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  1. #16
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    Nothing was resolved yesterday. I think they just wanted to talk to me in person to make sure I wasn't some crazy mom making up stuff. I don't really feel like there will be much done except talking to them. Ugh. I want to move.

  2. #17
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    I felt so sad when I read that your son had his lunch in the offices. That's awful. A child should sit and relax and eat with friends, being goofy and laughing during lunch.

    I've never been in this situation, so I don't have any specific advice.

    I feel that this is the schools responsibility and that they are the ones that must take actions. Contacting the parents of the bullies might make everything worse, the parents might feel their child is being attacked and you will most likely be met with the "not-my-child"-attitude.

    Best of luck to you and your son. You must feel awful sending him away to school every day. Good thing is that he's not ashamed to tell you and not carrying everything himself.

  3. #18
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    Lightbulb

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkiGreen View Post
    Nothing was resolved yesterday. I think they just wanted to talk to me in person to make sure I wasn't some crazy mom making up stuff. I don't really feel like there will be much done except talking to them. Ugh. I want to move.
    Are you there when the kids get off the bus? Maybe if they saw he had a tough mama bear who cares about him, the bullies would back off. I think I'd do that before I'd contact the parents, because the other poster may be right, the parents may be bullies themselves, not care, or have a not my kid attitude.
    This is the year to locate Mark Dribin http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...ht=Mark+Dribin NamUs MP#876 and Ilene Misheloff http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...lene+Misheloff NamUs MP#6410 and bring them home to their families!

    Parents watch your children. Free-range parenting leads to more child victims.

    Cruelty to humans begins with cruelty to animals.

    I believe in closure, not forgiveness. I'm also unapologetically judgemental.

    JeSuisJuif
    JeSuisCharlie


  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkiGreen View Post
    I know who the kids are by looking up their last names in the yearbook but have never had any contact with their parents. I've thought about following them from the bus stop then going back when I think adults will be home, but it makes me feel stalkerish and who knows what kinda nutcases I might run into.

    I just don't want this to be another case of just moving my son but the bullies going unpunished. Two of them play football and I'm going to push for then to be suspended from the team. See how they like that!

    Here in Oklahoma its supposed to be no tolerance on bullying but it doesn't seem to get taken seriously. Very frustrating.
    Maybe you should contact the parents. Years ago one of the neighborhood boys bullied my son. There was no witness and no proof, so I couldn't do anything until ... one day, the bully took my son's coat on a cold day. I contacted the boy's parents and demanded that they produce the coat. They did and they dealt with their son. The note was written by one of the bullies and the parents will know if it was their son. I would take a chance that the parents care and that they don't want their son to continue bullying other children. I would suggest contacting the parents, one at a time, and ask them to have a look at the note and determine whether they need to discipline their son.

  5. #20
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    I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

    I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

    I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home.

  6. #21
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    Arrow

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkiGreen View Post
    I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

    I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

    I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home.
    Make sure you publically hug him when he gets off the kids, and possibly say something to the other kids. I've found that when they think someone will protect their target, they'll back off.
    There is one girl on swim team who is mean to my daughter in the showers and her mother is never around. I got tired of her never giving the shower head to my daughter, even when she asked her for it. I've gone to the coaches before with limited success. Last summer I finally got fed up when she handed it to another girl when my daughter asked for the shower head, so I just grabbed it out of mean girl's hand and confronted her directly!!!
    This is the year to locate Mark Dribin http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...ht=Mark+Dribin NamUs MP#876 and Ilene Misheloff http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...lene+Misheloff NamUs MP#6410 and bring them home to their families!

    Parents watch your children. Free-range parenting leads to more child victims.

    Cruelty to humans begins with cruelty to animals.

    I believe in closure, not forgiveness. I'm also unapologetically judgemental.

    JeSuisJuif
    JeSuisCharlie


  7. #22
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    Pink, I think there's a problem here with the whole system. Their entire method of dealing with bullying is very backward - they isolate the child being bullied, rather than attempt to deal with the bullies and stop the behavior.

    I don't know what school district you're in, but I see this as a huge problem. Their whole philosophy is set up to fail - continuing to try to remove the victim from any contact with the bullies, rather than clamping down on the bullies is only the shortest temporary fix and will not result in long-term relief.

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by LinasK View Post
    Make sure you publically hug him when he gets off the kids, and possibly say something to the other kids. I've found that when they think someone will protect their target, they'll back off.
    There is one girl on swim team who is mean to my daughter in the showers and her mother is never around. I got tired of her never giving the shower head to my daughter, even when she asked her for it. I've gone to the coaches before with limited success. Last summer I finally got fed up when she handed it to another girl when my daughter asked for the shower head, so I just grabbed it out of mean girl's hand and confronted her directly!!!
    I'm not sure I would hug a 12 year old boy in public, who was already considered a bullying victim. In fact, that's what moms threaten to do if their children don't at least show them the respect of acknowledging them in public - if you don't at least say hello to me when I see you at the school, I'm going to hug you. Boys that age are typically mortified of mommy hugging them where their friends can see.

  9. #24
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    The above poster makes a very good point (in post #22). Schools shouldn't single out the one being bullied 'cause it's a broader problem.

    Also,

    Where's the school's psychologist?

    I gave many seminars to colleges and high schools against bullying (& cyberbullying which by the way, is a big problem amongst female teenagers).

    Can't your school hold a "town hall" session where the proper protocols are taught regarding bullying? If done properly, kids learn that it's not *cool* to be a bully and it imparts a sense of shame in doing so. If I can put it bluntly, the bullies learn the message that it is not socially acceptable to be a dirtball bully and the kids learn to speak out about them. In so doing, the bullies are the ones that become otrascized; not the other way around.

    There's hotline numbers, numerous websites, even Lady Gaga has a very good website against bullying. Your child's school needs to address this and get up to speed on bullying issues. There's a lot of resources they can learn about.

    But they need to take action ... now!
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    "Look, if any of us wanted to mind our own business, we wouldn't be here" (carbuff 8/11/13)

    This post reflects my constitutionally-protected opinion. Please do not copy it anywhere else outside of the WebSleuth forum

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkiGreen View Post
    I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

    I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

    I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home.
    That is exactly how I found the parents of the child that bullied my son.


  11. #26
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    Nov 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by JeannaT View Post
    Pink, I think there's a problem here with the whole system. Their entire method of dealing with bullying is very backward - they isolate the child being bullied, rather than attempt to deal with the bullies and stop the behavior.

    I don't know what school district you're in, but I see this as a huge problem. Their whole philosophy is set up to fail - continuing to try to remove the victim from any contact with the bullies, rather than clamping down on the bullies is only the shortest temporary fix and will not result in long-term relief.
    Why on earth is the bullied child being "forced" to eat his lunch in the office? When will the schools wise up and force the bullies to be isolated at lunch and at other times they are being the bullies...

    I was never bullied as a child....but I was terribly bullied in the workplace when I was a young adult. Yeah...a school bully taking it into the workforce.
    You can't imagine it until it happens to you. Whatever you do, say, wear....whatever is made mockery of. Children shouldn't have to put up with that.

  12. #27
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    Jun 2009
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    You don't happen to have an older son or an older teenage friend/relative, do you? My 13-year-old gets bullied from time to time (he is just "that kid") but I can usually earn him a few weeks of relief by sending my very large 18-year-old son to pick him up from school every now and then. He basically just stands outside his car looking mean. I think this has a more desirable effect than me as a mom getting involved and risking him being labeled a "momma's boy." Kids are more afraid of older kids than they are of parents.

    Edited to add-- Duh! I just noticed you said this is your oldest son, but it doesn't have to be an older brother...any largish 15-20 year-old showing up at the bus stop to meet your son may do the trick. (Or perhaps a tough/gorgeous older female cousin??? Girls are just as scary as boys these days!).
    ;-) Bullies are usually superficial and easily impressed.
    Last edited by CCmakes3; 10-12-2013 at 07:39 PM.

  13. #28
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    Arrow

    Quote Originally Posted by CCmakes3 View Post
    You don't happen to have an older son or an older teenage friend/relative, do you? My 13-year-old gets bullied from time to time (he is just "that kid") but I can usually earn him a few weeks of relief by sending my very large 18-year-old son to pick him up from school every now and then. He basically just stands outside his car looking mean. I think this has a more desirable effect than me as a mom getting involved and risking him being labeled a "momma's boy." Kids are more afraid of older kids than they are of parents.
    Well the point is no matter who is there- someone else, preferably older than the kid is there to protect them, and cares about them and that sends a strong message to the bullies. Plus the risk that the bullies themselves will get in trouble/harmed physically makes it not worth it.
    This is the year to locate Mark Dribin http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...ht=Mark+Dribin NamUs MP#876 and Ilene Misheloff http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...lene+Misheloff NamUs MP#6410 and bring them home to their families!

    Parents watch your children. Free-range parenting leads to more child victims.

    Cruelty to humans begins with cruelty to animals.

    I believe in closure, not forgiveness. I'm also unapologetically judgemental.

    JeSuisJuif
    JeSuisCharlie


  14. #29
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    Jun 2009
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    452
    Quote Originally Posted by LinasK View Post
    Well the point is no matter who is there- someone else, preferably older than the kid is there to protect them, and cares about them and that sends a strong message to the bullies. Plus the risk that the bullies themselves will get in trouble/harmed physically makes it not worth it.
    You are absolutely right. I didn't mean to imply that mom shouldn't get involved. I just learned the hard way that my son (as an individual case) was mortified by my attempts to protect him, and it really strained our relationship for a while. Judging by his Instagram posts, he was more distraught by my intervention than by the actual bullying itself. But it really depends on the kid, the bullies and the particulars of each situation as to how involved parents should get. My 18-year-old was instrumental in helping me figure that out as well.

  15. #30
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    I'm not proud of the "spur of the moment" actions I took when my niece, at 13, was being bullied by a group of girls on and off the bus... but, she was never bullied again. Nothing violent, but I sure had words with them.

    I wouldn't suggest my approach. But, you do need to get into contact with the school board if the actual school continues to do nothing. School boards become a lot more interested if you threaten to get the media involved too.
    Justice for Trayvon

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