TN - Joann, 31, & Adrienne Bain, 14, Whiteville, 27 April 2012 - #5

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soyesterday said:
Awww thanks for your post and all of you supporting it. I just happened to see it. I'm glad i didn't miss it.
Yah the thing w/ my mom is so strange. Her and i were always very close my whole life and from the day i started having my kids, she was with me everyday of their lives. But when the thing about the abuse came out, i don't want to say she was in denial or didn't believe me, cuz i think she did. But she loves my stepfather and doesn't agree w/ divorce. And she just kept going back to him. I will never understand how or why she could choose him over her daughter and grandkids, but i finally made the decision to cut her out of our lives cuz i couldn't live w/ her having both of us. She sat with him and his side of the family and supported him in court. And she visits him in jail all the time. It's her choice. Honestly, as close as the kids and i were to her, we're moving on. The kids are growing up with out her and she's the one that missing out.
Thank you for your nice words and support guys. :) Unfortunately, there are so many of us out there that have been abused. It's so sad. I never thought i'd be the one to say this cuz i don't feel like a very strong person. (I couldn't even testify at the court trial....thankfully he pled guilty to the things w/ me but denied anything w/ my cousin or anyone else.) But anyway i never thought i'd be the one to say this, but we have to get these guys off the streets. No matter what. No matter how scared or embarassed or ashamed we are. I NEVER thought i could go through all the court stuff, but thankfully w/ a lot of support, my cousin and i were able to. PLEASE if you know anyone that's been abused even if it was years ago.....please don't let the "pervert" get away with it and not report him. Don't ever believe that it was years ago and they've changed. Please do what you can and report him. Even if he's a pastor or a deacon or the president!!!! Ok that's all....thanks again. <3
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So yesterday, your post gave me chills. You are so right. We can't let people who abuse others get away with it. And I completely agree that, in most cases, they won't change. It is so scary to me when abusers get out of prison. So many times they just do it again. Of all the laws, it just doesn't seem like the child abuse laws are strong enough. I'm going off topic a bit....sorry. You sound like a very strong person! I think that kind of abuse and betrayal would be extremely difficult to live with. Xoxo

Moo
 
animallvr said:
menmo, are you saying SHE sounds angry?? wow...reread your posts..

also, do you personally know GB and MJ? it sounds as if you do and know EXACTLY what is going on and EXACTLY who is right and wrong... why dont you get verified as a local since you know all.

there are definitely 2 sides to EVERY story not just your side..please don't be rude to people on here. it is not very mature.

i am with you two that are going to the private forum...in fact i have already signed up....it is not worth being attacked nonstop
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I'm sorry I offended you or anyone else.
ETA: I have never said I knew what was going on, I said these were my opinions.
 
Does anybody remember the link to JB's website posted early on in this case? She was selling some handmade jewelry by her mom on the site. I just want to point it out because it seems like she has a perfectly okay relationship with her mom. I wasn't aware that family and friends were left out of the funeral, because I hadn't been keeping up with this story so much. I am trying to think of reasons why it may be - but I don't think it is that JB was somehow wronged by anyone (other than AM that is).

I never suspected GB of anything, so I am on the fence. I don't understand why nobody would be allowed at the funeral.
 
Lucid said:
Does anybody remember the link to JB's website posted early on in this case? She was selling some handmade jewelry by her mom on the site. I just want to point it out because it seems like she has a perfectly okay relationship with her mom. I wasn't aware that family and friends were left out of the funeral, because I hadn't been keeping up with this story so much. I am trying to think of reasons why it may be - but I don't think it is that JB was somehow wronged by anyone (other than AM that is).

I never suspected GB of anything, so I am on the fence. I don't understand why nobody would be allowed at the funeral.
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Here is that link to JoAnn's site:

http://paintedcornersranch.weebly.com/sales-list.html

It's so sad to go to that site. I hope the girls are adjusting OK. I know it will take a long time. So, so sad.
 
menmo said:
Excellent post and very well said.
The truth isn't always out in the open.
I'm so sorry this had to happen to you or any other child. I'm so glad that you stood up and told, even though I imagine it was hard for you, and still is I'm sure. God bless your heart!
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Thank you...:)
I only wish i would have done it sooner...when i was still a teenager...i wished i wouldn't have thought i had to "protect" my mom from knowing (like that helps me now...look where she is.....ugh)....i wish more than anything i would have said something sooner to stop it from happening any longer or getting worse and more than anything from him getting to my cousin after or anyone else he got to. :( I wish that guilt would go away.
I wish every child the strength (that i didn't have until recently now that i'm in my 30's) to tell someone. To be able to fight back and show these horrible sorry excuses for a human that they ARE strong and they're not gonna take it.
I pray for all of them.....
I know a lot of you have been abused....i don't how many of you are in counceling or have been able to start moving on or are having a hard time letting go/forgetting the past (like me.....i'm a freaking mess still)....but i just want to say that being able to talk on this site is helping me sooooo much.
Thank you to anyone that listens and i hope i can do the same for any of you. There are a lot of awesome people on here. <3
 
susan1122 said:
So yesterday, your post gave me chills. You are so right. We can't let people who abuse others get away with it. And I completely agree that, in most cases, they won't change. It is so scary to me when abusers get out of prison. So many times they just do it again. Of all the laws, it just doesn't seem like the child abuse laws are strong enough. I'm going off topic a bit....sorry. You sound like a very strong person! I think that kind of abuse and betrayal would be extremely difficult to live with. Xoxo

Moo
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Oh my gosh.....i am NOT as strong as i might sound on here. I so wish i was. I have a lot of issues that i'm still trying to deal with and i'm just trying not to screw up my life.
I just am so sad that there are so many of us on here that are dealing with this and i'm sick to death of these child molestors who are ruining people's lives!!! :( :banghead:
 
menmo said:
I'm sorry I offended you or anyone else.
ETA: I have never said I knew what was going on, I said these were my opinions.
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You didn't offend me! I probably worry too much that someone might get their feelings hurt by what someone says or does and I guess I shouldn't be that way. I think we all get "in the moment" and just want to defend what we think is right and don't realize it how it sounds. I know I have in the past. I think it is great that everyone has different opinions, you could never figure something out if you aren't open to all opinions!!!!

I definitely want to hear what you think though, you sound very very smart! Thanks!
 
Guys....
This is so hard for me, cuz i know everyone has thier own opinions on what they think is going on and who is right and who is wrong.
I don't know...like i said i was pissed at first too finding out they weren't allowed to see them or go to the funerals. I know i'm repeating myself but i only hope that GB isn't doing this for the wrong reasons and there is more to it than we can see.
I just know from experience how hard it was for so long when people didn't know anything that was going on and i was keeping secrets from everyone and how frustrating it was for everyone to throw in their own opinion and tell me how THEY thought things should be. And i just wanted to scream, "But you don't know everything!!!!" "You don't even know what's going on....what kind of people these people are"
And i have tons of family members now and "friends" that i've had to cut out of my life cuz they just don't stand up for the right thing (against child molesters, etc.....). It is something that's so important to me and means something to me personally.
I have people that didn't even bother to show up in court and/or show support either way. Wishy washy people don't work for me. Not anymore.
And i'm so not saying this is the situation at all. But Gary was Joann's HUSBAND. He probably/should know more than anyone and there really might be a huge family secret that we just don't know about.
I don't know.....it could be pure "selfishness" on his part.
But i just have to give him the benifit of the doubt.....for now?
Cuz i just don't know!
WE don't know the reasons........
I feel like our opinions are being a little too judmental on both GB and MJ.
OTOH....they COULD both be losers and only out for each other.
I think i need to back out of this one....
 
soyesterday said:
Thank you...:)
I only wish i would have done it sooner...when i was still a teenager...i wished i wouldn't have thought i had to "protect" my mom from knowing (like that helps me now...look where she is.....ugh)....i wish more than anything i would have said something sooner to stop it from happening any longer or getting worse and more than anything from him getting to my cousin after or anyone else he got to. :( I wish that guilt would go away.
I wish every child the strength (that i didn't have until recently now that i'm in my 30's) to tell someone. To be able to fight back and show these horrible sorry excuses for a human that they ARE strong and they're not gonna take it.
I pray for all of them.....
I know a lot of you have been abused....i don't how many of you are in counceling or have been able to start moving on or are having a hard time letting go/forgetting the past (like me.....i'm a freaking mess still)....but i just want to say that being able to talk on this site is helping me sooooo much.
Thank you to anyone that listens and i hope i can do the same for any of you. There are a lot of awesome people on here. <3
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soyesterday, I was raped by my junior high school guidance counsellor when I was 12 years old. Like you, I didn't tell anyone for many years. It's a long, complicated story.

I'm a good 20 years older than you and I'm here to tell you that it does get better. It doesn't have to remain a burden and a horror forever.

When I was a teen, I read what little I could find about what happens to rape victims. At that time, the literature was full of dire predictions and it looked like I was doomed to live a life of depression, substance abuse, never be able to have a normal relationship with a man, etc.

I wish so much that I could go back and tell my teen self "don't believe everything you read! They don't know everything and they don't know you! It will be a long, strange road but it will be a good life, with more joy than suffering."

I can't do that but I can tell you: it is possible to move on. It is possible to be happy. It isn't a life sentence of doom.
 
animallvr said:
You didn't offend me! I probably worry too much that someone might get their feelings hurt by what someone says or does and I guess I shouldn't be that way. I think we all get "in the moment" and just want to defend what we think is right and don't realize it how it sounds. I know I have in the past. I think it is great that everyone has different opinions, you could never figure something out if you aren't open to all opinions!!!!

I definitely want to hear what you think though, you sound very very smart! Thanks!
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Well I never want to hurt someone's feelings here or anywhere but I definitely do get caught up in the moment and have very strong feelings of right and wrong, as I imagine we all do.

I think we all draw from our past and I think that's where this is catching up with me.
I have helped out an attorney friend with people to try and help through difficult life situations. I have tried to guide many people in custody, family, divorce situations that aren't easy to go through.
I've seen families that have a falling out and when the chips are down come gunning for the ones that are down and out at the time causing more pain and suffering.
I've known people that have given their parental rights up because they didn't want to pay for their children after they split with the other parent. That one always burns my hide, not that I've been personally through it, but I have seen it many times. Now it's happening in my family and as I've acknowledged it earlier on here, I'm sure that's where at least part of my distaste for MJ comes from.
I've never had trouble with LE so I tend to always give them the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand I have seen the justice system and how it really works sometimes in the county I live in and the ones near me and am truly disappointed and not very trusting that it all plays out the way it should at times.

I agree about the varying opinions. I have always felt it allows me to grow to hear all points instead of just being caught in my own. I always love a good discussion and truly never mean to be rude but know I am very strong at voicing my opinion at times. Again, if that offends someone or makes anyone feel attacked, I do apologize because that is not my intention.

MOO
 
menmo said:
Well I never want to hurt someone's feelings here or anywhere but I definitely do get caught up in the moment and have very strong feelings of right and wrong, as I imagine we all do.

I think we all draw from our past and I think that's where this is catching up with me.
I have helped out an attorney friend with people to try and help through difficult life situations. I have tried to guide many people in custody, family, divorce situations that aren't easy to go through.
I've seen families that have a falling out and when the chips are down come gunning for the ones that are down and out at the time causing more pain and suffering.
I've known people that have given their parental rights up because they didn't want to pay for them after they split with the other parent. That one always burns my hide, not that I've been personally through it, but I have seen it many times. Now it's happening in my family and as I've acknowledged it earlier on here, I'm sure that's where at least part of my distaste for MJ comes from.
I've never had trouble with LE so I tend to always give them the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand I have seen the justice system and how it really works sometimes in the county I live in and the ones near me and am truly disappointed and not very trusting that it all plays out the way it should at times.

I agree about the varying opinions. I have always felt it allows me to grow to hear all points instead of just being caught in my own. I always love a good discussion and truly never mean to be rude but know I am very strong at voicing it at times. Again, if that offends someone or makes anyone feel attacked, I do apologize because that is not my intention.

MOO
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I do think, though, it is good to be passionate about what you believe instead of being wishy-washy. You are right, we are the product of our past and what has happened to you. That blinds me too sometimes, things I feel so strong about because of something in the past makes me not be open to other things.

Thank you menmo!!
 
GrainneDhu said:
soyesterday, I was raped by my junior high school guidance counsellor when I was 12 years old. Like you, I didn't tell anyone for many years. It's a long, complicated story.

I'm a good 20 years older than you and I'm here to tell you that it does get better. It doesn't have to remain a burden and a horror forever.

When I was a teen, I read what little I could find about what happens to rape victims. At that time, the literature was full of dire predictions and it looked like I was doomed to live a life of depression, substance abuse, never be able to have a normal relationship with a man, etc.

I wish so much that I could go back and tell my teen self "don't believe everything you read! They don't know everything and they don't know you! It will be a long, strange road but it will be a good life, with more joy than suffering."

I can't do that but I can tell you: it is possible to move on. It is possible to be happy. It isn't a life sentence of doom.
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Thank you for sharing.
And i'm so sorry for what happened to you. :(
I have to keep believing that it does get better.
I have a family to take care of.
I just hope i don't wake up one day and realize how much i've screwed up my life and it's too late.
Thank you again. <3
 
soyesterday said:
Thank you for sharing.
And i'm so sorry for what happened to you. :(
I have to keep believing that it does get better.
I have a family to take care of.
I just hope i don't wake up one day and realize how much i've screwed up my life and it's too late.
Thank you again. <3
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Oh, I've made more than my fair share of mistakes. That's how I learned that it is very difficult to totally screw up a life. Here I am and despite some spectacular fails, my life is not totally screwed up. It's actually pretty darn good.

For me, being afraid of what might happen is usually worse than what does actually happen.

For instance, I had necrotising fasciitis twice in 2005 (odd how I never do things halfway). I would never have dreamed I could get through it even just once and I would have been terrified if I'd known it was going to happen to me.

But it did happen to me and even though it was incredibly unpleasant to downright agonisingly painful, I made it through.

Before I became so disabled, I was terrified of being disabled. I never dreamed I could be happy if my mobility was severely impaired or my eyesight impaired. And yet, here I am, very disabled and yet very happy. I've lost some and gained some.
 
It amazes me when I see people from all over the world come together with one common goal; the safe return of AB and KB.

It hurts me to see the same individuals lose sight of what the goal was in the first place.

Did it ever occur to anyone that the "friend" from CA might of been a forensic psychologist brought in by the FBI to interview these 2 young ladies?

Not only do these young ladies have to heal physically but mentally as well. They are as well the star witnesses. There is not a chance that anyone can convince me that the FBI would allow just anyone to be in contact with them especially less than 24 hours after being found and before the FBI even had the opportunity to interview them.

I get the fact that there is family dynamics here. The issue I have is that it is not about GB or MJ it is about 2 young ladies AB and KB. The families need to put their issues aside and allow the professionals involved do what they do best.

As one lady stated in the news people "need to sweep their porch before they comment on someone else's porch".


If there are concerns or information about GB or MJ they should be brought to the attention of the FBI not discussed on forums or facebook. I don't know how anyone would know what is contained in GB's or MJ's statements. These have not been released thus I truly don't understand how anyone can state that there are different versions.

There is simply no need for 2 trust accounts. Only 1 trust account is needed and a 3rd party not involved with either family should be appointed by a judge to oversee it. Whenever I have been involved with trust funds I have had to make full accountings to a judge regarding expenditures related to same. People have to realize that whomever is in charge of these accounts can submit a bill with respect to the services they have rendered in dealing with them. Two trust accounts means two different individuals that could potentially be reimbursed for their time. It is not about GB or MJ.

We all must as well realize that it was not just GB that allowed contact with AM as JB was still alive at that point in time.

At the end of the day it is about AB and KB and I feel that this is being lost.
 
I saw on the news the other night that no one has claimed AM's remains and that if no one comes forward to claim them, the state will cremate him and it will cost 1,700 dollars of the states money. I think they should just give his body to science. And see what makes someone like him tick.
 
animallvr said:
I do think, though, it is good to be passionate about what you believe instead of being wishy-washy. You are right, we are the product of our past and what has happened to you. That blinds me too sometimes, things I feel so strong about because of something in the past makes me not be open to other things.

Thank you menmo!!
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I wouldn't say it blinds us, but more that it expands our minds to what does happen sometimes, unfortunately. Instead of blind I think it's more like eyes wide open.

There are days I wish I could go back to being naive and believe that all people are good and that bad things don't happen. That innocence was taken from me long ago. For the most part, though, I still believe most people are good and worthy of my trust, even though I don't trust easliy anymore. It's the few people that aren't so good that really bring me down.

Also, the FB page that some are talking about-I have no idea about it because I haven't been there and don't plan to. I've watched a few pages here and there with missing people or the memory pages of people that have gone on to know there are some seriously messed up people out there. Who has time to troll on the pages saying hurtful things? Not me and I don't like wading through it so I stick with WS and MSM for the most part. I especially like it when locals are on and posting because I gain so much more insight. That doesn't mean they'll make up my mind for me, it just is that I seem to get a better picture most times.

MOO
 
MaryJaneSmith said:
On the other hand, to not allow children to see those they love could be just as traumatizing. I can't imagine not allowing my ex's parents to come to his funeral nor see their grand children. I don't buy into the FBI made him do it theory. Seems like a handy excuse for bad behavior. I highly doubt the FBI told him to shun everyone in JBs family and to keep them away from the girls, yet allow someone to drive in from Cali to pick them up.

As far as the competence of the LE goes in the area, believe you me, there is lack of faith in them doing the right thing. The only relief is that the FBI is involved, and there are members of MS LE watching too. The TBIs track record is miserable, and corruption is rampant. Every week there is another member of law enforcement or prominent politician that is being investigated. I applaud your faith in LE, I used to have it myself. However, I have seen enough and experienced enough to change my mind on that issue.
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I am sure the FBI or LE did not tell them to shun everyone from JB's family. However, I can most certainly see a psychologist specializing in trauma, trauma bonding, grief and hostage situations suggesting the contact with multiple people be reduced. It makes very good sense to have the girls focus on their healing and emotions and not get upset or concerned about JB's family and their grief process (or any people not necessary for therapeutic purposes. Hugs from grandmother may be nice, but, untrained family members asking questions, talking about the M family, crying, being angry, etc can actually cause more damage then the actual event). JB's family are going through a grief process, too. And it does not reflect on them as people to not expose these girl's to the complicated grief patterns of other's at all. It is not to be mean. Part of assisting victims of this type of horrific trauma, yes, the girls are witnesses also, is to limit the amount of variables, influences and stimulation they are exposed to. It is typical protocol and medical and psych standards given they lost 3 people they love and one was the perpetrator to violence to 2 of them. I know there is speculation on the WS boards the girls were molested, etc. I chose not to even speculate on that as it is just as likely, given what I have read and know that AM did not do that. But, I will say, the experience they went through was horrific even without us having to add sexual abuse to the mix. IMOO
 
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