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  1. #1
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    Uk Mum: "My son keeps trying to kill me" - 9yo

    Nine-year-old JJ violently attacks his mum Bobbi on an almost daily basis.

    He has stabbed her, tried to push her under a truck and even plotted to kill her.

    And it’s not just his mother who suffers – JJ was excluded from school after he left two of the teachers needing hospital
    treatment for a detached retina and a suspected broken wrist.

    ***

    Bobbi says: “He has this absolute anger and strength you wouldn’t imagine. He punches me, kicks me, pulls my hair.

    “He had tried to stab me a number of times, so we took away all the knives, scissors, anything that was sharp.

    “He tried to involve his older sister. He told her he wanted her to get a knife, and said when I was asleep that night he was going to stab me.

    ***


    "I don’t have a choice, do I?” she says. “When all this was happening three years ago, I rang social services and begged them for help.

    "School rang them and told them that this mum really needs help, I asked them for help, for respite. I just needed time to get my head together and have time with my girls.

    "They told me that my son was not in danger because I don’t lose my temper with him, because I don’t hit him. I don’t put my son in danger, I did not need help.”



    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-li...#ixzz35LGRBXGB

    bbm - disgusting..

    Apparently UK helplines get 11,00 calls a year from parents who are being abused by their kids.

    So what would YOU do with a son like this? Having dealt with some temporary violent episodes with my own daughter, I cannot *imagine* living in fear of your own child, like this woman does.

    Has anyone seen the program mentioned in the article?
    Last edited by Ausgirl; 06-22-2014 at 01:39 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Some of the comments under the video here are really heartbreaking, from parents in similar situations, also with other children who are not violent:

    http://www.channel5.com/shows/my-vio...s/kids-who-hit
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  3. #3
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    I have 3 grown children, middle child being a boy (25 yrs old now, ) and he was a shock for my system too. My daughters were dream babies especially my youngest.

    But my son was a very difficult baby and born screaming the hospital down, lol, couldn't settle, wouldn't sleep for more than 4 hours for first 2 years, he hated the car and would kick the back of my seat while I was driving. ugh. He would scream in shopping centres, several times I had to leave my shopping trolley mid shopping because he was so disruptive. He cried and screamed incessantly without anyone knowing why. I started to convince myself he was autistic, ugh.

    I took him to see my doctor who I'd been seeing for about 10 yrs so I trusted his judgment, he said one of his sons was the same, lol. He reassured me it was my son's personality and he would sort himself out in time.

    Anyway, long story short, he started to come out of this behaviour between 4 and 5 yrs old. I did smack him when he was 2 yrs old and realised it was not working and more detrimental to him, myself and my husband. I tried patience and ignoring the bad behaviour. I am no saint, so believe me that was very, very hard.

    My son was always placed with teachers who were known for handling difficult kids, but for whatever reason, he settled down considerably by 6 yrs of age.

    I discovered he needed a lot of mental stimulation, he loved Lego building quite early and of course he is a computer nerd now, haha. He is very slim and still a hyper person, I forgot to add, I had to take out certain foods (Ribena, lollies and soft/soda drinks) that exasperated the problem, these foods/drinks would make him wild and cry without any reason.

    I have a lot of empathy for this poor lady, I just have one question though, has her son witnessed any violent behaviour towards her from a male figure? (father, lover)

    I've watched an Australian documentary years ago of a family where the son was diagnosed with autism, and he lashed out at the mum violently from a young age.

    The parents divorced and he is an adult now and lives with the father. During the taping of the doco, the mother had a picnic with family and the son was invited, he started bashing into the mother without any provocation at all, this was all caught on camera. Very sad case in deed.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ausgirl View Post
    Some of the comments under the video here are really heartbreaking, from parents in similar situations, also with other children who are not violent:

    http://www.channel5.com/shows/my-vio...s/kids-who-hit
    The vid didn't work but I read some of the comments. Oh well, everyone has an opinion. I'm sure people were scowling at me and my son when we were out in public. I was constantly embarrassed.

  5. #5
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    sounds like a psychopath

  6. #6
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    I couldn't play the video on my phone, so I'm not sure what alternatives they've exhausted.

    First, I would of course try to get the child fully evaluated- neurological, psych, etc. I would seek residential treatment if available and affordable.

    In the meantime, I would eliminate all white refined sugar, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, artificial colors and caffeine. (It's not surprising that Prime eliminated some of these things with her son's diet and it helped. These chemicals wreak havoc on sensitive people and can greatly increase anxiety, depression, agitation, aggression, irritability.).

    I would also create a strict schedule that is posted somewhere for the child to see so he knows what is happening every hour of the day. Transitions can be hard for certain kids and a schedule would help.

    Before any outing I would tell the kid where we are going, why, what we will be doing there, and what behavior is expected.

    Finally, I would keep my home life as calm as possible. Certainly, there should be absolutely no access to any violent or graphic music, tv or video games. Allowing a kid like this access to such materials is insane.
    For Travis Alexander, a human being.


    *Gitana (means "Gypsy girl"). Pronounced "hee tah nah."

  7. #7
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    Has she called the police? Not sure of the laws in UK but in US a parent can get the kid involved in the juvenile justice system, where he would be a safe distance from her and hopefully helped. I am concerned for her life, and his future because it does sound like a young sociopath or a child onset mental illness. In my opinion, she needs to have him arrested and charged. It really is the most loving thing to do.

  8. #8
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    I do not have a child that is like this...thank God. I grew up with a sister like this.

    It is impossible to get help. There are no systems in place, to help parents in situations like these. None. I have no idea how my parents made it out of our childhood. My sister was a monster and terrorized our family. She is an adult now and not much better.

    I feel for any parent going through this. There is simply no help. You can take them to every psychologist, brain professional, try every schedule, diet, program...but nothing works. I always get a little irate when people start suggesting daily schedules and diets. These kids are trying to kill their parents, not throwing fits.

    ETA: More often than not, calling the police got my parents investigated. They just stopped doing that after the third call and second CPS file.

  9. #9
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    here in states, my nephew finally has access to some counselling services and when he gets really bad he is committed to a facility for children with severe behavioral issues. It was a long road getting there.

    His teachers (when age 8 and 9) would call police and he would be taken to adult jail! That was no answer!

    Things are getting better now and hopefully someday they will nail down his diagnosis completely. For now, at least the family has some backup when things get seriously violent.

    This poor lady, I cannot imagine the living hell.

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  10. #10
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    This story reminded me of the Jani Schofield case. She was such a danger to the family they had to have two separate apartments. Her problems started at age three. Jmo

    http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sourc...69411363,d.cGU

    ciao


  11. #11
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    My daughter acted out her anger (no.. 'rage' is a better term) over some family issues for a couple of years, relatively tame stuff compared to this boy. A couple holes in the wall, a few punches thrown, fighting at school.. general disobedience. In many cases, the sort of things many boys 'get away' with, which wasn't helpful at all.. In a girl, they are seen as totally aberrant, which is interesting. "Why is my daughter in time outs, when that boy over there is doing the same thing, right now, in front of both of us..and does so every day, with impunity?" But that's a whole 'nother topic..

    Anyway, this was a frightening, lonely time during which I felt completely disempowered as a parent and as a person. Thanks in no small part to the 'helpful' opinions of family and friends (bless 'em for good intentions, but they were at times very much the opposite of helpful..), and the actions of the same agencies I openly embraced as a means to 'help' us... Things were actually much better once I woke up to this and gave them all the boot. And/or chose to ignore the 'helpful' commentary.

    My daughter's anger has healed with time. My challenge now is to get her to forgive herself for using *me* as the sounding board for all her rage. I was the safe person, to vent on. I can only accept her apologies with grace, and tell her I love her, and what a great kid she is every day. Because it's true.

    While my own experience was thankfully very short-lived, I got a good hard look at some of the issues parents of chronically violent children face. It's bleak, and it's awful.


    While some of the kids who are extremely violent as children do seem to level out as they grow older, through whatever means (as they are not all violent for the same reasons, obviously), it's a bit unnerving to imagine the adult life of the ones who do not.

    These children pose a lot of highly uncomfortable questions in my mind, because I am at heart a kind person, if sometimes more pragmatic than sympathetic. They're not nice questions, but I'll ask them out loud anyway:

    -- Is it right to wait and see whether a child like this kills somebody, before locking him up?

    -- Is 'psychopath' an adequate description of a boy plotting to kill his mother with a knife as she sleeps, age 9? If he was 19 or had actually killed someone already, his mother or another child, I think many would be more inclined to say 'yes'. But he isn't..

    -- What's happened to children like JJ in the past? What kind of people have they actually grown up to be?

    I'm sure there's a few more that'll come to mind..

    So many parents, saying they've reached out for help but can't get it because *they* are not the abusers.. It seems even in the structures we have made in society to help families, parent-blaming is the dominant response to children with violent issues. And of course, there's a lot of awful parents out there, spending all day every day crafting their kids into miserable, unbalanced human beings.

    But what of the parents who don't, and have other kids who aren't violent?

    I suppose they'd be envied by the responsible parents of a child like JJ who have no other kids. It's much, much harder to not have the vindication of 'well, my other child is perfectly well behaved'.
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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine95 View Post
    Has she called the police? Not sure of the laws in UK but in US a parent can get the kid involved in the juvenile justice system, where he would be a safe distance from her and hopefully helped. I am concerned for her life, and his future because it does sound like a young sociopath or a child onset mental illness. In my opinion, she needs to have him arrested and charged. It really is the most loving thing to do.
    He's too young for the juvenile justice system - the minimum age of criminal responsibility in the UK is 10, apart from Scotland where its 12.

    And I don't think that's the answer anyway, he sounds more like a case for the mental health services than the juvenile system.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by blue22 View Post
    I do not have a child that is like this...thank God. I grew up with a sister like this.

    It is impossible to get help. There are no systems in place, to help parents in situations like these. None. I have no idea how my parents made it out of our childhood. My sister was a monster and terrorized our family. She is an adult now and not much better.

    I feel for any parent going through this. There is simply no help. You can take them to every psychologist, brain professional, try every schedule, diet, program...but nothing works. I always get a little irate when people start suggesting daily schedules and diets. These kids are trying to kill their parents, not throwing fits.

    ETA: More often than not, calling the police got my parents investigated. They just stopped doing that after the third call and second CPS file.
    How do you know nothing works for every child? Because one person you know - your sister - had unsolveable issues?

    Some of these kids may suffer form schizophrenia, or bi polar disorder, or autism spectrum disorder or another neurological disorder. And some can be treated.

    Further, I'm certainly not suggesting that diet and a schedule are enough to fix this. But it can't hurt, can it?

    And I could not view the 45 minute documentary but the comments indicate some of the kids featured are allowed to play super violent videos and have parents who giggle and laugh when they lash out.

    Not sure how that helps.
    For Travis Alexander, a human being.


    *Gitana (means "Gypsy girl"). Pronounced "hee tah nah."

  14. #14
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    Yes, quite. You have a 9 year old playing Grand Theft Auto, and his father laughs and applauds the child when he attacks his mother - no great mystery why that child's a problem!!

    Family counselling and mental health professionals are needed there, not people throwing their hands in the air and pronouncing the child as irredeemable.

  15. #15
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    I want to clarify that I suggested the juvenile justice system not to give up on the child, but to help the mom have access to more resources and a back up to respond to the child when he gets like that. Again, I have no idea what the laws are there, and I appreciate the clarification that it is not really an option at this age.
    I have extensive background with violent, out of control and delinquent kids. I have found that, unless you are wealthy, in the US the options are limited- or if you are low income enough to have Medicaid. Middle class families are very limited.
    In my opinion, this child needs to see experts in child psychiatry and neurology to see if this is being caused by child onset schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. I also recommend an expert in attachment disorder, if schizophrenia is ruled out. The child needs intensive in patient treatment, again my opinion. That's the main reason I suggested juvenile justice, sometimes there can be a court order for these things to happen, therefore more resources can be available.
    I also suggested it because, again my opinion,if/ when the child becomes dangerous, the LE needs to be aware of this child and family so that they 1- immediately respond, 2- are better prepared to the best type of response the child needs from them, and 3- to protect the family members and give them support.
    I have worked with kids and families with similar circumstance, who had hidden cameras so they could see when the child found a weapon, tried to sneak up in family members, etc. family members locked their bedroom doors at night, and had an external lock to lock the kid in their own room, etc. it's very sad and scary.
    I send prayers, love and strength to this family and wish them all the best!



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