90)When you injured yourself at Casa Ramos rotating the glasses, did your supervisor have you fill out any forms to document the injury for worker's compensation purposes?
A: No, this was a small business operation, they didn't have formalities like forms, that kind of thing, just what was minimally required as far as being a legally documented worker. It was less formal, this wasn't a corporate kind of setting where those kind of formalities were done.
91)Who was the main factor in your decision to move from Big Sur/Palm Desert to Mesa. Travis or Rachel?
A: It was Travis, ultimately
92) You testified that you thought you heard his footsteps. If you weren't sure, why didn't you just run downstairs and out the door?
A: It was all a split second decision, but like I said when I got toward the carpet area, that's where he caught my wrist before when I began running down that hallway on a previous occasion and so here I am running away from him down the hallway again. On the previous occasion my intention was to run out of the room and I didn't make it out of the room. So this time rather than try to this time open a door and run out of the room, this closet door was open and I knew there was another exit so I just ran into that as quickly as I could.
93) Why would you take the time to delete the photos off the camera after you killed Travis?
A: That would go with all the other things that I did that day. When things happened, I don't have memory of it, specific memory of it at all. But I mean I could
M: Objection
J: Sustained
94) You stated you remember dropping the knife and hearing it hit the tile. What happened to the knife after that?
A: I don't recall what specifically happened after that I just know it didn't go with me in the car
M: Objection, speculation
J: Sustained
95) If your phone had died while at Travis', why not use a wall charger so you would have it charged before you got on the road?
A: That was a thought of mine, but Travis did not have a wall charger that had a plug that fit my type of phone so I was not able to charge it there.
96) In your email to Travis after June 4 of 2008, you told him you would sleep in his bed while he was in Cancun. Did you ever stay over night without him there?
A: Yes, when I was pet-sitting Napoleon, I did that.
97) How is it that you were so calm on the television interviews?
A: I wanted to, I tried very hard to present the best image I could and I had had a lot of prior experiences, experience of pretending that everything was okay when it wasn't. That everything on the surface was okay, when really it wasn't. I was accustomed to that and also I wanted to portray that, that I'm confident and I'm okay, I can do this. No worries. That's what I really wanted to get across at that time. And then I wanted to kill myself so that I would never have to own up to it.
98) You stated in the 48 hours interview that Travis' family deserved to know the truth. If you really believed that why didn't you confess then?
A: That was not entirely true in that I didn't want them to know certain truths and again I said that because it's a derivative of my attempt to deny that I had anything to do with it.
99) if Travis wanted the phone sex conversations recorded why didn't he record them?*
A: His phone did not have that capability, neither did mine until I bought the Helio, or Gus bought me the Helio. I discovered that feature and we joked back and forth about it and then I began to record them when we decided we would do that, his phone didn't have recording capability.
100)If you didn't want to be tied up to a tree, why would you go up and look for a place where he could do that?
A: It wasn't being tied to the tree that I was looking for, we were looking for a place, out in the woods, nature to somehow carry out this Little Red Riding Hood fantasy and my understanding of that is that it would involve sex, but he had many other ideas, as you heard on the tape, it didn't necessarily mean that I was going to go for all those. I was kind of pushing my own limits anyway by going out to the woods to find a spot and that was the focus for that fantasy, but not necessarily getting tied to a tree.
101) If you dropped the camera on the bathmat, how is it that it rolled all the way in front of the bathtub.
A: On the diagram it looks very far, but it's really a distance of this. You have the shower, there's a very thin wall and then the bathtub begins here. So wherever I was standing here it didn't have to roll. It just bounced off the mat, it's not way down by the bathroom area, but it's right near the bathtub at that point. There's only a difference of about this much between the shower and the bathtub.
102) On the phone sex tape when Travis was talking about photos and taking video. Was that all part of his fantasy?
A: Taking photo and video, yes that was a fantasy that he hoped to realize.
103) Did you ever voice any concern to Travis about being uncomfortable with some of his sexual fantasies?
A: Yes, there was one fantasy that he wanted to do which was pulling off the side of a freeway exit and having sex on the hood of a car. And I told him that that would be impossible. I couldn't even think of an exit in rural northern California where that would be accomplished and nobody would see us. So that and I was a little uncomfortable with the mile-high that he wanted to do because the flight attendants tent to monitor who's going and coming from the bathroom and they don't allow two people at once. So it's just those two that I recall.
104) Why didn't you call Ryan and tell him you were going to Arizona when you decided you were going to Arizona?
A: I guess I didn't want Ryan to know that I still had the interest that I had in Travis. Just like I didn't want Travis to know that, but for different reasons that I was interested in Ryan. I felt like how would it sound if I called up this guy that I'm gonna go to meet, hey I'm gonna hang out with my ex-boyfriend for a little while, sorry, you know, I didn't feel comfortable, or like that was something that I would have done is say let him know that I'm gonna go hang out with my ex and then I'll swing by and meet you or something. It was a bad decision, but I've made of bad decisions when it came to Travis.
105) You have testified to many different occasions where you preformed sexual favors with Travis to keep him pleased and happy. Are you saying that you never got pleasure from sex with Travis?
A: Definitely not, I did. Many occasions he was very romantic, very loving, I guess you could say attentive and he cared about my pleasure as well, not always, um, but there were times when he was, when we were very compatible in that regard
106)Why would you continue to carry your journals around with you if it was possible others, including Travis, might find them and read them?
A: To my knowledge no one else read my journals and then once I discovered Travis had, I was a little more guarded about it, but I kept my journal inside my purse and my purse zipped up and I nobody really went through my purse, so I considered it safe in my purse because nobody got into my purse except me typically.
107)Why were the Laws of Attraction so important to follow but the Law of Chastity was not?
A: I believed that I was following the Law of Chastity for a long time. I realize now that I was not. The Law of Attraction was also a huge philosophy of mine. It was, it was my second religion pretty much. Also, with the Law of Chastity and what it prohibits, there is a great deal of temptation and even though we eventually did begin to, at least as I understood it, openly violate the law of chastity, it was kind of like, I don't know, it's hard to describe. I think it was temptation, it was weakness, it was not that I didn't believe in the Law of Chastity, but when it came to Travis, that was more important.
108) Do the Laws of Attraction also apply to recording phone sex conversations?
A: the Law of Attraction, I guess it could be construed that way in that when we were doing those things I got positive, I had positive interaction with Travis, he wasn't angry, he was complementary, he was saying things that were in a complementary way, he would be nice to me, so it was the attention that I craved and the Law of Attraction does state that you focus more on the qualities of the person that you like and don't focus on the things you don't like. So when were doing those things we were both focused on each other, maybe not in a spiritually positive way, but in a way that made me feel good and him as well.
109) You stated there were times that Travis made you tear out pages of negative things that you said about him. Right before that you said you wouldn't right negative things about Travis in your journal. Which is correct?
A: They're both correct. The entry that he made me tear out was very detailed and a lot more, I was quoting him directly on a couple things he said, um, and when he discovered those he made me and my feelings so I used to right things to purge. When he admonished me and reminded me of The Secret, um, at that point I wrote less specific things. Sometimes I would just write about my emotions and sometimes those were negative but writing about suicidal thoughts for example helped me process it and getting it down on paper helped it get out of me I felt like. So when it came to Travis I would be less specific. Like I would write today, Travis was obscenely mean to me I wouldn't go into detail about what that meant. I just remembered that was a really bad day so I would write something to that effect.
Afternoon recess.
A: No, this was a small business operation, they didn't have formalities like forms, that kind of thing, just what was minimally required as far as being a legally documented worker. It was less formal, this wasn't a corporate kind of setting where those kind of formalities were done.
91)Who was the main factor in your decision to move from Big Sur/Palm Desert to Mesa. Travis or Rachel?
A: It was Travis, ultimately
92) You testified that you thought you heard his footsteps. If you weren't sure, why didn't you just run downstairs and out the door?
A: It was all a split second decision, but like I said when I got toward the carpet area, that's where he caught my wrist before when I began running down that hallway on a previous occasion and so here I am running away from him down the hallway again. On the previous occasion my intention was to run out of the room and I didn't make it out of the room. So this time rather than try to this time open a door and run out of the room, this closet door was open and I knew there was another exit so I just ran into that as quickly as I could.
93) Why would you take the time to delete the photos off the camera after you killed Travis?
A: That would go with all the other things that I did that day. When things happened, I don't have memory of it, specific memory of it at all. But I mean I could
M: Objection
J: Sustained
94) You stated you remember dropping the knife and hearing it hit the tile. What happened to the knife after that?
A: I don't recall what specifically happened after that I just know it didn't go with me in the car
M: Objection, speculation
J: Sustained
95) If your phone had died while at Travis', why not use a wall charger so you would have it charged before you got on the road?
A: That was a thought of mine, but Travis did not have a wall charger that had a plug that fit my type of phone so I was not able to charge it there.
96) In your email to Travis after June 4 of 2008, you told him you would sleep in his bed while he was in Cancun. Did you ever stay over night without him there?
A: Yes, when I was pet-sitting Napoleon, I did that.
97) How is it that you were so calm on the television interviews?
A: I wanted to, I tried very hard to present the best image I could and I had had a lot of prior experiences, experience of pretending that everything was okay when it wasn't. That everything on the surface was okay, when really it wasn't. I was accustomed to that and also I wanted to portray that, that I'm confident and I'm okay, I can do this. No worries. That's what I really wanted to get across at that time. And then I wanted to kill myself so that I would never have to own up to it.
98) You stated in the 48 hours interview that Travis' family deserved to know the truth. If you really believed that why didn't you confess then?
A: That was not entirely true in that I didn't want them to know certain truths and again I said that because it's a derivative of my attempt to deny that I had anything to do with it.
99) if Travis wanted the phone sex conversations recorded why didn't he record them?*
A: His phone did not have that capability, neither did mine until I bought the Helio, or Gus bought me the Helio. I discovered that feature and we joked back and forth about it and then I began to record them when we decided we would do that, his phone didn't have recording capability.
100)If you didn't want to be tied up to a tree, why would you go up and look for a place where he could do that?
A: It wasn't being tied to the tree that I was looking for, we were looking for a place, out in the woods, nature to somehow carry out this Little Red Riding Hood fantasy and my understanding of that is that it would involve sex, but he had many other ideas, as you heard on the tape, it didn't necessarily mean that I was going to go for all those. I was kind of pushing my own limits anyway by going out to the woods to find a spot and that was the focus for that fantasy, but not necessarily getting tied to a tree.
101) If you dropped the camera on the bathmat, how is it that it rolled all the way in front of the bathtub.
A: On the diagram it looks very far, but it's really a distance of this. You have the shower, there's a very thin wall and then the bathtub begins here. So wherever I was standing here it didn't have to roll. It just bounced off the mat, it's not way down by the bathroom area, but it's right near the bathtub at that point. There's only a difference of about this much between the shower and the bathtub.
102) On the phone sex tape when Travis was talking about photos and taking video. Was that all part of his fantasy?
A: Taking photo and video, yes that was a fantasy that he hoped to realize.
103) Did you ever voice any concern to Travis about being uncomfortable with some of his sexual fantasies?
A: Yes, there was one fantasy that he wanted to do which was pulling off the side of a freeway exit and having sex on the hood of a car. And I told him that that would be impossible. I couldn't even think of an exit in rural northern California where that would be accomplished and nobody would see us. So that and I was a little uncomfortable with the mile-high that he wanted to do because the flight attendants tent to monitor who's going and coming from the bathroom and they don't allow two people at once. So it's just those two that I recall.
104) Why didn't you call Ryan and tell him you were going to Arizona when you decided you were going to Arizona?
A: I guess I didn't want Ryan to know that I still had the interest that I had in Travis. Just like I didn't want Travis to know that, but for different reasons that I was interested in Ryan. I felt like how would it sound if I called up this guy that I'm gonna go to meet, hey I'm gonna hang out with my ex-boyfriend for a little while, sorry, you know, I didn't feel comfortable, or like that was something that I would have done is say let him know that I'm gonna go hang out with my ex and then I'll swing by and meet you or something. It was a bad decision, but I've made of bad decisions when it came to Travis.
105) You have testified to many different occasions where you preformed sexual favors with Travis to keep him pleased and happy. Are you saying that you never got pleasure from sex with Travis?
A: Definitely not, I did. Many occasions he was very romantic, very loving, I guess you could say attentive and he cared about my pleasure as well, not always, um, but there were times when he was, when we were very compatible in that regard
106)Why would you continue to carry your journals around with you if it was possible others, including Travis, might find them and read them?
A: To my knowledge no one else read my journals and then once I discovered Travis had, I was a little more guarded about it, but I kept my journal inside my purse and my purse zipped up and I nobody really went through my purse, so I considered it safe in my purse because nobody got into my purse except me typically.
107)Why were the Laws of Attraction so important to follow but the Law of Chastity was not?
A: I believed that I was following the Law of Chastity for a long time. I realize now that I was not. The Law of Attraction was also a huge philosophy of mine. It was, it was my second religion pretty much. Also, with the Law of Chastity and what it prohibits, there is a great deal of temptation and even though we eventually did begin to, at least as I understood it, openly violate the law of chastity, it was kind of like, I don't know, it's hard to describe. I think it was temptation, it was weakness, it was not that I didn't believe in the Law of Chastity, but when it came to Travis, that was more important.
108) Do the Laws of Attraction also apply to recording phone sex conversations?
A: the Law of Attraction, I guess it could be construed that way in that when we were doing those things I got positive, I had positive interaction with Travis, he wasn't angry, he was complementary, he was saying things that were in a complementary way, he would be nice to me, so it was the attention that I craved and the Law of Attraction does state that you focus more on the qualities of the person that you like and don't focus on the things you don't like. So when were doing those things we were both focused on each other, maybe not in a spiritually positive way, but in a way that made me feel good and him as well.
109) You stated there were times that Travis made you tear out pages of negative things that you said about him. Right before that you said you wouldn't right negative things about Travis in your journal. Which is correct?
A: They're both correct. The entry that he made me tear out was very detailed and a lot more, I was quoting him directly on a couple things he said, um, and when he discovered those he made me and my feelings so I used to right things to purge. When he admonished me and reminded me of The Secret, um, at that point I wrote less specific things. Sometimes I would just write about my emotions and sometimes those were negative but writing about suicidal thoughts for example helped me process it and getting it down on paper helped it get out of me I felt like. So when it came to Travis I would be less specific. Like I would write today, Travis was obscenely mean to me I wouldn't go into detail about what that meant. I just remembered that was a really bad day so I would write something to that effect.
Afternoon recess.
I'll toast you for the idea and then LAUGH at what JA will be having for breakfast!!
