This is a sarcastic dramatization of what it appears the defense theory is;
Ok, here's a story that's supposed to be true according to the "THE LEGEND OF SUBURBAN LANE"!!! (cue eerie music)
It is said that in an area that gets flooded after tropical storms, off Suburban Lane, that the ghost of a little girl can be seen rising from the earth and walking around.
It all started back in June of 2008. The little girl lived in an idyllic household with a beautiful loving mother, grandmother and a loving grandfather to her, however that same man had evilly molested the little girls mother, but the little girl had all of her favorite things. A Winnie the Pooh collection, a shelf full of her favorite DVD's, a beautiful little playhouse and most of all her beloved swimming pool.
Early one morning the little girl awoke before anyone in the house and decided she was going to take a swim. A little later the mean old grandfather woke up and yelled at his long suffering daughter. Where was the little girl he demanded to know. After all of the abuse she'd endured since age 8 by her father she particularly rued not moving out by then.
Oh my she yelled and immediately they started to tear the house apart looking for the little girl. Sadly it was the evil grandfather that found the child in the pool. Nobody would say he killed her, just that he found her in the pool and that when her mother came around the corner she found the evil grandpa holding the dead child. He screamed at her that she would go away for life if her parental negligence were ever discovered! She began to cry and he took pity on her and decided to help her hide the body. Even though he knew negligence would never put her away for life.
You see the evil grandpa had been a policeman for several years at one time and thought about what to do. He immediately dismissed calling the police and telling the truth even though every cop in this situation knew it would be the smartest thing to do. Why? Nobody knows. Nobody was saying he killed her just that he didn't do the right thing then.
Suddenly he got a great idea! I'll take all of the stuff I can possibly find to link her to the house and make her fairly easy to identify. Then I'll triple bag her and cast her 20 feet off the road on Suburban Lane. That's where his police training had paid off. His years in law enforcement had given him the ability to devise such a clever plan.
However, the mother was so upset that she fled the house not to be seen for 31 days. Now after 31 days had passed she was confident enough to stop avoiding her mother and to get into the car with her because she believed everything was ok. She quickly learned that the evil grandpa had never told her mother of the accident and she began to panic and tell lies to everybody.
A couple of weeks later an evil money grubbing, fame seeking and morally bankrupt meter reader discovered the body!! Ha! Ha! he exclaimed I found the little girls body. Now I can claim the $225,000 and be famous for finding this missing child. He pointed out the bag with the body to some co-workers he was with but they all became so enamored of a dead snake that they refused to look. Drats! I'll have to call the police myself now and not have to worry about anyone wanting to split the reward with me. So later on he called the cops.
The cop showed up and looked but was scared off by a snake. Grrrrr! I'll have to call again tomorrow and so he did. This time was equally disappointing and the cop left without inspecting the bag. Oh well, the meter reader thought, I'll grab the bag myself and hide it somewhere. Who cares if I'm caught with it. It smells terrible but I've got just the place to hide it. To this day, where that was remains a mystery.
A couple of months later the evil meter reader called his son who hated him and proudly exclaimed that he was going to find the little girls body and be rich and famous. Then, after waiting another month, he put the bag with the body back in the same place. He carefully pulled plants up through the bag to make it look like it had been there for months. He had a car repair bill for around $1,000 right then and that $225,000 would come in handy right about now.
This time the police took his call seriously and he was rewarded with fame and $15,000 from GMA. Why not the $225,000? Alas, he had not read the fine print on the reward poster. Along with getting his car bill paid with the $15, 000 he used some of the other money to see an eye doctor.
The poor mother of the dead child was railroaded in court and given the death penalty. Now that's all for tonight kiddies. Sweet dreams.
:tsktsk:
