YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
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This and your other post about Travis' texts, all sounds so sad to me, too.
Travis seemed to need a lot people in his life- maybe more than other people need them- for validation, just as you have said. Validation is an important part of who a person is- to some.Since Travis didn't have a good childhood and had a lot of siblings, he may have felt.... "lost in the shuffle", if you will. This brings something to my mind about my SIL wanting more children- she had 2 boys/1 girl- and my BIL telling her that, from his experience, he didn't want anymore because then the children wouldn't have enough attention from their parents (he grew up in 6 child household).
Well- Travis had the additional burden of parents who were drug addicts, too. What a horror that must have been for all involved. Thank goodness for his grandmother, who gave him some stabilization, but it may have been too late by then for Travis to validate himself, so- constant validation by others? If someone was not validated as a child, they can end up looking towards other people to fulfil their needs that were not met during these years. And if one didnt get the validation they needed from their parents growing up, it could be that they would unconsciously look towards other people to validate them as an adult. Years may have passed, but the need to be validated for who they are wont just disappear.
I think Travis needed people to tell him who he was/what he was worth and did not value his own judgement or even himself enough. He may have had no "core"- no sense of "self". His life was based entirely on trying to mask that feeling with stuff- house, furniture, cars, lots of approval from people, ..whatever, so that he was reliant on external validation from others. Internal validation is your sense of confidence and self-esteem; you believe in your own value and worth. Maybe because his parents didn't "value" him as their child and "valued" their drugs instead of him, this must have caused him to lose his "self". Other's validation gave him that and, like a drug, if you will, Travis needed that more and more from others (instead of from just himself).
I know that on the outside, Travis appeared pretty put together, but that didn't mean he was, IMO. What others may see is not what may be. I mean, in general, everyone is like that. People have, what I call, a "mask" on for the world to see, and an "inner core" for what is inside of them, that is private. Some people do not need others to validate their "self-worth", others need validation from others for validation/approval of their life.
What does it take to make you feel good about yourself? What is your source of validation? How do you prioritize the importance of how others see you versus how you see yourself?
People need to be able to self validated, so they will no longer need to be validated by everyone they meet or have a tendency to look in all the wrong places for it (like Travis' "need" for the murderer). By relying on external validation, you are "surrendering" your identity and self-worth to others, IMO,- or, as my mother would say, you are giving others too much importance in your life.
Travis, who may have relied on external validation, could have been compensating for a lack, a hole in his life. The murderer filled that hole with all her flattery (real or not)- telling him how wonderful he was and Travis not seeing that he was wonderful all by himself- without anyone having to tell him.
Besides from my mother, I learned about validation when I first became a nurse's aide at classes that I attended. Validation is a way to communicate with people who are in Alzheimer's. By validating what the resident is saying, whatever it happened to be at the time, you stepped into their "world" - not the one that you may want them to be in at the moment. But, in doing that, it makes the resident less combative- you are listening to them because what they are saying is important to them (and you). So you're validating that the resident needs 'to catch that bus/drive the car to go to work/go to school" and at the same time helping them get dressed/take shower- whatever was going on at the time.
The need for validation can be a good thing in someone's life- something everyone needs at times, but it can be bad. too, IMO. When that need is where people have to consistently seek the approval of others because without it well, they dont really have anything- theres no sense of "self" to maintain them- no "inner core" ("light") of worth- no internal validation. Life becomes a recipe for misery- they are ultimately ensuring their own unhappiness; no matter how much they may achieve it simply wont ever be enough. So sad, IMO
Internal validation- so important in life, IMO- the source of esteem and satisfaction comes from within you- it means that you believe in your own value, regardless of how others see you, and setting your own standards, not the standards that others set for you.
I do think that Travis was trying hard to reach his goals, but what goals? his or other's (or maybe those goals were the same) or just because something/goal is the way things are- letting self-worth be dependent on other's judgement)? I don't know.
I didn't mean to go on and on, but that word "validation" struck me- reminded me, and it's a perfect word, in my mind, for Travis' need for it.
And after all this..:blah::blah::blah:... I agree with you- that Travis opened the door for the murderer that horrible day because he needed validation.
And thanks for more info on Laurence's interview.
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Wagara- just love those crocheted hats!
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It's freezing- 28 degrees! :coldout:
Waiting for my son's return- he called that he's coming home. I made a pot of chili for dinner.
Oh- he's home- gotta go- see y'all later.
