Why didn't the parents hire someone to watch the children?

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NewMom2003

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I'm new to this case. I briefly followed it when Maddie was first reported missing. I really thought she was kidnapped by a pedophile. :(

Now that the parents are named as suspects, I'm reading more about the case. I'm still on the fence but am leaning towards the parents being guilty of this child's death and covering it up. At the very least they are guilty of negligence for leaving three small children alone while they partied. :mad: :furious:

My big question is why did these two educated doctors leave their three children alone in a room at their vacation resort? Why didn't they pay for childcare?

It's obvious to me that money wasn't the issue, so why?
 
Something I'd like to express about the whole vacation-with-kids thing.

When I was a kid, we didn't take expensive vacations. We went camping and did other things with our parents. When Mom and Dad wanted to go to a resort, we were left at home with our grandparents. There was a big distinction between "kid holidays" and "parent holidays".

My spouse and I have noticed, with a lot of dismay, that this has changed. We once traveled to an expensive resort in Mexico, only to find it occupied by families with really small kids. Now we have grown kids of our own, so we're not kid haters, but we just felt that environment was not really too appropriate for young kids. In fact, the kids were being left alone at the pool, were noisy/running around, etc. The kids who did have parents there, the parents were ingesting a lot of alcohol and were pretty much NOT watching or engaged in the situations with their kids. Not really a relaxing time for us kid-free folks, if you ask me. We've also noticed this in Las Vegas as well, kids in strollers in casinos, LATE AT NIGHT, etc.

Again, I'm not kid bashing, but I feel there are a lot of selfish people out there who drag kids on holidays that have nothing to do with the kids, but about the parents and their need to party. I felt this way right away when I heard about the McCann's and it bothers me. If people want to go on holiday and party day and night, more power to them. But I think they should leave the children home with grandparents or other relatives. I think that kids are dragged along because parents work a lot and the kids are in daycare a lot anyway. So the parents take them on these trips because they feel guilty and think that taking them along somewhere totally inappropriate is what being a good parent is all about.... :confused: Then when they get there, they ignore them, drag them around or deposit them in a daycare at the resort. I don't get the logic.
 
rmf said:

Again, I'm not kid bashing, but I feel there are a lot of selfish people out there who drag kids on holidays that have nothing to do with the kids, but about the parents and their need to party. I felt this way right away when I heard about the McCann's and it bothers me. If people want to go on holiday and party day and night, more power to them. But I think they should leave the children home with grandparents or other relatives. I think that kids are dragged along because parents work a lot and the kids are in daycare a lot anyway, so the parents feel guilty and think that taking them along somewhere totally inappropriate is what being a good parent is all about.... :confused: I don't get the logic.
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I agree. It is possible that they took other vacations that were ALL about the kids and this one was more about the parents. Please do not take that to mean I don't STRONGLY condemn them for leaving children unattended. It's disgusting, absolutely. But I wonder if they preferred to have them along so they didn't have to go the whole time without seeing them at all, but, ultimately this was a grown up thing.

I could see myself doing a similar thing. If I could afford to, one vacay that's kids, kids, kids - no babysitters, a few days at a Disney resort or somewhere equally kid-great and ALL about kids....not even a hour for grown up time apart. And one more (oh, the luxury) with a known, trusted babysitter EVERY night (yeah, I said it!) but with them along so you don't miss each other too much, but it's really mommy and daddy time.
 
When you are a parent, you are one 24/7. Can't have it both ways.
 
SleuthMom said:
When you are a parent, you are one 24/7. Can't have it both ways.
Click to expand...

So you think my scenario is bad?? I think for one week a year you just might be able to have it both ways.

Plenty of parents hold full time jobs when they are away from their kids. Kids go on trips with other kids or schools. What's so wrong with what I said?
 
I totally hear what you're saying.

What I see happening more and more with some people with kids is that the kids come along and are expected to ADAPT to the parents' lifestyle and not visa-versa. When you have kids, things CHANGE. You no longer have the freedom you did before and you have a lot more responsibility. I see more and more that people just expect the kids to fit into the lifestyle that existed before they came along, when (IMHO) it should be the other way around.


Brefie said:
I agree. It is possible that they took other vacations that were ALL about the kids and this one was more about the parents. Please do not take that to mean I don't STRONGLY condemn them for leaving children unattended. It's disgusting, absolutely. But I wonder if they preferred to have them along so they didn't have to go the whole time without seeing them at all, but, ultimately this was a grown up thing.

I could see myself doing a similar thing. If I could afford to, one vacay that's kids, kids, kids - no babysitters, a few days at a Disney resort or somewhere equally kid-great and ALL about kids....not even a hour for grown up time apart. And one more (oh, the luxury) with a known, trusted babysitter EVERY night (yeah, I said it!) but with them along so you don't miss each other too much, but it's really mommy and daddy time.
Click to expand...
 
If you go back and read the early interviews with the McCanns, Kate repeatedly says that the resort felt so safe. It was family friendly and felt so "safe." Gerry says it was like dining in the garden (of your own home) they were so close to the room.

I have heard that they reportedly did not want to leave the children with strangers, but I have never actually read that in a direct quote from the McCanns. It could be there, I just haven't read it for myself yet.

I'm grateful we have the links that Colomom and others provided early on, because it's getting harder and harder to get to the actual news articles with so many blog opinions and forum opinions coming up on the searches.

http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid=1590&id=1223682007

Here is one article that talks about how safe they felt.

One interesting thing that Kate says is, "I'm sure people will learn from our mistake, if you want to call it that."
 
This is the million dollar question. One I have not found an answer to and one I have not gotten over. I don't understand!!!!!!!

Educated, working DOCTORS. These guys keep scoring points for being doctors. I find that incredible! I think they should lose points everytime someone mentions that they are DOCTORS. What the hell kind of doctors are they? After everything they went through in med school, emergency room stints (as part of training) and seeing office patients - how could they have possibly thought that it was okay to leave 3 babies unattended for any length of time? How?

I don't get it. I know I keep asking this question in my same frustrated tone of typing, but I can't seem to say it strongly enough. I don't get it.

Salem
 
Many young people move about the country - mostly job related - and don't necessarily have a connection with their parents or someone who would watch their children while they take an extended vacation. If they have the $ to take the kids along, they do so. This does not mean it's appropriate, only that this is a possible reason it's done.
 
Brefie said:
So you think my scenario is bad?? I think for one week a year you just might be able to have it both ways.

Plenty of parents hold full time jobs when they are away from their kids. Kids go on trips with other kids or schools. What's so wrong with what I said?
Click to expand...

I don't think that the other poster meant to offend. I also think that most reasonable parents would not ever dream of leaving their children asleep in an unlocked apartment in a foreign country. The sad part to me is that people like the McCanns wouldn't dream of leaving their purse or wallet in an unlocked room, but would leave the kids there. Just like the people we saw leaving 4 year olds at a pool alone. That pretty much sums up where the "values" in situations like that reside. :(
 
When I was a kid, we would go camping and be gone having fun all day and didn't see our parents sometimes until dinner. We also used to be able to play outside until the street lights came on. How many of us who are now parents can say the same thing is true for our kids? Not many I would guess. Its a different time. I don't know how or why the number of predators of children have increased (or even if it has), but we simply cannot allow our children to be by themselves any more. Mind you I'm not saying that its EVER okay to leave two-year old twins and a three-year old alone. What I am saying is this has nothing to do with how things were when we were kids.
 
Trino said:
Many young people move about the country - mostly job related - and don't necessarily have a connection with their parents or someone who would watch their children while they take an extended vacation. If they have the $ to take the kids along, they do so. This does not mean it's appropriate, only that this is a possible reason it's done.
Click to expand...

Maybe I'm old, but when I was growing up, if there was not an appropriate caregiver, the adults didn't GO. Again, I'm a relic so that may be why.
 
rmf said:
I don't think that the other poster meant to offend. I also think that most reasonable parents would not ever dream of leaving their children asleep in an unlocked apartment in a foreign country. The sad part to me is that people like the McCanns wouldn't dream of leaving their purse or wallet in an unlocked room, but would leave the kids there. Just like the people we saw leaving 4 year olds at a pool alone. That pretty much sums up where the "values" in situations like that reside. :(
Click to expand...


:woohoo: Too lazy to hunt down the clapping hands smilies. But clap clap clap. Honk Honk Honk! :crazy: Great post! Do you get the picture yet?
 
Brefie, nothing wrong with what you said, it is your opinion. :) I think parenthood is a FULL TIME job and one you are never "released" from. In the case of the Mc Canns I fully understand the need of wanted to spend some "adult" time, that's absolutely understandable BUT we are speaking about a couple with THREE children THREE and UNDER. ANY parent knows that there is a period of time when your kids are that small that you are basically devote MOST of your time to them, having little or no time for yourself. That's PART of what parenthood is all about. It seems like the Mc Cann's couple did not accept that and they wanted to have it both ways...by having children AND at the same time enjoying themselves when these kids were left alone in a foreign country for several days while they party with friends. It IS possible to probably have it "both" ways once your kids are OLDER but definitely NOT at the age of the Mc Cann's kids. Let's also mention that these kids did not come as an "accident", they came through IV...meaning they were obviously "wanted". Unfortunately, there are many people who want kids but they are NOT willing to do what it takes to be a parent. I think this is the case of Kate and Gerry. The way they behaved with regards to their kids in that holiday in Portugal, speaks volumes to me of the kind of concern, care and regards they have for their own kids. Obviously, Kate and Gerry's "needs" were HIGHER than the needs of their kids. That's not what parenthood is all about. Hence, once you become a parent...you are a parent for life.
 
Jeana (DP) said:
When I was a kid, we would go camping and be gone having fun all day and didn't see our parents sometimes until dinner. We also used to be able to play outside until the street lights came on. How many of us who are now parents can say the same thing is true for our kids? Not many I would guess. Its a different time. I don't know how or why the number of predators of children have increased (or even if it has), but we simply cannot allow our children to be by themselves any more. Mind you I'm not saying that its EVER okay to leave two-year old twins and a three-year old alone. What I am saying is this has nothing to do with how things were when we were kids.
Click to expand...

Same for me too, I am 29. On summer break, I could be gone until dark (after dinner, not since morning). If I were a child now, I doubt I would be allowed out of the back yard...and only then because it was nearly impossible to get into if you didn't come through the house.
My mother was so afraid of everything that I never had a bike as a child. YET, I could be out of sight until it started to get dark. THAT for me is a huge testament to how times have REALLY changed. I don;t think there are more evil-doers, I just think they got brave.
 
"When I was a kid, we would go camping and be gone having fun all day and didn't see our parents sometimes until dinner. We also used to be able to play outside until the street lights came on. How many of us who are now parents can say the same thing is true for our kids? Not many I would guess. Its a different time. I don't know how or why the number of predators of children have increased (or even if it has), but we simply cannot allow our children to be by themselves any more. Mind you I'm not saying that its EVER okay to leave two-year old twins and a three-year old alone. What I am saying is this has nothing to do with how things were when we were kids."

I TOTALLY AGREE. We, too, were allowed to play outside until the street lights came on. Also, very often, our parents would sit outside, in front of our house, and watch us kids as we played. Times WERE really different in those days! I can remember MANY blissful times outside playing with all the neighborhood kids. But these were the days when neighbors were neighborly -- when everyone looked out for one another -- when folks actually left their doors unlocked (not that I would ever recommend doing that, but then, people did.) I can remember my mom's friends in the neighborhood entering our home, sometimes with cup of coffee in hand, asking if she was home/around! I can't even imagine that happening in these times -- our doors are always locked. I won't even open the door unless I either know who is at the door, or unless I am expecting someone.

Oh God, I hope with all my heart that these parents didn't have anything to do with Madeleine's disappearance. But my heart sank when I read that these three little ones had been left all alone while their parents were out. My hinky meter went off when I read that one. Almost reminds me of the Ramsey case all over again...:mad:
 
SleuthMom said:
Brefie, nothing wrong with what you said, it is your opinion. :) I think parenthood is a FULL TIME job and one you are never "released" from. In the case of the Mc Canns I fully understand the need of wanted to spend some "adult" time, that's absolutely understandable BUT we are speaking about a couple with THREE children THREE and UNDER. ANY parent knows that there is a period of time when your kids are that small that you are basically devote MOST of your time to them, having little or no time for yourself. That's PART of what parenthood is all about. It seems like the Mc Cann's couple did not accept that and they wanted to have it both ways...by having children AND at the same time enjoying themselves when these kids were left alone in a foreign country for several days while they party with friends. It IS possible to probably have it "both" ways once your kids are OLDER but definitely NOT at the age of the Mc Cann's kids. Let's also mention that these kids did not come as an "accident", they came through IV...meaning they were obviously "wanted". Unfortunately, there are many people who want kids but they are NOT willing to do what it takes to be a parent. I think this is the case of Kate and Gerry. The way they behaved with regards to their kids in that holiday in Portugal, speaks volumes to me of the kind of concern, care and regards they have for their own kids. Obviously, Kate and Gerry's "needs" were HIGHER than the needs of their kids. That's not what parenthood is all about. Hence, once you become a parent...you are a parent for life.
Click to expand...

Gotcha. You should know that I do not have children yet. Crap, I don't even have a job at the moment, so my fantasies of nannies and 2 vacations a year are just that - fantasies!! :D LOLOL....I think even we can crack a smile now and again.

Seriously, though, I do get that in my fantasy world, should the kids need me to stay home if they were sick or sad, I would not hesitate.
 
The parents didn't hire someone to watch the children because one of them was missing and they had a plan, IMO...could be wrong, at this moment, that's what I think. Or they were just extremely selfish and just didn't care, I don't know?
 
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