My son is being bullied

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead:

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That is absolutely awful. It helps to cement the theory that bullying behavior is taught at home. I feel awful for you and your son. No matter how "weird" a person is, they never deserve to be bullied.

Is moving to another school in the area a possibility?

PinkiGreen

Sorry that your son is going through this and
you're going through it :banghead: as well.

I sent you a PM. In case you have not seen it,
at top right of screen, check the welcome and click on "Notifications."

:seeya:

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead:

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I'm sorry for you. At least the principal is on your side, but now that you know that the other parents aren't going to do anything about their children, I'd confront the children directly. Maybe the principal or the district can start an anti-bullying campaign at your school to educate these kids. We have a strong anti-bullying/zero tolerance policy in effect.
Too bad you don't live where the sheriff that arrested the girls that bullied Rebecca Sedgwick live.

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead:

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I am so sorry. There is really nothing that can be done about people like that. As a person who was bullied mercilessly as a kid, I think knowing that the parents are also bullies might actually give your son some comfort and make the bullying seem less "personal." I gradually learned that some people are just bullies and it had nothing to do with me.

I always tell my son that if he ever sees anyone ELSE being bullied to be sure and stick up for them. I figure not only would it be empowering for him, but it would increase the chances that someone would return the favor when HE is being bullied. Besides, it's easier to think of a comeback when you are not the target.

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead:

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It's no wonder their children are bullies. Children learn from observation. When a parent models that hateful behavior, chances are their kids will behave the same way.

Or more simply put, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree".

One of my daughter's friends was suddenly ostracized by her old elementary school friends (this is their first year in a magnet middle school). On the first day of school, she was told to go sit at another table in the cafeteria. When this girl's mom spoke to one of the other girls' moms, the mom just said "yeah, I know, but S****** really wants to be popular". :gasp: WTF???

Those girls had been friends since preschool.

My own daughter has had her old elementary friends snub her because she is not a cheerleader and she does not have a boyfriend already. Um. Sixth grade. Yeah. Future harlots of America.

But I tell you, if I found out my Lil Knot was pulling that crap on another child, I would yank a knot in her tail! What kind of BS answer is "yeah, I know but my kid really wants to be popular and so she had to cut your kid loose"? And how can any parent be okay with that?

I am a really old grownup and I want to pinch off the rude little heads of these snotty kids. .

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead:

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PinkiGreen, I'm sorry that this has happened to you and to your son. It doesn't surprise me at all the outcome. I'm sure those boys are bullied at home (no excuse) by their parents, how else did they learn it. I would keep pushing it through and stick to your beliefs. These boys should not be playing football. It seems like the school is continuing the bullying by having your son eat in the office. What didn't they have the boys sit in the office and write notes stating I will not bully - 1000 times each? I am so angry about kids getting bullied. I was bullied by two nasty girls in school. It's ridiculous.
I believe it might help people to avoid being bullied to change their posture. Hold your head up when you walk and walk with confidence. Be strong and walk with your head up (head not looking at the floor) and shoulders back.

It's true as well that people are bullied in the work place.

When I was in about the 8th grade a boy was always getting picked on by the same boy every day after getting off the school bus. Finally, one day I was sick of it. I went up to the mean boy and got in his face and asked him why don't you pick on someone your own size? I don't recall what else I stated, but perhaps I said some things. Next thing I know he takes off running. Yeah, he's a coward. I already knew that. Then my best friend tells me that I am bleeding. I wiped bleed from my face and saw the blood. The boy lived about 3 doors from me and I went to his house to confront him and his mommy answered the door. I yelled at her "look what your son did to me." I had a small cut above my eye. I was very lucky that he missed my eye. He initially tried to stab my stomach with his switchblade (he had been taking a switchblade to school!) but I had an Army type jacket on that he couldn't get through.

Anyway, when I was yelling at his mother the coward not once came out to greet me. His mother goes into this story about how much trouble she has controlling him. His parents were divorce and the coward was sent back by that weekend to live with his Dad in another city. I was happy for the boy that was always getting picked on by the coward.

Good luck to you and to your son. You guys will prevail!

PMLsmom said:

Action should have been taken immediately IMO. Follow up every day, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Do you know these kids? Can you talk to their parents? I would also make a police report. This stuff is ZERO-tolerated here in CT:

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/northern_suburbs&id=9271516

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our local PD actually WILL take reports of bullying at schools. id suggest calling your local PD for sure.

im sorry your son is going through this I went through it in 7th grade and my daughter went through it in 1st grade

I also want to suggest martial arts. I put my daughter in Krav Maga starting at age 6. It helped her a lot with confidence and well self defense!

Little update :

We switched buses and he hasn't had any contact with those kids since. Their school is so big that he never sees them.

My son came up with an idea for a recycling program at his school, wrote the principal a letter about it, and is now starting his school's first ever recycling /conservation club. I'm super proud. He's such a great kid.

PinkiGreen said:

Little update :

We switched buses and he hasn't had any contact with those kids since. Their school is so big that he never sees them.

My son came up with an idea for a recycling program at his school, wrote the principal a letter about it, and is now starting his school's first ever recycling /conservation club. I'm super proud. He's such a great kid.

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I'm glad this is working out for you, however the "resolution" the school came up with does nothing but promote those little brats behavior.

"Oh? So any kid we don't want riding our bus we just pick on and they will remove them? AWESOME!"

What the school SHOULD have done was called those parents and told them their kids are no longer allowed school transportation and that THEY would be responsible for getting their kid to and from school each day OR they could pay for a para each month to ride with their kid on the bus to and from school to ensure everyone else's safety.

Our school won't tolerate bus crap at all. You get one verbal, one written, and your off the bus for the remainder of the year, period.

I am glad it's working out for you though...but sadly they are likely going to just move on to their next victim. :facepalm:

lisser said:

I really hope they do something about it. I feel bad for your son, and I would likely have removed my child from the situation too. It seems to me it will be equally as bad now, if not worse, because in his leaving the bus he was on before, the bullies have now won. They have had their bullying ways reinforced, because what they were trying to achieve in bullying him, they got done.

I truly hope the school will do something to punish them and make them stop bullying.

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With the evidence of the note, and whatever the busdriver and other students can add, the bullies should be thrown off the bus, not your son.
I remember seeing on Nancy Grace, a big, young, buff dad, whose daughter was being harrassed on the bus, and he got on (its on the bus film, wonder why the harrassment was not shown) and loudly told the punk-azzes, if he had to get back on here, somebody is going down. He got arrested. But, I bet his daughter never got bullied again. He also said it was worth it to get arrested. If Nancy ever followed thru, she would have had him back on in 6 months, to let us know the outcome.

my daughter is in a new school this year...a charter school. they don't put up with any bullying. zero tolerance. they also employed a new program that a lot of schools are doing called Watch D.O.G.S. where fathers volunteer to just be a presence in the school. it is suppose to help deter bullying and just be a good male role model in the schools.

too bad more schools don't have this
http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=21&Itemid=60
We believe every child needs a dad they can count on. The research is clear: children thrive when they have an involved father—someone who loves them, knows them, guides them, and helps them achieve their destiny. At the National Center for Fathering, we inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need.

How WATCH D.O.G.S.® Works

WATCH D.O.G.S.®, a K-12 program, invites fathers, grandfathers, uncles, or other father figures to volunteer at least one day all day at their child’s/student's school during the school year. Individuals sign up at a kick-off event such as a “Dads and Kids Pizza Night” or “Donuts with Dad” or in the office at any time throughout the school year. The program is overseen by a “Top Dog” volunteer who partners with the school administrator to coordinate scheduling and identify opportunities for WatchDOGS to provide assistance at the school. WatchDOG volunteers perform a variety of tasks during their volunteer day including monitoring the school entrance, assisting with unloading and loading of buses and cars, monitoring the lunch room, or helping in the classroom with a teacher's guidance by working with small groups of students on homework, flashcards, or spelling.

PinkiGreen said:

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

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Apparently your kid gets bullied because some other people's parents condone that behavior. Unbelievable.

I'm sorry for your child, and you, and even for those kids who are being brought up to have no empathy. But not for those mothers.

I would have said, if they start it, you absolutely finish it, and Dad & I will support you no matter what. He did, we did, and never another problem at school for my kid. Actually, he came to be known for his stance against this particular bully. What a boost to his confidence, mommy and daddy did not have to intervene.

rob said:

With the evidence of the note, and whatever the busdriver and other students can add, the bullies should be thrown off the bus, not your son.
I remember seeing on Nancy Grace, a big, young, buff dad, whose daughter was being harrassed on the bus, and he got on (its on the bus film, wonder why the harrassment was not shown) and loudly told the punk-azzes, if he had to get back on here, somebody is going down. He got arrested. But, I bet his daughter never got bullied again. He also said it was worth it to get arrested. If Nancy ever followed thru, she would have had him back on in 6 months, to let us know the outcome.

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Respectfully, constantly intervening for your child after a certain age causes them to feel incompetent and lose self-confidence. These bullies will be in society, at work, everywhere. Best, if possible, safely, to allow them to take action for themselves and do not let those education wimps bully your kid into a suspension or admitting fault.

Okay this might seem like I am joking, but I'm not. It could get your son suspended, but it's worth it. At lunch, go up to the bullies' table and pour liquid of choice on their heads. They will be humiliated. All the kids in the cafeteria will find it hysterical. I recommend toilet water. I am sure we can think of a great pun for him to use. The bullies will be forever known as the kids who got toilet water dumped on them in front of hundreds of students. Your son will also get a lot of popularity from doing this, which will give him more confidence, and it will lead to a lot of new friends.

wendybtn said:

Respectfully, constantly intervening for your child after a certain age causes them to feel incompetent and lose self-confidence. These bullies will be in society, at work, everywhere. Best, if possible, safely, to allow them to take action for themselves and do not let those education wimps bully your kid into a suspension or admitting fault.

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Not if it means your kid gets pummeled. When I was pushed into a fight in 6th grade, I had noone to back me. They formed a ring around me expecting me to get pummeled. This was after 3 years of bullying and my mother and the teachers didn't do much. I dug my nails into this girl until I drew blood. It was the only way I knew to defend myself, but it worked, I hid the rest of the day and got left alone.

wendybtn said:

Respectfully, constantly intervening for your child after a certain age causes them to feel incompetent and lose self-confidence. These bullies will be in society, at work, everywhere. Best, if possible, safely, to allow them to take action for themselves and do not let those education wimps bully your kid into a suspension or admitting fault.

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I 250% agree with this. In the adult world we don't have bullying...we have harassment. I found a lot of the annoying behaviors stop when we aren't forced to be around people we don't much care for (mainly, school) but with the appropriate learned behaviors/tools, when we do have a malicious co-worker or something of the sort, there are more effective next steps to be taken (you've already done everything else on your own).

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If it was a perfect world, the bullies would be the ones eating lunch in the office and sitting behind the bus driver. It is possible that you are giving them ammunition by making it seem that "poor widdle boy's mommy has to fight his battles for him". It would be best if you could have all this happen behind the scenes, without them thinking either you OR your son was the "snitch". I think parking a little further from the bus, so your son doesn't look like a "baby" could help, and you would be close enough to get involved if need be.

I generally think telling on bullies makes things worse, but at times in my life it was the best way to handle things.

1. My sister was born with a minor birth defect. She is missing some fingers on one hand. When we were about 4 (her) and 6 (me) there was a bully in our neighborhood who was HORRIBLE. She would beat people up, and occasionally take a neighbor kid "hostage", tying them up and leaving them in her garage with (I kid you not) bread and water. Everyone was terrified of her. One day she told my sister to do something and she hauled off and punched the girl, who fell over. After that, all my sister had to do was blow on someone and they would make a big deal of being "knocked over" by her.

2. I was about 9 and my sister was about 7. Because of the aforementioned physical deformity (birth defect, missing fingers on one hand) one of the boys on the bus was giving her a hard time. I was SO MAD that I verbally defended her and when we got home, our mom said she was going to call his mom. All I could think of was how much WORSE this would make things, but I was wrong. From that day on he was actually FRIENDLY and he and his sister often played with me and my sister afterward.

3. In 8th grade, there was a "popular" girl who was always picking on me. She once shoved a piece of wire in my ear on the bus and punctured my eardrum. She regularly wrote on me with markers on the bus because I was assigned to sit beside her. At the time, my dad was in local government and he was often interviewed on the news, I had a teacher who would comment about having seen my dad on the news the night before. Somehow, my dad had managed to get pictured on the cover of a (trade) magazine. He got me a copy of the magazine and I was so excited to take it to school and show my teacher. But when I went to do so, I found that "someone" had scribbled out my father's face with pen. I was devastated, since I could not get another copy, and it was the only time he was ever on an actual magazine. I told the teacher who sent the miscreant to the principal. The decision was made to suspend her at the end of the school day. I was TERRIFIED to go to lunch that day, knowing she and her friends would be there, but she ignored me. None of her friends bothered me during her suspension. When she returned to school after the suspension, she and her friends left me alone.

4. A couple of years ago, a job duty was assigned to me that I do not have to perform often. As a result, I would forget some of the steps, or miss a section of a form I needed to fill out. The man who collected the data I produced was calling me "airhead" and asking if I "took my stupid pills" that day. He probably meant to be funny, but more than once I closed my office door and cried over it. FINALLY I told my supervisor. She mentioned it to him, and he emailed me to ask when he could come up and apologize. I let him know that I did not need an apology, just a little more patience while I learned the finer points of this task. Ever since then he has been nice as can be. He just didn't realize my feelings were being hurt by his "jokes".

So maybe confrontation is the way to go, but can you encourage your SON to take the lead on his own behalf?

Oh Pinki...I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. We have had to deal with bullies with 2 of our kids at different times. It just drains you. My kids requested that I not contact the school. I respected their wishes. I did, however, make my way onto the bus one day (got yelled at by driver...it's illegal here) but I made aure to make eye contact with the little a$$ that was harassing my kid. It got better from there on.

It does get better. As they get older. Truth is...we, as parents, agonize much more over this than our kids (for the most part). We want happy, healthy, friendly and well liked kids.

Hope things settle down. Hugs.