Angels or savages - who would have children?

Make no mistake, bringing up children is war, and you're on the losing side.

Every time you plan a little escape they will undermine you. Just as you are off to bed with your partner, they'll throw up; the one night you book a babysitter they'll come down with a fever; on your birthday they'll throw a tantrum as you're stepping out of the door - you just can't win.

Perhaps this is why children are such effective passion killers. Take my advice, if you want to stay together, avoid baby-making.

What hope is there of a fulfilling sex life when a woman is forced to turn into a fat, deformed animal decked out in sack-like dresses?

Far from the beautiful images on the front of magazines, the ugly reality usually means a long cold spell between the sheets.

Even once the baby is born, nights punctuated by feeds and a crying baby leave you so exhausted that any thawing in that department is a long way off.

As you bid adieu to your sex life, your relationship is quick to follow. You go from being a couple to being Mummy and Daddy.

Your job as a parent comes first, and the romance in your lives is replaced by DIY and dusting.

Now, my boyfriend Yves and I are parents first and a couple second. Our relationship hasn't been the same since we had children and I miss the romance.
Of course, millions of parents will read this and get all defensive and think that it's all worth it because those angels of theirs are sweethearts. But they're not: they're little savages.

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As soon as you get pregnant, you finally realise the point of all those years of dealing with budding *advertiser censored* and annoying periods.

As you body swells up with potential, you finally have a legitimate reason to spend hours drooling over baby clothes and the latest prams.

And you start to get what this baby-making business is all about.

Now I know that not all pregnancies are as rosy as mine, which were a round of cat naps and guilt-free chocolate scoffing, but the end result makes it all worthwhile even if you've spent nine months fighting morning sickness.
The moment you look your baby in the eye, you know a love like no other you will ever feel. Your feelings for your newborn baby are the very definition of unconditional love.

They are the cutest thing you've ever seen, even as newborns when they are slicked in blood and look like Winston Churchill (all new babies do).

Now I won't lie - yes, the early months are hard, but then doesn't anything worth having take a bit of hard work and self-sacrifice?
One of my most cherished memories is of a night feed with my son Jacob when he was all of two months old. I plucked him screaming and red-faced from his cot, and started to feed him his milk.

After a few moments, he pulled away from his bottle, looked up at me and gave me his first, beautifully gummy smile.
I've never felt being up at 2am was so worthwhile - even when I was dancing away at some nightclub in my youth.

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Taximom said:

Am I terrible for feeling all of that at some point in my life?! Overall I'm quite happy being a mom, but there have been times when I wondered why I thought having children, 4 no less, was a great idea.

Then they give me one of those unexpected hugs and I get over it.

I seriously miss time alone with my husband more than anything.

I'm sure someone will come along and bash me for this! Oh well.

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Taximom said:

Am I terrible for feeling all of that at some point in my life?! Overall I'm quite happy being a mom, but there have been times when I wondered why I thought having children, 4 no less, was a great idea.

Then they give me one of those unexpected hugs and I get over it.

I seriously miss time alone with my husband more than anything.

I'm sure someone will come along and bash me for this! Oh well.

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sherri79 said:

any mom who has never felt a little overwhelmed/tired/stressed or the like is either crazy or just a liar. potty training, no sleep, no sex, teething, colic, learning the word no, learning to bite...all of that and they have not even started school.

the big deal over this book is mom A says kids are not worth the trouble. mom B says in spite of the trouble kids are worth it.

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sherri79 said:

any mom who has never felt a little overwhelmed/tired/stressed or the like is either crazy or just a liar. potty training, no sleep, no sex, teething, colic, learning the word no, learning to bite...all of that and they have not even started school.

the big deal over this book is mom A says kids are not worth the trouble. mom B says in spite of the trouble kids are worth it.

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SadieMae said:

No bashing from me Taximon. I think we all feel that at one point or another. I know there have been times I wonder, "what was I thinking" when I had kids. But overall, I wouldn't change the fact I have kids!!!! The joys of being a Mom far outweight my bad moments. Having kids is life changing...but it's a part of life. My mother used to say a husband may not always be your husband, but your kids are yours for life. I put more importance on being a Mom first.

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Taximom said:

I think we've seen a lot of Mom (and Dad) A's here in the crime section, eh?

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sherri79 said:

very true. i really think some people should not have kids. when someone tells me they never want kids i dont try to change their minds and tell them what they are missing. if you kid crawling in you lap and looking at you and saying i love you mom does not make up for him getting sick 2 minutes before hubby and you had planned to play doctor you should not have kids. god knows i resent my kids sometimes. like when i tried to potty train my son and he pooped all over my bed including my pillows... i put him on the potty and went to strip the bed. when i heard water in the bathroom. i run back in and there are poopy hand swipes on the walls,floor, mirror, and all over the sink. i grab him and put him in the tub and he screams because it is to cold. it took strength i did not know i had to take him out and calmly warm the water wash him then clean the room and the tub and clean my room with out calling him words i would regret. unlike mom A i think it was worth it.

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southcitymom said:

I'll do a final post to this thread from my deathbed and tell y'all if it was worth it!!!

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southcitymom said:

I'll do a final post to this thread from my deathbed and tell y'all if it was worth it!!!

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Taximom said:

I know what you mean. I've had to pray a lot for patience because it's taken (so far) about 5 years to potty train our disabled one. We started calling them pooh parties with our youngest.

She just didn't get that poop is NOT playdough. :waitasec: Thank goodness we've moved past that for the most party.

I wonder what Mom A would do in that situation. No, maybe I don't.

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People often ask me what my children think of the book, but they don't give a damn.
They live in their own world and I live in mine. I would never give my daughter advice on whether she should have children. I don't care if I have grandchildren or not, but I know that if I do, I don't want to look after them too often.

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Mira said:

every person is different. every woman is different. some get 'baby hunger'. some, like myself, never wanted children. i love my girlfriend's kids, my cousins kids, and they love me back.

i just know i would go mad if i had children 24/7. im too selfish, and i know it.

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sherri79 said:

lol!

i got my proof it was worth it the next day.my hubby knew how stressed and tired i was so he offered to let me nap while he watched the kids. when i woke i asked how it went. he said great except your son seemed to enjoy showing his @$$.... i said great what did he do... my hubby said "i just told you. he pulled down his pants and ran backwards chasing his sister saying "see my butt ,see my butt"while she screamed" the laugh made it worth it for me right then.

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Autumn2004 said:

As much as I love being a mom I do get overwhelmed and stressed also, I believe everyone does. My relationship has definitely changed with my husband, not badly but different. Limited sex is frustrating but thankfully its really fun when we do it:innocent: I wouldnt change having her (having 1 does make a difference as to having many I believe) especially if you are dealing with adhd, autism, personality disorders or health problems. I love and appreciate my husband more how he is with our daughter. It makes me more committed to him and since I know no one else would be that way with her.

I dont think there is anything wrong with choosing not to have children, it is tiring and you have to give more than you have and have more stamina sometimes than you would have thought possible along with a great deal of patience.

You have to do what is right for you, after all your the one who will get the sleepless nights, temper tantrums, whining, embarassing tantrums in stores, selfishness, hormonal rages. But you also get the love, smiles, experience all the fun things that a childs imagination and spark from seeing something for the first time. I love being able to run in the park with kites and blow bubbles, read fairy tales, play princess tea parties with our crowns, watching cartoons in bed with popcorn and all the fun things I would feel silly doing as an adult by myself.

There is a tradeoff to both of them you just have to figure out which one you want.

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