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Thread: 'Bullied' schoolgirl killed herself

  1. #1

    'Bullied' schoolgirl killed herself

    The head teacher of a school where two pupils killed themselves within days of each other has defended his anti-bullying policy at an inquest
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...ar/3451997.stm

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    That's so aweful. Can you imagine someone picking on you so bad you'd want to kill yourself? I can't.... I have a teenage stepdaughter and I am telling you, it's a heck of a lot different in highschool now than it was when I went. These kids are vicious, especially the girls. I am not surprised when I hear of a picked on kid killing their tormentors in other instances... where is the faculty when this happens?!

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    These parents need to take some responsibility themselves for what happened to their children. Apparently the young lady was taking her cues from the suicide of this young man and copied his method. But where did these two kids obtain enough painkillers to actually kill them? If I were local police I would be looking into that.

    Neither student mentioned bullying in the notes they left to be found after their deaths.

    "The school was very aware of the fact she was very, very unhappy."
    Well if the school was aware so were her parents. And ultimately it is the parents who are charged to act upon any serious threat. They should have possibly committed her to the mental ward of their local hospital.

    It appears she was an abrasive young lady who may very well have turned off her friends with her mannerisms. Parents should be tuned into their child and possibly they could have sought classes for her in dealing with others long before this tragedy occurred.

    The boy is said to have been bullied since the age of four! He was sixteen when he died. How do you hold a three year school responsible for such a thing? I have never understood parents who sat through year after year watching their child be bullied. There is no physical deformity on the boy that was beyond helping him to alter. A self esteem class... a church youth group that accepted him as he was... these things could have helped. He even makes references to his "friends" in a suicide note, so he wasn't without any friends.

    Maybe both of these kids were just terribly depressed. Maybe there was more going on with them than anything school related. At any rate, you simply can't hold the school responsible for an act that is a self choice. Both kids died at home, not in school.

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    I dunno... do you have a teenager? They're strange creatures. The girls at my small town school were putting their own turds into a girl's locker that they didn't like. Some parents don't even send their kids to school in proper winter clothing.. you think they're going to listen if their kid has a problem?
    Thats why schools look out and if they see something wrong, they let somebody know. Thats why we have school counselrs and peer advisors. Kids also don't always tell their parents.

    I agree with you on the painkillers. UNLESS she got them from school. At our highschool there is a big problem with kids stealing their parents or familiy's oxycontin and selling it. Go figure...

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by sansoucie
    That's so aweful. Can you imagine someone picking on you so bad you'd want to kill yourself? I can't.... I have a teenage stepdaughter and I am telling you, it's a heck of a lot different in highschool now than it was when I went. These kids are vicious, especially the girls. I am not surprised when I hear of a picked on kid killing their tormentors in other instances... where is the faculty when this happens?!

    How sad. Some of those gals who slipped throught the cracks of yesteryear might have grown up and hang about close. Bullies are bullies. So sad that little gal let it depress her, along with other things we assume, and that she felt she had no outlet to express her true inner feelings about what bothered her. Whenever one takes one's life, it is sad beyond belief for those left behind. The pain might never go away.

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    Whenever one takes one's life, it is sad beyond belief for those left behind. The pain might never go away.

    This is very true, What can one do for that person ?

  7. #7
    Perhaps you could ask the family of that poor little gal mentioned in the topic of this post...???? It would be a good start for you who want to help. JMO

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imon128
    Perhaps you could ask the family of that poor little gal mentioned in the topic of this post...???? It would be a good start for you who want to help. JMO

    Maybe I will...maybe I will ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imon128
    How sad. Some of those gals who slipped throught the cracks of yesteryear might have grown up and hang about close. Bullies are bullies. So sad that little gal let it depress her, along with other things we assume, and that she felt she had no outlet to express her true inner feelings about what bothered her. Whenever one takes one's life, it is sad beyond belief for those left behind. The pain might never go away.

    well the other option for kids that have been bullied also has been bad...remember Columbine. Those boys were bullied by their peers too.

  10. #10
    I think there are more than two options...JMO, though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imon128
    I think there are more than two options...JMO, though.

    you are right there are more than two options, but obviously those two options have been taken. We as a society need to stop looking the other way at bullies and take it seriously.

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    I agree

    Quote Originally Posted by linnafay
    you are right there are more than two options, but obviously those two options have been taken. We as a society need to stop looking the other way at bullies and take it seriously.
    I agree. Bullies should not be tolerated at school, but I doubt if it will change much outside of grade school. Kids spend hours every day at school and it takes up the majority of their life. They all just want to be accepted and to fit into a group. Adults would never keep working at a job where they are treated that way. Parents are the main ones responsible in my opinion. The parents of a bully has to see some sign of it, such as laughing at certain people because of looks. Parents of depressed children should be able to see it somehow and get help. Unfortunately, help may not be available due to lack of health insurance, lack of money, or the time to be able to home school.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imon128
    Whenever one takes one's life, it is sad beyond belief for those left behind. The pain might never go away.
    that is so true Imon, my father committed suicide 8 years ago and believe me the pain never goes away, ever. for those left behind the grief is enormous. for every suicide at least 6 people are severly affected by it and suicide is one of the main causes of death, leaving so many people behind.
    Only my opinions!

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Babcat
    Well if the school was aware so were her parents. And ultimately it is the parents who are charged to act upon any serious threat. They should have possibly committed her to the mental ward of their local hospital.
    Nopety, nope, nope. Lemme tell you the story of a person in a class of mine. 14 years old, ninth grade. Some girls in the class decided they didn't like this person. Poured hand lotion in this kid's hair, while in the class. The teacher did nothing. It got so out of hand one of the tables got turned over. The teacher did nothing. The kid went to the school counselors. They moved the kid to a different class, but other than that, did nothing. Parents were not notified. Kid did not tell-too embarrassed.

    Kids being bullied are EMBARRASSED that it is happening. They think they should be able to do something, but don't have any idea what to do. Going to the school gets you ZIPITY-DO-DAH in middle school and above.

    AND YOU HAVE TO SEND YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL. You can't keep them home if they are being bullied at school. You lose. Too bad. The schools want their money. (they don't get paid if a student stays home when they aren't sick)

    I'm am very happy some people had such wonderful home and school life that they never witnessed any of this. But the rest of us live in a different world, where the parents have no idea, and not due to negligence, exactly how their children think. ( I have similar problem with my 7 year old. I understand my four year old completely, but my oldest has always been a mystery to me. Scares me to death.)
    Just the facts, Ma'am.

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    My son was bullied and the school did nothing...the police did nothing and even a state cop was unable to do anything...In some cases the parents of the bullies are as bad as their kids... My son was determined at 11-12 years old that these thugs would not push him out of school. But the struggle took a toll...I was proud of him...He begged me not to get involved BUT I feared physical violence. I ended up sending my son who was very depressed to live out of state with his father....it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life...and nearly caused me to take my own life due to the heartache . (His father denied me visitaiion, contact etc. at various times. ) Our relationship is very good today. I feared for his life ..or that he would explode at school....I have tremendous empathy for the school shooter Andy Williams as he looked like my son at 13,14 when he killed two kids...If you ever read his story it is heartbreaking what that kid went through. He was beaten, kids burned him with cigarettes, they stole his skateboard twice...and two weeks before he did the shooting his best friend was killed in an accident. This kid was completely alone...living with his dad..mom on other side of the country..They have a website for him...He planned to kill himself at the school and chickened out... I could have seen my son do the same and wouldn't have blamed him.....It is a BIG problem.......

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    Ghostwheel,

    The parents of both of these children made statements to the press that they knew about the bullying. The one family claimed the boy had been bullied from age four despite many school changes. They also acknowledged that neither child had made reference to any bullying in suicide notes. One of the two children left more than one note... and still no reference. The boys that carried out the slaughter at Columbine before turning the guns on themselves made no secret of feeling as if they had been bullied.

    I'd like to know how both kids got their hands on enough narcotic painkillers to kill them, for on thing. But the main point is that if you know you have a son who has been bullied since age four and you've even switched schools a number of times... you know that child is at risk... more so than the school can possibly know it.

    Sancousie,

    I dunno... do you have a teenager? They're strange creatures. The girls at my small town school were putting their own turds into a girl's locker that they didn't like. Some parents don't even send their kids to school in proper winter clothing.. you think they're going to listen if their kid has a problem?
    Yes... I do have a teenager... and two younger kids, eleven and nine. Isn't the point you make supporting my idea that this goes back to the parents and family much more so than the school? If parents can't send their kids in proper clothing how do they expect those kids to cope in a school? And blaming the school is ridiculous. If they don't listen if their teen tries to open up about a problem... that's their fault... not the school's fault.

    And the "counselors" in schools have misleading titles. They are there to counsel students on which classes to take to boost their chances at good GPAs and college acceptance. They are not mental health counselors unless they expressly say so.

  17. #17
    A Northumberland teenager who killed himself had been bullied at school since the age of four, an inquest has heard
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...ar/3434451.stm

    A teenage boy who apparently killed himself after he was bullied was the victim of an alleged rape, police said on Monday
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...ar/3013448.stm

    Children's rights campaigner Esther Rantzen is highlighting the problem of school bullying during a visit to the north-east of England
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/3044856.stm

  18. #18
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    The thing that disturbs me is that kids will not accept anyone who does not conform to their group. I would mention to my son that often the people picked on in school became unique personalities and sometimes STars...like Janice Joplin....I think kids need to work on accepting diversity amongst themselves...For a kid....this is their whole world....and it is torturous fro them to endure this day after day....By the way...in my sons case...The father of one particular bully Threatened my son himself . He urged some of his friends to stay away from hi. And told them he was going to bang my sons head against a curb til he bled.--THIS is an adult!!!!. I got a lawyer and brought him and the kid to court...the mediator in court was great...he took statements from all of the boys...Then told them all he knew MY son was telling the truth and that they should cease their bullying OR end up in juvenile court from here on in...Unfortunately at that point my son was burnt out and still wished to move away to his Dads... But I tell ya I wanted to clock that Dad AND his wife...these parents were nasty people.!!!

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by smellsarat
    The thing that disturbs me is that kids will not accept anyone who does not conform to their group. I would mention to my son that often the people picked on in school became unique personalities and sometimes STars...like Janice Joplin....I think kids need to work on accepting diversity amongst themselves...For a kid....this is their whole world....and it is torturous fro them to endure this day after day....By the way...in my sons case...The father of one particular bully Threatened my son himself . He urged some of his friends to stay away from hi. And told them he was going to bang my sons head against a curb til he bled.--THIS is an adult!!!!. I got a lawyer and brought him and the kid to court...the mediator in court was great...he took statements from all of the boys...Then told them all he knew MY son was telling the truth and that they should cease their bullying OR end up in juvenile court from here on in...Unfortunately at that point my son was burnt out and still wished to move away to his Dads... But I tell ya I wanted to clock that Dad AND his wife...these parents were nasty people.!!!
    Sometimes, that applies to adults, too. I've witnessed this. I also saw a show on Oprah one time where the bullies as adults who had changed their ways, were truly sorry, but did that erase the pain inflicted on their young victims? Also, how many of the young bullies grow up to be big bullies? I'm so sorry for the victim of the topic of this thread, and her family. Hopefully, children's rights advocates can make this a situation that will help young bullies grow up to be functioning adults and stop the terrorism, hazings, etc., that parenting of some adults seem to perpetuate. Some things in life should not be an option, bullying is one, IMO.

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    I didn't blame the school, I didn't blame the parents, I have a teenager, and 2 younger kids and I feel the school.. where my children spend the majority of their day, is responsible for providing a safe atmosphere. My daughter in kindergarden a few yrs a go got her pants pulled down by 2 boys on the play ground no less than 3 times and the playground monitor did nothing, wasn't looking, didn't hear her screaming, and when they finally did get around to nopticing they didn't call me or tell me. I had to drag it out of my child exactly what happened. When I called the principal she said she can't help it, kids learned things at home and she couldn't watch them the whole time. Thats where I made my safe atmosphere statement, took it to the super and board. Police were called and it was determined that the school was at fault FOR NOT PROVIDING A SAFE ATMOSPHERE AND NOT PROVIDING PROPER PLAYGROUND SUPERVISION. When you have charge over someone else's children you DO take a hefty responsibility. Our counselors ARE certified for counseling on a variety of issues... not just classes.

    No, I am not supporting your blaming the parents. The parents can't be at school with their children.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sansoucie
    I didn't blame the school, I didn't blame the parents, I have a teenager, and 2 younger kids and I feel the school.. where my children spend the majority of their day, is responsible for providing a safe atmosphere. My daughter in kindergarden a few yrs a go got her pants pulled down by 2 boys on the play ground no less than 3 times and the playground monitor did nothing, wasn't looking, didn't hear her screaming, and when they finally did get around to nopticing they didn't call me or tell me. I had to drag it out of my child exactly what happened. When I called the principal she said she can't help it, kids learned things at home and she couldn't watch them the whole time. Thats where I made my safe atmosphere statement, took it to the super and board. Police were called and it was determined that the school was at fault FOR NOT PROVIDING A SAFE ATMOSPHERE AND NOT PROVIDING PROPER PLAYGROUND SUPERVISION. When you have charge over someone else's children you DO take a hefty responsibility. Our counselors ARE certified for counseling on a variety of issues... not just classes.

    No, I am not supporting your blaming the parents. The parents can't be at school with their children.
    I agree with you in that the school MUST provide a safe atmosphere and couselors ARE there for personal problems, not just to advise on classes. Sometimes, you have to just take the bull by the horns and make the principal understand that you want something done, and done now. My elementary school where my kids went knew me well! One of my kids had a teacher that picked on him, also ... you don't mess with my kids, man! I always take up for them, when I know they aren't in the wrong, because no one else is going to, and kids are at the mercy of the adults (teachers) when they're at school. I have gotten personally involved more than once when I felt it was necessary, and it took some *****in to get it done. Obviously, I don't have problem speaking my mind! LOL

    Truthfully, it takes the parents and school officials to take responsibility, not just one or the other.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sansoucie
    I didn't blame the school, I didn't blame the parents, I have a teenager, and 2 younger kids and I feel the school.. where my children spend the majority of their day, is responsible for providing a safe atmosphere. My daughter in kindergarden a few yrs a go got her pants pulled down by 2 boys on the play ground no less than 3 times and the playground monitor did nothing, wasn't looking, didn't hear her screaming, and when they finally did get around to nopticing they didn't call me or tell me. I had to drag it out of my child exactly what happened. When I called the principal she said she can't help it, kids learned things at home and she couldn't watch them the whole time. Thats where I made my safe atmosphere statement, took it to the super and board. Police were called and it was determined that the school was at fault FOR NOT PROVIDING A SAFE ATMOSPHERE AND NOT PROVIDING PROPER PLAYGROUND SUPERVISION. When you have charge over someone else's children you DO take a hefty responsibility. Our counselors ARE certified for counseling on a variety of issues... not just classes.

    No, I am not supporting your blaming the parents. The parents can't be at school with their children.

    The better behaved the children...the less policing needed.. AND the behavior of these kids is shaped by the parents.That is the ROOT of the problem.

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    Wow there are so many differing opinions on this subject, I am hoping some of you can give me some suggestions as how to handle this subject with my son. While I can't say he is out and out being bullied, there is another boy in his class who has consistently made fun of my son one way or another since they were in the first grade (they are now in fourth grade). It always involves something regarding my son's physical appearance, i.e., he has freckles, dark circles under his eyes, his current haircut, his shoe size, just stupid stuff. My son is a very sensitive kid and and takes all of this to heart. He also is compassionate and will step in to defend anyone else that is being teased or picked on, but he will not stand up for himself. When he was in the first grade he would actually cry in the morning before school and ask me to put concealer under his eyes because this kid was teasing him about having dark circles. The teasing by this particular kid has eased up over the past year or so, but still occasionally he will still find something to tease my child about, most recently the fact that my son is smaller than him. To date, I have not been able to convince him that this kid is probably teasing him out of jealousy. The teaser is a little bit overweight and I am convinced that is the reason he teases my son. I tried to talk to the boys parents, but they feel it is just "boys being boys" and they will not even address it with their son (and this man is a physician!). Am I missing something? Does anyone have any other angle to point out to him? Any input would be appreciated!

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    Quote Originally Posted by nixmom
    Wow there are so many differing opinions on this subject, I am hoping some of you can give me some suggestions as how to handle this subject with my son. While I can't say he is out and out being bullied, there is another boy in his class who has consistently made fun of my son one way or another since they were in the first grade (they are now in fourth grade). It always involves something regarding my son's physical appearance, i.e., he has freckles, dark circles under his eyes, his current haircut, his shoe size, just stupid stuff. My son is a very sensitive kid and and takes all of this to heart. He also is compassionate and will step in to defend anyone else that is being teased or picked on, but he will not stand up for himself. When he was in the first grade he would actually cry in the morning before school and ask me to put concealer under his eyes because this kid was teasing him about having dark circles. The teasing by this particular kid has eased up over the past year or so, but still occasionally he will still find something to tease my child about, most recently the fact that my son is smaller than him. To date, I have not been able to convince him that this kid is probably teasing him out of jealousy. The teaser is a little bit overweight and I am convinced that is the reason he teases my son. I tried to talk to the boys parents, but they feel it is just "boys being boys" and they will not even address it with their son (and this man is a physician!). Am I missing something? Does anyone have any other angle to point out to him? Any input would be appreciated!
    Nixmom ...I am going to send your question to my son...who has come a long way from a similar situation,...I do know he used humor to deflect the creeps who bothered him...I wil let you know what he says..
    And that man is a doctor...he should be ashamed!! ignorant Jackass!!

  25. #25
    I'm so sorry your boy is going through that Nixmom. Its heartbreaking when a child is teased like that. Maybe you and he could think up one line combacks that he can think of in his head, but not say. Know what I mean? He'll think the comeback and smile to himself and the boy won't even know what happened. The boy will eventually get tired of it having no effect on your son and go away. This worked for my oldest boy. Some kid was bothering him because I was divorced and my son's father lived in a different state. My son would think up all kinds of stuff he could say in response and just smiled and walked away.

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