1041 users online (223 members and 818 guests)  


Websleuths News


Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Here.
    Posts
    6,017

    Police Dept. Status Update

    This is brilliant!


    Brimfield Police Department Status Update:
    Dear College Halloween-ers,

    Hello from the Brimfield Police Department and your favorite (not) public servant, Chief Oliver. It’s that time of year again, when you all dress up, go to Kent and drink your favorite alcoholic beverages. The Kent Police Department will have a bevy of officers there to ensure public safety and watch you throw-up through your “Iron Man” mask. We will be sending officers, as will numerous other agencies, so I am confident with all of the officers present, things in Kent will be under control….

    Some of you choose to go to Kent and then come back to your off-campus housing here in Brimfield to continue the party. Please read the following advice, from your friendly neighborhood police officers. It may save you bail money and court costs….

    •Please stay out of the roadway. A couple years back while responding to a call, I nearly mowed down all of the Disney princesses. Although I have seen all of the Disney films and don’t remember the princesses being so scantily clothed….it was for sure Belle, Snow White. Cinderella and a few other princesses who were highly intoxicated. They nearly went the way of a herd of groundhogs, lying on the side of the roadway with tire marks across them. I could never explain to my daughters that their father was responsible for the death of Cinderella.

    •Keep the noise to a level acceptable to sober people. Noise draws attention. Loud noises bring the police. If we show up to Hallo-Palooza at your apartment, someone will be leaving with us. There will be a quick costume change from you portraying “Pirates of the Caribbean” to you being someone from “O’Brother, Where Art Thou”. Read: Jail clothes…..

    •Know your limit and be able to hold your liquor. We do NOT want to arrest you. We want you to have fun. We really DO NOT want to see you throw-up. It makes us all a little queasy.

    •It is never okay to throw bottles at us. If you do, we will chase you down and arrest you. If we cannot catch you….our dogs run like Olympic sprinters. They are undefeated in foot races and have also kept pace with cars six-cylinders and under. When bottles start flying the dogs get very protective of us…so, place all of your glass in the proper recycle containers.

    •If you fail to heed these little nuggets of advice and get arrested, you will be coming to a modern department with cameras located everywhere. Although in a drunken state it may seem “cool” to moon the camera or shout obscenities, in the long haul, it can be detrimental to finding gainful employment. What we do is public record and we are a transparent group. “Drunken Captain America Moons Police Camera” may sound funny…until a potential employer sees it while doing a background check. Yikes….that’s embarrassing.

    Have fun, be safe and act responsibly…….Chief Oliver.
    Clear your mind must be, if you are to discover the real villains behind this plot. Opinion only, my posts are.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    18,098
    Rofl!!!
    Opinions expressed are strictly my own (who else would they belong to???)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    12,369
    Love it!!

    Sent to both of my kids in college since tomorrow is their big Halloween!!

    "Something's not right with that girl" - Jose Baez during Opening Statement

    My post may only be used on Websleuths. Thanks.

    All post are my opinion and speculation only and are not meant as anything else.......so unless I'm quoting MSM, take it for what it's worth!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Rockport, TX
    Posts
    2,226
    Love this!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Here.
    Posts
    6,017
    I love the 'he saw all the princess movies but didn't remember them dressed so scantily'!!
    Clear your mind must be, if you are to discover the real villains behind this plot. Opinion only, my posts are.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    North Carolina's beautiful Blue Ridge Mtns.
    Posts
    5,652
    LOL great thanks for sharing!
    About the time we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. Herbert Hoover

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    5,937
    Quote Originally Posted by Yoda View Post
    This is brilliant!


    Brimfield Police Department Status Update:
    Dear College Halloween-ers,

    Hello from the Brimfield Police Department and your favorite (not) public servant, Chief Oliver. It’s that time of year again, when you all dress up, go to Kent and drink your favorite alcoholic beverages. The Kent Police Department will have a bevy of officers there to ensure public safety and watch you throw-up through your “Iron Man” mask. We will be sending officers, as will numerous other agencies, so I am confident with all of the officers present, things in Kent will be under control….

    Some of you choose to go to Kent and then come back to your off-campus housing here in Brimfield to continue the party. Please read the following advice, from your friendly neighborhood police officers. It may save you bail money and court costs….

    •Please stay out of the roadway. A couple years back while responding to a call, I nearly mowed down all of the Disney princesses. Although I have seen all of the Disney films and don’t remember the princesses being so scantily clothed….it was for sure Belle, Snow White. Cinderella and a few other princesses who were highly intoxicated. They nearly went the way of a herd of groundhogs, lying on the side of the roadway with tire marks across them. I could never explain to my daughters that their father was responsible for the death of Cinderella.

    •Keep the noise to a level acceptable to sober people. Noise draws attention. Loud noises bring the police. If we show up to Hallo-Palooza at your apartment, someone will be leaving with us. There will be a quick costume change from you portraying “Pirates of the Caribbean” to you being someone from “O’Brother, Where Art Thou”. Read: Jail clothes…..

    •Know your limit and be able to hold your liquor. We do NOT want to arrest you. We want you to have fun. We really DO NOT want to see you throw-up. It makes us all a little queasy.

    •It is never okay to throw bottles at us. If you do, we will chase you down and arrest you. If we cannot catch you….our dogs run like Olympic sprinters. They are undefeated in foot races and have also kept pace with cars six-cylinders and under. When bottles start flying the dogs get very protective of us…so, place all of your glass in the proper recycle containers.

    •If you fail to heed these little nuggets of advice and get arrested, you will be coming to a modern department with cameras located everywhere. Although in a drunken state it may seem “cool” to moon the camera or shout obscenities, in the long haul, it can be detrimental to finding gainful employment. What we do is public record and we are a transparent group. “Drunken Captain America Moons Police Camera” may sound funny…until a potential employer sees it while doing a background check. Yikes….that’s embarrassing.

    Have fun, be safe and act responsibly…….Chief Oliver.

    I live near Brimfield, and this guy is one of my favorite people!!! He just tells it like it is. They have a facebook page, too, in case anyone would like a few more grins and giggles (Brimfield Police Department).



Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-11-2017, 10:12 PM
  2. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-12-2013, 03:03 PM
  3. Vancouver Police Dept "Missing Women Investigation Review" - August 2010
    By WhyaDuck? in forum Western Canada's Highway of Tears
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-10-2011, 06:08 PM
  4. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-17-2010, 05:23 PM