11-27-2012, 08:53 PM #1
So fed up and I'm about to commit child abuse
My son is being horribly bullied.. it's not just emotional, but has escalted to physical. A few weeks ago he was chocked unconcious, and then upon waking had an asthma attack so severe he had to be rushed to the ER.
I've had conferences with the principle, teachers, school counselor.. it's not getting any better.. the child that choked him was suspended and then allowed back into school into his class. That child leaves him alone now... but now it's yet another child doing the bullying.. I've confirmed that Isaac has never ever even raised his voice in class. He's my kind of meek child. Teachers principle, and counselor all say that when the kids are talked to they all say Isaac did nothing to them. (just wanted to make that clear as I'm not one of those parents that thinks my child can do no wrong). I'm going to the school yet again tomorrow, and this time, i'm thinking of telling the princple that if she doesn't do something about this child.. I WILL!
ETA: Isaac is such a good boy you guys, he never complains We didn't even find out he was choked until at the hospital and only because other kids in the class told what happened, then Isaac told us..... He also has a twin brother, they are in seperate classes, but Alec tells me what goes on.
11-27-2012, 09:14 PM #2
how does one child have enough time to choke another child into unconsciousness while other children looked on...where was the adult supervision? I would remind them that they, all of them, are responsible for the safety of my child and if so much as a hair is out of place for the remainder of the school year, heads will roll.
My Mother told me a long time ago, "No one will fight for your child but you, and sometimes you do have to fight". I have raised 3 kids, all are grown now with their own children and on occasion, usually at the holidays, the kids will bring up some stories about how Mom "lost her mind" at school...it's okay to lose your mind, dignity and pride for and over your kids. They will love and respect you for it, eventually.Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy jewelry and lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, Every Day Is Special.
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11-27-2012, 09:25 PM #3
If your child had injuries from being choked until unconscious and subsequently had a severe asthma attack I would file a police report for assault/battery. Especially since you say that you know and the school knows for a fact that your son does nothing to provoke or start fights. and then the school has the nerve not to separate the children after the attack...then allows him to be bullied by new/different children and you dont find out anything until it results in a trip to the er...sounds like this school doesnt get it -- i bet they would if the cops started showing up and asking questions. they will get the message that you are not going to stand by and let your son be the punching bag of a bunch of bullies that the teachers obviously dont have the balls to deal with themselves ...so why should your son suffer...grrrrr...this makes me MAD. i wish you the best in dealing with it...and dealing with these cowardly teachers. the school should have to pay for the er trip to...jmho...
11-27-2012, 09:26 PM #4
The police should be contacted about the first bullying incident. Your son could have been killed or permanently injured. I'm very surprised that the school did not report this to LE. My grandson who is highly functioning autistic was severely bullied and after being hit in the stomach several times and kicked in the face a couple of times he hit back. This was actually written in the report. He was expelled right along with the little ........ who attacked him on a daily basis. I and my daughter asked for a face to face meeting with the teachers and principal involved. Needlessly to say, I'm very protective over my grandson. I quietly told them that I wanted to see their procedures on how they handled bullying. They could not produce one. I told them that I did not agree with the victim being punished for trying to defend himself and I also asked who the bully was kin to, I had a feeling that his parents were associated with the school. I was correct, his mother was a member of the school board. I quietly and calmly told them that I was leaving there and going straight to the local TV station and reporting what was going on and being covered up at the school. The look on their face told me that I was getting somewhere. This bullying had been going on for months with nothing being done. I asked to have the bully's parents in a meeting. They were not willing to do this but asked me to give them 24 hours to address the situation before acting on my plan. The next day a specialist was enlisted to come to the school and hold classes for all students on bullying. I told them that this was a very positive path forward but if this little ........ ever touched my grandson again, I would have no problem spending a bit of time in jail. I fully intended to show him what "bullying" felt like. I don't hit or physically punish children but I was willing to change my mind. Some parents may think that is a bit much but I really don't care, I have zero tolerance for bullies. I had my fill of them while growing up myself.
11-27-2012, 09:29 PM #5
Time to file a police report. I am finding that the anti bullying policies in schools are very broken. They are lip service and poorly enforced imo.
I had a friend who went to the school committee with a group of other parents who were also having difficulty making headway in their situations.
If I were you I would go to them after you file the police report.email me
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11-27-2012, 09:34 PM #6
11-27-2012, 09:39 PM #7
I agree file a police report and do not let the police take a "boys will be boys" attitude. How old is your son and in what grade? Where was supervision when he was choked into unconciousness?
11-27-2012, 09:46 PM #8
My son turned 10 Nov. 8th. He's and his twin brother are in 4th grade.
WHen he was choked they were in gym class. The boy who choked him is in spec. ed with an IEP. The school is limited on what they can do with an IEP child, (I have 2 other kids that have IEP's). As long as the parents can prove that the act was related to the child's disability that the IEP is based upon, the schools hands are pretty much tied, so i do have some sympathy for the school there..
However.. this child also has a 1 to 1 para educator assigned to him. According to what I was told, kids were supposed to be picking up the balls and the para. left the gym and the gym teacher went in her office to do something as well as grab the squirt bottle that the kids like being sprayed with after gym, and that is when everything happened.
11-27-2012, 10:14 PM #9
If a student has a one-on-one para, there is a reason(s) for that. I don't think the para should leave the side of his/her student without having someone else stand in, even if we are talking two seconds.
I am so sorry this happened to your child.
11-27-2012, 10:20 PM #10
Do you think your son would want to transfer to the class with his twin brother? Maybe he would feel safer having someone to watch his back. I don't know, maybe that would not teach him to be self sufficient. But it might make him feel safer for now.“Every day that they don’t find something is good for me.“ Billie Dunn
11-27-2012, 10:24 PM #11
We had this problem with our son in school when he was 9. I picked him up from school and on the way home he vomited, I asked if he was coming down with something and he told me that a boy who had been bullying him had just punched him in the stomach as they were in the hall going to the exit.
I was furious because there had been an ongoing problem with this boy that I found out about that day. At home I called the hotline number for reporting child abuse and found out I could report the school and teachers for allowing the problem, she called it institutional abuse. The woman at the hotline told me the procedure to follow...I set up a meeting with the principal and teacher. I had written down my concerns and presented them at the meeting and then wrote down everything they said. The woman at the hotline told me to inform them at the end of the meeting that I had spoken with her and that she was going to do a follow up with me and with them. She did the followup and started an investigation about incidences at the school and the way they were handled. End result, principal was given early retirement, teacher censured and the local newspaper did a series on the problems at the school.
Advocate like the Mama Bear you are and get results...good luck.
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11-27-2012, 10:46 PM #12
A quick story of one of my mom's students who was the target of bullies..
He was a meek and mild, very sweet child who also never did anything to anyone..never had so much as raised his voice to another child..yet as many of us know all too well many times it is the sweetest, kindest, and giving children that are targeted by these **** as victims of their downright meaness..
Continually two boys in particular were called out by my mom(their teacher) for their verbal bullying of the little boy.. My mom became very protective of him and watched out for him continually as she could clearly see that he was the direct target of these bullies for zero wrong doing on his part..
After school on the bus the first physical assault happened by the two bullies on the little boy..driver does nothing..other kids do nothing and he gets off at his stop quietly crying to his mom and not even wanting to tell.. Of course immediately upon this happening the parent calls my mom to tell what happened on the bus(by this point my mom had spoken with the parent several times and she knew my mom was doing all she could to help and protect her son)..long story short the next day there was a meeting with the mom and asst and principle..along with separate meeting with principle and bully parents.. There was no stiff punishment doled out to say the least and less than a week later while they were on the playground at recess under another teachers watch(not my moms day on the playground) the boys again started in with him beginning by throwing pea rocks at him, then tripping, and pushing him..and then while one pulled him by the shirt from behind the other bully hit him in the stomach..
The little boy had enough and lashed out hitting and kicking the boys as hard as the little boy possibly could ending with one of them having bruises and a bit of blood on his lip..immediately all three are carted to the office WHERE THEY ALL THREE WERE SUSPENDED..needless to say the mom was livid as was my own mother as the teacher very upset about the entire situation..the boys mom had words with the administration and my mom called her that night and spoke at length with her about my mother going to see what she could possibly do to better remedy the situation(my mom is a very highly regarded teacher in not only the community, but county wide, and knew people that she felt could possibly help with the situation).. She pleaded with the mom to keep calm and atleast give her the next week to see what she could do to make a difference..to which the mom agreed..
All three boys had two days suspension..so fast forward to that third day when all three boys were back in class.. My mom had gone to great lengths to keep them separated even in their other classes where my mom was not the teacher..as well as making other arrangements during their lunch period where the two boys were actually sitting at a different table, tho nearby..and also made plans to be in the cafeteria ON ALL DAYS EVEN WHEN SHE WASN'T scheduled to cafeteria duty..thinking at that point she had things somewhat under control atleast for the present time being..
That first day back during the lunch period my mom was in the cafeteria and had made certain that the boys were seated with their lunch at the new assigned table and saw that Jake was also seated a good distance away, had gotten his lunch and was pleasantly seated and eating alongside some other classmates..my mom thought everything was under control and therefor went to take care of getting herself something to eat..a few minutes into her doing so suddenly there are children screaming and a definite ruckus was uproaring..and this is what had happened..
Jake's mom had come into the school, gone into the cafeteria, quickly found Jake and asked him to show his mom where the two bullies were sitting..she flew into a rage and literally picked up both those boys up by the collars of their shirts and lifted them from the cafeteria table stools from which they sat on..and firmly pushes them both backsides against the cement cafeteria walls where she continued to hold/push them against the wall by the shoulder/chest area, while she proceeded to tell them exactly what little chits that they were, and that if they thought they were even going to so much as even look her sons way with a sideways glance, much less bully with words and lay a hand on her son..that she would personally beat the crap out of each of them and they'd learn real quick what it felt like to be picked on and bullied by someone..that someone being her..
By the time my mom gets over to the area and can see what's happening she caught the very tail end of seeing the mother emphasizing her last words(which mom said she couldn't make out at the time exactly what she was saying) but saw the mom push harder on the boys chest/shoulder area emphasizing her last words to which she literally at a full pace ran from the cafeteria..
What a mess as you can imagine..this was ten years ago and mom said to me that when she saw this happen that not only could she very much understand the anger, frustration, and feeling of helplessness that the mom had come to tho, she in no way condoned in the least what the mom chose to do..but mom called me that night and relayed to me the story and said that all she could think of in those first moments was that her daughter(me) would have quite likely done the EXACT SAME THING if her grandson(my son) were to ever been in that same situation...and believe me the situation with my son has come to dealing with him being bullied and believe me there were moments when THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO TO THE LITTLE ***** THAT WERE BULLYING MY SON...but of course reality quickly sets in that in no way, shape, or form would this be ok..nor would it ever resolve the situation, rather only compound it and make it that much worse..but I fully admit that as a momma who reaches a point of having enough of their child who is a kind and gentle soul being teased, tormented, bullied, pushed around, and truly made his SChool life miserable...it makes you want to "handle it" ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TEACHERS AND STAFF ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING AND TURNING A BLIND EYE TO WHAT IS GOING ON..FULL WELL KNOWING WHAT'S GOING ON AND ALLOWING IT!!...and to think of the friggin money I was paying for this private education.. I realized I was basically paying to have my child bullied and mistreated..to say the least that ended..
Peeples, with your son having been choked..literally choked unconscious I cannot agree more that the circumstances call for immediate LE intervention.. Things will quickly change and IMO they clearly need to..these boys have taken it past just bullying to actual physical assault..and irregardless of their age it is against the law and they can and should be punished accordingly and have juvenile records as a result..that's jmo, tho..
My heart goes out to you and I know the fierce anger that arises in us as momma's when we see one of ours who is so meek and mild, kind and giving spirited..for them of all kids to be bullied just makes it that much worse IMO..
I pray that you quickly find resolution to this problem and please keep us updated..
Hugs to you and your son, peeplesThe quickest way to become a fool is to argue with one..
11-27-2012, 11:04 PM #13
That is horrible. I agree with filing a police report. I shudder to think what these bullies grow up to be. Probably how Jerry Sandusky, Casey Anthony, Osama bin Laden, and Adolf Hitler started. They are bullies when you think about it.
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11-27-2012, 11:14 PM #14
I fought the school board to have them put in the same classes back when they started kindy and I lost. It's district policy that in elementary school siblings, twins and cousins are to be placed in separate rooms, thanks for the idea though.
I'm going to talk to the boys' dad in a little bit and see what he thinks about the plice report. I feel kinda funny filing it this late in the game since that kid is leaving isaac alone now.. but we'll see
thanks to everyone who has responded, your posts mean a ton.
I won't touch this other child.. i may back her up to a locker and make her cry lol
11-27-2012, 11:30 PM #15
Legal Issues and Laws Relating to School Safety
^^^^^lots more at link^^^^^
Premises Liability at Schools
There are a growing number of lawsuits arising out of some school's failure to keep students safe while on school property. Under the theory of "premises liability", occupiers and owners of land (including schools) are legally required to keep premises safe for those who are legally allowed to be there. The law generally requires owners and occupiers of land to exercise a "reasonable amount of care" in providing a safe environment on their premises. However, because schools are typically utilized by young children, the law requires a greater amount of care to be taken in situations where students are present.
Parents of children who are injured may file a claim against a school or school district for contributing to a student's harm or failing to keep premises safe at school. This may include common situations where a child falls or injures themselves in some way due to a school's negligence, but may also include situations where a child is bullied, harassed, or becomes ill and the school fails to come to the aid of the student, or control the situation.
Bullying in Schools
Bullying in schools is a growing and serious problem that occurs on school campuses across the nation. Bullying not only comprises the overall learning goals of educational environments, it threatens a student's right to attend classes on school campuses that are safe.
Both state and federal governments have recognized a student's need for school safety. Several states have passed anti-bullying laws, including California, Arkansas, and Colorado, aimed at making schools safe for learning. In addition, the federal government has laws in place, such as the First Amendment, Establishment Clause, and others aimed at making sure school districts provide equal protection of federal and state constitutional rights to all citizens, including students.
While parents of children who are bullied or harassed may file lawsuits against a school or school district for failing to stop the harmful behavior, students who bully are often suspended or expelled if a school determines his or her behavior violates student conduct codes and other laws. Schools can help minimize potential violations by enforcing codes of conduct that typically address various types of behavior
Contact a qualified education attorney to help you
navigate education rights and laws.
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