Why did Kaine and Terri avoid the media.?

[froginTtown]

I have been bothered by this video, especially where is shows BOTH Terri and Kaine leaving the gym after Kyrons disappearance.. Why did they avoid the media...?? This video was taken before the first press conference.....
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?tab=video

[froginTtown]

If that were me... I would have said..."Give me an hour to clean up, and meet me at my house..""

[angelmom]

Originally Posted by froginTtown

I have been bothered by this video, especially where is shows BOTH Terri and Kaine leaving the gym after Kyrons disappearance.. Why did they avoid the media...?? This video was taken before the first press conference.....
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?tab=video

I think Kaine had decided (with or without the help of LE/Tony) to avoid the media completely. I think he made it clear to those around him that that's what he wanted/expected. We have the email to Intel and other quotes saying he wanted people to avoid the press, and we have his own actions to back that up. (trying to control certain papers and what they printed, etc.)

Honestly, I think he expected/hoped for this to be cleared up very quickly. In all likelihood, everyone truly expected Kyron to be lost behind the school and found shortly after. (like Nadia).

Whether he has followed another case, like Caylee or another high profile missing persons case, he might have been determined not to be fodder for the press, and he treated them like bears at a campsite - if you feed them once they'll never leave you alone!

I think they only came out in the press when they did once it became apparent that this wasn't going to be over quickly and they may have missed some crucial time and witnesses by being silent. I'm sure there is a lot of second guessing himself, guilt, and "what ifs" right now, but I think he did the best he could with the advice he was given.

[mmmagique]

Yeah, that bothered me as well. Why would they act so...odd?

[Donjeta]

The video won't load for me but I wondered about their silence more in the beginning than I do now, having found out that the family suspected Terri from early on.

Terri said in her email that she was going to her fifth interview on Saturday and already thought she was being blamed so IMO it's very likely that she had caught on that LE had some doubts about her story by this time. It could be a factor in her avoiding talking to the media, whether or not she did it. She might have been afraid of saying something that helped people to realize that she was a suspect and judge her, fairly or unfairly.

I'm not exactly sure when Kaine began to suspect Terri but I think he may have had some doubts by this time as well. DY and TY said they were suspicious very early. Maybe LE or Terri said something to him that let him see LE thought Terri as a suspect.

In such a case he might not have wanted to have the media clued in to the Terri as a suspect scenario because he was not sure himself yet and didn't want the strain on Terri, because he wasn't ready to have them all over his family's business just yet and/or because he felt it would distract from the active search for Kyron that was still going on if people concluded that the stepmom did it, end of story. Etcetera.

The initial caution is understandable IMO taking all the conflicts of interest into account. It would have been a walk on the eggshells situation and this was a surprise attack. Even the talking family members have chosen mostly to talk only in a controlled environment in scheduled pressers, with prepared statements and agreed-upon questions.

[stmarysmead]

Originally Posted by Donjeta

The video won't load for me but I wondered about their silence more in the beginning than I do now, having found out that the family suspected Terri from early on.

Terri said in her email that she was going to her fifth interview on Saturday and already thought she was being blamed so IMO it's very likely that she had caught on that LE had some doubts about her story by this time. It could be a factor in her avoiding talking to the media, whether or not she did it. She might have been afraid of saying something that helped people to realize that she was a suspect and judge her, fairly or unfairly.

I'm not exactly sure when Kaine began to suspect Terri but I think he may have had some doubts by this time as well. DY and TY said they were suspicious very early. Maybe LE or Terri said something to him that let him see LE thought Terri as a suspect.

In such a case he might not have wanted to have the media clued in to the Terri as a suspect scenario because he was not sure himself yet and didn't want the strain on Terri, because he wasn't ready to have them all over his family's business just yet and/or because he felt it would distract from the active search for Kyron that was still going on if people concluded that the stepmom did it, end of story. Etcetera.

The initial caution is understandable IMO taking all the conflicts of interest into account. It would have been a walk on the eggshells situation and this was a surprise attack. Even the talking family members have chosen mostly to talk only in a controlled environment in scheduled pressers, with prepared statements and agreed-upon questions.

Thank you for this great post!

I remember the way Kaine seemed to "shelter" Terri in his arms in that first press conference...and the way she nestled into him. My feeling is that Kaine was very protective of Terri in the beginning. Knowing that she was "step-mother" and possibly the last person with Kyron, coupled with her emails about being suspected on the Blogs, makes me think he was thinking of "sheltering" her from any speculation, any hurtful comments as well.

Exercising with her, keeping her away from hurtful media questions, asking people not to speak...Terri was moved from "last person with Kyron" into a cocoon of his protection. At least as it was in his power to do so.

I think his faith in her was strong. This is why I believe there is something MORE than just the Landscapers sordid story. I believe the police HAD to have something else, because I don't think Kaine, the engineer, the data-guy, would just "buy-in" to a story from some random guy...against the wife that he encircled in his arms, that he COMFORTED in that first press conference.

At the least, they had something like sexually explicit "texts"...something that threw Kaine's trust into a tail-spin. Something that turned his complete faith in Terri's innocence(and her commitment to their marriage) into a "could-be." Something that sent him out of that house with Little Baby K and immediately out of that marriage.

Whatever that "something" is...Terri lost her protector and her child. And it is so potent she fights to regain..NEITHER.

[RubyRed]

At that point Kaine had no idea just how surreal this was going to be. All the accusations against Terri had not come out, yet. I think he truly believed Kyron would be back home in a very short time so there was no need to talk to the media. At that time reality had not set in but it has now.

[BeanE]

All four parents strictly avoided the media for the first few weeks. In the very first LE presser on June 5, Captain Gates says the 'family would appreciate if you'd respect their privacy at this time'.

I can fully understand how, after such a huge emotional punch in the gut, some family members of missing children need some time to get their heads together before they can even think of talking to the press.

Personally, I'd be a raving lunatic. On camera would not be a good place for me to be. I would not be able to present my child's situation and what I needed from the public effectively or intelligently. I'd just scream. "JESUS GOD FIND MY BABY!!! FIND HIM!!".

I know this from the 10 minutes my son went missing when he was a child. I clearly remember grabbing my friend's arms, leaning up into her face, and screaming that right into her face. I remember the look on her face. She was crying. I'm not sure if it was because she was worried about my son, or because she was scared to death of me.

My . I need coffee.

[froginTtown]

Yup...That was me too...

I was in a "mega" store when both of my children came up missing... They were 4 and 5 at the time, now 23 and 24.. I turned around and they were GONE...we looked for about 5 min.. I was frantic...pale and weak in the knees... very dizzy too... My sister was with me and we were both scared to death..Thank God she had her wits about her and told security right away... I was searching and telling EVERYONE through out the store... Again, within 5 minutes security was out in the parking lot and secured the doors... It took all of us over 30 minutes to find my kids....

We found them in the middle of a circular clothing rack. Trying to be as quiet as they could... right where I lost them...

Point is... I was desperate... and I got the word out quick... If my child went missing... I would do it all over again... I would put the word out... I would carry a pic with me. I would contact the media myself.. If the media began to do me wrong, then I would stop talking to them... but that's just me...

p.s. I remind them here and there about it...lol

[Patty G]

What is odd to me, more so then the parents not speaking out, is that they went to the gym for a work-out!

It appears that they were at the gym on Wednesday, June 9, 2010, based on when the article was written and corresponds with the video.
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?

[SurfieTX]

Perhaps they were asked by the FBI and LE not to speak to the media.

[stmarysmead]

Originally Posted by Patty G

What is odd to me, more so then the parents not speaking out, is that they went to the gym for a work-out!

It appears that they were at the gym on Wednesday, June 9, 2010, based on when the article was written and corresponds with the video.
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?

I guess I don't fault either Terri or Kaine for this or even find it strange.

On Sept 11, 2001...my daughter started a new job in NYC. I knew a lot about this job's 401K, my daughter's work hours, vacation time. But I did not know the address.

I was talking to a friend on the phone when I got the Caller ID buzz. Switching over I heard another friend say..."My God, they are attacking New York City."

I hung up on both of them. Tried to call my daughter's cell, but that was impossible at that point in time. For the life of me, I could not remember the Employers name, nor could my husband. I could not find that address.

I watched the TV until the first tower collapsed. I don't have the words for the state I was in...or the absolute blank my mind was. Nothing that could help me find my daughter would come to me...only thoughts of horror.

So...I cleaned my closet.

I hauled everything out...then back in again. The physicality of it somehow helped me...burned off a tiny iota of anxiety. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.

Let me say, I am no neat freak.

What loving mother cleans closets while the TV is showing real people jumping to their deaths from skyscrapers and she does not know where in that horror is her child?

Me.

I was lucky. By noon, she had found a way to call. She was safe. By the grace of God she remained safe...through Anthrax attacks, and all the fear of subway and tunnel attacks speculated upon in the months that followed. Alone, in my home, my frenetic cleaning continued.

I can relate to Terri and Kaine's visit to the gym. I can understand the desperate need for physical movement and just the off chance of a moment or two... for your terrified mind to find distraction.

[Haeve]

If the press were following me around like paparazzi, I'd ignore them too. Though if they asked me formally to sit for an interview/statement and my child were missing I probably would. In normal circumstances I avoid all news cameras--I don't photograph well.

[loves2bmom]

Originally Posted by stmarysmead

Thank you for this great post!

I remember the way Kaine seemed to "shelter" Terri in his arms in that first press conference...and the way she nestled into him. My feeling is that Kaine was very protective of Terri in the beginning. Knowing that she was "step-mother" and possibly the last person with Kyron, coupled with her emails about being suspected on the Blogs, makes me think he was thinking of "sheltering" her from any speculation, any hurtful comments as well.

Exercising with her, keeping her away from hurtful media questions, asking people not to speak...Terri was moved from "last person with Kyron" into a cocoon of his protection. At least as it was in his power to do so.

I think his faith in her was strong. This is why I believe there is something MORE than just the Landscapers sordid story. I believe the police HAD to have something else, because I don't think Kaine, the engineer, the data-guy, would just "buy-in" to a story from some random guy...against the wife that he encircled in his arms, that he COMFORTED in that first press conference.

At the least, they had something like sexually explicit "texts"...something that threw Kaine's trust into a tail-spin. Something that turned his complete faith in Terri's innocence(and her commitment to their marriage) into a "could-be." Something that sent him out of that house with Little Baby K and immediately out of that marriage.

Whatever that "something" is...Terri lost her protector and her child. And it is so potent she fights to regain..NEITHER.

Thanks wasn't enough. I think you are spot on!

[ami]

I agree with the impression that it was protective in the beginning. Terri was already being grilled as if she were a suspect. She was the last person seen with Kyron. Kaine wants to believe the best (in the early days he must have clung to the thought that Kyron wandered away and would be found) and to admit that Terri was suspicious or guilty would be tantamount to admitting Kyron was gone forever. Seeing Terri subjected to however many interrogations by LE, and then seeing the press swoop in, he might have instinctively protected her from any more of it.

But more than that, being the focus of TV media is yet another nightmare - we've all seen the news and no one I know would ever, ever want to be treated the way most of us see folks treated by the media. Were I an emotional basket case to start with, I don't know that I could face someone with a huge mic and the desire to get a 5 second blip of my rawest emotions or a freeze-frame of me mid-blink in a way that made me look sneaky and evil, turn my child's name into a logo to put at the bottom of their news story, twist every word and speculate that anything from my socks to my hair color might be a clue to my guilt...

yeah, I think even though I would KNOW that my child's name and face had to get out there into the public and that it was the best way to potentially find them, my instinct would be to avoid that further violation of my life by the media for as long as possible.

In Sharon Rocha's book about Laci I remember she was desperate to find Laci but unable to put herself forward to the media in her emotional state. Just couldn't do it. And there was no DOUBT that she wanted Laci found and knew putting her face in the media would facilitate that. So other family members did it half-heartedly for a while before Sharon girded herself and finally became the spokesperson. It was wrenching for her.

[loves2bmom]

Originally Posted by Patty G

What is odd to me, more so then the parents not speaking out, is that they went to the gym for a work-out!

It appears that they were at the gym on Wednesday, June 9, 2010, based on when the article was written and corresponds with the video.
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?

LE supposedly told the family to try their best to go about their normal routine. Grocery shopping, working out etc. Now I firmly believe the reason they said that was to get TH out of the house so they could follow her around.

[STEADFAST]

I also think issues with Terri were the reason Kaine and Terri didn't come out in the very beginning. A good indication of that is, once they were separated, Kaine spoke up, putting himself out there for Kyron, but Terri remained silent and hidden away.
I think the gym visit might have been encouraged by LE to see if Terri met anyone there. (Remember, she announced she was going to the gym on FB.) It would be interesting to know if Dede showed up at the gym at the same time that day.

[Melanie]

Originally Posted by Patty G

What is odd to me, more so then the parents not speaking out, is that they went to the gym for a work-out!

It appears that they were at the gym on Wednesday, June 9, 2010, based on when the article was written and corresponds with the video.
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?

Spot on! I believe (IMHO) it's very crucial for the parents (step included) to be front and center in the media following the abduction of any child. Waiting weeks, wasted valuable time. Going on the media circuit could have helped get Kyron's face out more. Pleading for his return early on may have helped as well. As days go by, people forget what they were doing, who and what they saw.

It may have also shed some light on TH's behaviour -- ala Susan Smith. It may have made her crack (since the crime was so fresh).

Nah -- perhaps the gym was more important (MOO).

Mel

[liz b.]

Originally Posted by RubyRed

At that point Kaine had no idea just how surreal this was going to be. All the accusations against Terri had not come out, yet. I think he truly believed Kyron would be back home in a very short time so there was no need to talk to the media. At that time reality had not set in but it has now.

" I think he truly believed Kyron would be back home in a very short time "


Back home from where, is what I wonder ?

All JMO

[cluciano63]

This family avoiding the media for as long as they did, did not do any good whatsoever, and possibly did harm, as attention was focused on the family right away by the public, anxious to know what "they were hiding", so to speak, and that meant attention away from Kyron. And all of the various info/gossip/innuendo that has come out since has tended to keep the focus on the family, rather than on Kyron. I think memories have even been affected, due to the fact that people were thinking too much about what is up with this family and not enough about what took place on that day. In the end, the family's effort in trying to stay private was fruitless, as it always is-the media will get the "dirt" one way or another.

Also, Desiree stating three weeks in that she thought he would be back by now-this made the whole thing seem like an over-the-top revenge or punishment by Terri, some sort of divorced co-parents thing. People who were following this story only casually may have been less inclined to take it all that seriously. Both Kaine and Terri making noise about not talking to and/or listening to media did not help matters.

In my opinion, all they needed to do initially was to come out once that first weekend, show their faces and ask for Kyron's safe return, and the public would have been satisfied. I know it is not their job to satisfy the public, but anything that takes away from the crime/missing child, is a distraction and the family provided a distraction by refusing to speak out for so long.

[froginTtown]

Originally Posted by cluciano63

This family avoiding the media for as long as they did, did not do any good whatsoever, and possibly did harm, as attention was focused on the family right away by the public, anxious to know what "they were hiding", so to speak, and that meant attention away from Kyron. And all of the various info/gossip/innuendo that has come out since has tended to keep the focus on the family, rather than on Kyron. I think memories have even been affected, due to the fact that people were thinking too much about what is up with this family and not enough about what took place on that day. In the end, the family's effort in trying to stay private was fruitless, as it always is-the media will get the "dirt" one way or another.

Also, Desiree stating three weeks in that she thought he would be back by now-this made the whole thing seem like an over-the-top revenge or punishment by Terri, some sort of divorced co-parents thing. People who were following this story only casually may have been less inclined to take it all that seriously. Both Kaine and Terri making noise about not talking to and/or listening to media did not help matters.

In my opinion, all they needed to do initially was to come out once that first weekend, show their faces and ask for Kyron's safe return, and the public would have been satisfied. I know it is not their job to satisfy the public, but anything that takes away from the crime/missing child, is a distraction and the family provided a distraction by refusing to speak out for so long.

ITA...I just hope LE didn't tell them not to talk... Having Terri on TV could have sent alot of tips in motion.. (if she is quilty... ) time is very critical when a child is missing... moo

[Etilema]

Originally Posted by angelmom

I think Kaine had decided (with or without the help of LE/Tony) to avoid the media completely. I think he made it clear to those around him that that's what he wanted/expected. We have the email to Intel and other quotes saying he wanted people to avoid the press, and we have his own actions to back that up. (trying to control certain papers and what they printed, etc.)

Honestly, I think he expected/hoped for this to be cleared up very quickly.
...

Snipped.

Something clicked in my mind when I read what you wrote above. Since KH and DY seem to have suspected all along that TH was involved, and that she somehow just had Kyron hidden somewhere, it would make sense that they wouldn't want to expose the situation to the public. Better it should be kept as quiet as possible, like any family embarrassment. Remember how DY said they had wanted to be careful about what they put out in the media because they were thinking of what Kyron would have to live with upon his return. I think they were hoping that within a few days or a week TH would reveal his location and they could just deal with the fallout later.

JMO

[sherbetjello]

Originally Posted by froginTtown

I have been bothered by this video, especially where is shows BOTH Terri and Kaine leaving the gym after Kyrons disappearance.. Why did they avoid the media...?? This video was taken before the first press conference.....
http://www.katu.com/news/local/96033344.html?tab=video

I don't know what I can say here anymore, I constantly feel like I have to hold back so I don't get a t/o, but I am going to answer this question with my OPINION.

For as long as I have been alive, and for all the friendships(/relationships) that I have had, and for as much Psychology that I have studied; Seems the reason why they ducked and dodged together is because there wasn't a clear plan to address the media, yet. It's possible they were conscious about their movements and verbiage at very early in the game, without the use of attorneys. And maybe, just maybe, saying anything could jeopardize their "save face." I don't know the reasons why the would do that however, it's just my assumption at this point.
It wasn't till a few days after this, and the first press conference, that Terri became the "focus.' That left Kaine (and LE) wide open to point the finger and become the beacon for Kyron.
I honestly think that had this panned out differently from the get-go we might know a lot more than we do. Kyron might even be home.

My mother used to say "You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar."

I live by that quote.

[Aedrys]

Originally Posted by Etilema

Snipped.

Something clicked in my mind when I read what you wrote above. Since KH and DY seem to have suspected all along that TH was involved, and that she somehow just had Kyron hidden somewhere, it would make sense that they wouldn't want to expose the situation to the public. Better it should be kept as quiet as possible, like any family embarrassment. Remember how DY said they had wanted to be careful about what they put out in the media because they were thinking of what Kyron would have to live with upon his return. I think they were hoping that within a few days or a week TH would reveal his location and they could just deal with the fallout later.

JMO

ITA completely. I really think that's it. They thought this just a private family matter. I don't think it occurred to them that it wasn't. Either he had accidently wandered off, or TH had him somewhere. In either case, it was something they thought would be solved quickly, so they probably didn't think they needed the media. And I doubt Kaine wanted to air his family's dirty laundry, if that's what he thought it was at the time, unless he absolutely had to.

I also think going to the gym was Terri's idea. She's the one who can't seem to live without working out. I doubt working out was on Kaine's mind with his son missing. I think he went to protect Terri. He didn't want to stop her from going, but he didn't want her unprotected and vulnerable to the press either. So he went with her, and when the media approached, they weren't ready to talk, and so they didn't. This doesn't mean he didn't work out as well, just that I doubt after Kyron went missing that the first thing he thought about was a workout.

[ami]

Originally Posted by cluciano63

This family avoiding the media for as long as they did, did not do any good whatsoever, and possibly did harm, as attention was focused on the family right away by the public, anxious to know what "they were hiding", so to speak, and that meant attention away from Kyron. And all of the various info/gossip/innuendo that has come out since has tended to keep the focus on the family, rather than on Kyron. I think memories have even been affected, due to the fact that people were thinking too much about what is up with this family and not enough about what took place on that day. In the end, the family's effort in trying to stay private was fruitless, as it always is-the media will get the "dirt" one way or another.

Also, Desiree stating three weeks in that she thought he would be back by now-this made the whole thing seem like an over-the-top revenge or punishment by Terri, some sort of divorced co-parents thing. People who were following this story only casually may have been less inclined to take it all that seriously. Both Kaine and Terri making noise about not talking to and/or listening to media did not help matters.

In my opinion, all they needed to do initially was to come out once that first weekend, show their faces and ask for Kyron's safe return, and the public would have been satisfied. I know it is not their job to satisfy the public, but anything that takes away from the crime/missing child, is a distraction and the family provided a distraction by refusing to speak out for so long.

Perhaps this is true (and I'm not even certain that it is - I can see many ways an early press conference could also have been used against them and diverted attention away from Kyron as much/more than their silence) -- but you're opining this in retrospect and with the benefit of not being terrified, in shock, and sitting with LE wonder wtf happened to your beloved child.

I'm going to take a guess that if Kaine had known where each behavioral option ultimately led (near impossible with the anything-goes press and fickle public opinion), he would have chosen the one most likely to help Kyron. Since no one can know which way public attention will lead or be even partially clear-minded enough to make an educated guess when your child's life is on the line, I'm going to forgive them for anything they did that was later thought by the public to be a misjudgment. And that even goes for Terri if she is innocent and genuinely grieving.