Afghans arrange marriages for toddler brides

"It's a very common problem. I know people in my own family who were engaged this way," said Orzala Ashraf, founder of Humanitarian Assistance for the Women and Children of Afghanistan. "The engagement happens before birth in some cases."

"We are Pashtun people. If we engage them, there is no way to separate them. They will marry," Najiba said. "In our tribe, it is like this. When they get engaged, they cannot divorce."

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deandaniellws said:

So in other words..women are treated like cattle. They have no rights.

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kgeaux said:

And this poor baby, engaged to her first cousin.....a 'gift' from her daddy to his sister! Dear, dear God.

The president of Iran stood before the UN and gave a speech mourning how women are disrespected in western cultures....we don't love and respect, cherish our women, like they do in Iran and other Islamic cultures. We don't have good "family values" like they do.

Guess we're mighty ignorant over here. Shoot, we're so fricking stupid that we don't marry off our babies, stone our 16 year old daughters who've been raped, burn our wives alive when we tire of them, etc. We really SHOULD learn to "respect" our women like those Islamic cultures do, shouldn't we? :razz:

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southcitymom said:

Arranged marriages are the norm in a number of cultures. It is very hard for us in the West to understand.

I know three married couples from India whose marriages were arranged by their families when they are very young. All three of these women prefer the way of arranged marriage to what we have over here. They make some good points about its benefits to family and to culture.

Historically, marriage is an institution that treats and puts women in the "one down" position.

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csds703 said:

The few woman I know who are in arranged marriages are also happy. They say that it is less stressful than playing the mating game we play here. The marriage vows are respected and their families are intact. The interesting thing to me is that they are also in love with their husbands and vice versa. I'm glad it worked out for them.
I guess there are pros and cons to everything.

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Marthatex said:

I just finished A Thousand Spendid Suns, by K. Hosseini (the author of Kite Runner), which is about the life of two Afghan women. It's fiction, but since Hosseini is from Afghanistan himself, he speaks truth about the life and political fabric of Afghanistan.

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csds703 said:

The few woman I know who are in arranged marriages are also happy. They say that it is less stressful than playing the mating game we play here. The marriage vows are respected and their families are intact. The interesting thing to me is that they are also in love with their husbands and vice versa. I'm glad it worked out for them.
I guess there are pros and cons to everything.

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angelmom said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with it IF IF the bride or groom were allowed to change their minds without repurcussions.

Being coerced or forced into a marriage is illegal in the US for a good reason, and should be illegal everywhere.

Consumating such a marriage (where one or both parties have been forced or coerced) is rape.

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southcitymom said:

This has been my experience with those I know as well - and I really do hear what they say and they seem committed and loving. It's just a different tradition than what we have on going here in the West - I don't see it as better or worse.

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kgeaux said:

I know this is part of another culture, and I am a BIG culture freak since my own hubby is not from USA. If I look at arranged marriages by itself, I can see it like you do. But I see arranged marriages as part of a culture that denies women adequate medical care---there are women in the world today pointing to a spot on a little doll to show where it hurts! because they can't disrobe in front of the male physician!---denies women the chance of an education, the right to have custody of their own children if the man leaves the marriage, etc. It's just one more way of denying the worth and value of a woman, IMO.

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Paladin said:

We have people here in the US who are denied adequate medical care.

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angelmom said:

Not because it's illegal for them to receive it, or because the woman and/or the doctor could be stoned to death for the "shame" of it.

It is, in fact, illegal for anyone in the US to be turned away from an emergency room if they need care. Not to say that it never happens, or that the wait isn't horrendous at times, or that the care is the best in the world. But no one is telling people who are ill that they will be killed or imprisoned if a doctor examines them.

I guess the only time that would be true is if you are a criminal, and going to the ER might lead to some investigation. In which case, it is not the same thing as just being denied care because of your sex.

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Paladin said:

That's not the point I was trying to make. Both cultures have people who are denied medical care because of something stupid.

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angelmom said:

Sorry, I guess I didn't understand the "stupid" thing in the US that you were referring to. I don't think that here it is a deliberate denial of care, just a symptom of economics that we don't have working as efficiently or effectively as needed. In my mind that is totally different than saying that no one who is a female can get medical care, just because.

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