TX - 'Lori Ruff', Longview, WhtFem UP9863, *General Discussion and Theories* #5

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I just can't believe you would leave because of that reason, and then 2 years later pretend to be a dead 2 year old in order to change your name for real, just because you didn't like it when your mom made you move with her new husband...

She left her family for decades (well, forever really) because of something so petty? I find it really hard to understand.

People do all sorts of things for amazingly petty reasons. Often they react out of proportion to the situation.

But in this case, I know there's more to the story than just "your mom made you move with her new husband". First, there's adolescence, that time in your life when you're trying to figure out how to be an adult but still something of a child. A child-parent relationship can be strained enough at times, but because there is a history, a bond, between them, most of the time these strains can be endured. However when one parent is replaced with an adult, a step-parent, that history or bond is gone; that new adult doesn't have the patience or interest in the child that allows them to know when to hold fast on the rules, when to punish, & when to try to make amends. My step-mother made many of those mistakes, & she still doesn't realize that she screwed up, let alone ponder how things could have gone better.

Further, adolescence is the time of one's life when everything takes on Great Importance. We are swept up in causes, everything is black & white, all the while plagued with private doubts that we are not smart enough or strong enough or cool enough to live up to our own expectations. When Kimberly/Lori cut the bonds between her & her family, it was Final & she could never go back. (Well, she could if she wanted to admit she was wrong, or even worse, give up, but that would be worse than handling the pain that act doubtlessly caused. And I bet she weighed the consequences of contacting her family many times afterwards.)

Also, one issue in the relationship between the child & a step parent is the remaining parent: they are caught between supporting their spouse & defending the child. Some just avoid the problem entirely. Some try to balance the two & fail. There is a reference to "new rules, a new school, and at some point, it became too much for Kimberly" -- which undoubtedly masks a lot of conflict. (I notice there is no mention of the step parent still in Kimberly's mother's life. Maybe it is significant -- or not. I know that, despite the failures of my stepmother towards me & my sister, my Dad is still married to her after over 40 years.) So even if Kimberly's mother knows the reason she cut off all contact, we'll never know it. There are some things people don't want to share with a world of strangers.

Which is why I'll stop with my self-indulgent rant here.
 
Happy to see this solved! I've been following this since 2014, it will be strange to no longer sleuth it.

As I suspected, Kimberly is not 1) an illegitimate child of Terry Turner 2) a Howder 3) a cult escapee 4) a missing person who was reported. She was, as I would have bet money on, a person who simply wanted to "start over".

In his defense (yes, it's a he) S/S and I corresponded privately last year, and the additional details he gave correspond with Kimberly's story. He said she had been living with her family and left to live with relatives when she had issues with her stepfather. Then she left those relatives to live in California, then Texas. The name she gave S/S in 1988 was made-up, Velling confirmed this after S/S called in the tip. The woman she was living with wasn't her mother - that was another lie she told.

If she told ss88 she left because she was having issues with her stepdad, why would she be living with her mom, who seemingly would have been living with said stepdad? Not questioning your truthfulness I just don't understand how that makes sense. Also you held out on us for a year! :)
 
I'm wondering why she chose King of Prussia, Pa? Did she know someone there? I live about 5 minutes away from it. It has one of the largest malls on east coast. Unfortunately, I was rather young when she moved there so I can't tell you what it was like back then!
 
ohh.gif
 
Happy to see this solved! I've been following this since 2014, it will be strange to no longer sleuth it.

As I suspected, Kimberly is not 1) an illegitimate child of Terry Turner 2) a Howder 3) a cult escapee 4) a missing person who was reported. She was, as I would have bet money on, a person who simply wanted to "start over".

In his defense (yes, it's a he) S/S and I corresponded privately last year, and the additional details he gave correspond with Kimberly's story. He said she had been living with her family and left to live with relatives when she had issues with her stepfather. Then she left those relatives to live in California, then Texas. The name she gave S/S in 1988 was made-up, Velling confirmed this after S/S called in the tip. The woman she was living with wasn't her mother - that was another lie she told.

I'd love to know what name she gave S/S. And see his photos too.
 
QUICK POLL RESULTS

Lori is someone who was on Namus 3
Lori was never reported missing but we've heard of her 16
Lori was never reported missing and we've never heard of her 31
Lori was Sandy Hopler 4
Lori knew the Turner family 8
S/S1988 was telling the truth 22
You're so giddy you could pee your pants 32

We have a winner haha! Can someone order in some Tena Lady as well as those megaphones. Cheers

Looks like 31 of you were right about never having heard of her, 22 believed in SS1988 and it seems rightly so, and I suspect we probably have an advance on the 32!!
 
People do all sorts of things for amazingly petty reasons. Often they react out of proportion to the situation.

But in this case, I know there's more to the story than just "your mom made you move with her new husband". First, there's adolescence, that time in your life when you're trying to figure out how to be an adult but still something of a child. A child-parent relationship can be strained enough at times, but because there is a history, a bond, between them, most of the time these strains can be endured. However when one parent is replaced with an adult, a step-parent, that history or bond is gone; that new adult doesn't have the patience or interest in the child that allows them to know when to hold fast on the rules, when to punish, & when to try to make amends. My step-mother made many of those mistakes, & she still doesn't realize that she screwed up, let alone ponder how things could have gone better.

Further, adolescence is the time of one's life when everything takes on Great Importance. We are swept up in causes, everything is black & white, all the while plagued with private doubts that we are not smart enough or strong enough or cool enough to live up to our own expectations. When Kimberly/Lori cut the bonds between her & her family, it was Final & she could never go back. (Well, she could if she wanted to admit she was wrong, or even worse, give up, but that would be worse than handling the pain that act doubtlessly caused. And I bet she weighed the consequences of contacting her family many times afterwards.)

Also, one issue in the relationship between the child & a step parent is the remaining parent: they are caught between supporting their spouse & defending the child. Some just avoid the problem entirely. Some try to balance the two & fail. There is a reference to "new rules, a new school, and at some point, it became too much for Kimberly" -- which undoubtedly masks a lot of conflict. (I notice there is no mention of the step parent still in Kimberly's mother's life. Maybe it is significant -- or not. I know that, despite the failures of my stepmother towards me & my sister, my Dad is still married to her after over 40 years.) So even if Kimberly's mother knows the reason she cut off all contact, we'll never know it. There are some things people don't want to share with a world of strangers.

Which is why I'll stop with my self-indulgent rant here.

Really great post, thanks for sharing. As a young stepmom to 4 teenagers, I hope this is not always the case. I am always extra careful not to overstep my boundaries but to be supportive. I will say that the girls can be over dramatic at times. Not when it comes to me (as far as I know lol) but just in general. Being a teenage girl isn't always easy and a lot of things can seem like the end of the world. Anyway your post gave me a lot to think about. Thanks again
 
Now that this woman has a name, I feel like this entire case has been a wild goose chase. Maybe one day, we will find out what all the scribbling on the papers meant.

You know when you watch a show and the ending is anticlimactic? You're like WTF? This is how I feel right now. I guess in my wild imagination, I was hoping for some outrageous outcome. Does that make sense?

Well if she'd been THIS Kimberley McLean, you'd certainly have had it!
 
Here i was beginning to think that we would never find out the true identity of this mysterious woman, gives hope for many other cases!
 
I'm wondering why she chose King of Prussia, Pa? Did she know someone there? I live about 5 minutes away from it. It has one of the largest malls on east coast. Unfortunately, I was rather young when she moved there so I can't tell you what it was like back then!

The article is unclear but I found 3 PA addresses for Kim in 1986 and 1987. One of those 3 addresses she shared with her mom and stepfather. The other two address have no family members so she lived alone. I won't reveal her addresses at this time but the shared address was in Ambler. Then Kim moved to King of Prussia. Then in 1987 she lived in Devon. These towns are not very far away from each other. Here is a map of the town distances for perspective: https://www.google.com/maps/dir/Amb...248fb5f5fd!2m2!1d-75.4258399!2d40.0499216!3e0
 
205 people viewing!

I'd like to thank whoever it was who spotted Lori in the press and called in a tip. The Ruff family for being more proactive than we thought in getting this solved and for welcoming the Cassidy/McCleanss into their family. Velling for just never being able to put it down. Fitzpatrick for plugging away at the family tree. But most of all everyone here for the thousands of man hours trying to get this cracked, some of you have been here years, others just days, but she gripped us all.

It's really happened guys, Lori Erica Ruff finally has her name back. And now my eyes are leaking.

Having read everything properly I concede Colleen Fitzpatrick is the one who called the tip in, soz about being wrong lol! She truly is our hero of the hour / year!

Is that it now? Is our work here done? Or did something happen 1986-88 after she left her family which triggered the name change that needs investigating? If SS1988 is right she was Kimberly, then Becky, then whatever he knew her as, then Lori. That's a lot to manage. How does it all fit? The puzzle isn't quite complete....
 
High five @ whoever Thing1 is on CW. Just waiting for the thread to get locked again lol!
 
Just finished reading the update on the Seattle Times website.

Wow.

Knowing even the little bit the update provides, it puts a lot of things we know about her in a different light. For example, remember the Ruffs grouching about LEK sneaking off to take a nap during family get-togethers? I wonder if the reality wasn't that she found herself about to cry & ran to hide. Of course, the only people who could put the pieces together correctly are those who actually knew her.

Now I wonder about those two lost years, 1986 - July 1988. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she living under her birth name -- Kimberly McLean -- or under yet another name?

Not that I expect anyone to find out. Except for checking the Los Angeles phonebooks for her birth name, I have no idea where to start looking.

I'm speechless for once..lol

im so happy that little girl doesn't have to spend her life wondering!!! I just couldn't image someone having to say I don't know who my mom was but she committed suicide.

Now she she can hang her head high! God Bless that little girl and God Bless her mom, may she rest in peace and may her daughters peace transcend her. :rose::rose:
 
Her 1987 Devon, PA address was 1.5 miles from the Strafford, PA library. If she didn't have a car, she could walk there or maybe take a bus. It makes sense to me that she spent a bunch of time in that library in 1987 to find BST's name and info.
 
My husband is 6 years older, the person i think may be the sister was 3 years behind him in school.
eta in response to #2227
 
Have the mods all gone on holiday? I can't believe this thread is sooo long. Needs an identified tag and new name, too!
 
I've been following this case since the first ST article. So glad to see a resolution.
 
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