Not suggesting this is what GBC was doing, but just may provide another option to Allison been the only one with motivation to hold the marriage together.
I think that TM has assisted police, I think that was the point of the information being in the press, to let GBC know she was turning on him.
I am prepared to cut her a lot more slack because a) she didn't kill anyone and b) she wasn't cheating on someone, but with someone. And aside from appearing to help police, the other two things we do know, she expected GBC to be ending his marriage and she was concerned about being at the same place as Allison, so it doesn't seem she is without conscience. I am wondering if rather than GBC's email being in response to pressure from her, it could have just as easily been him trying to suck her back in, as rumour has it the affair had halted and then resumed.
That said, it certainly brings it home that if you are prepared to act in morally questionable ways, the consequences can be outside of your control. I can't imagine how she is suffering and she could have prevented, if not a similar story unfolding with a different mistress, at least her own piece in it.
The only reason we are discussing TM right now is because someone just brought her name into the discussion. If you care to go back you will see we are just as disgusted with GBC's behaviour in the affair. No-one here is blaming TM and excusing GBC.
As one of the few (apparently) males on here, can I just stick my head into the lion's den and make a point from the man's perspective?
It takes two to tango, and as a (very) happily married man myself, I have been "targeted" by the odd woman over the years (maybe "odd" reflects their taste?? ). And I should point out that MOST of these have been married women.
However, the thoughts of the disastrous consequences of getting involved, and what it would mean to my own marriage, completely over-rode the temptations of the moment, no matter how flattering they may have been to one's ego.
The thought of destroying my own marriage doesn't even bear thinking about - BUT - that's because I have a beautiful wife who is also my best friend and soul mate, and a marriage that I value extremely highly.
BUT - and here's the thing - if the BC marriage was already at the stage - for whatever reasons - that they were having problems, then the consequences of his actions may not have been able to over-ride the temptations and ego-stroking that were being offered. Of course, we do not know who made the first play between GBC and TM, and I am in no way defending or blaming either party. As somebody already posted - these things happen - it's human nature.
In my case, the marriage is something to be treasured and there is no way that I would do anything to jeopardize that. But for someone who is in a rocky marriage, then temptation may rule the day....
We just don't know what was going on in the marriage, so we shouldn't really pass judgement. There are at least two sides to the story - or in this case - maybe three sides?
37inarow, amandaton1, Amee, Aussie_expat.sg, Bayside, bellgirl, Binstead, Blue Bottle, BrissyLass, Curiousasacat, Daisyinthedesert, Dodo, DunnoZo, GlobeArtichoke, imamaze, Keentoknow, KG1, kiwi50, Le Metro, likeafox, Lyndylogic, Makara, me 2, Mothergoose, NanaG, Oz Jen, PlainJaneDoe, possumheart, Rational, Sheerluck Holmes, Straitfan, Tulz, Twobob, Venus13, WheresColumbo, whitechapel, willough, Wonder Woman, Woombite, YoureNicked, zeppa
How long it took her to speak with police the first time (i.e. did they meet with her in the first few days), and did SHE approach the police, or did THE POLICE have to go to her. The difference between these two types of meeting are massive in this context, IMO.
I have no doubt that TM had no idea how a self-centred affair would ruin her life. It goes without saying that Allison suffered most, and her family must carry on somehow through the enormous pain. I am not discounting that Toni had her heart broken too. It is just on a much smaller scale in the scheme of things.
I was devastated when my ex was having an affair. I remember leaving my kids in bed one night when I drove out to catch them at it! I remember the pain and guilt that I felt in leaving my kids to do that (I've never done that before or since), but I needed to know.
My ex and his current wife fell in love at a work conference. However, I now reflect on what has happened and realise that they are far better suited to each other. I loved him very deeply, and I think he still loves me, but more like a sister. They have been together 20 years, and no one that I know thinks she is a "better" person, far from it - most of his family and mine can't stand her. She is just a better match for him. I am pleased for him now. I would not have wanted him to stay with me and be unfulfilled. I agree that sometimes when people fall in love it is almost impossible to let it go, especially if it fills a hole in you that you can't even explain. My ex tells me that it is not perfect, but he cannot be without her. They are two halves of a whole. He didn't feel that with me. I understand it completely. The fallout for the kids was excruciating, but they would have lived with a cranky and difficult father if he had stayed. Who knows how much worse that would have been.
My ex stayed in the house (separate rooms) for a year because his lawyer advised him to do so (he didn't want to lose ANY money and didn't want to have to pay maintenance). I finally convinced him to leave and live with his girlfriend. He wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too so I had to issue an ultimatum (glad mine didn't result in a murder!). He is also a little bit narcissistic (although nothing like GBC) so money was a big issue for him. He saw all our money and assets as his. I think that is the problem for GBC too, however, half of nothing is nothing. He was probably more worried about having ALL of the debt.
I have sympathy for TM. I'm sure she is riddled with guilt, especially if she DID issue an ultimatum, which by the way, I would think is NATURAL. Anybody would look for some end to a clandestine situation - it is very uncomfortable. Not safe for the party who is waiting. She will be her own punishment...she will not easily forgive herself.
Amee, Bayside, Blue Bottle, BrissyLass, Dodo, dork_whisperer, GlobeArtichoke, HeartRuledHead, Humdinger, Keentoknow, KG1, kiwi50, LauraMars, Le Metro, LollyPop, Lyndylogic, Makara, Mothergoose, Mystery green, Nads, Oz Jen, PlainJaneDoe, possumheart, Rational, Sheerluck Holmes, Sowhodidit?, summer_breeze, Tulz, Twobob, whitechapel, YoureNicked, zeppa
I just can't muster up any sympathy for TM at all, sorry... She could have backed off and waited for a divorce and thought about the 3 lil baby girls and ABC. While I agree with others, doubt GBC would have hooked up with her anyway (unless she had lots of money) given he had other flings going on. I don't think she is responsible for his deceision but feel in my heart she played a part in what happened via emotions, words or whatever.
So if it took them several meetings for it to sink in, I don't think that means she was trying to protect him. She may have been sharing information about her dealings with him while thinking he was innocent, because why wouldn't you? Unlike GBC she wouldn't have known there was a reason to lie like he did about the facetime calls. So they could be approaching her versus her seeking them out - and she may have been cooperating fully.
Ultimately it seems she gave up a lot of information, far more than the BC seniors have, and none of it very flattering to herself. She is prepared to expose her own role in this tragedy. So far the BC seniors are not co-operating. So while I am not going to invite TM around to my house for dinner with my hubby, I think she is a lot less of a dubious character than many others in this mess.
- Those that are happily married and the thought to have an affair would never cross their mind.
- Those that are not happily married but still the thought to have an affair would never cross their mind. They would end their marriage before starting a new relationship.
- And then the rest... Those that actively seek out other relationships whilst married.
My ex BIL was from group #3. I suspect that GBC is aswell.
and just on that point, sort of....the report in MSM about the other two mistresses that GBC had that TM knew nothing about?
Why is it that TM and her escapades with GBC were so prominent in the newspapers, but there has been nothing about the other two????
Last edited by Sheerluck Holmes; 06-27-2012 at 09:55 PM. Reason: sorry looks like link not working but I had posted this up in thread 28
There is still much more to be discussed about the crime.
For those who donít like the opposite view (and I donít necessarily take it in this case), need to look at form an analytical point of view. Until something is proven, you have to test your hypothesis (best guess). The devils advocate approach continually tests what you know, what you think and what you want to know more about. You need to ask, how else could it have happened? In this case, I cant see any other option but the accused. There are so many holes in his story that you cant believe otherwise. And i am with the majority here in thinking this.
This is not to say you cant have an opinion without getting shot down. Counter arguing an opinion is a much more measured and appropriate approach, than taking the emotive stance and blasting others for sharing that view.
TM is a fool and guilty of adultery, and nothing more at this stage.
As for EBC not visiting her son (assumed), she may have her whole family ripped apart and be completely free of any knowledge. If this is the case, I do feel for her. if not, well thatís another thought.
This site is about the crime and the victim, nothing more.
The talk of facebook, 7 page spreads in the news, people spotting for salacious purposes denigrates the basis for what this site is set up for.
I hope and pray that her family, especially her kids never have to read any of these threads and are kept away from it.
The police have a job and I think are doing he best they can.
I scratched my leg 5 or so days ago. I don't know how, or on what.
Interesting to see the stages the scratch went through: from a raised welt, to a scab, to a bit of a faint scar. most noticeable were the 2 first stages, welt and scab.
Strange that GBC stayed in hospital on day 3-5, when I am guessing his scratches were scabbing. Got me thinking, perhaps the 'accident' and 2 day hospitalisation was to steer clear of media photographers during the scab phase?