Thank you for sharing your story. That is very brave of you. I want you to know you are not alone. I, too, was abused by my older brother as a child and my parents blamed me for it too. I thought the abuse had no effect on me for the longest time. I was depressed but just chalked it up to being born clinically depressed.
About 3 years ago, the abuse hit me like a ton of bricks and I went to my parents and asked them why they had allowed me to be abused, never protected me from my abuser, and blamed me for it. They always covered up for HIM and protected HIM so no one would find out what he did. All the while, they never protected me, ever. He is still abusive to this day to his significant other. To this day my parents still cover for him, knowing that he is now abusive to his gf. I asked my mother to please just tell me it wasn't my fault and that I didn't deserve it and she was silent. I told her I was suicidal as a result of the abuse now taking a toll on me. She didn't care, neither did my dad. I had to cut them out of my life too, they hurt me too much.
I cut them out of my life almost 3 years ago at the age of 32. This year, I was hospitalized twice for being suicidal. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd from the abuse. I feel as if I want to die a lot of the time. Because I feel worthless and unlovable. My parents didn't love me enough to protect me when I was a child and now that Im suffering the long term effects of the abuse they will do nothing to be there for me, because they are still protecting him. They still don't love me enough to help me through my struggles with the abuse. Just the last couple of days I have been struggling so badly I thought I might have to be hospitalized again, but I managed to stay home and safe.
This is what worries me for the Duggar girls. They look happy now, but what about years from now when they're older? Will it completely destroy their minds like it has mine?