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  1. #1
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    TX - 'Lori Ruff', Longview, WhtFem UP9863, *General Discussion and Theories* #3


    This case is being investigated by the Social Security Administration Office of the Inspector General. The decedent committed suicide in 2010, and it was subsequently learned that she had been living under an assumed identity. Her true identity is unknown. The image in NamUs is an actual photograph of the decedent taken in 1990.

    Brown hair, hazel eyes,
    Estimated age Adult - Pre 50
    Minimum age 41 years
    Maximum age 50 years
    Race White
    Ethnicity
    Sex Female
    Weight (pounds) 160, Estimated
    Height (inches) 70, Estimated
    https://identifyus.org/en/cases/9863

    Thread #1
    Thread #2
    2012-2013 Discussion Thread
    Timeline and Media Thread *NO DISCUSSION*

    Photos Only *NO DISCUSSION*

    Possible matches for UID Longview, TX woman

    Unidentified and Unclaimed Forum Suggestions & Guidelines **REQUIRED READING**

    Forum Index of all other "Lori Ruff" threads: Mysterious woman from Longview, Texas
    Last edited by KateB; 09-08-2015 at 07:35 PM.

  2. #2
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    Can't help but wonder what information 'Becky' provided the court to justify her change of name to LEK and satisfy the court that it was in her "interest and benefit" to do so:

    http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sho...14#post9661014

    The following info relates to the more current process, but I'm wondering if fingerprints were required when BS petitioned the court to change her name to LEK:

    http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99..._kit_final.pdf

    Also, if her petition was required to be notarized, perhaps court records would provide the name of the notary who may have some recollection of the circumstances.
    Last edited by sillybilly; 08-10-2015 at 04:20 AM.

  3. #3
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    I'm sure this has been mentioned before, but I feel like LEK - and/or her mother - were helped by a secret network for abused women (or children). These networks were very active in the '80s & '90s, and some still are today. They help(ed) with relocation and new identities (which is illegal, but those involved believe it is worth it if it saves a life). The people in this network will never, ever admit to their involvement and they would certainly never admit to "recognizing" a woman they might have helped in the past. I'm sure there are missing women listed on this site who were actually aided in disappearing by such a network.

    Personally, I'm not that willing to "help" Velling or anyone else to "out" those that have helped victims. I have no doubt that the Ruffs have the answers they need already, anyway. (And if Louie were really concerned that LEK might have been a mole or some other threat, I can assure you he wouldn't have tasked the SSA with doing the digging on this). If you need the satisfaction of knowing more, just look at all the pieces of the puzzle from the point of view that these women (LEK & her mother) got plugged in to a network that saved their lives. Then even the pieces that you didn't understand -or might have rejected-will begin to make sense. Also keep in mind that pushing too far and trying to identify those that helped LEK could jeopardize the safety of other women that were helped by the same people.

  4. #4
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    I haven't heard this theory mentioned. It makes a ton of sense. It's the Occam's Razor solution to this case, isn't it?


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fortbold View Post
    I'm sure this has been mentioned before, but I feel like LEK - and/or her mother - were helped by a secret network for abused women (or children). These networks were very active in the '80s & '90s, and some still are today. They help(ed) with relocation and new identities (which is illegal, but those involved believe it is worth it if it saves a life). The people in this network will never, ever admit to their involvement and they would certainly never admit to "recognizing" a woman they might have helped in the past. I'm sure there are missing women listed on this site who were actually aided in disappearing by such a network.

    Personally, I'm not that willing to "help" Velling or anyone else to "out" those that have helped victims. I have no doubt that the Ruffs have the answers they need already, anyway. (And if Louie were really concerned that LEK might have been a mole or some other threat, I can assure you he wouldn't have tasked the SSA with doing the digging on this). If you need the satisfaction of knowing more, just look at all the pieces of the puzzle from the point of view that these women (LEK & her mother) got plugged in to a network that saved their lives. Then even the pieces that you didn't understand -or might have rejected-will begin to make sense. Also keep in mind that pushing too far and trying to identify those that helped LEK could jeopardize the safety of other women that were helped by the same people.
    I think most of your thinking is very sound and appreciate this intelligent, well thought out perspective.

    While the above might explain most elements of this case, what still nags me is that I can't help but feel that most people in this circumstance would still have confided a little more in their spouse. Especially since they had a child. Am I overly optimistic about the nature of marriage, overly insensitive to her potentially very tragic/abusive history, or is this what has others confused as well? I can't imagine not wanting to be as open as possible with someone about my family history if we were having a child together...and I can't imagine planning a family with someone I couldn't share private, sensitive information with.

    If her spouse had had any information or insight and hadn't been completely blindsided about her invented identity, I don't think this would have become news (regardless of what information the family might have now, years into the investigation, and whether it satisfies them).

    So I must assume that she really kept this all hidden from him, and that's what mystifies me about this case. Not so much why she became FLEK, but why she allowed it to drive a wedge between herself and her husband without breaking down and offering some explanation as to why she was so secretive.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvo View Post
    I think most of your thinking is very sound and appreciate this intelligent, well thought out perspective.

    While the above might explain most elements of this case, what still nags me is that I can't help but feel that most people in this circumstance would still have confided a little more in their spouse. Especially since they had a child. Am I overly optimistic about the nature of marriage, overly insensitive to her potentially very tragic/abusive history, or is this what has others confused as well? I can't imagine not wanting to be as open as possible with someone about my family history if we were having a child together...and I can't imagine planning a family with someone I couldn't share private, sensitive information with.

    If her spouse had had any information or insight and hadn't been completely blindsided about her invented identity, I don't think this would have become news (regardless of what information the family might have now, years into the investigation, and whether it satisfies them).

    So I must assume that she really kept this all hidden from him, and that's what mystifies me about this case. Not so much why she became FLEK, but why she allowed it to drive a wedge between herself and her husband without breaking down and offering some explanation as to why she was so secretive.
    And that is one of the main things that has me wondering and at certain times baffled. What secret could she have been holding onto so tightly that she denied her husband, the father of her child, this information. A secret she held so tightly to that she took it to the grave with her never to be revealed even to her own daughter.
    What is the secret? or secrets?

    Not a single person has stepped forward from her days as a married woman to say that she was their friend and that they knew her well. This tells me she had zero people that were close to her. The closest person to her was her husband and he knew zip, nada, nothing about her.
    I don't believe at this point that her in-laws have discovered her original identity. If they knew they would have told Velling. I don't think they would risk getting into legal trouble by withholding that information from him. Her in-laws don't have a secret to hide because they don't have to tell the public who FLEK was if they find out and it's confirmed with Velling.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sherwood Park View Post
    And that is one of the main things that has me wondering and at certain times baffled. What secret could she have been holding onto so tightly that she denied her husband, the father of her child, this information. A secret she held so tightly to that she took it to the grave with her never to be revealed even to her own daughter.
    What is the secret? or secrets?

    Not a single person has stepped forward from her days as a married woman to say that she was their friend and that they knew her well. This tells me she had zero people that were close to her. The closest person to her was her husband and he knew zip, nada, nothing about her.
    I don't believe at this point that her in-laws have discovered her original identity. If they knew they would have told Velling. I don't think they would risk getting into legal trouble by withholding that information from him. Her in-laws don't have a secret to hide because they don't have to tell the public who FLEK was if they find out and it's confirmed with Velling.
    Well...I don't want to say too much, but her husband is a weird duck. Undoubtedly his lack of curiosity about intimate details from her past (and their present) was actually what made the relationship work as long as it did. Even if you look solely at what has been disclosed in the media, it's a little odd that he was clueless about what her medications were for. And it's been established that LEK was very introverted, so her lack of friends should not come as much of a surprise.

    As for Blake's family, I have no doubt they are certainly better informed now, as is the SSA. As for LEK's secrets, I am sure there are things she never wanted her daughter to know, and for good reason. For many, the past is too tragic to bear, and erasing as much of it as possible is the way they cope. I am hopeful that her daughter will be shielded from as much of this as possible until she is mature enough (and informed enough) to be able to cope with what she sees when she Googles her mother's name. (Prayers for her and everyone involved in raising her)!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by dvo View Post
    I think most of your thinking is very sound and appreciate this intelligent, well thought out perspective.

    While the above might explain most elements of this case, what still nags me is that I can't help but feel that most people in this circumstance would still have confided a little more in their spouse. Especially since they had a child. Am I overly optimistic about the nature of marriage, overly insensitive to her potentially very tragic/abusive history, or is this what has others confused as well? I can't imagine not wanting to be as open as possible with someone about my family history if we were having a child together...and I can't imagine planning a family with someone I couldn't share private, sensitive information with.

    If her spouse had had any information or insight and hadn't been completely blindsided about her invented identity, I don't think this would have become news (regardless of what information the family might have now, years into the investigation, and whether it satisfies them).

    So I must assume that she really kept this all hidden from him, and that's what mystifies me about this case. Not so much why she became FLEK, but why she allowed it to drive a wedge between herself and her husband without breaking down and offering some explanation as to why she was so secretive.
    This post is so helpful, because it enables me to pose a question I'd like everyone to ponder...
    Consider that you're a woman with a terrible past, so terrible you did drastic and illegal things to escape it. You struggle to socialize, you're fearful of emotional intimacy yet you really want to have a child and family of your own. What kind of man would you marry?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fortbold View Post
    This post is so helpful, because it enables me to pose a question I'd like everyone to ponder...
    Consider that you're a woman with a terrible past, so terrible you did drastic and illegal things to escape it. You struggle to socialize, you're fearful of emotional intimacy yet you really want to have a child and family of your own. What kind of man would you marry?
    A quiet guy who isn't pushy or overly affectionate. Sensitive and understandimg. Why are you asking? I'm curious as to where your going with this.

  10. #10
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    A man who is almost naive? A man who will never ask any more of you than you are willing to share? A man who is dependable, malleable, and, -well - simple. A man that does not easily pick up on social and emotional cues himself. That's who she married.


  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fortbold View Post
    A man who is almost naive? A man who will never ask any more of you than you are willing to share? A man who is dependable, malleable, and, -well - simple. A man that does not easily pick up on social and emotional cues himself. That's who she married.
    That's pretty much how his family described him. I'm sure they weren't putting him down, they obviously care about him, but that's how they explained away the fact that he knew nothing about her and didn't ask questions. It's in two of the news articles in the Media thread.
    She wouldn't have lasted a week in my family. They would have asked non-stop questions and with no responses except defensiveness they would have hired investigators, ran security checks, and all sorts of intrusively legal and not so legal ways of finding out more information. I just wish she had packed her bags and went on the run instead of taking her life. So unfortunate.

  12. #12
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    I did not quote anyone's post because this isn't directed at any specific comment. I just want to say that don't think FLEK was hiding some huge secret. I think she wanted to recreate herself and dissociate from her past.

    She was a very private person. She wasn't hiding anything illicit or running from anyone. But she was avoiding them. She was separate from her past, and her sense of self required that separation. FLEK married a man who could accept that.

    But it sounds like BR's family could not. They could not stop asking questions and making her feel ostracized. I think they were extremely critical. And it doesn't sound as if BR told them to back off.

    I think she had some mental instability, probably borderline traits or manic depressive traits. She defined herself by how much BR loved her, how much he defended their marriage, and how good of a mom she was.

    The issues with her in-laws (and who knows what else), caused her to slide downhill. Losing BR and her daughter, caused her self to crumble.

    Just MO, but some of it is based on my personal experiences.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sutton View Post
    I did not quote anyone's post because this isn't directed at any specific comment. I just want to say that don't think FLEK was hiding some huge secret. I think she wanted to recreate herself and dissociate from her past.

    She was a very private person. She wasn't hiding anything illicit or running from anyone. But she was avoiding them. She was separate from her past, and her sense of self required that separation. FLEK married a man who could accept that.

    But it sounds like BR's family could not. They could not stop asking questions and making her feel ostracized. I think they were extremely critical. And it doesn't sound as if BR told them to back off.

    I think she had some mental instability, probably borderline traits or manic depressive traits. She defined herself by how much BR loved her, how much he defended their marriage, and how good of a mom she was.

    The issues with her in-laws (and who knows what else), caused her to slide downhill. Losing BR and her daughter, caused her self to crumble.

    Just MO, but some of it is based on my personal experiences.
    RBBM - This! I also think the fertility treatments and pregnancy that wreaked havoc with her hormones probably helped destabilize her. Hypothetically, let's say BR is easily influenced by others and when caught in the middle of a tug of war, he would fall in with whoever was tugging the hardest.

    FWIW - I think his family wishes they had handled things differently when LEK was still alive. I am hopeful that their 20/20 hindsight enables them to raise LEK's daughter with a sense of compassion for her mother who wanted so desperately to bring her into the world. It is my belief that they are the kind of people who, had they known her "true story," would have embraced her, protected her, and been much more sensitive to her personality quirks. But the very nature of her personal struggle is what kept her introverted and emotionally closed off, and the walls she put up around herself were so defensive to outsiders that it made them feel snubbed and then suspicious. I also think BR's personality quirks contributed to the air of suspicion, because I'm sure the family drilled him with questions about her and he had no answers (mostly because it really wouldn't have occurred to him to ask LEK about this kind of stuff in the first place). And please understand that I am NOT saying BR is stupid or unintelligent...He's. Just. Different. (IMO)

  14. #14
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    I have always felt that Lori Erica Kennedy Ruff was running too something as opposed to away from something. I believe she was trying to remake herself from a life she was born into and did not like into the upper scales of society. The problem I have always had with this reasoning is that she did not just change her name. She removed her past. She was married and had a child with a man and never revealed any of her past. It is hard to rationalize that with the idea that she just wanted a fresh start. Sadly, I do think she was running from something in addition to running to a new life. Remarkably, I do think she was successful in running too the new life she wanted. She got herself an education, Married into a well to do family ect. Sadly, I think she failed to recognize you can not run from your past because it goes with you. Ultimately, I think that was her downfall. I think if we do find her identity we will uncover a very sad story. I am only sorry she was not able to make peace with her past so she could embrace the life she worked so hard to find.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fortbold View Post
    This post is so helpful, because it enables me to pose a question I'd like everyone to ponder...
    Consider that you're a woman with a terrible past, so terrible you did drastic and illegal things to escape it. You struggle to socialize, you're fearful of emotional intimacy yet you really want to have a child and family of your own. What kind of man would you marry?
    But maybe she did choose him to lead her to her desire in having a family, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she did something illegal or unfathomable. Kwim? Just playing the devil's advocate here....
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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