Impact Statement Transcripts - Steven & Samantha Alexander

Steven Alexander (SA): My name is Steven Alexander. Travis was my big brother. I was sleeping in after working a 12-hour graveyard shift in the Amy. I woke up to the sound of my wife crying walking up the stairs. I will never forget what she said. “Samantha, I cannot tell him, you have to.” My wife handed the phone to me. It was my sister, Samantha. She was crying hysterically. She told me, “Steven, Travis is dead!” I thought I was dreaming. She didn’t really have any details at the time, so I just gave the phone back to my wife. A few moments later we found out he was killed. I remember walking out the back door screaming, crying at the sky, asking why, and I sank down into a corner and I cried some more.

Awhile later, my commander called with the same news. I kept my composure, but in my head I was reliving the same exact moment all over again. As soon as we hung up, I broke down again. I thought my brother was bullet proof. I thought he was stronger than anything. He couldn’t be cut down or knocked down. He was in two motorcycle crashes and walked away unharmed. He wrecked several cars and nothing happened to him. He rolled a snowmobile, and again, not a scratch. He was unbreakable.

Who on earth would want to do this to him? For what reasons? He wanted to move forward in life, to better himself, and only to help others. Why him? Unfortunately, I won’t ever get the answers to most of my questions about my brother’s death. Questions like, how much did he suffer? How much did he scream? What was he saying? What was the last thing he saw before his eyes closed? What was his final thought?

The last time I saw my brother was Christmas of 2007. We had a really good time. A lot of our family was there. We played a bunch of family games. One in particular was the American Idol game. Travis kept beating everybody. The only way I could actually beat him was by singing a Kelly Clarkson in a girl voice so I could hit all the notes.

JM: If I could show Exhibit 656.

SA: We had nicknames for each other – Stevis and Travid, so he said, “Stevis, it doesn’t count because it’s a girl song.” I tend to disagree with him.

He got to meet my daughter and hold her for the first time. He said she was the most beautiful little girl he has even seen. I never would have thought that would be the last time I would see him.

The nature of my brother’s murder has had a major impact on me. It has even invaded my dreams. I have nightmares about somebody coming at me with a knife and then going after my wife and my daughter. When I wake up, I cannot establish what is real and what is a dream. I’ve even gone through the house searching through rooms, shaking my family to wake them up to make sure that they are alive.
My wife has woken me up out of nightmares because I was screaming in my sleep. It may sound childish, but I cannot sleep alone in the dark anymore.

I’ve had dreams of my brother, all curled up in the shower, thrown in there, left to rot for days, all alone.

I don’t want these nightmares anymore. I don’t want to have to see my brother’s murderer any more. I don’t want to hear his name dragged through the mud anymore.

I’ve been hospitalized several times for ulcers and came very near to death. I’ve been on several different anti-depressants. Unfortunately, none of them really worked. I wasn’t able to be the husband my wife deserved. I distanced myself from everybody. My wife and I, we ultimately separated two years ago, and it was for a period of two times. My poor little girl had to be passed back and forth every week, and now, yet again, I have to be away from my wife and my child. It has been over four months now. I go home to California during the weekends. Every time I have to come back to Arizona I see my little girl crying and beg me not to go. I miss them very much and I cannot wait for this to end so that we can all get back to our lives.

Travis used to write out his day on a flashcard. The last one he wrote said: Call Steven. I never got that call. He had been concerned about my health and wanted to fly me to his house and help me quit smoking. I never got to go. Now when I want to talk or see my brother, I have to go to a 3 ½ foot x 8 foot long x 6 foot deep hole in the ground.

He was meant to do so much more. He never got to live his dreams. He never got to meet his goals. In 2008 he wrote his affirmations on his Blog.

“This year will be the best year of my life. This is the year that will eclipse all others. I will earn more, learn more, travel more, serve more, love more, give more, and be more than all the other years in my life combined. True, other years now past have been at times
magnificent, but not like this. This is a year of metamorphosis, of growth and accomplishment that at previous times was unimaginable. A year where the impossible will become commonplace and the unachievable will become effortless achieved, where I raise myself to heights only visited by the great men and women of this world and by so doing, this year will be the best year of my life. And how will I do this -- through compassionate service, random acts of kindness, unconditional love, and acknowledgement of the true source of all blessings with gratitude in my heart. And when I fail, I will learn from my mistakes. I will strengthen my resolve, be better than I was before. What will I do to improve my finances? I will work harder, yes, but more importantly, I will work smarter and learn to leverage myself and get more out of one day than I previously got out of a month.
I will succeed through integrity and through selfless service of others through the powerful forces and the structure of the mind I will tap into the source of infinite intelligence and be more efficient in all my endeavors and be an exponentially greater asset to this world. I will love, and then love more. I will serve and serve more. I will forgive and then forgive more. I will not let these thoughts fade but instead remind myself of them daily and spend time visualizing myself in accomplishment of them until the day that my thoughts become reality. Then I will not stop but press forward, to new goals and new heights in my quest to change this world. I will be a published author and effortlessly doing so what I was meant to do to better my life and the lives of others. I will associate with more successfully minded people to be a teacher as well as a student. I will travel this great country and this great planet gaining rich experiences founded by very few. I will find an eternal companion… (long pause) that enhances me exponentially and countless other goals that at one point I dared not even dream. 2008 will be the best year of my life, which will lay the foreground for 2009, to dwarf the accomplishments of 2008. This year will be the best year of my life, and I will succeed.”

15:18
I know Travis only hoped to change one life. He never would have thought he could change the world. People across the globe have been influenced by him. Travis believed every single one of us was created to be successful. We all have different trials. We just have to get there. Travis has a legacy. It is up to us to make sure it survives. You were born to be great. It is your destiny. “The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is the character of the individual walking the path.” Travis coined that philosophy. Those are Travis’s words. That is the way my brother lived his life. That is the way he wanted to continue to live. That is how he wanted us to live. He will never get to today, because he was so brutally ripped out of this world – my world. Hopefully, one day I can make him proud. Thank you.

JODI ARIAS PENALTY PHASE WITNESS IMPACT BROTHER 5.16.13 PT. 6 - YouTube

Reference Only - No Discussion

Thanks to TxJan!!



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15:55
Samantha Alexander (SA)
My name is Samantha Alexander. I am one of Travis’s younger sisters. There are 8 siblings, 4 boys, 4 girls, and this tragedy has forever changed our lives. I’m going to do the best to speak on behalf of my family, my family that has been tortured by the loss of our beloved brother and family member. From a family of 8 siblings, we have always been there for each other through the good times and the bad. We lost our father on Travis’s 28th birthday and our mother shortly after, and through this trying time in our lives, Travis was the one that got us through the pain and the hardship, because he was our strength.

JM: Exhibit 659.

SA:
This is a picture of my grandmother. She is the one that raised Travis. My grandmother could not deal with loss, could not handle the reality of what happened. Travis being taken from us has put her over the edge, and her health eventually went into a downward spiral she never recovered from. Losing Travis has completely destroyed the overall health of our family. We lived a blessed life with our grandmother, and it was with insurmountable pain when our grandmother died shortly before jury selection of this trial.

17:57
Travis was our strength, our constant beacon of hope, our motivation. His presence has been ripped from our lives. His giving spirit, his determination for accomplishment, and his endless strength, as a foundation of our family has been taken from us and never can be replaced.

Something that we have all missed and will live the rest of our lives missing, are our times together, especially during the holidays. Travis always gave us motivational books, books which were about saving the planet, 1,000 Places to See Before you Die. It is sickening to think that he motivated us with topics he will never be allowed to live out. It’s not just the holidays (SA steps away from the podium – gets a tissue), but every day will never be the same. Our lives will never ever be the same.

Travis worked hard for everything he had. He never had any handouts. He never took anything for granted. Travis was not shy. He was full of life. If he were able to walk in this room you would immediately feel his love and warmth. Travis would cry with you, he would laugh with you, and he would joke with you, always lifting your spirits. Travis’s greatest attributes were his ability to make others feel appreciated, accepted and loved because he genuinely cared about making those around him feel good about themselves. His mission in Colorado is a testament to this, as was volunteering to help the homeless by driving around in his Toyota Prius, with our sister Tanisha, handing out care packages to the less fortunate, providing essential hygiene products, food items and a personalized message that he wrote on the brown paper bag that held his life. He wrote, “The difference between a stumbling clock and a stepping stone is the character of the individual walking the path.”

You see, Travis wasn’t anything but a loving brother, son, grandson and friend. He was our strength and our motivation to make our lives better than the ones we were born into. This is exactly why Travis was such an accomplished motivational speaker. It saddens and sickens us all that his potential was cut short, and our family, and the world, will never receive the full benefit of his goodness.

Towards the end of May 2008, just a couple weeks before Travis was killed, he came to visit me at my house in southern California. He was so excited to let me read his intro to the book he was writing, the motivational book titled, Raising You.

Travis & I got into a deep conversation about our lives, our crazy childhood, and our cockroach phobia. We both agreed no matter how miserable our lives were at times, our childhood is what made us who we are. Our childhood made us strong and able to conquer anything. This was the last time I saw Travis.

JM: Exhibit #660

22:44
SA: He talked me into taking this picture even though I was in PJ’s. It makes me cry every time I look at it. I’m so glad he talked me into taking this picture. I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

Recalling the moment that I found out about my brother, my brother’s death, I think of my ears ringing, my stomach burning and this idea that this can’t possibly be happening.

23:39
On the morning of June 10th, 2008, I was on a river trip in Parker, Arizona. We were getting ready to take the boat out. I checked my voice mail before we went out for the day. There was a message from my grandmother. My heart sank into my stomach. She said, “Samantha, you need to call me back, it’s very important.” I could tell that she was crying, and I recognized her tone of voice from before. I knew that someone was dead. I called my grandma’s house and my sister, Tanisha, answered the phone. She screamed at me. She said, “Samantha, Travis is dead!” I could barely breathe out the words, “What happened to him?” She told me that no one knew, and the police didn’t provide any details.

24:56
To this day my mind paints a picture of the night Travis was taken. Even though I try not to let it, upon standing in the same exact spot where this horrific tragedy happened, when we had to go to Travis’s house after the investigators were done, I felt the same sickening feeling, my ears ringing, burning stomach, my eyes were filled with tears where I could barely see – the thoughts of what Travis must have went through that day, the pain, the agony, the screams and fear that Travis must have felt when he was brutally being taken.

We have been at this trial every day since it started. We have heard every detail about the crime and the injuries Travis suffered. I am a police officer, and some of these photos are more gruesome than I’ve ever seen in my 11 years in law enforcement. Our minds are currently stained with images of our poor brother’s throat slit from ear to ear. Our minds are stained with the image of Travis’s body slumped dead in the shower.

Our family has bore the burden of extreme loss and financial hardship to be here to see that Travis is not forgotten and to ensure that his life was not lost in vain, from being away from our sons, our daughters, nieces and nephews, stepping down from opportunities in the workplace, to suffering from anxiety and severe depression, the crying, like my grandmother, to submit to anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. Travis was the only family member that lived in Arizona, making it very difficult for us to be here. We have paid the ultimate price losing g Travis. Each and every one of us has looked to Travis for support and words of guidance during times like this. None of us ever thought that he wouldn’t be here when we needed him the most.

To think some one so loving, so caring, so giving, could be taken from us, given the already tragic lives we have lived, but to have Travis taken so barbarically is beyond any words we can find to describe our horrific loss.

I cannot adequately express how much we will miss our brother. We will miss his contagious laughter, his singing voice mails, his jokes, his funny dances, his help in hard situations, his guidance when we were lost, his motivation, his insight, his huge smile,

JM: Exhibit 661

SA: him being there on the holidays. Travis was the glue in our family. Our family has not been together since Travis has been gone. It’s simply too hard to think of that one empty chair. We miss his charisma, his goal to make someone feel good about themselves and to make someone smile, no matter who they are or what they look like. Travis had an incredible heart. He had a huge heart. It was this huge heart and his kindness that will forever be missed. We were robbed of so any good memories, so many awesome moments with Travis. Our lives will never be the same. We can never get him back. We are so grateful for our wonderful brother and we feel so lucky and blessed for the time we had with Travis however short lived. We would give anything to have him back. Anything! Thank you.

Jodi Arias Penalty Phase - Day 1 - Part 2 (Impact Statements) - YouTube

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