's time. I think it should be written in a point list. I would like to see it become something that single moms (or dads) might be handed by clinics, social services and LE. Now, how do we accomplish this?


    RIP McStays


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  29. #30
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    Sep 2009
    Location
    Southern Ontario
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    2,589
    Well, I think we need a draft first for people to critique. I'll take a shot at writing one - how about you seeker? Care to write one as well?

    We can pass them back and forth on pm for a couple of days or so before putting something here.

    Would very much like to see southernnana's links added for searching criminal records and other cool stuff I have seen (her?) post.


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