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I don't post here much, but i have a unique insight into this case as I have very bad OCD. I have pondered whether or not to post this as its personal, but might give you an idea of how the OCD mind works. If you need to verify this then to the mods: please feel free to contact me. I'd also like to point out this post is not designed to offer medical advice to anyone, as one man's sugar is another man's poison. Finally I'd like to point out that at no point did i worry about posting this because its a mental health issue. I am happy to share this as I believe if someone de-mystifies mental health problems by talking about them then the world is a better place for everyone : ). When we hide it, we give it power over us and stop others seeing what is going on, thus stopping them from helping us and us from helping them. This too is ironic, as OCD is often known as *the secret disorder* because we hide it so well.
My OCD is *contamination* and *magical thought* based (magical thoughts mean my brain makes me perform rituals to cancel out bad luck or to keep things good, such as turning a light switch off and on 8 times before its *ok* and I find certain things which i know are not dirty, but i *feel* they are, which combined with magical thinking means everything takes forever). The worse it has been left me unable to leave my home except for once a week when i *had* to go out, for two years (i called it *my bubble* and nothing got into it without being cleaned, and if it couldn't be cleaned then it didn't come in). At one point (after i'd started trying to recover instead of letting it control me, which i did for many years) i ended up with my nephew, who was 2, coming to live with me. It was incredibly difficult. He'd be bathed the moment he came into the house, he had *inside and outside* clothing. At 3 he started attending the local nursery and every day he came back he got washed, and my husband had to drive him to the group as if i left the house i *had* to have a shower and *decontaminate* the house upon return. I did my best to hide it from him (making bath times fun and trying not to freak out if he touched something that made me want to scream out loud but I couldn't because i would never let him see me like that). The fear of this child (who i love like a son) was my only control over it for a long time, then i realised that he was picking up some of my *habits* so I had to fight with all my might to show him that the world was not a dirty place (not easy when your brain is telling you it is over and over again). I believe part of OCD is genetic (I have *deduced* that I have several family members who have it in differing severitys), so I didn't want to *plant any seeds* for future suffering for him. I know other *mothers* who have used their children as the reason to *fight back*, but it takes a lot of strength and some simply can't do it at that time.
So i went back to the doctor. they gave me several medications to try. it took 3 years to find one that worked. Meds don't take it away even when they work. Its always there at the back of my mind, and almost everyone I have ever talked to who have been lucky enough to get help with their OCD to the stage where they can cope have told me the same. Its like a shadow: The more you look at it the more you notice it and it can engulf you, but it can fade. You can be given pills to calm a panic attack down, but it just calms the heart and not the mind. The best way to do that is a combination of medication and therapy. The medication issue is quite complicated too:
Every brain is different. One med might work for one person but not suit/adapt/be accepted my another. One therapy might work for one person and not for another. The first medication they gave me had a huge effect on my blood pressure (as it worked on the same part of the brain that regulates blood pressure) and despite the fact it left me having dizzy spells, fainting spells and sudden blood-pressure drops as well as feeling terribly ill. I still took this drug for 3 months, just on the hope it would work. it can take at least 3-6 weeks (sometimes longer) for some of these meds to *build up* in your system enough to be effective. i tried 4 different meds (for a few months at least each). I was also having therapy at the same time (one session twice a month).
I have had times when I have been *triggered* into having a massive negative reaction. I was once so bad that when i thought i'd become *contaminated* by some food i ate I tried to gargle with bleach (if my husband was not here it would have been a lot worse, as I only ended up with slight burns rather than possibl dead). Whilst these things are happening I know deep in my heart and my mind somewhere that its irrational, that it is not a normal reaction, but to control it is the hardest thing in the world at that moment. Your mind simply betrays you and you feel powerless to stop it. you can see the pain in others eyes as they watch you/try to help, but you feel you can't stop. I wish i could find a better way to put it into words, but I fail every time I'm afraid.
I (and i know this sound strange) got *lucky* in my treatment, in that it was decided for me by fate. One day we were visiting a city about 160 miles aways and I became *contaminated*. This led to my husband having to drag me through a mall in one of our buggest cities whilst i was alternately hyper-ventilating and trying not to scream (and failing). We got into out car and i had a full blown panic attack (OCD often causes huge panic attacks, and a lot of the rituals and pandering to it that you do is in an effort to *stave* those off). We got stuck 160 miles from home in the worst moment there could be, and on the way out of there to get home as quickly as we could we got stuck in a huge traffic jam for an hour and a half. That hour and a half changed my life. It allwoed the panic attack to go full circle, i didn't calm myelf dlwn, i just *burnt out*. Then i realised that the world was still here, the people i love were still here and the panic subsided. i was shattered, but i realised i didn't *have* to do these things. I had been exposed to the worse thing that could (in my mind) happen, it happened and i was still there. From that base i worked to raise my confidence in my ability to interact with the outside world. I could touch things i wouldn't have dared to like money or bread from a bakery or simply open a door without it reducing me to tears (to be honest after this revelation i went a bit mad with power and did things like going to a supermarket and lightly bumping into people, as i had really feared contact with people i didn''t know, and even those i did). 6 months later i found a med that worked, and now i have my life back. Now, i'm not suggesting this as treatment to anyone, as if you did this to someone without their complicity then you could scar them for life, but this worked for me. But it never goes away. I find I'm always 10 thoughts ahead of everyone (which often shows up in my spelling as my brain is trying to spell the next word before its finished the one its writing), and i have a level of paranoia that is much more heightened than in those around me. The urges to follow rituals are still there, i just have to not give them power.
What i am trying to say is, i know what its like to have ocd and a small child/children around: so here are my thoughts:
Having OCD and a child around makes the OCD *thoughts* worse. It doubles/triples the *work* you feel you need to do. I was lucky that my love of this child actually helped me. It was if i had to watch every move i made plus every move the child made, and had to perform the OCD rituals and thought patterns for us both. This meant i was tired all the time.
I can see a situation where she could hurt her child because of OCD if she had what i called *a meltdown* (it took her over so completely that she did something and hurt him, ironically in what could have been a bid to save him from hurt).
I have some friends who have OCD and some have it completely effect their spouses/children (who are often forced to follow their rituals too). Some of these are the best parents i know, but i can't explain how i managed to, through the love of one special child, fight it, but not everyone can do this (but most of them do try more than anyone will ever know).
As far as her *putting it on*, from everything i have heard from the husband and her *friends* she shoulds like someone who has been dealing with it for a long time. It never goes away like i said, but fighing it takes up a huge abount of the finite amount of energy we have for such things, so sometimes if an external stressor come to the fore it can cause the OCD to get worse/makes it harder to fight (a bit like a car, it only has so much fuel, and I'm aware of how sad it is that this is the best way to describe it so i aplogise if that offends anyone). She has had a lot of these recently according to all i have read. I can imagine as a fellow dirt avoider that moving house so often them losing the house you thought was forever must have been terribly traumatic (we moved once 7 years ago and it took me a year to recover and i nearly had to be hospitalised).
I have to wonder this: Is the reason she isn't helping because she's had a *meltdown* to the degree that she can't help anyone? Whether she has anything to do with it or not, she is likely (as an OCD effected person would) blaming herself (unless she is a sociopath, but I don't think she is). Could something else have triggered a massive panic attack that he bore the brunt of? I imagine that whilst in the heat of a huge meltdown a small scared chaild might push you to the stage where you just *break*?
Now I want to clarify one thing for you: I am not making any judgements here because its too *close to home*, i am simply stating what i think as an OCD effected person and factoring in the fact that i know her brain works in a different way to most others (as mine does), a way thats hard to understand for someone without this disorder. I just wanted to shed a little light for all the non-ocd'ers out there. I also point out that this is all in my (and i might add well-thought-out) opinion. I actually don't think enough is being done about the OCD angle, as i think this is the crux of the case. I also want to add that I am not suggesting that OCD'ers are violent or dangerous, but if those who live with it are honest it does cause us to think and sometimes do some pretty odd things that at the time we feel we have no control over in a way that can be hard for anyone else to understand. In fact the ocd'ers i've met have been some of thenicest most kind people I've ever met.
I finally want to share one last thing with you: OCD is on the autism spectrum, and autism spectrum disorders such as aprergers have been described as *being like a shotgun wound to the brain*. Every shot is similar in what it does, but the pellets can land anywhere, effecting differnt parts of the brains in everyone. everyone with an autism spectrum disorder may have similar symptoms but it can be hugely different from one person to the next. It also means that it has a lot of co-morbid (illnesses that exist along side other illnesses) conditions (such as I am bi-polar also). She could have many smaller co-morbid conditions that could be having an effect on what is going on. This is why i thin they should be looking into the OCD angle. I understand why they seem to be dancing around it/avoiding it but as someone who has lived it i know it could be a huge factor.
again, in my opinion, and apologies for any grammer or spelling issues. I'd finally like to point out that this case is simply breaking my heart. When i see the father my heart hurts for him, as he is going through the most unimaginable pain, plus he has loved someone with OCD which is one of the hardest things to do. I do hope with all my heart that this boy is found safe. but like i said the heart and the brain are two different things, and my brain is telling me otherwise (in a way i can listen to nd believe).
blessings to you all.
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