@Linda - I remember one time you said that you questioned why Amanda would act, by some accounts. so carefree and unaffected after the murder, if it were an accident. In other words, her generally odd behavior surrounding the case.
In accident scenario, I do believe her situation would have been very stressful. I do believe that some of her odd behavior was a way of coping with everything she had been through, the stress of it all. I am talking about the murder, the subsequent cover-up, all the panic and all the stress of having to deal with all of that and worry about getting caught, etc..
I also believe that she wanted to push an "ERASE" button, and have her life go back to the way it was. I believe that her overwhelming feeling of wanting to continue her stay in Perugia, to continue her independence from her parents, to continue her relationship with Raffaele, to continue her ideallic life in Perugia - overrode her sense of sorrow and regret for Meredith. She says in her book multiple tiimes about how she was naiive about staying in Perugia, about how she so badly wanted to continue her independence and continue with everything she had worked so hard for (opportunity in Perugia).
She says in her book that the investigators told her she couldn't go (I believee something about going to visit her Aunt Dolly for a few days? I can't remember exactly). She made it sound like the only reason she didn't go is because investigators told her she had to stay. However, I was reading in Massei report about how someone (maybe Laura?) overheard a conversation she was having with her Mom, in which she told her Mom that no, she doesn't want to go home now and everything will be fine. (I'm sorry, I can't remember the page number now, I read it in there somewhere just yesterday). And she also states in her book several times about how her family was very worried about her staying in Perugia, but she would always tell them, no, don't worry, everything will be fine. And she kind of chalked it up to, you know, just being naiive, looking at it in hindsight.
So all of that put together, makes me think that the whole "investigators told me I couldn't leave" story is just a lie. She is spreading the blame out for her own decisions, which is a pattern of hers, IMO. Only some of the blame goes to her, and most of it is once again heaped onto the investigators. They were the ones who prevented her from going to her Aunt Dolly or going home.
However, I know this a pattern to her. And it makes me think that the real reason she stayed is because she just wanted to, it was her own decision. And she wanted to stay because she was enjoying her time in Italy so much, and now she had this new hope with this young man Raffaele, who she was having so much fun with. And she was imagining the wonderful times she would have in Italy with him. And how great it would be - living and studying there, having an Italian boyfriend, being on her own, nobody to answer to, enjoying the town and her life. I mean, if it was me and I hadn't murdered someone, of course I would want to stay, too.
So I feel like some of her odd behavior was due to the fact that she just wanted to "move on" with her life and put this horrible incident behind her. And she was so focused on that - continuing her stay in Perugia - that she kind of had to, in her mind, push this Meredith incident to some dusty corner of her brain for the time being - shelve it, for her own sanity. So she could get through the interrogations and the immediate aftermath, and get past this point, and get over it - to get to the other side where "everything would be okay."
However, obviously, everything could not be okay, and there was no PAUSE and PLAY buttons she could push.
Then came the accusations of some kind of intentional killing. Sex-game gone wrong. Seductress. She and Raffaele and Rudy stabbing Meredith for the "fun" of it and taking pleasure from it. And, taking accident scenario, I can see how she would, in her mind, start thinking of herself as a victim. Thinking, no "I am not those things." How can they say this about me? In her mind, thinking, I never meant to kill Meredith. How can they say these things about me? It was all an accident, and now look at what I have to go through - my whole life is ruined. They are always talking about Meredith, what about me?I never meant for any of this to happen. All people care about is Meredith. What about me??
Over the 4 years in prison, this feeling would grow more and more and grow stronger and stronger - this feeling of victimization. She would feel like everyone was against her, all for nothing (in her mind). All because of an accident she never meant to happen. Look at my life - it's ruined - but nobody cares. They think I'm a murderer.
And over time, of course she is going to start believing this more and more. That she is a victim. And this is going to overshadow anything she did to Meredith. And she starts to feel more and more of the victim of this case.
And then she gets out, and she comes home and she immerses herself in her case - she keeps up her blog as well as 2 Facebook pages, where she surrounds herself with messages from her supporters. Supporters who further justify this feeling of victimization. See - other people feel the same way. She begins to have contact with entire groups formed just to support her. With "important" people, lawyers, judges, scientists, who believe in her and support her. She reads reviews of her book, which affirm her feelings. She reads forums supporting her innocence - further affirming her feelings. There are now multiple avenues which support and affirm her feeling of victimization, making it easier and easier to push Meredith farther into a dark and dusty corner of her brain. Look at all this people supporting me.
And she believes more and more in her own fantasy world she has developed. Her innocent world.
JMO.
In accident scenario, I do believe her situation would have been very stressful. I do believe that some of her odd behavior was a way of coping with everything she had been through, the stress of it all. I am talking about the murder, the subsequent cover-up, all the panic and all the stress of having to deal with all of that and worry about getting caught, etc..
I also believe that she wanted to push an "ERASE" button, and have her life go back to the way it was. I believe that her overwhelming feeling of wanting to continue her stay in Perugia, to continue her independence from her parents, to continue her relationship with Raffaele, to continue her ideallic life in Perugia - overrode her sense of sorrow and regret for Meredith. She says in her book multiple tiimes about how she was naiive about staying in Perugia, about how she so badly wanted to continue her independence and continue with everything she had worked so hard for (opportunity in Perugia).
She says in her book that the investigators told her she couldn't go (I believee something about going to visit her Aunt Dolly for a few days? I can't remember exactly). She made it sound like the only reason she didn't go is because investigators told her she had to stay. However, I was reading in Massei report about how someone (maybe Laura?) overheard a conversation she was having with her Mom, in which she told her Mom that no, she doesn't want to go home now and everything will be fine. (I'm sorry, I can't remember the page number now, I read it in there somewhere just yesterday). And she also states in her book several times about how her family was very worried about her staying in Perugia, but she would always tell them, no, don't worry, everything will be fine. And she kind of chalked it up to, you know, just being naiive, looking at it in hindsight.
So all of that put together, makes me think that the whole "investigators told me I couldn't leave" story is just a lie. She is spreading the blame out for her own decisions, which is a pattern of hers, IMO. Only some of the blame goes to her, and most of it is once again heaped onto the investigators. They were the ones who prevented her from going to her Aunt Dolly or going home.
However, I know this a pattern to her. And it makes me think that the real reason she stayed is because she just wanted to, it was her own decision. And she wanted to stay because she was enjoying her time in Italy so much, and now she had this new hope with this young man Raffaele, who she was having so much fun with. And she was imagining the wonderful times she would have in Italy with him. And how great it would be - living and studying there, having an Italian boyfriend, being on her own, nobody to answer to, enjoying the town and her life. I mean, if it was me and I hadn't murdered someone, of course I would want to stay, too.
So I feel like some of her odd behavior was due to the fact that she just wanted to "move on" with her life and put this horrible incident behind her. And she was so focused on that - continuing her stay in Perugia - that she kind of had to, in her mind, push this Meredith incident to some dusty corner of her brain for the time being - shelve it, for her own sanity. So she could get through the interrogations and the immediate aftermath, and get past this point, and get over it - to get to the other side where "everything would be okay."
However, obviously, everything could not be okay, and there was no PAUSE and PLAY buttons she could push.
Then came the accusations of some kind of intentional killing. Sex-game gone wrong. Seductress. She and Raffaele and Rudy stabbing Meredith for the "fun" of it and taking pleasure from it. And, taking accident scenario, I can see how she would, in her mind, start thinking of herself as a victim. Thinking, no "I am not those things." How can they say this about me? In her mind, thinking, I never meant to kill Meredith. How can they say these things about me? It was all an accident, and now look at what I have to go through - my whole life is ruined. They are always talking about Meredith, what about me?I never meant for any of this to happen. All people care about is Meredith. What about me??
Over the 4 years in prison, this feeling would grow more and more and grow stronger and stronger - this feeling of victimization. She would feel like everyone was against her, all for nothing (in her mind). All because of an accident she never meant to happen. Look at my life - it's ruined - but nobody cares. They think I'm a murderer.
And over time, of course she is going to start believing this more and more. That she is a victim. And this is going to overshadow anything she did to Meredith. And she starts to feel more and more of the victim of this case.
And then she gets out, and she comes home and she immerses herself in her case - she keeps up her blog as well as 2 Facebook pages, where she surrounds herself with messages from her supporters. Supporters who further justify this feeling of victimization. See - other people feel the same way. She begins to have contact with entire groups formed just to support her. With "important" people, lawyers, judges, scientists, who believe in her and support her. She reads reviews of her book, which affirm her feelings. She reads forums supporting her innocence - further affirming her feelings. There are now multiple avenues which support and affirm her feeling of victimization, making it easier and easier to push Meredith farther into a dark and dusty corner of her brain. Look at all this people supporting me.
And she believes more and more in her own fantasy world she has developed. Her innocent world.
JMO.
