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  1. #1
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    IL - UIC student charged with assault said he was re-enacting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/l...223-story.html

    Prosecutors: UIC student charged with assault said he was re-enacting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'
    By Steve Schmadeke Chicago Tribune

    ...Prosecutors said Hossain and the woman went to Hossain's dorm room about 5:30 p.m. Saturday. The two had "previously been intimate" but were not dating, said Assistant State's Attorney Sarah Karr.

    Once inside his dorm, in the 900 block of West Harrison Street, Hossain allegedly asked the woman to remove her clothing and she did, keeping on her bra and underwear, Karr said. He then bound her hands above her head and to a bed with a belt, used another belt to bind her legs and stuffed a necktie into her mouth, Karr said.

    Hossain used a knit cap to cover the woman's eyes, Karr said, and removed the woman's bra and underwear. He then began striking the woman with a belt. After hitting her several times, the woman told Hossain he was hurting her, told him to stop "and began shaking her head and crying," said Karr.

    Hossain continued striking the woman — including with his fists, according to an arrest report — and she managed to get one arm, and then another, free. But he then held her arms behind her back and sexually assaulted her as she continued to plead for him to stop, according to Karr....


    http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/...not-good-bdsm/

    Here’s why Fifty Shades of Grey is not good BDSM.


    “With Fifty Shades of Grey being made into a movie, I’ve tried to raise awareness how this book is not about BDSM, but rather domestic and sexual abuse. Many women argue that the relationship in the book is BDSM, but that paints BDSM in a bad light.

    BDSM is a community that believes in safety & comfort. Consent is always necessary, and partners take care of each other. After acts and roleplays, partners comfort each other to help transition out of that zone. FSOG does not include any of this. Mr. Grey gives Anastasia (a then-virgin) an ultimatum; to sign a contract or leave. She is sexually inexperienced (being a virgin) and he manipulates that to push her boundaries to make it seem like the sexually violent things he is doing to her are okay. There are instances where after an act, he is mad at her for being upset, but does not comfort her. He uses alcohol to sway her consent – this is by law rape. There is also an instance where she uses the safe word, yet he continues. That is consent being retracted, and Christian ignores the retraction of consent. That is sexual assault....


    This is something I was afraid of. I agree with second article and it seems that at least one person doesn't know the rules, the guy from the first article. I wonder how many other times this has happened?
    Last edited by Steely Dan; 02-25-2015 at 06:55 AM. Reason: Add Link

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    http://health.usnews.com/health-news...now-about-bdsm

    What's Wrong With '50 Shades of Grey'
    The difference between BDSM and what’s portrayed in ‘50 Shades of Grey.’

    There's nothing "grey" about it. "50 Shades of Grey," E.L. James' racy best-seller that's now in movie production, portrays a relationship steeped in intimate partner violence, according to a study published Monday in the Journal of Women's Health.

    "The book is a glaring glamorization of violence against women," says Amy Bonomi, chair of the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at Michigan State University and lead author of the study. Bonomi explains that Christian Grey, the copper-headed business tycoon for whom James' book is named, controls his young conquest, Anastasia Steele, through stalking, intimidation, isolation and humiliation. In response, Steele "begins to manage her behavior to keep peace in the relationship, which is something we see in abused women," Bonomi says. "Over time, she loses her identity" and "becomes disempowered and entrapped."...


    I have not read this book or seen the movie. All I've read is this plot synopsis on IMDB: (Warning Foul Language) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2322441/...ef_=tt_stry_pl

    I doubt many of you have read my ranting posts about this movie in other threads so let me tell you how I see it. What I think can be summarized pretty much by the above paragraph and both articles commenting on the film say.

    Here's the basic, basic synopsis of the IMDB synopsis:

    (Let me say this first. I doubt many people would have found this erotic if the male character was a factory worker. His being a billionaire has a lot to do with it. JMO)

    Psychopath meets girl he sizes up as having low self esteem.

    Psychopath shows up at girls work. (A hardware store. He buys duct tape and rope.)

    After a photo shoot with one of Ana's friends Psychopath invites her for coffee and tells Ana he doesn't do the girlfriend thing. He gives her his card and tells her what hotel he's staying at.

    Ana gets drunk at a bar and calls psychopath to get her. He comes and picks her up and pushes a friend of hers out of the way because he's trying to kiss her. Ana isn't in to this guy more than a friend.

    Ana wakes up at psychopath's place wearing different clothing. Psychopath tells her that her other clothes were covered in vomit.

    Later on psychopath takes Ana by personal helicopter to his place in a highrise in Seattle. He shows her his BDSM room. Ana asks if this is for love making. Psychopath tells her he doesn't make love "He hard." Ana tells him she is a virgin and he carries her to his room and they have sex. Evidently Ana is in to this, this time.

    Psychopath and Ana go for a walk in the woods and psychopath tells her that he lost his virginity at 15 to one of his mother's friends who was a dominant. Ana tells him it's disturbing, but psychopath doesn't think so.

    Before she leaves psychopath gives her a contract to look over (It's for a BDSM arrangement. She also gets a computer from him so they can stay in touch and so she can research the BDSM acts in the contract.) She reads the contract and looks up some of the acts he wants to do with her and sends him an email saying "It's been nice knowing you."

    Psychopath goes over to her place and shows up in her bedroom. He ties her hands together and rapes her.

    The next day Ana meets with psychopath to go over the contract with him and agree on what she will and won't do. (To my way of thinking she does this because she's scared. I don't know her thought process, but it comes off as her thinking it's better to negotiate what he can do to her rather than have him terrorize her. JMO)

    Psychopath comes to her graduation to give commencement speech. He hands Ana the keys to a new Audi he's bought her after selling her old Beetle. (She's not happy about that.)

    On other occasions psychopath shows her what she can expect if she agrees to be his submissive. One time he bends her over his lap, removes her pants and spanks her. He then takes her to his dungeon and strips her naked and whips her butt with a riding crop.

    Ana goes to psychopath's mother's house for dinner and tells him she is going to Georgia to visit her mother. Psychopath is mad at her for that.

    In Georgia Ana is talking to her mother about her new relationship, at a bar, when she gets a text from psychopath. He makes a comment about her drinking two Cosmo's and ordering a third. Psychopath walks over to their table and introduces himself. (Stalker, JMO)

    Later he takes Ana up in his glider.

    Ana still hasn't signed the contract and at psychopath's condo tells him she's not comfortable with him hurting her. She asks psychopath why he wants to do this. His answer is that he's fifty shades of up.

    Psychopath takes Ana to the dungeon and shows her how extreme their relationship can be. He removes her pants and hits her so hard that she goes off to the bedroom to cry. She tells psychopath that she's fallen in love with him, but she can never be what he wants her to be.

    Ana gets dressed and heads for the elevator. Psychopath tries to stop her. She's intent on getting to the elevator and asks for her Beetle back. He tells her it's too late, but he'll send a check.

    To me that is a classic mind rape and body rape of a naive young woman who's being manipulated by a psychopath, and nothing more.

    I have no problem with anyone participating in BDSM, but as the articles above state, this isn't BDSM. I have a guess that in the other two books she changes him eventually. Uh... you can't change a psychopath.

    All JMO

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    The movie has a one star rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Also, a British critic in one of the articles I posted gave it one star as well. At least I can say the movie is inciting a conversation on domestic abuse.

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    IL - UIC student charged with assault said he was re-enacting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'


    A University of Illinois at Chicago student leader has been charged with sexually assaulting a 19-year-old female student in what Cook County prosecutors say was a re-enactment of scenes from the film "Fifty Shades of Grey."

    Freshman Mohammad Hossain, 19, appeared shocked after a Cook County judge set his bail at $500,000, walking back to the lockup with his mouth wide open.

    [...]

    Police arrested Hossain later that night in another dorm building in the 700 block of South Halsted Street, according to an arrest report. He was interviewed by UIC detectives and, according to Karr, admitted assaulting the woman and "doing something wrong." He allegedly told police he and the woman were re-enacting scenes from "Fifty Shades of Grey."


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    Are those scratches on his face?

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    I think we are going to be seeing more of this. A male acquaintance of mine mentioned this the other day to me. Men are going to think that women really dont mean "no" based on the movie. It will be the " 50 Shades of Gray Defense". Now I have not seen the movie OR read the book, but sadly I can see some men really saying " but in the movie...."
    My 24 year old daughter is on an online dating site.. and had a significantly older man actually tell her, based on NOTHING ( I have seen her profile.. trust me ) that he "knew" there was a sensual and insatiable side to her that HE was the man to show her!! HOLY CRAP ( never fear.. she just ignored and blocked him) Clearly he was channeling 50 Shades.
    No one truly thinks a man who likes horror movies or war movies or any of the like, really WANTS to be stalked and beaten... but I suspect we will see a lot more men using 50 Shades as a defense for assault...

  7. #7
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    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elisab...b_6735520.html

    50 Shades of Abuse

    Posted: 02/26/2015 11:30 am EST Updated: 02/26/2015 11:59 am EST
    Elisabeth Corey Become a fan
    Trauma Recovery & Mindfulness Writer, Sex Abuse & Trafficking Survivor, Single Parent of Twins, Social Worker

    ...The worst part wasn't the abusive relationship. It was the internal belief systems that each relationship confirmed. I was convinced that the power differential was critical to an intimate relationship. And I was unable to be in a healthy relationship because of that. I even considered healthy relationships to be boring or unfulfilling. I saw them as fake. I thought there was no way people could genuinely care about each other. I thought the only passion that could exist in a relationship was abusive.

    So, I moved from one abusive relationship to another. I dated men who were emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. I used to lock myself in the bedroom after my partner would drink because he would yell at me for hours. I married a man who added no value or income to the relationship, even after children were born, because I thought this was the best I could expect. And I told myself it was my choice. I made up excuses as to why these relationships worked for me. I acted as though I was empowered in the relationship and could leave at any time. And in a perfect world, I could have left at any time. In a perfect world, I would have left....


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    http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/...omestic-abuse/

    Truth about 'Fifty Shades of Grey': Movie glamorizes sexual violence, domestic abuse

    By Dawn Hawkins
    Published February 05, 2015

    ...In the book, and now the soon-to-be released film, Christian uses manipulation, jealousy, intimidation and violence to control the naive Ana. Most fans overlook and romanticize this because of his powerful position, handsome looks and nice suits. But women like Ana in real life will tell you that a seemingly perfect exterior does not necessarily mirror one’s psychological health or mean that he possesses a moral compass.

    While millions of women are fantasizing about the controlling and abusive Christian Grey of fiction, there are many other women dealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him.

    A college student, one of many I’ve heard from in my role as executive director of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, wrote to me that Christian is just suffering the consequences of his own abuse, acting out in the only way he knows, and that Ana’s patient, loving behavior helps him overcome his abusive tendencies. Christian is so easily and quickly forgiven for his violent behavior. But forgiveness and devotion to an aggressor who inflicts violence is not sexy. Violence is violence. Sexual violence is worse....

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    http://endsexualexploitation.org/fiftyshadesgrey/


    Talking Points

    What is this story about?
    How is ‘Fifty Shades’ affecting our culture?
    If it’s consenting, it is not abuse.
    There are many books and films that sexualize violence, so why are we so upset about ‘Fifty Shades?’
    What people do in private is nobody’s business.
    This series had no affect on me or it improved my relationship.
    This story is for adults. There is no impact to children.


  10. #10
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    <modsnip>

    Not every abuser abuses when they hit adulthood and those who claim abuse are not always victims of it. Jodi Arias and KC Anthony anyone? I also agree that because he's a billionaire his character is attractive. If this were the story of a 27 year old construction worker who meets a 21 year old mousey woman and does the exact same things the psychopath does in fifty shades, would it be erotic or terrifying? It's my belief that if this were about a construction worker the movie would end when the "honestly" empowered female character shoots him during one of his painful inflictions. Instead billionaires are great, if they treat you like crap and rape you, manipulate you psychologically and sexually that's ok, after all they're billionaires.

    It seems that almost every movie women find romantic has the female character finding a guy and changing him for the better. Before this movie I never had a big problem with that. Even though I know it's BS to believe that can happen in real life more than 1% of the time, I get it. Those movies weren't about the female being humiliated and beaten and controlled. This crosses the line of that genre.

    If the plot of this movie was about a happily married couple who feels their sex life has become stale and enter the world of bondage and followed the strict rules of the mainstream bondage community I'd have no problem with it, and in fact it would make a pretty good romantic comedy.

    JMO
    Last edited by Harmony 2; 02-28-2015 at 10:03 AM. Reason: link not allowed therefore quotes not allowed


  11. #11
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    http://www.forbes.com/sites/crime/20...rey-dangerous/

    6/23/2012 @ 12:23PM 105,413 views
    Is 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Dangerous?
    Kathryn Casey , Contributor

    ...The problem is that ever since I read James’s first novel, I’ve been troubled. Is anyone else out there wondering what I am: Do middle-aged women, the main audience for this book, really view the threat of violence as an aphrodisiac? And isn’t it dangerous to turn a BDSM-addict into a romantic hero? Would we want our daughters dating Christian Grey?...


    __________________________________________________ ____________

    ...What I find unsettling is that in Christian Grey I see the attributes of so many of the men I’ve written about over the years, the ones who abuse and sometimes even end up murdering their intimate partners. Experts have said for decades that rape is more about control than sex. What I’ve seen over and over again is that a man who needs to dominate, humiliate, and physically abuse a woman isn’t a hero. He’s not doing it out of love. That guy isn’t the man of any woman’s dreams. He’s a mistake, one she won’t end up rehabilitating but fleeing.

    So there, I’ve said it. I know some of my friends will say that three decades as a crime writer has warped me to the point that I don’t understand a book like James’s. Perhaps they’re right. But I do find it disturbing. And I wonder what it says about our society that these books are so incredibly successful. What do you think?

  12. #12
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    http://nypost.com/2012/08/16/slave-r...lads-new-love/

    ‘Slave’ reveals torment at learning about leather lad’s new love
    By Kate Kowsh
    August 16, 2012


    She’s no Anastasia Steele.

    Unlike the bondage novice in the hit book “Fifty Shades of Grey,’’ the longtime fetish slave of a Manhattan investment banker yesterday told The Post that she went into her own sex-slave role with her eyes wide open.

    “I like leather and latex,” said Frankie Santiago, 27, who eagerly did the kinky bidding of bondage-loving beau Edward Sonderling before the pair’s relationship imploded.

    The petite, pretty Santiago spoke at her family’s Bergenfield, NJ, home a day after she was arraigned on charges of stalking, criminal mischief and harassment after a bitter breakup with Sonderling.

    While she was reluctant to talk about her own passion for the kinky lifestyle, Santiago had no problem effusing about the man she fell in love with in sex dungeons and orgy-fueled parties.

    “He had this reputation before he dated me — his reputation preceded me,’’ she said. “So when he started coming on to me and pursuing me, I was really flattered.

    “He was attractive. I wanted to fall in love.”....

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    Is this considered erotic?

    http://www.oregonlive.com/silicon-fo...incart_m-rpt-1

    Top Portland tech CEO faces sexual assault investigation


    ...The first accusation involves an early Monday morning in February 2010, shortly after Kveton had moved out of the woman's home. Later describing the incident to Beaverton police, the woman told an officer that she called Kveton for a ride from a bar after a Sunday night out.

    They returned to Kveton's home, she said, and she went to sleep on a couch while Kveton slept upstairs. At some point, she told police, he texted to ask her to join him. When she declined, she said, Kveton came downstairs and raped her. She told police she left his home shortly afterward.

    In the days following that alleged assault, emails flew back and forth in what appeared to be an attempt to repair what each describes as a moment in their relationship that went terribly wrong.

    "Believe me, the concept of not having you in my life absolutely and utterly makes my heart ache," according to an email from Kveton's personal account. "... and I can't believe how I treated you the other night ... I just felt so betrayed and hurt that night with all of the things you were saying ... that doesn't justify it whatsoever ... I'm just hurt and for some reason I took it out on you in that awful way,"

    A subsequent email the same day included an apology.

    The emails continued over several days, as the woman made it clear she was still angry.

    "I don't know what to say about Sunday that hasn't already been said," read another email from Kveton's account. "I know it was awful but we've always had that power differential. Maybe it was never healthy? I just don't know and wish I could take Sunday back."


    Two days later, another e-mail from Kveton's account offered a different perspective:

    "I think we did have a different memory ... I was not intoxicated and you were ... I can remember you saying no in the past ... many, many, many times in fact and actually enjoying it all the same ... I seem to think I even have video of it. That's neither here nor there however ... it was awful and I know it."

    They broke up in April 2010 and she then made her allegations to Beaverton police. When she reported the incident, the woman told police she had received a string of profane text messages from Kveton. Police reports indicate that an officer saw additional texts that arrived while the officer was interviewing the woman....
    Last edited by Steely Dan; 03-02-2015 at 03:09 AM.

  14. #14
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    Also from the above article:

    ...A second allegation, from 2011, involves the woman's claims that Kveton hid in her closet and surprised her when she arrived at her home one night in August, the home they had briefly shared while each was going through a divorce. She reported the accusations in December, after another breakup.

    According to a report by Washington County Sheriff's deputies, the woman told them Kveton "jumped out of a closet and wrapped his arms around her in a 'bear hug'-like hold. He drug her into her bedroom and then tied her wrists up with some reusable bonding tape."

    The police reports reference another alleged attack, "several days later," this time at Kveton's condo in Portland's Pearl District, but don't provide details....

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    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news...during-1549959


    Fifty Shades Of Grey-inspired master whipped me like a dog: But lover is cleared of assault in bondage session
    22:22, 22 January 2013
    By Ben Rossington

    A man who whipped his chained up lover during a bondage sex session inspired by novel Fifty Shades Of Grey walked free today after being cleared of assault.

    Jeweller Steven Lock, 43, left bruises on his girlfriend’s buttocks when he lashed her with a looped rope as part of the “master and slave” role play.

    They acted out the sex fantasy after reading the erotic bestseller.

    But he was charged with causing actual bodily harm after she claimed he went too far – and left her crying in pain.

    Lock was found not guilty after defence counsel Roger Thomson told the jury: “Fifty Shades Of Grey is not a manual – it’s a work of fiction – and this is a case which demonstrates that things can go wrong.”...

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