Bullying at work

I am posting this because I respect the opinion of the members of this board.

I hope someone can help with this. It's a slightly different take on the bad boss thing.

My boss really does not like me; he's pretty bad in a roundabout way. A rather benign example - I will ask for something that would require the department spending money on me, he'll say no, I say okay, I am disappointed. Of course, there was an earlier conversation on how we need to invest in so-and-so.

At no point does he come out and say it -- it's always implied. This is just one example among so many -- it can just be described briefly. There are many other incidents, some of them very cruel, involving other team members smearing me or isolating me.

I tried fixing the relationship - but all conversations end up badly. He takes offense at the slightest thing, and he's not above telling me I just said something I didn't say to justify his latest hissy fit.

The problem is not that I don't realize what's going on; I do. The problem is that I am almost paralyzed by all this. The quality of my work is deteriorating, my concentration is shot and I can't even begin to look for another job.

What has worked for you in situations like this? How did you get strong enough to take effective action?

(I am in my mid-50s with a good job, BTW.)

(Yes, I have posted in another board - guess I am crowdsourcing here.)

If this is against the rules, Mod please delete thread.

Does your place of employment have Ombudsman resources for employees? If so I would start there and let them
help mediate the situation. Keep your chin up and try not to let it affect your work, lest your boss has a reason to complain about you.

Mama-cita said:

Does your place of employment have Ombudsman resources for employees? If so I would start there and let them
help mediate the situation. Keep your chin up and try not to let it affect your work, lest your boss has a reason to complain about you.

Click to expand...

Last person who tried got himself fired. They side with management. I am looking for coping methods - I know I can't change this situation.

Thanks very much, though.

The Shoat said:

Last person who tried got himself fired. They side with management. I am looking for coping methods - I know I can't change this situation.

Thanks very much, though.

Click to expand...

That's sad because ombudsmen are supposed to be neutral mediators. I hope things get better for you. I once had a boss that had absolutely no respect, and it drove me crazy. Eventually I realized she was obviously a truly miserable human being to treat people the way she did. This boss in no way can take away your self worth. Just remember that. At the end of the day the most important things are your friends and loved ones, who see you and love you for who you really are.

i completely understand - i went thru a very similar situation last year. new management came in and i was promoted to manager of my department. it was really great and i thought all was really working out and then the crazy/weird and i mean weird with a capital W started... at first i didnt want to believe what i thought i was seeing and i also got really rundown physically and wound up in the hospital for an emergency gallbladder removal which caused me to miss 4 days of work. when i went back to work they fired me. needless to say i was devastated. i was successful in getting unemployment until i found another job.

i guess i dont have anything to help you make them stop treating you badly i wish i did. all i know is that even tho i was devastated when i was wrongfully terminated after being sooooo wrongfully treated leading up to being fired - i have never been fired... and i still dont understand what happened. it was for the best for me to separate from them. it just was not a workable situation no matter what i did because it wasnt me that was doing anything wrong it was them and i didnt have any control over it.

The Shoat, join the club. I have no answers but am in the same situation and it is terrible. I have been to human resourses but did not want them to confront her because I know it will only make the situation so much worse if it can even get any worse.I also believe they know there have been situations with her with other employees and she has 25 years in.
I dread every day going into work.I am both physically and emotionally drained. The job is also high stressed and fast paced as it is.
I am an excellent employee and yes it has even affected my health. I too am in my 50's, not an easy age to be out there looking for a half way decent job in this economy.

Do you have short term disability insurance? The only advice I can offer is get a medical doctor to give you some time off work before you burn out or have a mental breakdown. Trust me if it ever gets to that point when you can't even get out of bed because you're physically and emoionally drained, that's when it's too late so please get the help NOW. During your off time, you can look for another job even if it means making some financial sacrifices (pay cut), etc.

No job is worth risking your health.

Signed: Been there

The Shoat said:

Last person who tried got himself fired. They side with management. I am looking for coping methods - I know I can't change this situation.

Thanks very much, though.

Click to expand...

Just curious, how long have you been at this job? Has this always been the case or have things changed and if so, when did they change? The reason I ask is because businesses have been forced to tighten up financially. I know at my business we've had to cut our spending in ways I never even thought possible. It's been this way for a couple years now. The economy is just awful and I also think it affects personnel. I know I'm often stressed out over the bills, lack of being able to spend money on items needed...often having to make due with outdated resources which I know should be replaced and have to really sometimes reign in my frustration when my employees keep harping about them. I understand their frustration but in order to even stay in business these days we've cut to the bone. Could this be part of the problem? Is everyone on edge due to cuts and you're just ending up caught in the middle? Just a thought. I know that I've had to catch myself several times with employees and I've always been very even tempered. Not saying any of your boss's behavior is justified but getting a handle on what is going on and why would help you to cope better.

I would document everything with as much detail as possible. I'd even tape record some of the instances. It might not help your situation, but it will give you a sense of power, of being able to do something, and it will give you an arsenal to use against them if it comes down to that. In the mean time, just do what is required in your job, do nothing more, nothing less, and don't give them a reason to fire you. It almost sounds like they're trying to get you to quit so they won't have to deal with retirement or a higher pay scale in view of your seniority.

Just did a quick search and found this book available at Amazon for $2: "Bullying at Work: How to Confront and Overcome it" Don't know if it's any good (it got 5 stars on some sites), but it couldn't hurt. I also found this article: http://suite101.com/article/how-to-confront-and-defeat-the-bully-at-work-a234271

Document the issues with dates, names, time and detail including witnesses in your journal. Go to a labor-law attorney. Go to HR asking them for cooperation and advice and document their response. Go to a psychologist, tell them about the anxiety that the workplace has created and document that with follow-up appointments. This is no time to be a "shrinking violent"....get tough!
If the time comes when they want to give you "the boot"....then you let them know that there is a pending action with suits involved and they best re-think their strategy. You are willing to take it to the press, the CEO, or anywhere it has to go.
In the meantime, make a resume and place it on your desktop. Start sending resumes out now....it's easier to get a job while you have a job. :twocents:

This is referred to as a "hostile work environment." HTH

http://www.hostileworkenvironmentguide.com/definitionofhostileworkenvironment.html

http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/understanding-workplace-harassment-fcc-staff

[ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostile_work_environment"]Hostile work environment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/ame]

There should be an ombudsman or someone. Look in Fl. Fair Employment and Housing. But you can go straight to Federal agencies...



My story...State of CA employee (union), supv. didn't like me, began harassing me re: the clothes I wore, off too many sick days with migraines (1 day in 6 months), was see out of the admin. bldg. not during break (was helping her stupid clerical staff on computers), was restricted to bldg. etc..just went on and on...

I got letters every time, I never got angry or said anything, but I DOCUMENTED EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE, sent copies of everything to my union rep. After six months, this person thought they had me and went too far...violated the law.

Union rep., at LAST meeting, stated that I was entitled to ANYTHING I wanted, that I could sue this woman in civil court and win.

I got what I wanted...to be left alone, and worked there 15 more years til I retired...