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The Killing Season - Websleuths

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
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    283

    Cancer and short tempers

    Hi everyone, I'm a new poster. Been reading in here on and off though for a year or so.

    My sister was diagnosed with a very serious cancer last year. I've noticed that this whole battle has definitely changed her. She had surgery, chemo, radiation, etc. Now sometimes she's very short-tempered about "little" things. Sometimes her temper explodes on something trivial and everybody just kinda tip-toes around her. She doesn't do this in front of strangers, just in front of certain family members that she's close to. This isn't all the time, it's when there is stress.

    Maybe Patsy had mood swings that only her immediate close family knew about, but to friends and outsiders she was loving, warm mother who doted on her children and everything was perfect.

    Maybe the stress of Christmas, parties, wrapping, traveling, packing, etc etc. (which would make anyone want to lose their minds at times) caught up to her, she was exhausted, and she maybe caught JB in the middle of the night sneaking pineapple when she should have been sleeping and that just set her off and she couldn't control her rage at that moment. Perhaps she didn't realize she hit her with something that hard...and then had to cover it up when she realized what she had done.

    Maybe she confided in JR, maybe not (but I'm sure he knows either way) and he just went along with her story because he knows maybe she doesn't always act right?? He just went along protecting her because he knew sometimes she could be "off".

    Just My Opinion.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Southern California Near Disneyland
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    1,170
    Hi Hunnydolll,

    Very good point! I've thought about the anger, rage, cancer combination many times because my sister has also gone through a very rough time with her cancer (not that all cancers aren't rough) and we've watched her personality change drastically.
    Three major life-saving emergency surgeries in 8 weeks and her surgeon having her on a very strong pain medication after each of the surgeries...well, my sister has become addicted.
    Not the addiction you see on TV, and not an addiction anyone outside the close family would notice. But an addiction where her temper is off the wall for the smallest of things.

    We don't know if it's the actual cancer, the treatments or the drugs but something has changed her temperament and it's not a nice thing to watch if you happen to be there when she's exploding.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    GenaBena, my only sibling,
    In the time line of life, it wasn't supposed to happen this way.
    We were supposed to grow old together.
    Sleep Peacefully, Li'l Sis
    October 16, 2011


    ~~~~~~~~~~

    Amity

    Consciousness:
    That annoying time between naps.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Florida's Treasure Coast
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    14,502
    I also explored the notion of an angry mother, but was thinking maybe over the wet bed. A perfect day with a trip planned early for the next day and there you are dealing with wet smelly sheets and pj's when all you wanted to do was crawl into bed.

    I had two children who wet to bed and its an upsetting experience no matter how many times it happens.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    261
    I can add my two cents as far as the chemo changing someone's personality 'cause it happened to my sister. It wasn't pretty. As soon as I heard that Patsy had cancer, that pretty much told me all I needed to know. That, and John making a beeline straight to the body.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    The Great State of Texas
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    7,445
    My experience is the exact opposite. Our friends (3) who we have known through bouts with cancer...one a stage 4
    was they were tired but GRATEFUL for each and every day.
    All that mattered was that they had one more day with their children, their family, their friends. No more stress from the "small stuff". Life was put into perspective VERY quickly. Bedwetting is nothing after you have been through a life changing experience like that.

    JMO

    Corpus Christi, Texas

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    713

    Smile Good post, Hunnydoll

    I agree with you. I had stage 3 breast cancer, and it ain't for sissies 9 1/2 years now I'm just telling you this, because everytime Patsy Ramsey said she had OC and knew what her priorites were, I used to cringe - sometimes cancer can clarify things, and sometimes they complicate things, but most of the time things stay pretty much the same. The same stuff that bothered you before C, bother you after and blah, blah, blah

    I think I know how your sister is feeling - usually, the diagnosis, surgery, treatment comes so fast, and doctors, etc., can seem so callous, that I think she might be going through post traumatic stress disorder. While all this stuff is going on, you don't have time to process it or think about it. Later, on, whether you know it or not, you're angry/sad/scared and a little nutzo from what you've been through - and self recognition of all these emotions is not upper most in your mind when going thru chemo/treatment - you're concentrating on getting better and suppressing these emotions. (and then you have all the goobers telling you that if only you have a positive attitude you'll get better - I positived all over the place and was still sick as hell - some people get better, and some don't, and that's pretty much it, my baby sissie died last year of OC) Hunnydoll, I don't know how close you are to your sister, but if you are close, you might want to tell her that her lashing out is a symptom of PTSD and she should tell her doctor because there are all kinds of treatments now - even physical therapy really helped me - the PT said I didn't have muscles in my neck, I had auto shocks, boing, boing, boing...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    10,403
    Quote Originally Posted by TexMex
    My experience is the exact opposite. Our friends (3) who we have known through bouts with cancer...one a stage 4
    was they were tired but GRATEFUL for each and every day.
    All that mattered was that they had one more day with their children, their family, their friends. No more stress from the "small stuff". Life was put into perspective VERY quickly. Bedwetting is nothing after you have been through a life changing experience like that.

    JMO
    That's the way it was with 2 of my friends that have died in the last couple of years. I have another friend that was sick last year, and is remission now, and she was cool as a cucumber. Her motto is "no bad days".

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Melbourne Australia
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    Quote Originally Posted by lighthouselover
    I can add my two cents as far as the chemo changing someone's personality 'cause it happened to my sister. It wasn't pretty. As soon as I heard that Patsy had cancer, that pretty much told me all I needed to know. That, and John making a beeline straight to the body.
    We have a lot of cancer in my family.My Dad has had cancer 4 times over the last 20 yrs.He is 'seasoned' to it and deals with it so well.each time he has had the most extensive Chemo.I think the first 2 times he had it he got very angry and bad tempered.The reason people get angry is because they feel really awful. We also must remember that Patsy would have had little energy and felt tired after all the chemo she went through. I do not think some people ever get over the radiation or chemotherapy they go through.Her hormones were probably everywhere also after the type of cancer she suffered.
    Cancer is a very harsh thing.Some people just 'handle' it better than others.
    I would like to know more about her cancer treatment.

  9. #9
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    Jul 2005
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    New England
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    1,812
    Quote Originally Posted by Beyond Belief
    I also explored the notion of an angry mother, but was thinking maybe over the wet bed. A perfect day with a trip planned early for the next day and there you are dealing with wet smelly sheets and pj's when all you wanted to do was crawl into bed.

    I had two children who wet to bed and its an upsetting experience no matter how many times it happens.
    I don't understand why some people think Patsy raged over JonBenet wetting the bed. I mean, so it's a wet bed---big deal. So it means you are throwing a set of sheets in the washer. End of story.

    Two of my kids were bedwetters, and honestly, I never viewed it as an upsetting experience. Seriously. I mean, it wasn't FUN, but it was never upsetting. My kids learned to take the sheets off their beds themselves and bring them downstairs to the laundry room. They had a waterproof mattress cover on their bed, and they would just wipe it down with a disinfecting wipe. Then I would make their beds with clean sheets---took me all of 2 minutes. No biggie. It's no different than them spilling a drink on the kitchen floor. That's just me, though---I don't sweat the small stuff. I know some people get upset and angry over it (although I don't know why, because it aint going to help the situation) but to actually surmise that it upset Patsy so much that she raged and brutally killed JonBenet, accidentally or on purpose, is really stretching it, IMO.

    TexMex-My friends who had cancer reacted the same way yours did. They cherished every day, every minute--especially with their children. Looking eye to eye with your own mortality and killing your kid just doesn't equate for me. Sure, anything is possible--we don't know what happened. But, don't you guys think that at the very least, you would want your children to live on---like, you would want to leave something in this world that says you were here, that you lived, and you wouldn't be forgotten? Especially if Patsy were so narcissistic like people say, very much "into herself"? She would want to make sure that she would be remembered after her death, and having children live on pretty much solidifies that, right?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    Florida's Treasure Coast
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    So no anger for the bedwetting, but the sheets would get thrown in the washer immediately. Thats what i did also. Did that happen in this case? Would that mean going to the basement? Would the fibers from the washcloth/towel be on JonBenet's body also?

    My little girls woke up screaming when there was an accident. And I wet to bed when I was small and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I woke up the whole house and everyone knew what was going on. Someone was usually yelling, "shut UP". Maybe we were just sensitive about things like that. LOL


  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by julianne
    I don't understand why some people think Patsy raged over JonBenet wetting the bed. I mean, so it's a wet bed---big deal. So it means you are throwing a set of sheets in the washer. End of story.

    Two of my kids were bedwetters, and honestly, I never viewed it as an upsetting experience. Seriously. I mean, it wasn't FUN, but it was never upsetting. My kids learned to take the sheets off their beds themselves and bring them downstairs to the laundry room. They had a waterproof mattress cover on their bed, and they would just wipe it down with a disinfecting wipe. Then I would make their beds with clean sheets---took me all of 2 minutes. No biggie. It's no different than them spilling a drink on the kitchen floor. That's just me, though---I don't sweat the small stuff. I know some people get upset and angry over it (although I don't know why, because it aint going to help the situation) but to actually surmise that it upset Patsy so much that she raged and brutally killed JonBenet, accidentally or on purpose, is really stretching it, IMO.

    TexMex-My friends who had cancer reacted the same way yours did. They cherished every day, every minute--especially with their children. Looking eye to eye with your own mortality and killing your kid just doesn't equate for me. Sure, anything is possible--we don't know what happened. But, don't you guys think that at the very least, you would want your children to live on---like, you would want to leave something in this world that says you were here, that you lived, and you wouldn't be forgotten? Especially if Patsy were so narcissistic like people say, very much "into herself"? She would want to make sure that she would be remembered after her death, and having children live on pretty much solidifies that, right?
    I am glad you had a good perspective in dealing with your bedwetters. I am aquainted with a family whose son is a bedwetter, and he is treated like the family idiot by his parents and sibling. I have been shocked to see the way this boy is treated as a result of his problem, and I think, if they're this awful in front of neighbors, what are they like behind closed doors?

    Not all parents of bedwetters are as patient or level-headed as you.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    10

    new poster too

    You are thinking exactly what i have been thinking.

    I think Patsy state of mind at the time would be very interesting to look into. My guess is that:
    • Having had cancer she would be wanting to make the most of every day - unfortunately i think she over-did this, with pagents and social events - thereby exhausting herself even more.
    • Have ridiculous expectations of making the "perfect life"
    • Knowing that she may not be around forever she was trying to cram alot (too much) into life, both hers and jonbenets.
    • Tired people/sick people = cranky people - i think she was short tempered at home.
    Christmas day I think she was

    • really looking forward to getting away - Christmas is great fun but also busy and stressful
    • dissapointed that jonbenet "rejected" her carefully chosed "perfect" gift.
    • dissapointed that Jonbenet had started to want to choose her own clothes and "rejected" the clothing choice Patsy had wanted her to wear.
    • Perhaps peeved off that Jonbenet (who was also not well - and maybe grumpy too) was starting to act like what she may have percieved as a spoilt brat at times.
    • really peeved off when she discovered that she had wet sheets to wash and dry before 6.30am the next morning
    • really peeved off that she had soiled pants that had been left and now would probably need to be soaked, washed and dried before 6.30am the next morning. (pretty much an annoying and even impossible task - soiled pant would need to be soaked quite a while to get the smell out.)
    Then I think about what Jonebent may have been like that day. Every-one says she was an angel - but just stop to think about it - maybe she was just a normal child who was frustrated, exhausted, a little spoilt, a bit ashamed of the whole toilet thing. I have a 5 year old daughter of my own and just reading about all the activities JB was part of I know for sure it would make my daughter tired, cranky and unresonable - cause she would be exhausted. Also my daughter has been a little spoilt and it has just been beginning to show now at age 5 - so i can imagine tha JB may have lately been showing some independance and attitudes that Patsy didn't like to see.

    I think JB would have been tired and trying Patsys patience because of:
    • some late nights (the night before she fell asleep in the car)
    • not feeling well that day
    • didnt like the special gift from Patsy - mom may feel she was ungrateful
    • didn't want to wear the clothes her mom picked out
    • stress/excitement of Christmas made her soil pants
    • wetting the bed

    I am thinking the whole thing was just a toilet rage incident that went very wrong. I am sure the parents were very upset and wish they could turn back the clock and the whole thing was just to try to take the blame off of them onto kidnappers or child molesters.

  13. #13
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    May 2005
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    Florida's Treasure Coast
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    Good post!

    I am also wondering, just wondering, if perhaps there was anger directed at the father because he didn't take the time to make sure JonBenet went potty before she went to bed.
    What time of night did this occur?
    Did anyone take the sheets to the washer? Was the washer in the basement

  14. #14
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    Aug 2006
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    10
    Quote Originally Posted by Beyond Belief
    Good post!

    I am also wondering, just wondering, if perhaps there was anger directed at the father because he didn't take the time to make sure JonBenet went potty before she went to bed.
    What time of night did this occur?
    Did anyone take the sheets to the washer? Was the washer in the basement
    in the photos the sheets are still on the bed, in other pictures i have seen the bed was stripped but i didnt see a plastic sheet. So not sure if there was a plastic sheet on it or not. Also not sure how often she would wet the bed. I am assuming she didnt wet the bed much because she had pull ups but didn't wear them, so perhaps she was over bed wetting for the most part.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Patsy was also plunged into menopause after her cancer surgery and I doubt if the dr. gave her any hormones at all due to the cancer. JonBenet was sick alot and could have been tired and cranky. Does anyone know whether those pants that were found were actually soiled or just a little spot from poor toileting? I thought someone once said that they were not soiled.

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