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  1. #1
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    A Lesson To Learn

    This post has the potential to be taken the wrong way, so please read with an open mind. Let me first state that I don't feel in any way that Stacy deserved her fate, which could be interpreted from this. My hope is that someone reading this, or following this case, may learn from history.

    It appears to me from everything that has been reported (if 90% of what has been written it true) that Stacy knew the night of Kathy's murder that Drew was responsible. At that point, she had a choice to make...turn him in, or live with the lie and become an accessory to it. Granted, it could have been in part out of fear that she went along with it. Perhaps too, she was too blinded by love to turn against Drew. Or, it was the feeling that they would get away with it and that her new life of gifts, stability (perhaps falsely believed), and money was worth the risk.

    Certainly in hindsight, I'm sure that she could see that once involved, it was impossible to get out with her life. Or, she thought that to get out, she would have to admit and confess her involvement. (AGAIN, I'm not suggesting that she knew Drew was going to kill Kathy, but once she agreed to be an alibi, she broke the law and could go to prison for her actions.) Why else didn't she go to the FBI. I think Stacy wanted out, but Drew couldn't trust her to keep the secret, so He killed her.

    The lesson to learn is that you should always do what is right, even if it isn't easy. Allowing yourself to become an accessory, even if a reluctant one, will never end well. I wish Stacy could have realized that once a person is willing to commit one murder, that there is nothing they will stop at to hide it, even killing again. Also, that if Drew could kill someone that he once loved, that there is something definitely wrong with that person. That kind of action will continue to eat away at his morality.

    It would have been difficult for her to come forward at that time, but it would have been the best in the long run. I think the FBI would have given her protection.

    I believe that Stacy was probably genuinely a good person, who first found a way out of a difficult family life, but then thrown into a worse situation by Drew's act of killing Kathleen. It must have been so difficult for her to decide what to do. Ultimately, she made the wrong decision to support a murderer. I don't know how she could have loved him knowing what he did.

    No, she didn't deserve her fate, but she might have been able to avoid it early on. So sad.

    Having said that, we can all look at ourselves and see things in our past that we did that was wrong. Fortunately for most people, our mistakes don't always result in such tragedy. Her decision was made quickly, and irrationally, and unfortunately, once made, there was no going back.

    I pray she made it right with God. I believe she did from what I've read.

  2. #2
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    Dec 2005
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    I know what you are saying, closeobserver. I think these decisions are made even more difficult when you are young, and really have no place to go. He was on the police force and I imagine she felt too afraid to do anything about it. I really think things might have been different if there weren't children involved.

    I do hope all this attention is doing some good somewhere with anyone else facing these problems.

    If anything, I think family members are keeping better watch on their loved ones with all these horrible crimes in the news. I believe the publicity these types of cases generate has helped a new generation. Cassandra was really on top of it even though it ended this way. Sad to say, but Stacy's disappearance and Kathleen's death may help someone else in the world escape this sad end.

  3. #3
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    Jul 2004
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    There are many lessons to be learned here. Agreed that if you are aware of murder being committed, no matter who committed it including the person you love- your best bet is to turn that info over to police.

    But also if you are in an abusive, violent or controlling relationship the safest thing to do is to first get out. Then you can let the other know and say why by telephone or letter. But always get into a safe place first.

    Most people feel that to be 'fair' they feel they much have a confrontation with the person first and explain their reasoning for leaving. But 'fair' left the relationship with fear entered it.

    So you leave first, then you let them know. And if harrassment, stalking or other problems follow then you make police reports, you insist on charges and you get a restraining order and go into hiding.
    Just when I think that I have seen the most depraved things a human can do to another human, somebody posts a new story...........

    Why is it that when a custodial parent fails to provide for a child it is called neglect and is a criminal matter. But when a non custodial parent fails to provide it is called failure to support and is a civil matter?


    "Just when the caterpillar thought its world was over, it became a butterfly" ~ Michelle Knight

  4. #4
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    Oprah had a show the other week that was about abuse, she stressed how important it was to first have a plan when you were wanting to get out.
    IMO it's possible Stacy could have gotten away from Drew but only if she had kept it secret from him and acted as if everything was normal.

    DrewP began a trap for Stacy as soon as he found her IMO, it was no accident that he got her pregnant so quick, he wanted her tied to him and totally dependent. And like many other women, they mistakenly believe that the man they love would never treat them like they have an ex. I'm sure also that Stacy wanted to take care of all the children and what would happen to them all if their father was arrested for murder?

    There are to many women who mistakenly fall for someone who is an abuser and manipulator, not all are at the level I believe DrewP is. The young woman DrewP was engaged to earlier who broke it off was able to recognise the signs early enough and get out. He reportedly tomrented her for a long time afterwards but getting out like she did saved her. Stacy was not so lucky. I do wonder also if Stacy ever early on tried to seperate from him? Why did she chose to stay with him? I believe her family did try to get her to call it off but to no avail.

    With DrewP being a police officer, who would Stacy have felt she could go to without it getting back to DrewP? Kathleen tried in many ways to get help and we all know what happened to her.

    If there is any silver lining at all to this whole nightmare, it will be that in learning Stacy's story, some other young woman may understand better who not to let into her life and become a victim.

    VB

  5. #5
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    I think Stacy had a safe plan and it went to crap that Sunday morning. It sounds like she had already taken steps...talked to someone about renting a house, appt with divorce lawyer, new phone/new number.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by chicoliving View Post
    I think Stacy had a safe plan and it went to crap that Sunday morning. It sounds like she had already taken steps...talked to someone about renting a house, appt with divorce lawyer, new phone/new number.
    Yes she was making plans, but also DrewP was aware of her wanting to leave, the wheels began turning and he also started making plans How I wish Stacy had gone to see a lawyer and told them everything before DrewP ever got wind of it. It's been said that he asked her to wait until he retired before leaving, IMO he just wanted to buy time to take care of his problem.

    VB

  7. #7
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    You did a nice job on that post, close!

    I thank God for all of the times I could have become a statistic due to my own poor judgement.

    Predators like DrewP have an instinct for picking out the lost sheep. He will be held accountable sooner or later.

    Merry Christmas!

    Susan

  8. #8
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    It's been said that he asked her to wait until he retired before leaving, IMO he just wanted to buy time to take care of his problem.

    VB
    Yup, he was just waiting for the right time to pounce. The ******* spent weeks, if not longer, anticipating the kill. Like an animal stalking it's prey.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by chicoliving View Post
    I think Stacy had a safe plan and it went to crap that Sunday morning. It sounds like she had already taken steps...talked to someone about renting a house, appt with divorce lawyer, new phone/new number.
    I agree. I think she had been talking to someone who was aware of abuse and helped her think along those lines...or who knows...maybe she watched Dr. Phil or Oprah. It did sound like she was in the midst of a plan that went horribly wrong tho.

    For anyone who is trying to take such steps to get out, one important thing to keep in mind is to remain in contol of your emotions and be extra cautious of what you say during heated arguments. Because women are feeling somewhat empowered by the things they are setting into motion, sometimes they will blurt them out during a fight.

    This is a good thread, Close!
    "WE SEEK FOR THE TRUTH. WE SEEK JUSTICE.
    THE COURTS REQUIRE IT. THE VICTIMS CRY FOR IT
    AND GOD DEMANDS IT!"

    A quote spray painted on the wall by search
    and rescue workers, Team 5, at the OKC Bombing site 4-19-1995.



    What I post are my opinions only.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    1,103
    Quote Originally Posted by closeobserver View Post
    This post has the potential to be taken the wrong way, so please read with an open mind. Let me first state that I don't feel in any way that Stacy deserved her fate, which could be interpreted from this. My hope is that someone reading this, or following this case, may learn from history.

    It appears to me from everything that has been reported (if 90% of what has been written it true) that Stacy knew the night of Kathy's murder that Drew was responsible. At that point, she had a choice to make...turn him in, or live with the lie and become an accessory to it. Granted, it could have been in part out of fear that she went along with it. Perhaps too, she was too blinded by love to turn against Drew. Or, it was the feeling that they would get away with it and that her new life of gifts, stability (perhaps falsely believed), and money was worth the risk.

    Certainly in hindsight, I'm sure that she could see that once involved, it was impossible to get out with her life. Or, she thought that to get out, she would have to admit and confess her involvement. (AGAIN, I'm not suggesting that she knew Drew was going to kill Kathy, but once she agreed to be an alibi, she broke the law and could go to prison for her actions.) Why else didn't she go to the FBI. I think Stacy wanted out, but Drew couldn't trust her to keep the secret, so He killed her.

    The lesson to learn is that you should always do what is right, even if it isn't easy. Allowing yourself to become an accessory, even if a reluctant one, will never end well. I wish Stacy could have realized that once a person is willing to commit one murder, that there is nothing they will stop at to hide it, even killing again. Also, that if Drew could kill someone that he once loved, that there is something definitely wrong with that person. That kind of action will continue to eat away at his morality.

    It would have been difficult for her to come forward at that time, but it would have been the best in the long run. I think the FBI would have given her protection.

    I believe that Stacy was probably genuinely a good person, who first found a way out of a difficult family life, but then thrown into a worse situation by Drew's act of killing Kathleen. It must have been so difficult for her to decide what to do. Ultimately, she made the wrong decision to support a murderer. I don't know how she could have loved him knowing what he did.

    No, she didn't deserve her fate, but she might have been able to avoid it early on. So sad.

    Having said that, we can all look at ourselves and see things in our past that we did that was wrong. Fortunately for most people, our mistakes don't always result in such tragedy. Her decision was made quickly, and irrationally, and unfortunately, once made, there was no going back.

    I pray she made it right with God. I believe she did from what I've read.
    Such wisdom in this post!

    At some time we have all made mistakes and fallen short of our best ideals,
    but thank God it has not cost us our lives!


  11. #11
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    Apr 2004
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    14,796
    I was just lucky mine didn't end up in death. I was very young and very inexperienced and believed that love could conquer all. It can't if you are the one on the giving end and the receiving end loves to throw punches. A skull fracture and the means to exit was my solution but I paid a price for that too.

    I really had no support but an inner core feeling that if I didn't get out my children and I would be the dead result. I worry that some wouldn't acknowledge the core feeling after being abused...either physically or mentally or emotionally.

    As far as reporting, it would take a very brave soul with an inner core feeling to do this as experience hasn't caught up with the young person. If there were people who were much more powerful involved a person could feel impotent against the system and you don't have to be a kid to know this.

    In any case, we can assume that Stacy made the wrong decision on how to get away. Drew made the all knowing decision on how to play this. And, Stacy isn't here to speak for herself.

  12. #12
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    If someone is in this type of situation most women feel very alone and powerless. They may feel the abuser is all powerful. They may feel foolish for all of the times they defended/excused the other person. They may feel that if they reach out to family, they will endanger them. They may feel that because they got themselves in that mess alone that they have to leave it alone.

    But the best way to get out is to reach out to a domestic violence agency, even if they do not plan on going to a shelter. The agency does much more than providing a shelter. They have experience in thinking of all the safety precautions and some also can help to evaluate the abuse situation and determine the safest way for the person to leave, what they should take with them, what resources are available to help in their community and all the other things you have to think of if you are trying to leave an abusive or controlling relationship. They should be the first call after the decision is made to leave.
    Just when I think that I have seen the most depraved things a human can do to another human, somebody posts a new story...........

    Why is it that when a custodial parent fails to provide for a child it is called neglect and is a criminal matter. But when a non custodial parent fails to provide it is called failure to support and is a civil matter?


    "Just when the caterpillar thought its world was over, it became a butterfly" ~ Michelle Knight

  13. #13
    curiositycat's Avatar
    curiositycat is offline The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience
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    Wink

    Well, I know a lot of us have been feeling this way deep down inside.

    From my own life I can say this "We get too soon oldt and too late schmart"

    The way I see this is that Stacy was darned if she did and darned if she didn't.

    She knew too much to ever get "away" clean from DP.

    If I could tell young women one thing it would be this "If he abused another woman he will abuse you" When we are young we tend to think "But, he LOVES me" It's not about the woman, any woman it's about a man who is just doing what to him, for what ever reason, feels normal.
    "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect" Steven Wright

  14. #14
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    Jul 2004
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    Well said CC!
    Just when I think that I have seen the most depraved things a human can do to another human, somebody posts a new story...........

    Why is it that when a custodial parent fails to provide for a child it is called neglect and is a criminal matter. But when a non custodial parent fails to provide it is called failure to support and is a civil matter?


    "Just when the caterpillar thought its world was over, it became a butterfly" ~ Michelle Knight

  15. #15
    Abuse never equates to love which some women don't understand until much later after they are out of the situation and safe. It is about control and power, never about love.
    "WE SEEK FOR THE TRUTH. WE SEEK JUSTICE.
    THE COURTS REQUIRE IT. THE VICTIMS CRY FOR IT
    AND GOD DEMANDS IT!"

    A quote spray painted on the wall by search
    and rescue workers, Team 5, at the OKC Bombing site 4-19-1995.



    What I post are my opinions only.

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