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  1. #1
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    Intersting study on children...

    Please do not think I am being horrid and saying single moms are unfit. Some of the best moms I know are single, they have to be the best, they are giving love for 2 parents and running a house with no help. I just wanted to post this as something to think on when dating with young kids. It isn't just the kids in danger of abuse, mom is in danger too.I just thought it might be interesting to read on, that's all. i am just so tired of reading all these threads about kids getting killed by mom's boyfriend, this is in no way a judgement on anyone at all! The attached article is also good but sad.
    http://www.fathercare.org/parent.htm Go down about halfway for stats.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21838575/

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2sisters View Post
    Please do not think I am being horrid and saying single moms are unfit. Some of the best moms I know are single, they have to be the best, they are giving love for 2 parents and running a house with no help. I just wanted to post this as something to think on when dating with young kids. It isn't just the kids in danger of abuse, mom is in danger too.I just thought it might be interesting to read on, that's all. i am just so tired of reading all these threads about kids getting killed by mom's boyfriend, this is in no way a judgement on anyone at all! The attached article is also good but sad.
    http://www.fathercare.org/parent.htm Go down about halfway for stats.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21838575/
    I will ignore the first link because it is a fathercare organization and in my opinion biased in the stats.

    Now with that being said, I do agree that too many woman make decisions to please the men in their lives without thinking things through. Too many are afraid of being alone. Too many are insecure. Too many ignore obvious signs of abuse. Too many give up their dreams to accomodate their men.
    I think it has less to do with the fact that the kids are raised by single moms and more to do with the fact that alot of woman are just plain stupid when it comes to their relationships with men.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by csds703 View Post
    ....I think it has less to do with the fact that the kids are raised by single moms and more to do with the fact that alot of woman are just plain stupid when it comes to their relationships with men.
    Ditto. Definitely kids come before men. Always should.
    FUN... is a renewable resource!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Ditto. Definitely kids come before men. Always should.
    Oh EXACTLY!!! At the risk of sounding crude...when you spread your legs...you are making an 18 YEAR commitment! Your life is now SECOND to your child's welfare. It is nice if you give them 22 years(college) or 28 years(PHD) but it is not mandatory. However, the first 18 years are NOT OPTIONAL!!! Ok...backing off the soap box and back into my corner.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Ditto. Definitely kids come before men. Always should.
    Right!! On the otherhand, many mothers raise their children in single parent homes for just that reason.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by deandaniellws View Post
    Oh EXACTLY!!! At the risk of sounding crude...when you spread your legs...you are making an 18 YEAR commitment! Your life is now SECOND to your child's welfare. It is nice if you give them 22 years(college) or 28 years(PHD) but it is not mandatory. However, the first 18 years are NOT OPTIONAL!!! Ok...backing off the soap box and back into my corner.
    I have said the same thing many times and a few times gotten attacked for saying it.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amraann View Post
    I have said the same thing many times and a few times gotten attacked for saying it.
    Not online, but in person, I was attacked by a coworker (verbally) for being a single Mom. He insisted that I should never have divorced my (abusive) husband and at the very least I should find another man so my daughter would be raised by a father and a mother.

    I can find men ALL DAY LONG - but finding a Daddy is difficult.

    I feel I do a stellar job raising my daughter without someone else to argue with over how it's done. :-)
    FUN... is a renewable resource!

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Not online, but in person, I was attacked by a coworker (verbally) for being a single Mom. He insisted that I should never have divorced my (abusive) husband and at the very least I should find another man so my daughter would be raised by a father and a mother.

    I can find men ALL DAY LONG - but finding a Daddy is difficult.

    I feel I do a stellar job raising my daughter without someone else to argue with over how it's done. :-)
    Glitchwizard - the man who said that was a moron. In my own personal experience, some of the most well adjusted, amazing people I know were raised by single moms. In each case, they did not have a step parent in the picture. Their mom's made them the priority, & the kids THRIVED. On the other hand, me & several others that I know who's mom decided to remarry ended up in severely dysfunctional homes & most of it was caused by abusive behavior from the step father. I am married, mom to 3 kids, & honestly, if me & dh ever did split up, I think I will stay single.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Not online, but in person, I was attacked by a coworker (verbally) for being a single Mom. He insisted that I should never have divorced my (abusive) husband and at the very least I should find another man so my daughter would be raised by a father and a mother.

    I can find men ALL DAY LONG - but finding a Daddy is difficult.

    I feel I do a stellar job raising my daughter without someone else to argue with over how it's done. :-)
    What an idiot this coworker is. Did you let him know we are out of the dark ages??

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Not online, but in person, I was attacked by a coworker (verbally) for being a single Mom. He insisted that I should never have divorced my (abusive) husband and at the very least I should find another man so my daughter would be raised by a father and a mother.

    I can find men ALL DAY LONG - but finding a Daddy is difficult.

    I feel I do a stellar job raising my daughter without someone else to argue with over how it's done. :-)

    I think some people are just rude. Better to be a single mom then bringing just any guy home and exposing your child to that.

    Some women are just weak and feel like they have to have a man and I think that is the problem with alot of the cases of child abuse that we read about.


  11. #11
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    It is also about perception and social problems. Some women are "conditioned" by society that they are nothing without a man in their life. They are made to "feel bad" because their child or children do not have a a "male" figure to offer the "male" input. Also, a women may feel validated because of low self esteem and confidence to take the first guy that comes along, so that she now feels wanted.

    Also there may be financial and day care factors also. A women may feel that she can lift some sort of "burden" of working long hours plus daycare and the bills. She may feel the man can be a "crutch" to help her.

    But there are a lot of factors at play here. Psychological factors, emotional factors, financial factors, environmental factors. You cannot say one over the other.

    I find it interesting that the "pro Dad group" says raise a child with a Dad, but even if you are married to a man, that does not ensure that he is a good husband and Father. Often times a women will take the chance to raise her child or children alone, rather then in an environment with her husband that is "dangerous" and unhealthy for the kids. Then the Dad says: Single mothers are the "dredge" of society, my wife left me, the kids are without a Dad. I was a great husband and Dad. It is all her fault that she is a single Mom.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitchWizard View Post
    Ditto. Definitely kids come before men. Always should.
    Damn right they do!

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by gman20001969 View Post
    What an idiot this coworker is. Did you let him know we are out of the dark ages??
    Nah. I choose my battles because life is too short for being upset at someone for their opinion.

    I have become mother and father. I taught my child gun safety for years before she got a gun, we learned together how to go fishing, camping, hiking and we move our own furniture, hammer our own nails, take care of our own cars... I don't see the problem.
    FUN... is a renewable resource!

  14. #14
    Here is the problem - read this, from the MSNBC article posted above:

    "In July 2006, his mother's boyfriend, Phillip Guymon, hurled the 2-year-old across a room in Murray, Utah, because he balked at going to bed. The child died as a result.
    Jayden's mother, Carly Moore, has undergone therapy since the killing. Yet she continues to second-guess herself about her two-year relationship with Guymon.
    “There's so much guilt,” she said in a telephone interview. “I never saw him hit my kids, ever. But he was gruff in his manner — there were signs that he wasn't most pleasant person for kids to be around.''
    Guymon is serving five years in prison for second-degree felony child abuse homicide. Moore thinks the penalty is too light."


    5 YEARS! 5 YEARS? 5 years. say that again - he got 5 years for throwing a human being across the room & killing him. And we wonder why this keeps happening. This should be an immediate life sentence.

  15. #15
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    Wow, and we still have to fight and fight the Family Court System here and they refuse to believe a mom could be bad.

    The kids mom has had CPS called on her twice, once from us as insisted upon by our counselor and the other by UCSF, yes the famous health care institution! In both cases the CPS workers just talk to her and because she's attractive and whiley, well, nothing ever comes of it.

    Her boyfriend is SUCH A POTENTIAL ABUSER!!! The kids have had to sit outside while he fights with his 15 year old daughter hitting her! He has been accused of said 15 Y.O. of abusing her mom, the ex-wife.

    He has a very bad temper problem, anger explodes and he's tried to bait mr. zig into a confrontation calling him a fu**ing ******* and kicking his car door while my sweetie is there to pick his sweet daughter up from ballet.

    My mr. zig is a wonderful father/daddy. That's one of the reasons I really love him. His ex - you would not believe. It takes a while to get to see the real her but she's a bad mom.

    Does the Family Court care about any of this? Nope. Very frustrating.
    __________________
    Disclaimer: I have a JD, but I am not licensed to practice. Therefore, do not interpret anything contained in my posts as legal advice - they are my personal opinion only.

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