From my own personal experience: I was 11 years-old when my mom beat me with a hot wheels race track piece because she didn't "like my attitude". Despite that, I begged and pleaded with her to forgive me, and told her how much I "loved" her. I also experienced many other moments of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse from others in my "family", but yet it wasn't until I was much, much older that I could see how destructive it was to me and my well-being. So now I have chronic PTSD that I have spent much time trying to heal from.
I guess that's a long way of saying that sometimes when "control" or in my case, also abuse, is the "norm" in a family, you just think that somehow that's just the way it is, and to love and be "loved" is to be controlled and manipulated. No, it's not normal and shouldn't be tolerated, but that's what happens some times when adults fail the children they should be protecting.
All MOO.