People interpret things from their own vision.
For me, I have been enthralled with why people are so disturbed. As a retired teacher, I was concerned about providing positive experiences for my students. And that did include working with parents who were being abused.
Dissecting, brainstorming. We cannot erase ideas that are not going anywhere on here as they are in print. People see things from their own lens and put out perspectives. We mull it around and comment on the idea. Expand or say why it may not be that great of an idea.
i think most of us are trying to figure out how such an unappetizing person as MS was able to fool people. How was my ex friend of forty years able to fool me? I found out talking to several of my friends that they saw warning signs about her but never said anything as she was a long time friend of mine. I have seen that with other unsavory people. Others do not tell you their feelings until you announce a friendship is over.
That is a good thing about people, They don't want to cut others down. Most of the time it is simply unpleasant relationships, but sometimes the people turn deadly.
Do you tell your friends feelings about their husband, wife , or really good friend?
I absolutely do. I'm not blunt about it by any means, but if something isn't right, it's not right.
ETA: I meant to address this: that telling someone how you feel isn't necessarily putting someone else down. If you address the behavior rather than the person, it helps a lot. I had a colleague that became a friend and he brought his wife to my home to meet me.
It was the first and last time they visited. She was really nice to me, pleasant, funny we had something in common – creatives. I was happy to have met a new potential friend to play with. But, it soured almost immediately because she repeatedly interrupted him when he tried to speak, she put him down, insulted him and it just wouldn't stop. I felt like I was agreeing with it by not saying anything at the time, but I didn't want to embarrass him and he didn't say one peep to set her straight. Either way, it was very bad for me.
He and I talked a couple of days later and I told him I was really uncomfortable with the way she treated him in front of me. (ah, years of therapy had recently turned me from
extreme shy mouse to being able to first recognize my own feelings and second, to stand up for myself, yay!) I told him I really liked her when she wasn't doing that, but I couldn't have her negativity in my home. I told him I felt like it made me complicit in hurting him and it wasn't good. He said he felt sad because she really liked me and was looking forward to hanging out being creative together.
He was actually surprised when I pointed out he never got to finish a sentence, that she made fun of him, that she put him down repeatedly. He said it was normal. I knew it was 'his' normal because of what other colleagues had said about her from work functions. I was new and had taken it with a grain of salt. I was wrong, they were right.
He and I remained friends, but drifted apart eventually because the business closed and I met my husband; the guys liked each other – they're both good guys. I learned a few years ago my friend had divorced his wife and is now doing what he wanted professionally rather than what she had wanted him to do. He is happy
