I wrote this for my blog - but will repost here -
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Today I attended the Jerry Sandusky sentencing in Bellefonte, PA. To say that it was emotionally draining is an understatement. From McGettigan's opening statement to the young men who spoke both in person and via letter read into the record, it was gut wrenching to hear their cries and feel their pain. They spoke with an eloquence that belied their youth. One quoted scripture, telling Jerry Sandusky that the only way to gain forgiveness in the eyes of the Lord was to admit what he had done. And, while unspoken, I believe in the eyes of this young man. Another stated emphatically that he would never forgive Jerry Sandusky, and then, tearfully, ASKED for forgiveness from the other young men who came after him, wracked with guilt for not speaking out sooner.
I didn't take notes, as I sat sobbing in that courtroom. Feeling their pain, understanding their need to speak, to be heard, to tell Jerry Sandusky what he had done to them, their desire for him to admit his offense, to say he was sorry....
And, of course having to listen to Jerry Sandusky's rambling, disjointed, oft times outrageous statement. About half way through I literally stopped listening to him as I watched two of the three young men who spoke today sitting a few rows ahead of me. I watched them bury their heads in their hands, their loved one's arm wrapped around them, holding them close, I watched them take deep breaths, close their eyes, saw their shoulders heave as they cried silent tears. I didn't want to hear what he had to say any longer, I just wanted to hold those boys close and take away all of their pain, all of the pain I know they have yet to endure, to give them back what they so desperately wanted - their childhoods, their youth, their innocence.
Last night, I had the honor of having dinner with one of the young men who spoke today. I spent a few hours with him and his mother. We had a quiet table in the corner of a quiet restaurant and this young man was nothing short of amazing. So intelligent, well-spoken, there was a light inside of him that made me smile.
I was nervous prior to meeting him, not sure what to say, but the moment he walked in and shook my hand, flashing me a beautiful smile, there was immediately a level of comfort between the two of us. We were able to speak freely; nothing was off the table. He peppered me with questions about the charity, about our plans, and about my history of abuse. I was completely honest with him about my experiences, my history, my coping mechanisms. Likewise, he answered my questions without hesitation. I will not relay that portion of our conversation but will say that yes, he is struggling - desperately at times he admitted to me, but he is working through it all, one step at a time.
I will share this - he told me how much the book we gave to him meant to him and how he often turns to it to read the words of encouragement that all of you sent. His mother said he (and the other young men) don't really seem to understand the impact that they have had on so many of us. I told him what he (and the others) had done for me - how they had given me a voice, how their courage gave me the courage to speak publicly for the first time and how through this process of founding TREE Climbers, I realized that I hadn't gone through the "Recover" portion myself, and therefore started seeing a therapist over 7 months ago.
At the end of the dinner he told me he was interested in being a part of the charity. We exchanged contact information and will iron out specifics over the next few months, but we definitely look forward to his involvement and to working with him in the future. I am sure there is much he can bring to the organization and am honored to have him be an active participant going forward.
I also spoke with several of the attorneys for the other young men who all expressed their thanks for the books as well. Some had tears in their eyes telling me how much it meant to their clients, how touched they were, how they (the attorneys) cried when they read it - so to everyone who contributed, know that your messages were received, your messages were read, and your messages were definitely appreciated.
As to the verdict - while I understand why Judge Cleland handed down the minimum 30, maximum 60, I, personally, would have liked to have seen at least 100 year sentence. But there is some comfort in knowing that Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to effectively a life sentence today.
When I got home a few hours ago, I picked up my little boy from school. He ran up and gave me a hug, welcoming me home, telling me he missed me and asking where I'd been. I sat him down and asked him if he remembered that man we saw on TV last year who was being led away in handcuffs...I asked if he remember that the bad man had hurt little boys and he said yes...and I said that I went to see him being sentenced to prison. Tommy's eyes got really big and he whispered "he's going to jail?" And I said yes, he's going to jail for a really long time, for the rest of his life. Tommy sat back and then he said "well that's good, because now he can't hurt any more little boys."
And here I sit, sobbing again. It's been a very emotionally draining day...