HS Reunion- with the Bullies

Has anyone else ever been invited to attend their HS reunion and had to confront issues with meeting up again after decades with people who bullied them back when? I doubt I'd be interested in any case in going but wonder if I ought to offer some excuse or simply tell the organizer I have issues with some people who will be there? It's been decades but what I experienced was so bad that it amazes me they even invited me. Input welcome.

Snick1946 said:

Has anyone else ever been invited to attend their HS reunion and had to confront issues with meeting up again after decades with people who bullied them back when? I doubt I'd be interested in any case in going but wonder if I ought to offer some excuse or simply tell the organizer I have issues with some people who will be there? It's been decades but what I experienced was so bad that it amazes me they even invited me. Input welcome.

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BBM

You don't owe anyone an explanation for your not attending.

I've had some of the bullies want to be "friends" on facebook--which I haven't kept up on due to lack of time. As a senior in high school I was bullied terrifically---I was valedictorian and in the last 2-3 months of school was accused of cheating. Truth is,I studied when every one else partied. This affected me greatly. I gave my speech--flipped off my class and have never been back. It led to major trust issues with other women in college which has been life-long. I even now prefer to interact with men on a professional basis rather than women. Women are back-stabbers... No way would I ever attend a reunion with these people. So I guess I have never resolved these issues....but, I'm okay. I'm a Pediatrician and have dedicated my life to my patients. No regrets here.

I was bullied in school. I finally went to my 25th reunion. Lots of apologies and lots of hugs. Still friends with many of them today (30th coming up.) Some never change but most people 'grow out of it.' Many of 'my' bullies asked forgiveness - it had bothered them all of those years.

Just my .02

dr dona said:

I've had some of the bullies want to be "friends" on facebook--which I haven't kept up on due to lack of time. As a senior in high school I was bullied terrifically---I was valedictorian and in the last 2-3 months of school was accused of cheating. Truth is,I studied when every one else partied. This affected me greatly. I gave my speech--flipped off my class and have never been back. It led to major trust issues with other women in college which has been life-long. I even now prefer to interact with men on a professional basis rather than women. Women are back-stabbers... No way would I ever attend a reunion with these people. So I guess I have never resolved these issues....but, I'm okay. I'm a Pediatrician and have dedicated my life to my patients. No regrets here.

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[bbm]

you flipped them off? that is awesome!

that is like a scene from a movie - something we'd all like to do but most of us don't have the guts

Snick1946 - I don't think you have to offer a reason. If you're not comfortable, just decline.

Or ... go and show them all how amazing you became despite what they put you through.

I've considered telling the organizer that I won't be coming for personal reasons and also sending him a brief account of my life since graduation, which would include 25 years as a caseworker for Social Services. Also that I am happily married and have a nice home and family.

I sometimes wonder about these folks who seem rooted in their High School days. It seems a form of immaturity to me.

Snick1946 said:

Has anyone else ever been invited to attend their HS reunion and had to confront issues with meeting up again after decades with people who bullied them back when? I doubt I'd be interested in any case in going but wonder if I ought to offer some excuse or simply tell the organizer I have issues with some people who will be there? It's been decades but what I experienced was so bad that it amazes me they even invited me. Input welcome.

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Yes. I was bullied due to being Cherokee. I never brought it up, and my bullies have grown, matured, and become productive citizens. I made some new and wonderful friends, during mine! (the bullies) are now my friends.

As co-chair for all of my high school reunions, I have gotten comments & correspondence about how the cliques and boundaries no longer exist. While it may be particularly "fun" to see the hotshot jock who went on to play college football is now a bald blob & the homecoming queen's girdle (spanx from yesteryear) couldn't hide what had happened to her waist & hips, everyone was happy to see everyone at each meeting. We all share memories of the big snow day when system-wide, the teachers let us play out all day in 3 inches of snow (it was a BIG deal), the affable jokester who blew up the science lab making a stink bomb, remembering being at school when we heard JFK was assassinated, the teacher who picked her nose, the librarian we loved & who read to us the most wonderful stories, yadayadayada.

One call that I'll share came from a girl who described herself as an "invisible nobody" who didn't attend until our 30th. She remembered herself as not popular, not pretty, average grades, unable to afford the "in" clothes, shoes & purses. Instead of a big university, she attended a vocational school where she met & married a nice guy, also a nobody, & moved to his hometown about a hundred miles away. Together they built a successful business & raised good kids. She admitted coming out of curiosity, just to see what had happened to others, & was shocked that anyone remembered her & was interested to hear about her life. She was genuinely blown away that her classmates cared & she regretted not having attended previously. And the cool thing was, she was truly a late-bloomer. The average-looking, poor girl became a very pretty lady with money in the bank. Karmic justice? I don't know, but stories like hers make me happy to have made the effort to track down our classmates.

As for resentment for having been bullied, you'll have to decide. I know you mostly from the murder case & I see a nice guy: intelligent, educated, interesting, well-spoken (& well-traveled too?) Some of the most successful people in my school became miserable failures in life. It's wrong to expect school years to predict the rest of our lives. Real-life is what we are each day, not where we came from.

Good luck to you Snick!

Snick1946 said:

I've considered telling the organizer that I won't be coming for personal reasons and also sending him a brief account of my life since graduation, which would include 25 years as a caseworker for Social Services. Also that I am happily married and have a nice home and family.



I sometimes wonder about these folks who seem rooted in their High School days. It seems a form of immaturity to me.

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The best revenge is a life lived well. You won the life lottery! You're happy!

You owe no one anything.

I've never went to any of my high school reunions. I wasn't bullied, i just don't care enough about a bunch of people I haven't had contact with for over 20 years.
I have maintained friendships with my highschool friends, don't really care about anyone else.
If I did, I would have stayed in contact with them.



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Snick1946 said:

I've considered telling the organizer that I won't be coming for personal reasons and also sending him a brief account of my life since graduation, which would include 25 years as a caseworker for Social Services. Also that I am happily married and have a nice home and family.

I sometimes wonder about these folks who seem rooted in their High School days. It seems a form of immaturity to me.

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Forget the letter. OUCH! This is a party not a rerun of study hall nor wear our past woes on our sleeve..

Just show up, looking like a million bucks, holding hands with your husband, circulate the room with a great smile and they will get the point. Most of us are happy for those who have made a good life. I was not bullied, but was an outsider to the "IN" crowd. Have gone to all 3 reunions looking like Las Vegas High Style. Great time. Actually, they don't care about us, but I was happy to "tweek their nose" in my adulthood. We had a gal who was Ms. Everything who never attended. When asked why, I was told "She got fat". OUCH! I loved seeing these people at the odd reunion over the years. Sadly also found out that some were dead, some suffered from mental issues and illness and some were living happily ever after, I want to be counted in the "happily" crowd.
I don't think anyone is rooted in their HS days, but go to see and be seen. It's a reunion. Little skinny Joe still had a figure, hair and the best looking guy there. Many of the IN crowd footballers had gone sideways. My face hurt from laughing so much.
The wonderful guy who always organized us died last fall and there will be no more.

Yes I have. Two of my bullies were at two different reunions. The one who initiated everything, actually said "hi" to me without me talking to him first, I was shocked. The other- I tried to talk to at the reunion was a jerk at the reunion, but I later found him on facebook, sent him a private chat and told him how he'd made my life a living hell for three years. He actually apologized. Unfortunately he's a producer on the show Grimm. I go GRRRR every time I see his name on screen.

noZme said:

As co-chair for all of my high school reunions, I have gotten comments & correspondence about how the cliques and boundaries no longer exist. While it may be particularly "fun" to see the hotshot jock who went on to play college football is now a bald blob & the homecoming queen's girdle (spanx from yesteryear) couldn't hide what had happened to her waist & hips, everyone was happy to see everyone at each meeting. We all share memories of the big snow day when system-wide, the teachers let us play out all day in 3 inches of snow (it was a BIG deal), the affable jokester who blew up the science lab making a stink bomb, remembering being at school when we heard JFK was assassinated, the teacher who picked her nose, the librarian we loved & who read to us the most wonderful stories, yadayadayada.

One call that I'll share came from a girl who described herself as an "invisible nobody" who didn't attend until our 30th. She remembered herself as not popular, not pretty, average grades, unable to afford the "in" clothes, shoes & purses. Instead of a big university, she attended a vocational school where she met & married a nice guy, also a nobody, & moved to his hometown about a hundred miles away. Together they built a successful business & raised good kids. She admitted coming out of curiosity, just to see what had happened to others, & was shocked that anyone remembered her & was interested to hear about her life. She was genuinely blown away that her classmates cared & she regretted not having attended previously. And the cool thing was, she was truly a late-bloomer. The average-looking, poor girl became a very pretty lady with money in the bank. Karmic justice? I don't know, but stories like hers make me happy to have made the effort to track down our classmates.

As for resentment for having been bullied, you'll have to decide. I know you mostly from the murder case & I see a nice guy: intelligent, educated, interesting, well-spoken (& well-traveled too?) Some of the most successful people in my school became miserable failures in life. It's wrong to expect school years to predict the rest of our lives. Real-life is what we are each day, not where we came from.

Good luck to you Snick!

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So true.

Some of the most successful and regarded people in history are late bloomers. Isaac Newton, St. Augustine Of Hippo, Albert Einstein, Sylvester Stallone, Colonial Sanders, and Grandma Moses are late bloomers.

Than there are child prodigies who burn out by the age of 18.

At my reunions, I have personally seen the bullies sincerely apologetic towards the people they bullied. I think you should go and enjoy yourself.

A school bully I had is now on my Facebook, along with many schoolmates. Once he made a negative comment about my faith, but I just addressed him politely and it was fine. I've matured so much since high school that I assume most others have too. I've attended two class reunions and had a blast . Then again, I have been described as being a "party in a bottle". :floorlaugh:

Follow your heart, is my advice. :hug:

Go, wear a **** eating grin and let them all think whatever...
Freaks em out.

Kimster said:

A school bully I had is now on my Facebook, along with many schoolmates. Once he made a negative comment about my faith, but I just addressed him politely and it was fine. I've matured so much since high school that I assume most others have too. I've attended two class reunions and had a blast . Then again, I have been described as being a "party in a bottle". :floorlaugh:

Follow your heart, is my advice. :hug:

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I didn't know aliens even had high schools!

Who knew? Shrug.





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katydid23 said:

At my reunions, I have personally seen the bullies sincerely apologetic towards the people they bullied. I think you should go and enjoy yourself.

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Seriously, some people will always be mean and won't change, like the cheerleaders, even though they've long lost their looks, but other will surprise you and do change. It's not worth letting them win by not going, unless you really don't want to go.

charminglane said:

Go, wear a **** eating grin and let them all think whatever...
Freaks em out.

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Nah............kill them with kindness.

I was not bullied, but I did feel picked on and shunned for most of my school career - I always felt on the outside. I never went to any reunions until this past summer which was my 25th. I had an awesome time and reconnected with people who I had forgotten that were always kind to me. I think that the negative memories clouded the good memories. Now I have several new-old friends that I am so glad to have in my life. I feel silly now feeling so negative all of those years.