CA - Elliot Rodger kills 6, injures 13 in Isla Vista, Near UC Santa Barbara, #2

[Elley Mae]

No stones please.

My young adult son is a recovering drug addict. He has been sober for the past year and a half. This is so painful to even write.

We paid for his sober living house, programs, treatment, living expenses, everything. We got him a car so he could work and get to meetings. Once he graduated from the supervised, structured sober living environment and moved into a house with other grads of the program, we have paid for that too. He is thriving for the first time in 5 years.

He is working and figuring life out. Yes, I pay for his health and car insurance, phone, and on occasion now, help with rent. He is 25 and trying. We have been through hell and back and I have wept as my heart broke. I hope you all won't think less of me because I did all these things for him. I just simply could not give up on him. He is my son. I love him with all my heart as I do my other 2 children.

As parents, I think we try as hard as we can to raise healthy, productive children, giving them whatever opportunities we can. I made many mistakes before I could even see light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't judge me too harshly. For this reason, I can't throw stones at ER parents.

No stones from me. I wish you all the best for your son, I hope he continues on his positive path of a drug free life. Addict is a tough one to beat. The next time you are in his presence hug him for me, just don't tell him. :blushing:

 

[Zuri]

No way am I going to judge you. My son is 8. I have no idea of the challenges we might face, but I assure you that we will face them together. I am in no position to judge you.

I am so glad that your son is doing well. I hope the bad memories continue to be replaced with the good ones. I wish him well.

Thank you for sharing. :seeya:

Thank you for your kindness. I remember when my son was 8 and he was delightful. I never thought in a million years we would end up where we did. He is incredibly smart, looks like Paul Walker, had everything going for him. It is a long road back. We are smart, well educated parents and we missed this. We believed him when he said he wasn't using.

We had no idea he would be stupid enough to shoot heroin in his arm. He hid it well. It wasn't until we noticed massive amounts of money missing that we got a clue. And mind you, he was seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist because we thought he had bipolar subset 2. He wouldn't take the meds because they made him feel bad.

This can happen to anyone, of any socio economic background, education level. You just never know. Bless you and yours.

 

[jjenny]

I haven't gotten that far yet

That's so self absorbed I can't even wrap my head around it.

IDK, this guy seems to have had this selfish, entitled attitude from a very young age, why?

It's more than just having parents that are permissive, and over indulgent. I think a lot of parents are, yet most kids don't develop into such dysfunctional individuals.

Some do. It's even used as a defense against criminal charges nowdays. Remember another victim off affluenza who killed several people in a drunken driving accident? I am sure it's a combination of nurture and nature.

 

[bettybaby00]

No stones please.

My young adult son is a recovering drug addict. He has been sober for the past year and a half. This is so painful to even write.

We paid for his sober living house, programs, treatment, living expenses, everything. We got him a car so he could work and get to meetings. Once he graduated from the supervised, structured sober living environment and moved into a house with other grads of the program, we have paid for that too. He is thriving for the first time in 5 years.

He is working and figuring life out. Yes, I pay for his health and car insurance, phone, and on occasion now, help with rent. He is 25 and trying. We have been through hell and back and I have wept as my heart broke. I hope you all won't think less of me because I did all these things for him. I just simply could not give up on him. He is my son. I love him with all my heart as I do my other 2 children.

As parents, I think we try as hard as we can to raise healthy, productive children, giving them whatever opportunities we can. I made many mistakes before I could even see light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't judge me too harshly. For this reason, I can't throw stones at ER parents.

*hugs*

I completely understand what you're saying. My brother was an addict for 20+ years, and it was so difficult for my family, my parents in particular.

In many of these situations, the family has very little control, not only of the addiction, but also what brought on the addiction. I'll never forget when one time my father, who was in his 70s at the time, broke down and asked, "what did we do wrong?"

As a younger sibling, I always questioned, why him... why not me? We had the same parents, and the same upbringing. As a teen I had a solid set of self-regulatory instincts to know how far to take experimentation, and partying. My brother on the other hand, would see the boundary, and figure out how far he could propel himself past it.

I'm no expert by any means, but my experience has led me to believe that addiction, and I think many mental illnesses/disorders are due in part by our "wiring." And idk how we can effectively change or intervene in these situations.

 

[Paladine]

IIRC, ER mom did not want him to return to IV after being cleared by orthopedist in April. She wanted him to remain in Woodland Hills.

Check out page 123-126 of the writings. His Dad drove up to SB and took him to hospital for his leg. Then he stayed with his Mom for a bit. His Mother drove him to surgery at begininng of August. Shortly after his surgery, his Mother went on a vacation to Hawaii. She said he couldn't stay alone at her place and his step-mother had guests over and said "it was too much for her to handle". So, his Mother booked him a hotel room at Extended Stay in Woodland Hills, across from Taft School, which he despised. He had one visitor, Gavin. And ruminated over his plan to kill. (page 123)

After his Mother returned, he went back to his Mothers, to stay till he was able to not use crutches. He was there for a month and said it was "very relaxing". This is also when he saw Dr. Sophy and was prescribed the Respirdone. He mentions his Mom and Step-Mom were arguing, and took half the session, because the Step-Mom wouldn't let him recover at her house, earlier and Mom was angry.

Page 126: After he had a walking cast and cane, "Before long, my Mother said I was now well enough to return to Santa Barbara" He then said she told him he could come back in two weeks for a visit. He said she 'made' me leave.


http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/05/25/us/shooting-document.html?_r=0

 

[jjenny]

Check out page 123-126 of the writings. His Dad drove up to SB and took him to hospital for his leg. Then he stayed with his Mom for a bit. His Mother drove him to surgery at begininng of August. Shortly after his surgery, his Mother went on a vacation to Hawaii. She said he couldn't stay alone at her place and his step-mother had guests over and said "it was too much for her to handle". So, his Mother booked him a hotel room at Extended Stay in Woodland Hills, across from Taft School, which he despised. He had one visitor, Gavin. And ruminated over his plan to kill. (page 123)

After his Mother returned, he went back to his Mothers, to stay till he was able to not use crutches. He was there for a month and said it was "very relaxing". This is also when he saw Dr. Sophy and was prescribed the Respirdone. He mentions his Mom and Step-Mom were arguing, and took half the session, because the Step-Mom wouldn't let him recover at her house, earlier and Mom was angry.

Page 126: After he had a walking cast and cane, "Before long, my Mother said I was now well enough to return to Santa Barbara" He then said she told him he could come back in two weeks for a visit. He said she 'made' me leave.


http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/05/25/us/shooting-document.html?_r=0

I think it's a fair guess he was unpleasant to have around. Mother was likely made to wait on him hand and foot if he found it "very relaxing."

 

[Zuri]

Check out page 123-126 of the writings. His Dad drove up to SB and took him to hospital for his leg. Then he stayed with his Mom for a bit. His Mother drove him to surgery at begininng of August. Shortly after his surgery, his Mother went on a vacation to Hawaii. She said he couldn't stay alone at her place and his step-mother had guests over and said "it was too much for her to handle". So, his Mother booked him a hotel room at Extended Stay in Woodland Hills, across from Taft School, which he despised. He had one visitor, Gavin. And ruminated over his plan to kill. (page 123)

After his Mother returned, he went back to his Mothers, to stay till he was able to not use crutches. He was there for a month and said it was "very relaxing". This is also when he saw Dr. Sophy and was prescribed the Respirdone. He mentions his Mom and Step-Mom were arguing, and took half the session, because the Step-Mom wouldn't let him recover at her house, earlier and Mom was angry.

Page 126: After he had a walking cast and cane, "Before long, my Mother said I was now well enough to return to Santa Barbara" He then said she told him he could come back in two weeks for a visit. He said she 'made' me leave.


http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/05/25/us/shooting-document.html?_r=0

Thank you for the correction. My brain is not as good as it once was. I found his perception of things so profoundly screwed, it has boggled my mind. :seeya:

 

[kaos]

I haven't gotten that far yet

That's so self absorbed I can't even wrap my head around it.

IDK, this guy seems to have had this selfish, entitled attitude from a very young age, why?

It's more than just having parents that are permissive, and over indulgent. I think a lot of parents are, yet most kids don't develop into such dysfunctional individuals.

That's what I can't get passed either. Many of us have no doubt told our children we wanted the best for them, they're our little princes/princesses etc but there are bound to be many children of real life millionaires, aristocracy, royalty etc who don't have the self entitlement belief that ER had. Where did it come from? Stories from his own imagination, stories related to him or words and images surrounding him?

 

[Flutterby80]

Some do. It's even used as a defense against criminal charges nowdays. Remember another victim off affluenza who killed several people in a drunken driving accident? I am sure it's a combination of nurture and nature.

Yes didn't that kid sue his own parents or something? The root of much of of society's recent decline is lack of responsibility for oneself IMO. It's always somebody else's fault. I see it across all socioeconomic groups, races, cultures. It's a generational thing. Pretty sure my grandparents wouldn't have dreamed of blaming their parents/teachers/employers for their adult actions. And they wouldn't have put up with it from others either.

ER is an extreme case of blame-shifting, but I see it in varying forms throughout society. For a society that seems so freaking self-obsessed, there doesn't seem to be a lot of true introspection going on.

Sorry. Rant over.

 

[Tulessa]

No stones please.

My young adult son is a recovering drug addict. He has been sober for the past year and a half. This is so painful to even write.

We paid for his sober living house, programs, treatment, living expenses, everything. We got him a car so he could work and get to meetings. Once he graduated from the supervised, structured sober living environment and moved into a house with other grads of the program, we have paid for that too. He is thriving for the first time in 5 years.

He is working and figuring life out. Yes, I pay for his health and car insurance, phone, and on occasion now, help with rent. He is 25 and trying. We have been through hell and back and I have wept as my heart broke. I hope you all won't think less of me because I did all these things for him. I just simply could not give up on him. He is my son. I love him with all my heart as I do my other 2 children.

As parents, I think we try as hard as we can to raise healthy, productive children, giving them whatever opportunities we can. I made many mistakes before I could even see light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't judge me too harshly. For this reason, I can't throw stones at ER parents.

Oh sweetheart! A good mom NEVER gives up on her child. Bravo for you!

 

[Whiteorchids]

I can't get down on these parents, not fully anyway. I'm sure mistakes were made and hindsight is always 20/20. He seems to have been a master manipulator, and I would hope that if he really presented as badly as we now know he was, his therapists would have warned the parents that unleashing him onto an unsuspecting public was a bad, very bad idea.



Also, as enlightening as we find his manifesto we have no idea how accurate it is. Any of it, some of it, none of it? Did he really repeatedly ask to go home? He was definitely delusional about himself, and the situations that enraged him.



Unless we get some direct info from the family, which I find unlikely, we won't get a more complete picture.

Parents can't do much he was over 18.

Too bad the friends didn't step up to the plate to alert the authorities. From what I read he relayed his violent thoughts of happy couples and the awful things he wanted to do to them and that's why they ended the friendships. I believe they had some responsibility to inform his parents and authorities. Who knows maybe they did. Maybe they didn't take his threats seriously. Authorities probably wouldn't have done anything anyway since only threats. It seems they don't do anything until someone is hurt.

I can't believe that ER would actually follow and stalk some of these couples. He was a real whack job probably a psychiatrist worst nightmare. Some brains are just un-fixable

 

[Paladine]

Zuri,

I am a recovering addict since 1989 and the daughter of a recovering, now deceased, alcoholic. I know your pain. I know the pain I caused my parents. I, too, am bi-polar. I believe the love and support you give your son in recovery is to be commended. It's not easy to get clean and stay clean. Many relapse plenty of times before they finally have long periods of sobriety. But I've seen it happen, lives changed, again and again. As long as an addict is trying to stay clean, I believe family support should be there. I've seen more recover with support than without it. Again, my heart goes out to you...I admire your strength, addiction is one heck of a road.

 

[bettybaby00]

Yes didn't that kid sue his own parents or something? The root of much of of society's recent decline is lack of responsibility for oneself IMO. It's always somebody else's fault. I see it across all socioeconomic groups, races, cultures. It's a generational thing. Pretty sure my grandparents wouldn't have dreamed of blaming their parents/teachers/employers for their adult actions. And they wouldn't have put up with it from others either.

ER is an extreme case of blame-shifting, but I see it in varying forms throughout society. For a society that seems so freaking self-obsessed, there doesn't seem to be a lot of true introspection going on.

Sorry. Rant over.

OMG yes.

I would never claim to be a perfect parent but one thing that I really try to do is make my kids understand that they are responsible for their actions, and those actions often have consequences!!!

I'm infuriated when I see parents intervening on behalf of their kids at school over EVERYTHING, and it's often b/c they don't want little Johnny to get into trouble, even when they deserve it.

When I was in school and got into trouble, I didn't go home and try to whine to my parents, b/c then I would have had to face the punishment at school as well as receive more punishment from my parents!

 

[Disguiseduser0308]

I think it's a fair guess he was unpleasant to have around. Mother was likely made to wait on him hand and foot if he found it "very relaxing."

I have to agree. He comes across as a vampire of a friend. He sucks the lifeblood right out of people. I get the feeling his friends tried their best. The soul suck ER was, it was just impossible not to be brought down by it.

ER truly was his own worst enemy. Where most young men would feel a twinge of envy of their friend having a new girl -- most would chime in with the all too famous question "does she have a sister, friend, cousin etc. for me. ER instead turned everyone into enemies. I'm mentally exhausted just by his stories. I didn't even know the guy.

 

[Flutterby80]

He talked about his Facebook "stalking accounts" like it was perfectly normal. He would feed his own anger and resentment by following people he was jealous of on social media. There is always a point while participating in a WS thread that the thought occurs to me that, here is one dude who outed himself. How many others like him are out there?

How many Ariel Castros? How many abusive elementary school teachers? How many Boston Marathon bombers? How many highway snipers?

How many Elliot Rodgers?

Then I usually lose a couple of nights' sleep, because it truly scares me how many depraved, disturbed, or just delusional people are living among us. People with a very fragile hold on their self-control.

 

[bettybaby00]

Parents can't do much he was over 18.

Too bad the friends didn't step up to the plate to alert the authorities. From what I read he relayed his violent thoughts of happy couples and the awful things he wanted to do to them and that's why they ended the friendships. I believe they had some responsibility to inform his parents and authorities. Who knows maybe they did. Maybe they didn't take his threats seriously. Authorities probably wouldn't have done anything anyway since only threats. It seems they don't do anything until someone is hurt.

I can't believe that ER would actually follow and stalk some of these couples. He was a real whack job probably a psychiatrist worst nightmare. Some brains are just un-fixable

I meant that I would hope that his shrink would have voiced their concerns when the plans for college were being made (I'm assuming he went right out of HS?).

Even if he went later, his therapist was obligated to inform if he really presented as dangerous. He seemed to have manipulation down to an art form.

The friends alerting someone could have proven to be very beneficial, but that takes a lot of guts. Idk if most kids that age would do that. IDK

 

[Disguiseduser0308]

Parents can't do much he was over 18.

Too bad the friends didn't step up to the plate to alert the authorities. From what I read he relayed his violent thoughts of happy couples and the awful things he wanted to do to them and that's why they ended the friendships. I believe they had some responsibility to inform his parents and authorities. Who knows maybe they did. Maybe they didn't take his threats seriously. Authorities probably wouldn't have done anything anyway since only threats. It seems they don't do anything until someone is hurt.

I can't believe that ER would actually follow and stalk some of these couples. He was a real whack job probably a psychiatrist worst nightmare. Some brains are just un-fixable

Honestly, I think ER's friends were so exhausted trying to deal with him. I've known people like this just not anywhere near as bad. They really suck the life right out of you. Even just being in their presence.

They probably do wish they had went to authorities about his rantings. I know I would.

 

[Flutterby80]

Plus, I imagine he didn't give off the vibe of actually having the guts to go through with it. He probably seemed like a whiny little b@#$&, all hot air. I doubt they took him seriously.

 

[Disguiseduser0308]

Wow, finally finished the manifesto. I need a nap now. The end is terrifying. I felt true anxiety when he talks about his dream to place all women in concentration camps and starve them to death.

You were your own worst enemy ER. You really and truly were.

 

[Elley Mae]

He talked about his Facebook "stalking accounts" like it was perfectly normal. He would feed his own anger and resentment by following people he was jealous of on social media. There is always a point while participating in a WS thread that the thought occurs to me that, here is one dude who outed himself. How many others like him are out there?

How many Ariel Castros? How many abusive elementary school teachers? How many Boston Marathon bombers? How many highway snipers?

How many Elliot Rodgers?

Then I usually lose a couple of nights' sleep, because it truly scares me how many depraved, disturbed, or just delusional people are living among us. People with a very fragile hold on their self-control.

bbm I would be willing to bet at least 1 in every public school in this country,usa. A few years ago I worked in a elementary school, there were 3 kids that had an aide with them from the time they got off the bus till they got back on the bus.