A Stolen Life - Jaycee's New Book

[human]

A freind watched it but I did not. Sounds like it was amazing.

She said she has confronted everything and talks about everything. She said that is the only way to move forward.

Anyone have things to say? Sounds like Nancy was a huge part of all of the horrors as well.

 

[SophieRose]

Jaycee is amazing and so likeable. It was great hearing her laugh so often. Sounds like she got great therapy. Looked up the therapist who has patients work with horses (I remember how Jaycee loved cats, looks like she loves all animals), she is out of Florida and Jaycee's foundation offers scholarships for families who cannot afford the place. Hope to hear what other events Jaycee adds to her bucket list and accomplishes.

 

[Tugela]

i remember when she was found alot of people figured she would be too mentally damaged to ever live anything slose to a normal life.

Not me. I thought she would move on and live a normal life, like most other people who experience that sort of thing. Wallowing in self pity achieves nothing. People who have those sorts of experiences for the most part look to the future. Generally when that does not happen, there is almost always someone else in their life who satisfies a personal psychological need by keeping the victim in excessively sheltered state. They do this by feeding fears, paranoia and implied shame. Jaycee had access to good councilors however, so I doubted that would happen to her.

It always puzzled me that so many people here thought that she should seclude herself in some isolated house somewhere, away from the world. That sounded fundamentally unhealthy to me.

 

[MzOpinion8d]

Not me. I thought she would move on and live a normal life, like most other people who experience that sort of thing. Wallowing in self pity achieves nothing. People who have those sorts of experiences for the most part look to the future. Generally when that does not happen, there is almost always someone else in their life who satisfies a personal psychological need by keeping the victim in excessively sheltered state. They do this by feeding fears, paranoia and implied shame. Jaycee had access to good councilors however, so I doubted that would happen to her.

It always puzzled me that so many people here thought that she should seclude herself in some isolated house somewhere, away from the world. That sounded fundamentally unhealthy to me.

Many people have difficulty moving on from trauma. Jaycee is really an amazingly resilient person. As a nurse who deals with substance abusers, psych patients, and criminals, I see people every day who are living lives they don't really want to live because some type of trauma has happened that they can't move on from. Sexual abuse, rape, sudden loss of a loved one, military service, physical attacks, even something you'd think would be less traumatic like car accidents can stick with people.

I am so glad Jaycee has been one of the people who are able to move on. She deserves a wonderful life, and her strength will help motivate so many. Michelle Knight (Cleveland kidnapping victim) has also been very resilient. I just remembered I have the audiobook Hope by the other two Cleveland girls, and haven't listened to it yet. I'm going to put that on my poolside listening list!

 

[human]

Steven Staynor was not able to shake his trauma. So incredibly sad.

 

[SophieRose]

Steven Staynor was not able to shake his trauma. So incredibly sad.

IIRC he and his family never received any therapy.

 

[LinasK]

Okay, finally watched it. I'm glad she's gotten to drive and ride in a hot air balloon and sail, and wants a relationship, and her daughters are in college. But the big question for me- I'd still like to know that she continued her education beyond 5th grade. I wish she'd get her GED and go to college- at least a Junior college, as education and career choices were ripped away from her. I also wonder if she ever spoke with Carl or Ken ever again. And they left her sister out of it.

 

[LinasK]

IIRC he and his family never received any therapy.

His brother went on to become a serial killer.

 

[bostonstrong]

Okay, finally watched it. I'm glad she's gotten to drive and ride in a hot air balloon and sail, and wants a relationship, and her daughters are in college. But the big question for me- I'd still like to know that she continued her education beyond 5th grade. I wish she'd get her GED and go to college- at least a Junior college, as education and career choices were ripped away from her. I also wonder if she ever spoke with Carl or Ken ever again. And they left her sister out of it.

while i agree i hope she finishes her education, i think she's done far more in the last 7 years then 'drive a car, ride in a hot air baloon and sail'.

lets look at things on the small scale first.

1) she watched over her girls education after they were freed, as much as she did while they were all captive. one girl is in college, the other one soon will be.
2) it appears from her interviews with DS that she is a rock for terry to lean on (rather then the other way around, as we would think)

now on a bigger scale....

1.she wrote a best seller that insipired millions.
2: she formed a foundation to help other families like hers.
3: she give speaches in furthering that goal.

i wish i could do with my life with a college degree what she has done without finishing the 5th grade.

as for her sister, she said in he first book they had trouble reconnecting. stuff like that is to expected, not everything in a situation like this is gonna to turn out great.

as for ken the deadbeat and carl the emotional tormenter, thats her choice. and really, if she chooses to never see either of them again, she's probably the better fo it.

 

[LinasK]

while i agree i hope she finishes her education, i think she's done far more in the last 7 years then 'drive a car, ride in a hot air baloon and sail'.

lets look at things on the small scale first.

1) she watched over her girls education after they were freed, as much as she did while they were all captive. one girl is in college, the other one soon will be.
2) it appears from her interviews with DS that she is a rock for terry to lean on (rather then the other way around, as we would think)

now on a bigger scale....

1.she wrote a best seller that insipired millions.
2: she formed a foundation to help other families like hers.
3: she give speaches in furthering that goal.

i wish i could do with my life with a college degree what she has done without finishing the 5th grade.

as for her sister, she said in he first book they had trouble reconnecting. stuff like that is to expected, not everything in a situation like this is gonna to turn out great.

as for ken the deadbeat and carl the emotional tormenter, thats her choice. and really, if she chooses to never see either of them again, she's probably the better fo it.

Why do you call Carl " the emotional tormentor"? And why do you assume that neither of these fathers cared about her/loved her??? Interviews that I've seen in the past with both of them suggest they do and would like a relationship with her.
Her career as an author and lecturer are based on what happened to her as a victim, and I would like to see her have some success in a field outside of that. Yes, she educated her daughters, but it's never too late for her to finish the education that was denied her.

 

[bostonstrong]

with carl i go by what jaycee says. are we saying she's lying about him? maybe he doesnt see it that way but some of the stuff she said in her first book were hoible about him.

as for sleyton, the guy never cared to see her before she was kidnapped. then he shows up AFTER she was found (after not even helping search for for her in 18 years) and hires a high priced big mouth lawyer (gloria alfred, who is supposedly for womans rights) who started making demands about paternity tests or they were gonna sue jaycee and terry to get them.

and i said, i would love for her to finish her eductation. but i think she is doing what is important to her. and i cant stress that more. HER choice. just as her choice to reconnect with sleyton or carl. she doesnt owe anyone anything after what she went thru. but she gives back to others. some are born for greatness......others have geatness thrust upon them.

i do want to say from her interview see seems very intelligent and a bit more educated then she did 5 years ago. so they didnt mention if she got her GED or not but i hope she did.

as for the stayner brothers, i think steven really did turn things around before he died. he died in a motorcycle acccident. as for corey, that patetic excuse for a human being, he admitted he was toturing small animals even before steven was kidnapped. so i guess you can see what can halppen with two people from the same family. corey never kidnapped, never abused, murdered a bunch of women. steven, who went thru a terrible ordeal, resuced another boy from suffering the same fate.

 

[SophieRose]

Steven Stayner's wife said she thought he was coming to peace before his life ended. There is this from his sister in a 2007 article.

http://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/a-child-abductees-journey-back/

“He got on with his life,” his sister, Cory Stayner, of Merced, Calif., said in an interview with the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “But he was pretty messed up and he never got any counseling. My dad said he didn’t need any.”

Steven, teased by other kids for having been molested, eventually dropped out of school. He also drank, suppressing any true feelings about what had occurred, his sister said.

He struggled with his family and was even ordered out of the house.

“I returned almost a grown man and yet my parents saw me at first as their 7-year-old,” he said in the Newsweek story. “After they stopped trying to teach me the fundamentals all over again, it got better. But why doesn’t my dad hug me anymore? I guess seven years changed him, too.

“Everything has changed. Sometimes I blame myself. I don’t know sometimes if I should have come home. Would I have been better off if I didn’t?”

====================

During Cary Stayner's sentencing phase, members of the Stayner family said that the father had abused the sisters. I didn't know if it was true or not, maybe said to save CS from the death penalty. But on multiple sites I've read various comments by some Stayner cousins who say it was true. If so, this may have contributed to why the Stayner family never received any kind of therapy after Steven's return.

http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Defense-to-fight-for-Stayner-s-life-Lawyers-2820211.php

[Cary] Stayner was molested by an uncle, and his sisters were abused by their father, according to Woods' evaluation. In 1986, according to the report, Stayner's father, Delbert Stayner, was accused of sexually molesting his daughters and was ordered into therapy by state authorities.

A Stayner relative told Woods that she believed that sexual abuse of children "has been going on for so long, it's like a sickness in the family."

 

[human]

Wow. Did not know that about the Stayners. I wondered why the brother was a serial killer. Poor Steven.

No,words.

 

[bostonstrong]

i remember reading that steven, even though he had a cameo in the movie, thought 'i know my name is steven' was junk cause he didnt feel like he was that much of a jerk to his parents. i guess its all in perception.........

 

[SophieRose]

as for the stayner brothers, i think steven really did turn things around before he died. he died in a motorcycle acccident. as for corey, that patetic excuse for a human being, he admitted he was toturing small animals even before steven was kidnapped. so i guess you can see what can halppen with two people from the same family. corey never kidnapped, never abused, murdered a bunch of women. steven, who went thru a terrible ordeal, resuced another boy from suffering the same fate.

Lots of other problems but no previous animal abuse.

http://maamodt.asp.radford.edu/Psyc 405/serial killers/Stayner, Cary - 2005.pdf

Animal torture No, Jeffrey Rinek expressed that he told the FBI
“I see dead animals along the road that have been hit and I have to look away”

 

[human]

Lots of other problems but no previous animal abuse.

http://maamodt.asp.radford.edu/Psyc 405/serial killers/Stayner, Cary - 2005.pdf

Animal torture No, Jeffrey Rinek expressed that he told the FBI
“I see dead animals along the road that have been hit and I have to look away”

Wow. Excellent summaries!

 

[LinasK]

Steven Stayner's wife said she thought he was coming to peace before his life ended. There is this from his sister in a 2007 article.

http://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/a-child-abductees-journey-back/

“He got on with his life,” his sister, Cory Stayner, of Merced, Calif., said in an interview with the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “But he was pretty messed up and he never got any counseling. My dad said he didn’t need any.”

Steven, teased by other kids for having been molested, eventually dropped out of school. He also drank, suppressing any true feelings about what had occurred, his sister said.

He struggled with his family and was even ordered out of the house.

“I returned almost a grown man and yet my parents saw me at first as their 7-year-old,” he said in the Newsweek story. “After they stopped trying to teach me the fundamentals all over again, it got better. But why doesn’t my dad hug me anymore? I guess seven years changed him, too.

“Everything has changed. Sometimes I blame myself. I don’t know sometimes if I should have come home. Would I have been better off if I didn’t?”

====================

During Cary Stayner's sentencing phase, members of the Stayner family said that the father had abused the sisters. I didn't know if it was true or not, maybe said to save CS from the death penalty. But on multiple sites I've read various comments by some Stayner cousins who say it was true. If so, this may have contributed to why the Stayner family never received any kind of therapy after Steven's return.

http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Defense-to-fight-for-Stayner-s-life-Lawyers-2820211.php

[Cary] Stayner was molested by an uncle, and his sisters were abused by their father, according to Woods' evaluation. In 1986, according to the report, Stayner's father, Delbert Stayner, was accused of sexually molesting his daughters and was ordered into therapy by state authorities.

A Stayner relative told Woods that she believed that sexual abuse of children "has been going on for so long, it's like a sickness in the family."

I was in Yosemite with 2 other women staying at the Lodge where Cary Stayner worked shortly before he killed the women. Fortunately he didn't target us, although I know my friend never would have let him in the room!

 

[bostonstrong]

Wow thats really scary linask

 

[LinasK]

Wow thats really scary linask

Yeah, I found out after the fact, after I got back. My husband was mad at me for not calling to check in, but I was afraid my friend would think I was wussy if I did. When the mother and her daughter and friend got murdered, I pieced it all together. This will sound weird, but it's not my first brush with evil- I was approached directly by serial killer William Richard Bradford when I was in high school.

 

[Margo/Mom]

Not me. I thought she would move on and live a normal life, like most other people who experience that sort of thing. Wallowing in self pity achieves nothing. People who have those sorts of experiences for the most part look to the future. Generally when that does not happen, there is almost always someone else in their life who satisfies a personal psychological need by keeping the victim in excessively sheltered state. They do this by feeding fears, paranoia and implied shame. Jaycee had access to good councilors however, so I doubted that would happen to her.

It always puzzled me that so many people here thought that she should seclude herself in some isolated house somewhere, away from the world. That sounded fundamentally unhealthy to me.

I read her first book. I was impressed by the gentle touch of her therapist (forget her name--does equine therapy). For the early visits she brought in a chef to prepare different foods for them (including the daughters) to try as so much of their diet had consisted of fast food.

Sadly there are some sickos online now attacking the therapist because she also treated the Rucki sisters. The attackers' line is that the Ruckis were simply being "protected" by their mother from an abusive father. They tend to view the therapy then as coercive brain-washing, which really couldn't be further from the truth.